The Girl on the Train

Part Eight:

Homeward Bound

A fonte puro pura defluit aqua

"Because what's worse than knowing you want something, besides knowing you can never have it?"

― James Patterson

Silver Lake, Montana 2017

Rebecca was dead. The damage was done. Her jealousy had brought about the death of a girl she'd loved most of her life.

She'd cost Leon a wife. She'd cost the baby a mother. She'd cost them all because she'd loved him, she'd loved him and hated his ability to move on without her.

It left her aching in ways she couldn't understand. There was no way to take it back. No way to make it better. It was like a lake of blood that flowed red and wet beneath the fractured path of their regret.

The pain all over him broke her to pieces. How they'd left things...what had happened...it was too much. It killed her to see him there. Her hands hurt with wanting to touch him.

Claire ran. Hell, yeah she ran. She leapt a little and he caught her against him, feet dangling. He put his face in her neck and breathed her in. She cuddled him, aching in places that had no name.

"I'm so sorry." She whispered it, muffled, against his neck. He shook his head, held her tighter and rocked.

She kissed his ear, kissed his cheek, kissed his closed eye. She kissed his mouth, soft and gentle. He made some sound of pain and regret. He lowered her slowly to the ground. She cupped his face, looking at him.

On the porch, Chris Redfield had a moment of complete clarity. His sister was in love with Leon Kennedy. He wasn't sure how he felt about it, being her big brother. He let it digest.

"They said you'd lost your hair." Her voice broke a little, she skimmed his cheeks and the tears there, "They said you'd lost your eye. But I think…I think this look works on you."

"The hair will grow back," His voice was gruff and pained.

"Oh god I hope so!" She laughed through her tears, she fisted her hands in his flannel shirt. "Leon…I missed you so much."

He made sound of grief and she grabbed him, holding on. "How do I help you? Tell me, I'll do it."

"You're here. That's a start."

She put her hand against his face, "I need to give you something."

She turned back to the truck and opened the back door. He waited, hands in his back pockets. He'd missed her so much it was like raw pain in his gut. From the other side of the truck, Jill emerged.

She moved toward him, her short dark hair in a little messy ponytail behind her head. She wore a green hoodie with the Notre Dame logo on it. He turned toward her and she pulled him in.

Their foreheads touched. She held his face. He grabbed her biceps. He closed his eyes, holding her against him, and breathed. It was, for the first time, a little easier to do it. They said nothing, just stood there in the dying sun, holding each other.

On the porch, Chris had his second revelation of the day. He leaned on the railing, watching. "I'll be damned…"

Jill was in love with him too. Did the guy have pheromones that leaked off him or what? He must have a dick made of gold. Rebecca, Claire, Jill…Ada Wong. These women just fell all over themselves for the guy. In a way, he was super glad it wasn't him. That was a big fucking mess with no happy ending.

Jill opened her eyes and met his. "You need to be ready."

"For what?" He felt her fingers on his face and opened his eyes. There, he thought, there was the love that scared him. He shied away from it.

"Leon?"

He turned back to Claire…and the baby she held.

It was small and wrapped in a poofy pink blanket. It…she…was asleep and sucking her tiny fist. He glanced up at Claire's face, glanced at Jill beside him. Chris moved up to the other side. He looked between the three of them.

"I don't…I don't understand."

Jill grabbed his forearm. Chris held his gaze. "That's why we stayed. It's why I didn't run. Why Rebecca didn't run."

Something cold and painful was spilling through his stomach. He turned back to Claire. She nodded, crying softly. "It was Ada. It was Ada that showed me. It was Ada who let me go with her. Rebecca…she told me to take her. So, I did it. I took her and ran."

He said again, softly, "I don't understand."

Chris replied, quietly, "Yes you do."

The pain clawed up his guts and brought a sound from his throat. He glanced desperately between them. "I don't understand what you're saying to me."

Jill turned him a little toward her. Her face was calm, steady. It eased his panic a little. She cupped his cheek. "That is your daughter, Leon. Yours and Rebecca's. She is yours."

