Two weeks have passed since I saw Solas die, even when I understood that was part of an alternative reality, what I saw in his eyes, his sweet words still hunted me.
And in this reality the elf was happy with the distance between us.
Ridiculous.
At least I could speak and hang out with Dorian, he was funny and glamorous, and between Maxwell and him was this sexual tension was funny to see.
- I still don't understand what you see in the apostate hobo... ouch! You are more strong that you look! - he complained after I punch him in the arm.
- Don't call him that, maybe he don't have the best style but that is not what counts.
He gasped obviously affected - what kind of blasphemy are you saying? Just look at me! You can be a mage and have a impeccable sense of style - I rolled my eyes.
- Sweetheart that's part of your charming, but is not what I like.
He saw me as I had a third eye in my forehead - I don't understand, but let's see, what makes your panties fall? What he has that I don't have?
We observed our subject of study behind the window of Dorian's house, who conveniently was in front of our house, because all the mages must live near no? He looked as he was meditating.
- Well normally I will like big guys, not skinnies or elf - he gave me a look like... girl look at me - but personality is so important, like he is so mysterious and confident, even a little arrogant and it's a challenge talk with him, like you must really pay attention of what say, and he can teach you about everything, intelligence is sexy, but also he have this look like he is always in control, do you imagine be the one who can get him out of control? He must be a beast in bed, men with skill don't need to talk about it or say how awesome they are because they KNOW it.
Suddenly Solas turned his head in our direction, we hide under the window laughing.
- And yes he can be skinny but I already saw what is under that shirt and he is fine, maybe if I do the naked man? That can work in women?
- The naked man? What is that?
- You sneak into his room and you wait for him naked, there are two options he will laugh at you and he will tell you to leave or he will laugh and have sex with you.
- That's very clever I must try that the next time, and I know perfectly with who.
We talked more about men, about Ironbull, Vivienne, Sera and Blackwall, the new members of the inquisition. He talked to me about his interest for Maxwell, I was pretty sure Maxwell is gay I could smell it. He was not so sure - it doesn't normally take me this long to get a man to lay with me
- Maybe he is just shy, maybe he want more than one night.
- Darling, men are different from women - he replied with confidence.
- Well mine is an elf, maybe it is different between elves.
He caressed my arm giving me animosity - you could go after Cullen, I can let him to you - I rolled my eyes - he is very sexy but he is kind of boring.
- Maybe a toy could help you, I think I have one of they somewhere.
- Oh I used to have toys in my world, is not like I had problem to find guys is just I'm an incurable romantic, but still with high libido. But don't worry, when I'm gonna be able to use it? He is at the same time with me in the house.
- You're going to attract a desire demon if you continue like this.
- I don't want think in that.
- But you should.
I trained with Solas that day, still hurt me to see him. He looked so lonely in that cell, so sad. And when he saw me, his expression, then he hug me, his touch "I have been a fool" and he was, now he was.
We come back together to the house.
He didn't kiss me because he was contaminated by the red lyrium "now I'm gonna die without know how it feels being with you"
- I would like to speak with you if is possible.
- Yes of course Hahren - I said lost in my thoughts.
- Sit with me da'len - I followed him in silent.
- I should say you're doing a wonderful progress in your training, however as I said about the emotions, in a mage are deeply connected with his magic, you're not the exception and I'm fearing this strong emotions you have can attract demons.
I sighed defeated and saw the roof of the house. Nothing could be easy in my world or in this.
- With the time I will forget what I saw Solas, I appreciate your concern but are nothing I can do, I saw you die and... I know was not you, was another you in another reality, he knew the value of certain things by losing them, he had lost everything, so lonely - my voice was a whisper.
- And yet I'm here.
- And yet you're here, I feel sorrow for that man not for you, because he was alone and I could heal him, I wanted, but was too late... - I couldn't see him to his face right now - did you knew your name in my mother tongue means alone?
He was confused - how is that? - I shrugged my shoulders - is almost like a sick joke I guess, in Spanish Solas means alone - he was affected by this new information, I continued - maybe what affect me more is the fact that I know the feeling very well, I was so stupid when I was more young, I had all my family around me, my uncles and cousins and I always thought was annoying such big crowd, even when I laughed with they. Then I had to escape from my country thanks to the governors, for whom those like me who did not share their political ideals were a threat and left everything behind, my friends, my family, my house, my social position, to become a immigrant, an outcast among mine, in a land where I didn't talk they language where I was nothing for they, working and asking for help for be able to stay there and help my family to get out of my country and never return, I was alone you know? and there was when I appreciated what I had, what I never thought was so important... before I come here I knew I was never going to see my family again, I'm just learning how to live with that as your other you did.
