A/N: Thanks for all the love, for all the comments and for just being all around awesome. So many apologies for not getting to the comments this week. I PROMISE it is my top priority this week because it's the best part of this whole experience, hearing from all of you! Always, thanks to shippingtheswann for the cheering and beta work (go read her wonderful story!), imagnifika for finding the heart of the story with her art, halobxist & meanderingcaptainswanmusings for everything xo. And please keep supporting all the other CSBB authors and artists. The content everyone is bringing is truly amazing. And now for a little bit of a wild ride…
Chapter 12
Emma, slides lower in her Adirondack-style chair, lifting her socked feet to the railing and closing her eyes. The briny ocean air gently moves over her skin and she sighs at the sensation, her mind replaying the last few days.
Ever since leaving Galway, their days slip one into the another with an effortless ease. Some intangible thing settles in their relationship, an ease or a comfort, or maybe a deeper understanding of each other. Whatever it is, it feels good and so Emma doesn't try to put it into words, she doesn't need to, instead she chooses to bask in it.
It had also been easy to say goodbye to Anna and Kristoff and set off on their own once again. Of course, her and Anna had exchanged numbers and promises to see each other again, but Emma and Killian were more than ready to slip back into their own bubble.
And they did, taking a meandering tour of the West coast, no solid plan except for a map and Emma's guidebook to lead them. Killian even got in on the fun of pulling out pamphlets from the front of restaurants and hostels, holding them up with excited eyes when he finds something particularly interesting.
One taps her right one the nose at that very moment as Killian settles in the chair beside her having refilled their glasses.
Emma takes the flyer and pauses, beer midway to her mouth. She takes in the colorful surfboards pictured on the front of the flyer and then looks down to the beach, watching the waves crash onto the sand, chasing the gulls back and forth. She shivers.
"It's going to be freezing."
Her eyes cut to him and he shrugs.
"They have wetsuits"
She's unconvinced.
"I promise to warm you up after."
She looks a little more hopeful.
"And make you another one of those cinnamon hot chocolate things you like so much."
She grins and taps her beer to his.
xo
They surf in Lahinch and Killian is terrible at it.
And while Emma is only slightly better, she cackles from her board every time he comes up, water sputtering from his mouth, hair plastered to his forehead.
Their teacher remains patient and by the end, they both finally manage to ride a few small waves, Emma making it all the way to the beach.
"I'm going to start competing! You'll find me on the circuit!" she cries out before dropping to her butt on the sand. Killian eventually joins her, flopping onto his back.
"Everything hurts."
She laughs again and he looks up at her with one eye, squinting against the sun.
"You're a mean, mean woman."
She shakes her head and stands, brushing the sand from her butt and holding out her hand.
"Alright, come on and let this mean woman take care of you then. Let's go warm up and then I can show you my pamphlet for tomorrow."
xo
Her pick, the Dingle Dolphin Tour.
She can barely stay still as she tells him about their upcoming trip, shaking the pamphlet from up high as she stands on their bed.
He wraps his towel around his neck as he approaches, shorts riding low on his hips, skin pink from the hot shower. He stops at the edge of the bed and looks up, eyebrow raised.
"We aren't paying some overpriced jackass to take us out to see a dolphin that probably doesn't even exist."
Emma isn't dettered, holding out the pamphlet.
"He's been seen almost every day since 1983!"
"Sure he has."
"You'll see."
Killian takes the paper and flings it behind, hand and wrist finding her bare legs instead. His fingers tickle behind her knee before he wraps his arms around her thighs and sends her tumbling back to the bed. Her laugh follows quickly and so does Killian, crawling over her, hand tugging on the shirt she is wearing.
"Alright Swan, if you say so. Now onto more pressing matters. I was looking for this shirt."
Emma wraps her legs around his hips, pulling him down, a small shrug.
"You want it back?"
She lifts her arms above her head, waiting. He grins and pulls it off the rest of the way, dropping it to the floor.
"Not really. It looks better on you anyway, but I think I enjoy this look even more."
She watches as his eyes dip, taking in her naked form.
"You're ridiculous," she whispers, but arches as his mouth closes over a nipple, teasing it to a point.
"Am I though?" his words roll over her skin, eyes bright as he looks up at her.
"Come here."
And who is he to deny her, lips closing over hers.
xo
"Killian, there he is!"
Emma points eagerly, while standing on her tiptoes, trying to look over the crowd that had rushed to the side when the captain announced there had been a sighting.
She pulls her hood tighter around her face as the wind picks up, it's a cold, blustery day on the water but her smile can't be contained. He shakes his head but can't help his returning grin.
"What are you waiting for, get a closer look."
He nudges her forward and she finds a spot, laughing and letting out a shout with the rest of the passengers when Fungie the dolphin delights them with a jump through the air.
Killian doesn't bother taking any photos of the dolphin, too busy capturing Emma to care.
"The show's there," she says, pointing to the water. He simply shakes his head and raises the lense again, capturing her, shyly looking away, smile just for him.
"Thanks love, but I've got a perfect view right here."
xo
Over dinner that night in Cork he plops down more flyers, each one getting them closer to Dublin than the next. Each one reminding her of the end and she feels the panic slowly start to rise as he talks on.
"What do you want to do first? Kiss the Blarney Stone? See the ruins in Cashel or we can go right to Kilkenny and tour the Castle?"
He's looking through her guidebook when she finds her voice.
"Or we could go to the Cliffs of Moher?" she suggests, unable to look him in the eye. Fingers following the scratches on the old wood table they sit at.
She feels his gaze and bites her lip.
"I thought we decided there would be too many people?"
"I know."
She still doesn't look up, heart hammering, worried if she does, he'll see through her.
"We saw tour bus after tour bus head that way."
"We did."