He turned back to the little pink bundle. She was awake now, watching his face. She was pink and soft, tiny, her blue eyes seemed wise beyond her years. Claire held her out to him.

He shook his head. He stepped back.

Claire looked stricken, "Leon…"

"No. Take her away. All of you just go away. Leave me the hell alone."

Chris took a step after him, "Leon, don't be stupid."

Leon turned around, all fury. "You come here…you show up…and you tell me what? That everyone was lying. That this…this baby is mine? That Rebecca had our baby in that filthy castle, alone, scared and then died to save my worthless ass? And what? WHAT!? She left me alone to raise a baby? Is that it?!"

No one said anything.

He shook his head at them. "Fuck you all. Get off my property."

He slammed the door to the house.

They all stood there for a long moment. Claire finally instructed them. "Go."

Chris and Jill hesitated. She nodded, "It's ok. I know what he needs. Go."

Claire took the baby into the house.

She put her in the little bouncy seat they'd bought for her. She then set about making dinner. She played with the baby while she cooked, tickling little toes and kissing her little mouth. He came down stairs some hours later and saw her.

"I told you to leave…and take that baby with you."

"No." Claire put a plate on the table for him. "Sit down and eat."

"Fuck that."

"Sit down and eat, you stubborn asshole. Or I'll kick your ass and make you."

Leon snorted and went back upstairs. Claire turned to the baby and sighed, "That's your daddy, little girl. But don't worry…he's mule headed, yes. But he's loyal and loving and very, very kind. He's always a coward. And afraid of a tiny baby. But we'll fix that."

She carried the baby and the seat up the stairs. She set them both on the floor of his bedroom. He came out of the shower a few minutes later.

Claire was sitting on the floor with the baby in her seat, playing with her toes.

"Are you deaf or stupid? I said get out."

He crossed to his closet to dress. Claire watched him, very aware of his ass when he jerked off the towel. And very aware of the anger.

She said, to the baby quietly, "That's your daddy, little girl. He sure is sexy. He sure is stupid about girls. But I'll you what…you'll be his favorite girl anyway. So, we'll fix that."

She rose as he came out of the closet in his jeans and a v-neck navy tee. "Damnit, Claire. Can't you take the hint?"

Claire nodded and moved toward the door. "Fine. I'll go."

"Wait!" He sounded a little desperate, "Take that baby."

She stopped, eyed him. And she loved him. It was painful. So very painful. Because she knew the haunting guilt of loving him would stay with her for a long time. But there was time for that. Plenty of time for that.

For now, this is what mattered.

"Nope. That's your baby. You take her. Pick up your baby, Leon. Hold her. Stop being a fucking coward. She won't bite. She won't blow up. She won't die on you!"

She watched the pain arrow into him. And god she loved him. It hurt her to hurt him…but he needed it. Sometimes you had to bleed out the poison to heal. "Don't you dare disrespect Rebecca by turning away her child. Pick up the baby, Leon. Stop being an asshole."

She walked out of the room. Two steps down the hallway she leaned against the wall and put her fist to her mouth. She held back the tears. She wanted to go back. She wanted to hold him while he died and cried and healed. But that wouldn't help him now.

This? This would.

In the bouncy seat, the baby started to fuss, clearly sensing her one ally had fled. Leon blinked at her as her little face screwed up in rage and she started bawling.

Fuck.

He glanced around for help but, of course, he was alone.

The baby wiggled, its cherub fatness was no desperately pissed off. She flailed her little fat arms. She was wearing a pink onesie with a picture of a cat on it. Her pink blanket was still tucked around her but she was mad enough that she was going to knock it loose any minute.

"Stop that now. I mean it. You'll get cold."

She sobbed and it broke something inside of him to hear it.

Leon made some sound of grief as he took the tiny pink bundle out of the seat. She went instantly silent. She watched him, silently sucking her fist. She had her mama's nose. Leon tucked her into his arm and ran his finger, hesitantly, over her cheek….and the baby smiled at him.

