Chapter five

When the three of them entered the kitchen, Kitty practically jumped up, smiling. She brightly greeted them and invited them to join the rest of them for brownies. She handed each of them a brownie and then asked Donna to introduce her friends.

"Mrs. Forman, first of all, this is my cousin Vinnie." She said while placing a hand on Vinnie's shoulder.

Vinnie shook Kitty's hand. "Vinnie Barbarino. Of the Brooklyn Barbarinos."

"Oh my!" Kitty laughed a little and fanned herself. "Aren't you the handsome one! You look just like that John Travolta fellow who's in all those movies!"

Donna smirked. "Mrs. Forman do you have a crush on Travolta?"

Kitty laughed. "Let's just say, I'm not sure if it's the menopause or him that gives me the Saturday night fever."

Donna laughed, shaking her head. "Oh, you're a little dirty." She smiled. "Anyway, this is Freddie. I worked with him at the radio station in Brooklyn."

Freddie took a step forward. "Hi there. The name's Freddie, Boom Boom, Washington. But, uh, you can just call me Boom." He laughed.

"Boom Boom? Kitty laughed. "Well you sure seem like an interesting fellow. And the two of you seem so charming too. Seems like everyone from Brooklyn is charming. Just like Jackie's new boyfriend, Juan over there." She motioned toward the table, gaining their attention to Epstein.

Epstein leaned back in his chair with a smug look upon his face. "Hey." He pointed a finger at them. "I was wonderin' when the two of you would notice me here."

Vinnie stepped over to the table. "Epstein! Where have you been?"

"What do you mean where have I been? You knew where I was headed when I left."

"Yeah, yeah." Freddie moved over and stood next to Vinnie. "You're the reason why we came all this way. Why would you run off like that fo'? Are you crazy?"

Epstein took to his feet, scowl resting upon his face. "Hey, I came here to be with Jackie. I think coming here was one of the smartest things I've ever done."

"There aren't that many." Vinnie quipped.

"Hey, hey watch it. Besides, it ain't like you've never lost your head chasing after some girl." Epstein looked at Freddie. "And you! You're the one who was going to run off with Vernajean and get married all because she was moving to Statin Island."

Freddie got in his face. "Hey, this ain't about us. This is about you being crazy enough to run away to Wisconsin to be with a chick. And what's so good about her anyway?"

Jackie stood up and scowled. "How dare you! Do you have any idea who I am? I am Jackie Burkhart, and I am a damn fine catch!"

"Right." Vinnie said. "I can see you're perfect for Epstein. You're just as hot headed as he is."

"I am not hot headed! Donna tell him I'm not hot headed!"

"You're right, Jackie. You're like an ice cube." Donna said sarcastically. She looked at the three guys and separated them. "Ok, listen. Why don't you guys go somewhere to cool off? Hang out with the other guys, I'm sure they're still in the basement." She led Vinnie and Freddie towards the dining room. "Once the two of you cool down, then maybe you guys and Epstein can talk without fighting."

She pointed out where they needed to go to get to the basement and then went back into the kitchen.

"Sorry about that, Mrs. Forman."

"Oh, don't worry about it, Donna."

Jackie walked over to Epstein, who was still visibly upset, and placed a hand on his shoulder. You ok, baby?"

Epstein sighed, relaxing a bit. "Yeah. I'm fine. Hey, I shoulda known they'd show up eventually. I told them exactly where I'd be and what I was doing here." He took her by the hand and kissed her. "But you don't gotta worry about them. They ain't taking me nowhere."

"Oh Juan!" Jackie giggled. "Well it's true. No man can be dragged away from me."

Meanwhile, just past the dining room, Vinnie and Freddie stood by the basement steps, talking to each other about their plan to bring Epstein home. Freddie started heading downstairs ahead of Vinnie. About to follow, Vinnie stopped, as someone distracted him. Laurie came downstairs and stopped right in front of Vinnie. She placed her hands on her hips and smirked, checking him out.

"Damn!" She said. "You could pass for Travolta!" She looked at him. "Who are you anyway? Don't tell me you're one of my brother's dumbass friends."

Stunned by her beauty, Vinnie responded the only way he knew how. "Wow-ow-ow-ow!" He looked her up and down before strutting over to her. "I really dig the whole Farah look."

"I like your accent." Laurie said. "Where are you from?"

"Brooklyn."

"Oh wow! I always wanted to do a guy from Brooklyn! Or anywhere in New York is nice." She frowned a little. "Who are you again?"

"Barbarino. Vinnie Barbarino. And who are you?"

"Laurie."

"Well, Laurie. Since I'm new in town, why don't you show me around to some of the best makeout spots?"

"Sure. Let's start in my bedroom."

She took him by the hand and started leading him upstairs. He put up absolutely no protests against it. Except he did stop, breaking away from her for a moment to silently cheer his success.

Freddie came part way back up the basement steps right on time to watch Vinnie head upstairs with Laurie. He frowned and called after him, but Vinnie ignored his call.

"Hey Vinnie! What you gonna do? You can't leave me hangin' down here to deal with Epstein myself!"

Realizing he wasn't getting anywhere, Freddie shook his head, frustrated and disappointed. He headed back downstairs to join the rest of the group in the basement.

Red entered the kitchen and quickly grabbed his car keys from the hook. He mentioned that he was headed for the hardware store. Kitty stoped him before he could reach the sliding glass door.

"Red, wait. Before you go, meet Jackie's new boyfriend, Juan Epstein." She leaned in closer to him with a bragging smile resting upon her lips. "He's from Brooklyn."

"Brooklyn huh?" Red looked at Epstein. "What the hell are you doing way out here?"