His hand closes over hers, turning it over and playing with her fingers.
"It's 3 hours north of here."
"It is."
She takes a deep breath through her nose and forces a smile, finally looking up.
"You're right, sorry."
He doesn't look convinced but she hurries to wave him off and grab her guidebook back.
"I read somewhere that instead of going to the Rock of Cashel there's a monastery across the way that's even cooler to see. An old Abbey."
She's grateful he lets her change the subject because in all honesty, she doesn't care. She doesn't need to see the Cliffs or the Castles or anything at all. She just wants time to slow down because she knows in her heart, she needs to get home sooner than later. There is a life waiting for her there that she can't put off forever, friends that care about her, bills and rent and the small matter of two people who claim to be her parents.
But of all the places Killian has mentioned, never once as he talked about going stateside. Of course he's spoken of the places he's already been that she should see and of counties he hopes to visit one day but she can't help but worry about what he's not saying.
Never mind what she's not asking.
Her head snaps up when music starts up from the back of the bar.
"Why don't you go check them out? I just need to run to the bathroom and I'll find you," Killian offers already, standing.
She nods distractedly and slowly walks to the back to find a spot. She allows herself to get swallowed up into the crowd, letting herself sway with the people and hum along to the familiar tunes, once again hoping time would stop.
Killian finds her during a particular crowd favorite, the collective voices nearly louder than the band. His arms wrap around her from behind, pulling her close. He sings the words softly into her ear and Emma closes her eyes, trying to not let her emotions overwhelm her.
"We can leave first thing in the morning. We'll be there by noon."
She spins in his arms.
"Yeah?"
"Of course. Let's see some cliffs."
She hugs him tight and tighter still when she feels her tears threaten.
"Thank you."
xo
They go to the cliffs and they walk along the well worn path, slowly with the other tourists. They take pictures and Killian laughs when ten feet is too close to the edge for her. When the fog slowly lifts, and the cliffs jut out, dark and imposing over the blue waters of the Atlantic, it takes her breath away.
But even more so, when she looks out at the ocean - she knows she is looking out towards home.
And yet she remains silent, lets the fear build up inside and lets him lead her back to the car, bringing them another step closer to Dublin.
xo
Eventually they make it to Blarney Castle and kiss the stone. Unfortunately the gift of gab isn't magically bestowed upon her. She pictured kissing the stone and suddenly turning to him and demanding to know what his plan is for the next weeks, months, years. Do you think you could live in the United States, with me, who you've only known for a short while, while I figure out my life?
No, she decides, that would be crazy and why would he? It's probably why he's never suggested it and why she is now on the verge of a panic attack as they pull into the Dublin city limits.
Meanwhile, Killian doesn't seem to have a care in the world, for once not his perceptive self.
"Oh, I called the car hire this morning and we can just drop the car off right here in the city, no need to go to the airport. That way we won't have to worry about parking, we won't need to keep paying for car we don't need."
Emma is so thrown by the sudden change of plans, she's at a loss for words, she simply nods and follows his instructions to where they need to drop the car off.
The whole ordeal goes by in a blur, her mind unable to stop racing to ask questions or really understand what any of it means.
She hands the keys over and signs whatever papers are placed in front of her and lets Killian fix her pack, pulling on her straps, so it sits higher, easier to carry.
"Don't worry - we won't have to walk with these for long. As soon as we find a place that has room for the night we'll drop them off," he explains taking her hand and leading her out.
And again she follows.
It's not like her to remain so silent, so complacent, but it's taking all her energy to just keep her breathing under control, to not worry about her racing heart.
He pulls them towards a busy intersection, and she doesn't even know how they got there. She's cold, and her pack is heavy and he's pulling out a map and she just wants to cry.
"Did you even try to call for a hostel this morning when you decided for us that we didn't need a car or a place to stay or any plan at all?" her questions finally burst out, surprising them both.
He looks up, brows furrowing at her outburst.
"What's going on?"
"It's like you don't even care about where you're going next. Like you don't think of the future at all. Well, I fucking need to and I'm going to start with a place to sleep."
He looks at her a little stunned and in her distressed state she takes it as an agreement of his not caring and stomps away, getting jostled and grumbled at by passerbyers, and just barely missing a car.
She doesn't care. She keeps her head down and walks.
It only takes a few minutes for her heavy breaths to come quicker, for the tears of embarrassment to threaten and for the realisation that she just needs to tell him, to be at the tip of her tongue but when she turns, he's not there.
She spins, looking all around.
He's not there, and she has no idea where she is and, and and -
"Oh, God."
She clamps her hand over her mouth at the sound of her own panicked voice and she feels the first wet tear hit her hand. She breathes in through her nose but it doesn't help. Another fat tear, tracks down her cheek.
She tries to retrace her steps but nothing seems familiar.
She tries different directions, all leading to more confusion and night is falling and she's realising she has no idea where to even begin. She should have stayed in one place and - she shouldn't have gotten mad in the first place.
She should call him but-
The worst hits her - she can't. She can't call him because she never had his number to begin with, there was never a reason to. She doesn't even know if he has a phone.
Someone else bumps her, nearly sending her sprawling and she just manages to catch herself against a nearby bench.
What the hell is she going to do?
She's lost him.
And so she does the only thing she can think of. She slowly lowers herself to the bench and cries.
NOTE: Don't hate me too much for that? And also... there won't be any updates for the next two weeks. So I wanted to take a second to wish everyone a very safe and happy holiday season. I'm thinking of each and every one of you. Thank you for making 2018 an amazing one and I hope you'll all come back in 2019 to finish off this journey with me. I'll be back with Chapter 13, January 8th, 2019! But… there will be a little Christmas fic around the 25th :) AND! The last question for 2018. What are your holiday plans!? Any new years resolutions? Let's chat! xoxo