Endgame

Chapter Three - In Which The Queen Is But A Pawn

Misty hates not remembering.

She knows what they tell her and what she sees from old newspaper clippings, and there's always recorded footage on television broadcasts of past Pokemon League Tournaments, but it isn't enough. She despises it because she still doesn't remember who she is, who she was. All Misty can do is listen and watch and read but none of that matters if she will never have any memory of it.

She can only mould herself into the shape of what people tell her she's meant to be.

Her 'sisters' were- still are -devastated but the only one who really tries is Daisy. She doesn't know Daisy but she wants to, Misty desperately tries to remember her family and her pokemon and who she is but she just can't.

Daisy. Lily. Violet.

Why is she the only one with a different name? The only flower she can think of is a misty blue, which makes perfect sense if she listens to what Brock says- because isn't her favourite colour blue? -but even then it still seems strange. She feels out of place and she knows it isn't just because of her absent memory.

Despite it all, she still feels happy. As close to happy as she thinks she can get, anyway. Five months is both a long time and the blink of an eye for someone who remembers nothing. Brock does his best to tell her what he can, but somehow she finds that she doesn't care as much as she used to. She isn't who she was and she's never going to be, so she detests the fact that they either treat her like glass or expect her to act a certain way.

They're always disappointed when she can't respond the way they want to the things she's supposed to remember.

Still, Brock is like her brother, so at least that hasn't changed. He comes by once a week and calls every night. There's always a new story to tell and he is patient, answers every question she throws at him and doesn't give her pity. He shows her photos of the past, of when she was barely learning to live as a trainer and travelling with him and that Ash boy.

They talk about him so much- he's involved in everything -and yet not at all.

It's always "You, Ash and I" did this, or "Ash challenged a Gym here' or "Ash got us lost and somehow we ended up stuck at the bottom of a cliff because he got distracted".

When she tries to delve deeper they don't take the bait. Gary appears to abhor the topic altogether and Brock... Brock just looks sad. So sad that she is the one feeling guilty for wanting to know about her own past, feels shame for not remembering something she knows she should. Daisy just gives her a broken smile.

As far as she can tell, whoever this Ash person is hasn't been home since the accident. Are they close friends? Or is it were they close friends? Brock said they are. Or, at least they used to be. She can't really tell and it is difficult to read a person that did not want to be read.

Misty isn't stupid. Naive as a child and completely clueless as to the last sixteen years of her life, but certainly not stupid. She notices the hesitant glances the people around her give each other whenever Ash is mentioned. She picks up on the fidgeting and quick brushing off or changing of the subject whenever a topic involving him comes up. Brock would always tell her of adventures and life-threatening situations, but he never talks about Ash himself for very long.

Professor Oak has lots of his pokemon, fields and fields of them, so Misty thinks that they can't be lying when they say Ash is a trainer.

Gary is nice enough. Professor Oak is too, when he is around, and she has no reason to believe that either of them or Brock would deceive her. Each of them tell her things about herself, things she recalls and others she does not, which helps because they seem to know different parts of her. The only topic that they seem to be even the tiniest bit similar in was the boy known as Ash Ketchum.

For now she thinks that she's better off not knowing.

Around eight months since the accident, when Daisy is out and she feels curious, Misty stumbles across an old box in the back of her closet. There are several rusted trinkets that she does not recognise but she figures they must have been important to be kept so hidden. Amongst the clutter she sees a stack of books, ones that she is surprised to find are her diaries.

Diaries that document her childhood.

Diaries that talk about Ash.

Whether it's the adrenaline rush that comes with an air of secrecy or whether its finally being able to know, something in Misty feels compelled to learn about to boy whom she knows so much about and yet nothing at all. She only hesitates briefly before picking up the book with the earliest date and begins turning the pages.

Her writings recount and confirm much of what Brock tells her of their travels, and it was the only real information she's gained about Ash Ketchum over the last eight months.

They fought a lot. Like, really a lot but the girl in the writing seemed to look up to the boy who'd stolen her bike. Not one page went by without him being mentioned at least twice. The seconds tick by and she becomes lost in the tales of her childhood, sitting cross-legged on her bed and immersed in a world that she can't remember but felt so right.

"Misty? Are you in here?"