I shake my head and stand up - I really need a drink - and left the house, he didn't stopped me.
In the tavern I met Sera, exactly the kind of person I wanted to find, someone who didn't think to much about anything, a party girl.
We cheers our first beer and Dorian soon joined to us.
We was talking about everything and nothing and after four drinks I was in the mood.
- If you have a new body that's mean you are virgin? - Sera asked wickedly, I tensed - oh fuck no, I don't wasn't live that again! - I complained. Dorian rubbed my back - shhh can't be that bad right?
- Well if you're with a man could be horrible, a female touch is much better, I could help you with that you know? I promise you will not regret - Sera said caressing my hand.
- Sera - I started trying to speak properly - I'm sorry but you don't have the proper equipment.
- Oh Teren, you don't know the things I have.
- I know all this toys, but is a toy, you know how perfect it is a real one? Soft and hard at same time? - I sighed.
- Of all the colors and shapes, warm to the touch - Dorian continued.
- So beautiful...
- That's disgusting! - Sera complained.
- No! What are you talking about! - I drank more of my fifth beer or was the sixth? - is a great compliment have them hard for you, you know? - Dorian erupted in laughter at my side - I'm sorry Sera I'm just pretty sure I just like men.
- You are weird, both of you are, just the simply fact you like elfy things.
Ironbull joined to us and I was already drunk, we cheers for another round and everything was spinning. I remember giving to Ironbull a lapdance or at least trying in my drunkenness.
Then saying to him "oh I thought you was him" and going back to the house.
Walk made me a little conscious of how drunk I was, when I finally arrived l was laughing and I almost fell - ups, sorry - I whispered to Solas who looked like he was waiting for me with a ridiculous book in his hand - you are very drunk - he stands and gave me an annoyed look.
- Yes I'm, try not to take so much advantage of me - I approached to him, yes, I was drunk but still conscious, I knew what I was doing just I didn't have a hint of inhibition.
My hands traveled playfully towards his belt, he takes my hand and with the other take my face, to make me see his eyes - stopped - just a single word.
- You're always in control of yourself, that's so sexy, so tempting, it makes me wonder if you would continued in control in intimacy or your let yourself lost - his face changed, he was trying to not smile - or maybe you would like to control me, deciding when and how many.
I started to move, to dance against his body, well I would not be a good Latina if I didn't like to dance. I heard him swallow when I gave him my back to continue moving - mmm... tempting, but I think you should really go to sleep.
I started to feel soo tired.
Was this his power?
When I awakened in the Fade pleasure was in the hair, even when everything was fuzzy.
He was between my legs, was this a dream, I couldn't see him well, being drunk in the Fade was a crazy idea.
I moaned, and like a dream where nothing is really connected or clear I felt in a cloud, he grunted as he continued with his tasks, my body arching, what was he doing to me? His hands around my hips and his diabolical tongue playing with my most sensitive point.
I came hard.
I woke up. Still was of night, in his bed Solas continued sleeping.
That was a dreaming? That could be a demon?
I drank a glass of water, he continued dreaming and I was ashamed. Why did I like the boy with problems?
I went outside.
I discovered a new place or at least was there all the time and I never find it. There was located a catapult, precisely a trebuchet, was something incredible to see, I saw it all my life in book and games and now I have one in front of me, I approached excited until I saw someone sit in the base of the machine.
He was impossible to confuse, at least was not with his armor. The Herald reacted to my presence - hello miss Teren - he said quickly, as if I found him in a bad moment.
- Hello Herald.
Was cold and the snow has accumulated in our surroundings, in the sky the breach illuminated with intensity.
- I know what represents the breach in the sky but at the same time is so beautiful - I said sitting at his side.
He sighed next to me - it is, I wonder why the maker will created something like this and why will give to me the power to close it, do you believe in the Maker?
Certainly the mark in his hand was impressive, even with gloves was posible to see - I do believe in a maker but I don't know if is the same that you believe - he smiled - that's better than nothing.
- Maybe, it hurts you?
- No, is just very uncomfortable but sometimes I can forget is there - we continued seeing the breach, I wondered if see something with my own eyes as the super tornado in Jupiter would be the same - we are going to close it tomorrow with the help of the mages, can I count with you?
He looked so preoccupied - of course you can, I... will do my best Maxwell - I could see his mind was beyond our conversation - hey, you're gonna close it! For some reason you have the mark, Maker or not you're the one who is gonna close it - he smiled - thank you Teren, I'm glad to have you in my team, everybody see me as the Herald and is nice to have some normality, be able to speak just as a human.