Epstein stood and stepped over to where Red stood. "Like I've told everyone else, I'm here to visit Jackie."

"What's the matter? Couldn't get a girlfriend back in Brooklyn?"

"Red be nice." Kitty warned.

"Hey now I can get any girl I want back home. But when I first laid eyes on Jackie this summer, it was all over. And the moment she came around and handed me her phone number, I knew I would travel the world just to be with her."

Red stared at him in disbelief. "You must be a bigger dumbass than the dumbasses he have here."

Again, Kitty warned him. "Red."

"Hey, do you have a problem with me being with Jackie?"

"No. Well, she can date whoever she wants. Just so long as she doesn't bring him over here and he pisses me off like her last boyfriend. So if you don't come around here and do something stupid like throw a bowling ball through my tv, or sleep around with my daughter, then we'll have no problems."

"Well then, ah, I don't own a bowling ball. And you probably should warn my friend Vinnie about the other thing."

"Good. Because the minute you piss me off, I'll send you to Mexico to study your roots with my boot so far up your ass you won't be able to sit down for a week."

Epstein cringed. "I get it, I get it. I promise I won't make you mad as long as I'm here. But you need to get one thing straight. I ain't no Mexican. I'm a Puerto Rican Jew! You got a problem with me being a Puerto Rican Jew?"

"Boy that certainly is a combination." Kitty spoke up, ending her thought with a small laugh.

"Well I stand corrected." Red replied. "And far as me having a problem with that, let's see… I happened to save the lives of some Jews while fighting in world war two. And far as I'm aware, there weren't any Puerto Ricans shooting at me in Korea. So you're good in my book."

"Wow." Donna said "That's real impressive. Normally Red hates everybody."

"Hey what can I say? I win 'em all over eventually." Epstein said with a proud grin. He looked at Red. "I hope we can get to like each other. I don't mean just with this visit. I mean once I move here permanently." He looked over at Jackie. "I ain't leavin' her side."

Jackie beamed, full of love. "Aww! Juan!" She ran over to him and gave him a kiss. "You really mean it? You're staying?"

"I'm stayin'." He kissed her.

"Oh my God!" Donna exclaimed, jumping out of her chair.

"What?!" Red exclaimed

"Oh honey, no!" Kitty added. "You can't be serious."

"And why not?" Epstein asked. He placed his hands on his hips, rolling his eyes a little. "Everybody's against me! First the guys downstairs made me wear that, that stupid helmet. Now this?"

"That's why they made you wear it?" Kitty asked. "Oh honey no wonder!"

Donna went over to Jackie and whispered to her. "Let's get out of here before this gets too ugly. I can already see Red's vein throbbing. Besides, I think we should talk."

"But Donna! I can't just let the Forman's yell at my boyfriend!"

"Trust me, he needs it right now. Let's go."

Donna took Jackie by the hand and led her outside to sit on the porch. As soon as they left, Red and Kitty sat Epstein down for a parental talk. Red was first to speak.

"Listen, I don't know you. And I would never let anyone else hear this." He paused with a sigh. "But I treat Jackie as one of my own kids. And I don't want anything to hurt her. Kitty and I have seen our fair share of pure… dumbassery going on around here with Eric and his friends running around like idiots. But you take the cake."

"The entire cake!" Kitty chimed in.

Epstein frowned, crossing his arms across his chest. "Boy if I knew I would come here to get a lecture from someone else's parents, I would have stayed home to listen to one of Mr. Kotter's stories." He paused. "Not sure which is worse."

"I'll be glad to help you find out which is worse." Red said. "Now you're going to sit there and listen to what we have to say."

"Listen, Juan. We're sure you're a nice boy. With good intentions. And it's clear you care for Jackie very much. Besides, you coming here just for a visit with her is so romantic." Kitty said. "But, honey, to actually move here to be with a girlfriend when the two of you are still in high school is just,"

"The dumbest thing we have ever heard!" Red finished for her. "What are you going to do for education? And for a job? Nobody's going to want to hire a teenage dropout with no future! And look at you! You look like you came straight out of one of those street gangs from New York!"

"I can just see it." Kitty said. "You move here, soon every kid in town is going to start dressing like you and acting like you. The town will be a mess. And I'll be gosh darned if I'll let you influence my kids to start smoking."

"If you really care about Jackie, you will rethink those plans. The last thing you need is to move here. Not just because you are young, or because of the potential corruption of the town as my wife kindly pointed out. But because I know how Jackie is. I know how she can destroy a man and his entire life without ever lifting a finger. And trust me, you don't want that to happen." Red looked at Epstein with a slight grin. "Because if you do anything to hurt her, I won't stop her from destroying you. And that's after I face you. Let's just say, it would be easier facing off with me. Either way, you won't want it to happen."

Epstein looked at the two of them in silence as he took in everything that was said to him.

"On second thought, this was worse than one of Kotter's stories. I can't believe I actually miss 'em after hearing that." He shook his head in disbelief.

"Right." Red replied. "And if you know what's good for you, you will head on home and stay there."

"Well, ah," Epstein stood up and kicked the chair back to the table. "You ain't my parents so you can't really tell me what to do. But, ah, to be fair, they'd probably give me a similar lecture. Probably best I got it before I left here."

"So are you going to change your mind about moving?" Kitty asked, hopefully.

"Well, let's just say, you've given me a lot to think about." He grinned a little. "Now if you'd excuse me, I have to fetch my friend from your daughter's room."

Epstein patted Red on the shoulder before walking past him and Kitty and out of the kitchen. As the door closed, he heard Red call out "son of a bitch!" and he had to stifle a laugh before heading over to the stairs. He paused at the bottom of the upper level stairs, about to head up. Then he laughed and found his way to the basement steps instead.