It was her mama's smile too.

He said, softly, "Oh my god…" And for the first time since Rebecca had died…he smiled. He was afraid the pain and the love that bloomed and filled up his chest would cause it to burst and spill his blood all over the tiny thing he held. He looked at her like she held the universe in one tiny fist. And maybe she did.

Maybe she'd always been the reason. Maybe she'd always been the thing that he was meant to do. Maybe this was what love made, what love created, what love left when everything else was gone. This. He'd never loved anything more.

He placed her in the bouncy seat and strapped her in, she watched him, looking into his soul. Would she find it lacking?

He picked up his guitar.

In the hallway, Claire froze, rooted to the spot. His voice was beautiful. It lifted, soft and soothing. What was that he was singing?

But, of course, it was Now and Forever.

Sometimes I just hold you, too caught up in me…I'm holding a fortune, that heaven has given to me…I'll try to show you each and every way I can..now and forever…I will be your man...

That's your daddy little girl, Claire thought desperately, he's a little lost right now. He's a little broken. But I think you'll fix that.

The only question left was how she could help him do it. She figured maybe that answer was out there too. She moved into the doorway when the music stopped.

He lifted his gaze to her. That face…had she ever seen such love on a face before?

"Claire…what's her name?"

But, of course, he knew that answer. Of course, he did.

She answered him, softly, "Faith."

Yes. It couldn't be anything else.

He picked up the guitar again. The tears on his face were murder to her. She wanted to cross the room and pour herself over him and protect him from the pain of it all. Instead, she just listened.

When the visions around you, bring tears to your eyes…and all that surrounds you, are secrets and lies…I'll be your strength, I'll give you hope, keeping your faith when it's gone…the one you should call was standing here all along…and I will take you in my arms and hold you right where you belong…till the day my life is through..this I promise you…this I promise you…

The baby gurgled smiling.

I've loved you forever, in lifetimes before…and I promise you never..will you hurt anymore..I give you my word, I give you my heart…this is a battle we've won…and with this vow..forever has now begun…

The song ended. And he smiled at her.

The baby was mesmerized. Was there a woman alive who didn't love Leon Kennedy?

"Faith," He said quietly and picked her up. He held her up until they were eye to eye, "Will you be mine?"

But, of course, he knew that answer as well.

Yes.

Claire nearly killed herself walking away.

But it was what they both needed. In this moment? He needed his daughter. He needed his peace.

And she needed her space to recover. So it was the first moment in her life that Claire knew how it felt to walk away from everything that mattered. She left him with his daughter. She left him with his grief and his hope.

There was nothing to fight here. Nothing to slay. Nothing to kill. She couldn't save him, because she'd already given him everything he needed to save himself.

There was nothing here for her to save. She'd given him back the life she'd stolen from him. She was no longer haunted by the grief that came with thinking she'd stolen their happiness when she'd left him after Raccoon City.

Here there was nothing left to haunt her.

She paused on the step and saw the shimmer above the house. Maybe she was wrong. Maybe there was still something haunting them both.

But it wasn't their history. No anymore.

It was the lab mouse who'd given him faith.

They were both haunted by the ghost of Rebecca Chambers.

Chesapeake Bay, 2018

The door of the cabin opened. She didn't think he'd show up. She honestly didn't.

She hadn't seen him since the day they'd brought his daughter to him. She'd backed off, backed away, and left him to heal. She'd wanted to guide him, hold him, help him. She wanted to beg him to forgive her for hurting him that day in the street.

She'd been so heartbroken, so sad. She'd lashed out and ran away. And Rebecca had died. And he'd nearly died. And she'd nearly died from the pain of it.

So the door of the cabin opened and in he came.

The hair was nearly back to perfect. It fell around his face like liquid gold. The sunglasses on his face were polarized orange and perfect. The smile was even better.

"I didn't know if you'd be here."

"I didn't know if you'd come."