- Of course, I understand the heavy weight you have in your shoulders, you can count with me, I also need a friend - he hugged me.
We talk more until the sun raised and he had to go back to his duties and the preparation for tomorrow.
I felt sorry for the man, so much to do, so much responsibilities.
Early I saw Assan, a Dalish girl who worked for the inquisition, she was nice with me, maybe because I look like a elf. She was beautiful with her golden hair and with the intricate marks in her face.
- Hello Assan! How are you? - she jumped and when she saw me she smiled shyly - hello lethallan, I'm fine today is a very busy day, I'm afraid I can't talk to much with you - I excused my self - are no problem, but maybe I can help you?
- I don't know if that is...
- Please, let me be helpful, between two the worst is faster.
In the end she agreed and we started in the kitchen, first prepare the food for the army. I was no surprise to see why the menus was in the majority soup, was more easy, feed an army was a complicated matter. That morning we started preparing porridge, I like the porridge but with a little of sugar, so when no one saw me I added some pinches.
Having the opportunity of being a "normal elf" allowed me to see how bastards was humans with they, despite us being the ones who prepared their food, some of them looked at us as if we were garbage. Assan kept her face down, trying to not call the attention that submissive attitude bothered me, not her, the fact that she had to do it to survive.
- Look that face and that mouth - a soldier went to his friend but he was looking at me, pig - she must be a good sucker - I squeezed my fists in anger, I remembered my relaxation exercises, I concentrated on my breaths.
When I gave him his bowl he caressed my hand. I hated when men do that.
Looking around me trying to find support in the other cookers I didn't find it, the rest were human and preferred to ignore the situation.
I shrugged and froze his hand, he started to complain and I continued working as if nothing happened, in the beginning no one payed him attention but then I noticed the bowl was stuck to his hand, I tried to not laugh. He got running to a boiling pot of water, in the middle of the scandal and confusion I escaped before they pointed me.
Finished the breakfast I looked for Assan again - hey! - she ran where I was, smiling - I can't believe what you did! That was so funny - she was laughing - are you not get in troubles? - was the first time I saw her so happy.
- Was in self defense.
- I wish I could defend myself as you - now she was sad and shy again, I taked her hand - they did something to you before? - the elf shook her head.
- They bother me sometimes but only with words - that made my blood boil, just words until they decide to make things worse? Oh no, not in my watch.
We walk together - I understand but you have the right to defend yourself, to rise your voice, also I think you should get a weapon with you and learn how use it, some males are just animals Assan - she looked scared, I hated the idea of her alone to the disposition of others, and I knew her, what about others? Was the destiny of females live this kind of shit? - do you know Sera?
- Yes, the crazy elf.
- Exactly, she is crazy but she knows how use a weapon, I'm going to tell her to train you, I really think you should do it.
- Thank you lethallan!
I smiled to her - do you have some free time? I really will like to talk about your pantheon.
She nodded confused.
Sit in front of the Chantry she asked me - what do you want to know?
Everything?
I had a notebook and pencil in my hand.
- So... for what I understood you have nine principal gods, they are Elgar'nan the all Father and god of vengeance, Mythal All Mother and the Great Protector, Falon'Din friend of the dead, Dirthamen the keeper of Secrets, Andruil goddess of hunt, Sylaise the heartkeeper, June god of the craft, Ghilan'nain the mother of the halla and Fen'harel the dread wolf, this last one I don't understand his purpose, he was the god of what?
She looked uncomfortable - he is the god of treason, he betrayed all the gods and sealed them and that's why they don't heard us anymore, you must be careful of him may the dread wolf never hear your steps.
- Why he would seal the other gods?
- Because is nature is betray.
- I see - I was writing all of that - why are so many statues of him? I just made a travel to Redcliffe and he was everywhere.
- Is for keep him away, are stories about him, about how he continued betraying the People.
- Correctly, because he is the only elven god that remains - she nodded and I sketched a wolf, I like wolfs, was my favorite animal after dogs but in the end they are related. I wondered if this "gods" was just powerful people, with magic everything looks possible, what if the Greek mythology was based on powerful mages from here?
We talked more about the gods, about how Dirthamen gave knowledge to the elves and how Sylaise gave them fire. I expended the rest of the day with her, between she explained to me about the Vallaslin and when she received and how her clan was slayed by demons.
Before come back to home I talked with Sera, she was upset, take me a couple of minutes change her mind, she accepted because she also hated of men trying to take advantage of her. I thought in talk with Maxwell but I knew he would be too occupied this night.
Then I went home.