When dinner time comes, I trade in my shorts for a pair of capris that cover the bruising on my thigh, and go down to the cafeteria. As soon as I walk in, I see Tobias standing by the table where Christina and Will are eating with Zeke and Uriah. He smiles sadly when he sees me.
Placing a hand gently on my arm, Tobias asks, "Tris, can we talk?"
I nod, my appetite disappearing as dread fills my middle. Tobias takes my hand and walks me out of the cafeteria and down the hall to the net room. The room is empty, and the only light comes from the fading sunlight and the rising moon looking down on us from the opening in the ceiling. Tobias pulls the net down and I climb on. He joins me, our weight in the net causing us to roll together.
"Tris, I'm really sorry. I've been difficult since you joined leadership. You're strong, brave, and beautiful, and having you join leadership has made my insecurities explode. I'm terrified of you having to face Marcus in meetings. I know that Eric isn't the bad guy we thought he was, but I'm still worried that he's going to hurt you. But mostly, I'm worried that you'll wake up one day and realize that you're too good for me. That you're a leader and I'm a nobody, just a guy hiding in the control room, afraid of his own father."
"Tobias," I breathe, "you finished first in your class and were invited to join leadership. You are every bit as good as I am. You're not just some grunt at the wall who barely passed initiation. You're handsome, strong, and brave. I love you."
"I love you, too" he mumbles, nuzzling into my hair.
"But Tobias, you have to stop treating me like a little girl. I appreciate how you care for me, but I don't need to be protected all the time. It feels like you don't trust me, like you don't believe in me. One of the things that drew me to you in the beginning was how you believed in my strength. And leadership training is tough. This job is going to be stressful. I need you to believe in me, not undermine me when I'm already battling through this."
"I know," he replies, "I'm so sorry. I'm just so afraid of something happening to you. I'm afraid of losing you."
"Belittling me and smothering me are far more likely to drive us apart than some imaginary bad guy I can't handle."
Tobias nods, and I hear him swallow hard. I wrap my arms around him and lay quietly for a few minutes, limbs entwined, beneath the rising moon.
Tobias breaks the silence. "Let's go get some dinner."
I nod. Hearts lighter, we grab hands and walk back through the compound to the cafeteria.
Most of our friends are gone by the time we get back, but Zeke is still there, laughing with some of his coworkers. When he sights us he quickly makes his way across the room.
"Hey Four-Tris," Zeke calls in a sing-song voice, "I'm having a little soiree this evening before we move to the second shift. Drinks, games, the usual. Be there!" He points at us, trying and failing to look stern, as he walks away backward. He nearly falls when he backs right into Peter, and Tobias and I have a good laugh at our friend's expense.
.
xxxx
.
A Pedrad party usually ends up in a game of Candor or Dauntless, so after dinner Tobias and I go back to our respective apartments to add additional layers of clothing. I'm just touching up my makeup when I hear the murmur of voices from the hallway followed by a tap on my door. I throw open the door to find Tobias standing there with yellow roses in his hand.
"What is that for?" I ask in surprise.
"Pretty flowers for my pretty girl," answers Tobias. "Can't a guy buy his favorite leader some roses?"
"Uh huh, what do you want?" I tease.
"Just a little kiss and a date for Zeke's crazy party."
"Hmmm," I respond, "maybe you should take your flowers to the leader next door. I'll bet Eric would be your date."
"Actually," Tobias laughs, "I already invited Eric. He was out here when I walked up and I asked him if he wanted to get sloshed and be stupid with us at Zeke's tonight. But the flowers and kisses are all for you, I promise."
I smile as I carry the flowers into my kitchen. "I'm glad you invited him. He's been decent to me in training, and I feel like a lot of people don't bother getting to know him since he was such a jerk while he was working for Jeanine. We all owe him a lot; the least we can do is be friendly."
"There's been bad blood between us since initiation," Tobias replies, "but you're right. He risked a lot taking her down. Plus, it's always fun having new victims at a Pedrad party."
.
xxxx
.
The music is blasting and the drinks are flowing when Tobias and I arrive at Zeke's apartment. Christina drags me into the living room where a group of people are dancing, and Tobias goes to the kitchen to get us drinks. I see Uriah and Marlene, Lynn, Shauna, and Will as I twirl to the music. After a few minutes, Tobias' arms wrap around my shoulders as he joins the dancing. I take my drink from his hand, a red plastic cup full of something fruity and sweet. It feels good after dancing in the hot, crowded room. I lose myself in the heavy bass of the music, the crowd of friends, and the familiar warmth of Tobias' arms.
After a while, Zeke turns down the music and announces that Candor or Dauntless is about to begin. "I know we've all played before, but I'm repeating the rules so no one can say, 'but I didn't know.' You're asked 'Candor or Dauntless?' and you get to choose. Candor honestly answers a question, and Dauntless has to complete a dare. If you can't or don't want to do what you're asked, you have to take off an article of clothing and take a penalty shot. On tap tonight we have some dangerously hot cinnamon moonshine that I bought from a guy I know who makes it in his apartment, so you probably don't want to say no, if you know what I mean."
Zeke smiles an evil grin and Uriah jumps in, "I wanna go first!"
Everyone rolls their eyes at Uri's enthusiasm, but no one objects.
"Christina," he calls, "Candor or Dauntless?"
"Dauntless," she replies.
A wicked grin spreads across Uriah's face. "I was hoping you would say that. I dare you to remove every accessory and hair thingy you're wearing and wash off your makeup. Let us see Christina au naturale."
Christina shrugs and begins removing her rings, earrings, and hair clip. She goes into the bathroom and removes her makeup. When she comes back, Uriah looks disappointed.