He was wearing a white v-neck t-shirt and khaki shorts. He wore leather sandals on his feet. And he carried the most perfect little girl in his arms with curly blonde hair.

She was gorgeous. And had to be close to a year old now. She wore a little pink sundress and had tiny white sandals on her feet. Claire glanced at him and then at her.

And then she said, "Hi Faith. I'm Claire. You want to come here for a minute so your Daddy can get your bags?"

She put her hands out.

Faith stared at her. Claire was in her pink bikini top and some white shorts. She felt like she was under inspection by the attorney general for war crimes. She waited, nervous. Faith glanced up at Leon who smiled at her. "Your choice, kiddo." And finally the little girl put her arms out.

Feeling like she'd won a great victory, Claire took her.

Faith studied her while she held her.

Leon set bags inside the door and then noticed something that kept his interest for a moment. Claire had set up a pack n' play for his kid. She had a box of diapers sitting there, wipes, bottles. And a pack n' play. She hadn't even known that he'd show up.

Touched, he glanced over at them.

They were staring at each other in curiousity. Faith grabbed a lock of her red hair and yanked. Claire winced but said nothing. Faith tugged again and Claire said, "Ouch."

And his daughter laughed. She giggled that delighted sound that babies make when they are amused. She tugged again. Sensing the game, Claire upped the hamming a bit. She exclaimed, "Ouchie!"

Faith leaned in and kissed her mouth.

Claire glanced at him and her eyes were a little teary. "Can I keep her?"

"Sorry. I kinda love her." He rubbed a hand against the cross under his shirt as he went into the kitchen to make lemonade. Claire played with the baby like a pro. Peekaboo. Eat the feeties. She was excellent with her.

They were easy with each other in a way they hadn't been in a long time. They joked, laughing. They made dinner and went swimming. Someone on the beach remarked about how Faith "looked just like her mama". Touched, Claire blushed.

She watched from the kitchen as he broke out the guitar and sang his daughter to sleep. Would there ever be a time that she didn't love him? Could she sit by and watch him find someone else, love someone else, and lose him again? She couldn't, wouldn't, regret Rebecca. Not now. Not looking at what she'd given him. She'd seen the cross, she knew she'd someday have the courage to ask about it. He wasn't a religious man. So it was clearly deeper than that.

Rebecca had done more than given him Faith. She'd given him faith. It resonated around him. He was more complete now than Claire had ever seen him. She wasn't sure there was a place, anymore, in her life for him.

Maybe it was time to let him go.

She didn't think she could keep sitting in support of him while he found someone else. She didn't think her heart would survive it twice. She'd lost him to Ada. She'd lost him to Rebecca. She couldn't lose him again. She just wasn't that strong.

Whatever else happened, she knew she couldn't live without him in her life. She couldn't play second fiddle forever. Because she had a hole in her heart in the shape of Leon Kennedy and she couldn't fill it with anyone else.

When Faith was asleep, he set the guitar aside.

He found her on the back porch of the cabin, looking out over the beach and the cloudless sky. A cool breeze came off the bay, bringing the fine scent of coming rain and the healing power of summer. He sat next to her in the accompanying rocking chair.

They rocked for awhile together in silence.

"Do you want to tell me about Rebecca?"

He turned his head to look at her. "Do you want to hear about her?"

She stared out into the bay, watching the moonlight silver the water as the soft waves came in. Maybe it was time to let him go without regret. She turned her head to look at him.

"Did you love her?"

And he answered, "Yes."

She nodded, feeling the spark of tears in her eyes. "Ok."

"You couldn't not love her. She was good, kind, loyal. She was the mother of that little girl in there. Of course I loved her. Had she lived, I would have married her."

Claire nodded and the first spill of tears fell. She wiped her cheeks. "I'm sorry. I'm stupid." She laughed a little, "This is hard for me."

"I know that." The sound of the water was comforting. He rose, "Wait here."