"I thought you would look different since you're so into makeup and stuff," he pout, "but you still look like you."
"Did you think I was hiding a troll under my makeup?" she laughs. "Lynn, Candor or Dauntless?"
"Dauntless, of course."
"I dare you to act out one of your fears without speaking. You have to keep going until one of us guesses it."
Lynn grins and steps into the center of the group. She gets down on the floor, spreads out her fingers, and makes scuttling movements with her hands.
"You're afraid of crabs!?" Zeke yells.
"Maybe she's afraid of catching crabs," Uriah laughs.
"All she has to do is stay away from you then," Zeke shoots back.
"I do not have crabs! I'm so telling mom on you."
Lynn rolls her eyes and walks her fingers up Uri's leg. She swats it with her other hand and it flops to the floor.
"Eww, spiders!" yells Marlene.
"Yup," says Lynn, returning to her seat.
"Group Candor question," calls Marlene, "how many of you had spiders in your fear landscape?"
Lynn, Shauna, and Eric all raise their hands. I wonder briefly if I can find a fake spider in one of the shops in the pit. It would be funny to leave it under the papers on Eric's desk and watch the intimidating leader turn into a squealing girl.
"My turn," says Lynn. "Tris, Candor or Dauntless?"
"Um, how about Candor."
"Pansycake!" Uriah shouts.
Four and Zeke pelt him with couch pillows.
"What is Four's real name?" Lynn asks.
My face falls. "That's not fair, it's not my secret to tell," I reply.
I peel off my yoga pants, revealing a pair of shorts, but also revealing the bruises on my thigh. Everyone immediately clamors to ask what happened, and I wish I had removed my sweatshirt instead. I shrug and try to play it cool.
"It's no big deal," I say, covering my legs with a couch pillow. Beside me, I can feel how tense Tobias has become.
"No big deal!?" he scolds. "Look at you!"
His eyes suddenly snap to Eric, and he notices that the young leader looks sad, but not at all surprised.
"Did you do this?" Four demands, suddenly standing.
"Four, no," I plead, "Eric had nothing to do with this. Sit down. I'll tell you about it later, but it's no big deal, I promise."
Four drops back into his seat, but continues glaring at Eric across the circle. The room remains tense as Four stares daggers at Eric and Zeke keeps a wary eye on them both.
I try to change the subject. "Will, Candor or Dauntless?"
"Yeah, um, how about a dare," Will chooses, playing along with my attempt to get the party back on track.
"The cinnamon challenge," I say with a triumphant gleam on my face.
"Cinnamon!" yells Zeke. "You never took your shot, Trissy."
I groan, "Why did I have to remind you?"
Zeke pours me a shot and turns to Will. "Are you doing the challenge, or do I pour you a shot, too?"
"Shot," says Will. "The cinnamon challenge is impossible. Even that poison should be easier to swallow."
Will shrugs off his hooded sweatshirt and takes the shot Zeke offers him. Will and I clink our shot glasses and toss back the liquid. The cinnamon burns all the way down, but it's pretty tasty. Will obviously disagrees as he sputters and coughs.
"Not bad," I say.
Zeke, Uriah and Will stare at me with their mouths hanging open.
"What?" I ask. "I like cinnamon."
They shake their heads, still staring at me like I grew a second nose or something.
"Shauna," Will calls. "Candor or Dauntless?"
"Dauntless"
Will looks around the circle and back at Shauna. "I dare you to sit on Four's lap and stay there until you can make him laugh. Real laugh, not some fake thing to get you off his lap."
Shauna glances at the barely contained fury on Four's face. "No flipping way," she says. "I don't care if that cinnamon crap is made of toilet water, I'd rather try it than get my head bit off by Four!"
She peels off her shirt and takes the shot offered by Zeke. After downing it, her face pulls into a tight grimace.
"Not bad?" she questions me. "Not bad? That was AWFUL!"
Shauna shudders and turns back to me.
"Just for that, I'm picking you," she says. "Candor or Dauntless?"
"In that mood? Candor."
Shauna stares at me as she considers her options. Catching sight of my leg, Shauna smirks.
"What happened to your leg?" she asks.
I sigh. "Fine. We had a meeting today with the new Erudite representative. He took a liking to me and had trouble taking no for an answer. During lunch he got handsy under the table."
"I hope you broke his hand," interjects Lynn, scowling.
"Not yet," I say, "but I already warned Max that's my next move. Eric helped get me out of there, and he and Uri kept me away from the creep until they left. We talked about it as a leadership team, and none of our female leaders or ambassadors will ever be alone with him."
"I can't believe you," barks Four, "we just had this whole big talk about how you can handle leadership and how no one is going to hurt you, and you neglected to tell me that someone already did! You lied to me! I knew this was a bad idea!"
"I handled it!" I shout back. "I got myself out of a bad situation without causing a scene, and we made a plan as a team to protect ourselves going forward."
"You handled it? You needed Eric and Uriah to rescue you and you say you handled it?"
"Four!" Eric interjects, "She kept a cool head and found a way to get out of a bad situation. Uriah and I did very little except support her in that."
"Shut up!" yells Four, jumping to his feet.
I grab my yoga pants and purse and march toward the door. Stepping into my shoes, I turn back toward Tobias.
"You know what, Four, this is why more women don't do something about it when they're sexually harassed. Some asshole came at me today, and you make me the villain. You think I can't handle leadership because I'm a woman, and I'm young. Well I have news for you. Having a dick doesn't automatically make you a good leader. That asshole from Erudite proved that this morning."
Tears burn my eyes, so I hurry to get away before they spill out. I run through the halls of Dauntless and straight back to my apartment. Safely behind my locked door, I finally let go and sob for the anger, humiliation, and shame of the day.