She watched the waves, listening to the sound of it as it rushed in and back out. Was there anything else like it in the world? Was there anything else that filled the soul with such peace? She closed her eyes and listened.

He sat down in the chair beside her again with his guitar.

"I had a talk with Rebecca this morning while I was getting stuff together to come out here. I asked her if it was ok if I moved on." He strummed a few chords, "It's been so hard. Raising Faith helps. She kept me distracted when it would get bad at night. But it wasn't hard for me to remember that Rebecca loved me. She just…she loved me…and there was no malice in it. There was no pain. There was just…light. She would die if she was here and saw the mess I'd let myself become before Faith came to me. She would kill me if I never…moved on."

He started the song on his guitar, "So I don't always have the right words…but somebody else usually does…"

And because music punctuated their friendship from the very beginning; it turned out he had the words they needed right then as well. She gripped her hands in her lap and watched him while he sang. Was there any way she couldn't love him?

But I never told you…what I should have said…no I never told you…I just held it in…I miss everything about you…can't believe that I still want you..after all the things that we've been through….I miss everything about you…

This man who sang his daughter to sleep. Who'd pushed so fast, so far, and nearly died. Who wore scars that made him beautiful and had a soul to match. She was so far gone that she figured she'd probably die from it, if one could die from regret.

I see your blue eyes, every time I close mine...you make it hard to see…where I belong to, when I'm not around you…it's like I'm not with me…

The song ended and he smiled at her. "I don't know if it would have made a difference all those years ago in Raccoon. Maybe it would have. Maybe I had to go through everything I've gone through to get here. I can't regret it, Claire. I can't. But I can regret never saying what I should have said to you a thousand times."

He offered his hand, she took it and their tattoos touched.

"Keep fighting right?"

She smiled, teary eyed. "Right. You have to forgive me, Leon. For Raccoon City. For leaving you. You have to forgive me."

He shook his head, "Nothing to forgive. Not anymore. Claire, we've spent too long blaming each other. No more blame here. Come inside."

He lifted her up and brought her inside with him. He led her into the bedroom. She closed the door behind them and leaned back against the door breathing hard and fast.

The little Echo Dot on his dresser was playing that song. THAT SONG.

Lucky.

She met his eyes in the semi-darkness. "I need to hear you say it."

He tugged her against him and danced. They danced there in the bedroom. She put her head on his shoulder.

"I love you, Claire. I've always loved you. I wasn't ready before…but I'm ready now. So what do you say?"

She lifted her head and met his eyes. They held, held. And she said, "I need to know it. That once we do this..it has to be everything, Leon. I can't have it otherwise. I think I'd die. And..I want to have more children."

"Claire…I don't know any other way but all the way. I'm in." He smiled, brilliant and rich in the candlelight. "Based on the one in the other room…I think I can do that. You got a time frame in mind for that?"

She pushed. He let her. He fell backwards onto the bed and bounced. She climbed atop him and took his face in her hands. They kissed, soft, smooth. Her belly rolled.

The boy in the uniform, the girl on the train…twenty years to find their way to each other. She had no regrets either. She couldn't.

They'd found their way here and every step along that road had let to it.

They rolled over the bed, lost in each other. The boy in the uniform, the girl on the train. The press of their naked bodies together, finally, was slow and soft and perfect. She lay there, for a long moment, feeling him against her. She could feel the press of his chest, his hips, the length of his leg. She put her hands on his back and stroked him. He cupped her face and kissed, long and deep and wet.

She held his gaze and gave him an answer, "How does now work for you?"

He grabbed her hands, put them above their heads and held tight. He slid into her in a single, slow, breath stealing dive. They both made some sound of completion. "I think now is just about right."

And he finally, totally, and utterly opened the door and let in the girl on that train. The timing, it seemed was finally...completely...right.

This is one possible end for Leon after Absolution. For the others, you want to read The Jill Sandwich. Fractures in Fate and A Tale of Two Hearts. Things interweave through all of my stuff - like a Choose your own Adventure in a way. The way the world can just - splinter.