She snaps her head up and shoves the diary under a pillow at the sound of Gary's voice. A quick glance at the clock on her wall confirms that he is indeed early, and she can't help but feel slightly irked. She'd have to wait until he left before continuing her journey through the past. They don't want her to know about Ash Ketchum. She doesn't know why and it's a question she is happy to put off if it means the paragraphs in those diaries can explain who Misty Waterflower was.

"Yeah, come in," she replies, plastering on a smile when the door opened wide enough to reveal him.

He gives her a smile that seems only reserved for moments when they are alone. "I brought food."

Misty instantly perks up. Gary always brought the best sweets, usually from a local bakery in Cerulean. Today it seemed to be brownies, and she eagerly took one from his hands. At least her tastes hadn't changed; that was one bit of information she'd learned from the little she'd managed to read before Gary had arrived.

She hated carrots, peppers and bugs.

She loved sweet things, water pokemon and battling.

The time Gary gave her a pepper springs to mind, supposedly to test just how much of her memory had disappeared, and she remembers taking one bite and spitting it out in disgust. When he'd shown her a bug pokemon at the lab; caterpie, he'd called it, she remembers the unpleasant, crawling feeling up her spine. A part of her feels relieved that she has something familiar, something to assure her this isn't a dream and she did have a life and none of this is made up.

"Thanks!" Misty exclaims and takes a bite of the delicious chocolate treat.

Gary chuckles and has a seat on the edge of her bed, taking looking around. His eyes fall on the small frame on her bedside table, the one with the photo of herself, Brock and Ash, and his smile disappears. Misty suddenly finds herself unable to enjoy the brownie anymore. He always gets the same look on his face whenever he sees it. She thinks it's because of the diaries, but an urge to discover more becomes imminent.

"Hey, Gary?" Misty asks slowly, knowing that it's terrible timing but she something in her needs to try anyway. "Can you tell me more about Ash?" He doesn't look away from the photo but she sees his jaw clench and face fall. Still, she can't help but hope for the best. "I just... I don't know who he is, but I feel like I should. He's in every story Brock tells me and he's in so many photos. You grew up with him, too," Misty rushes out.

Gary turns to her slowly, and it looks like he's struggling with something internally. "You've never been interested before," he replies.

This time it is she who looks away. "I've always been interested, it's just that nobody ever seems to want to tell me. He was such a big part of my life and I-"

"He wasn't," Gary cuts in sharply.

It hits her that there is either something he's not saying either for her own good or for his, and Misty feels anger for the first time since she's 'known' him. Nevertheless, she stays quiet. There's a reason that Brock doesn't talk and Gary gets mad and her sisters look at her with pity every time the subject is brought up. She'd written that Ash Ketchum was her best friend but they hadn't told her that.

She'd written that Ash Ketchum was the first person to introduce her to a bug pokemon that she didn't loathe. She'd written that Ash Ketchum was an amazing trainer, that he and Brock were like family.

They only ever mentioned that Brock was like her family.

He changes the subject after that and she doesn't talk about Ash again for the entirety of Gary's visit, but the moment he leaves she locks herself in her room and stays up all night reading of pokemon and adventures and Ash Ketchum.

Misty decides to keep the diaries her own little secret, at least for the time being.

Gary isn't sure how much longer he can do this.

The more time he spends with her the worse he knows it will be when it comes to an end.

He considers telling Brock that he wants out, but that would involve delving into murky waters which they've both taken careful measures to avoid for a long time now. There is no way to avoid it and Brock will most definitely demand a reason. He also doesn't want to be the one to explain to Misty why she'd be pawned off to her brother figure, which would make a perfect cover but still cause more mess than anybody had enough strength to deal with.

When he brings it up to his Gramps, arguing that he isn't experienced enough for something of this magnitude, the older male just tells him that it's more beneficial to have somebody her own age to communicate with. He's far too busy with pokemon research for Misty to be his main priority, anyway, and this will be "an incredibly unique challenge" to build his career on as a researcher.

Oh, how little did his Gramps know just how challenging this was.

It's been eight months now and, somehow, he's convinced Brock to keep Ash out of the loop. What is worse is that Misty trusts him completely. She relies on him- on all of them, really, but he's been there the most -to fill her in on her life. Ash Ketchum certainly played a much larger role than he ever did and likely ever would, but Gary continues to tell himself that if Ash was really that important then it would be him taking care of Misty and not the other way around.

That doesn't stop the guilt, though.

He wasn't lying when he'd told Misty that Ash wasn't a large part of her life. He only used to be. Ash lost the right to that somewhere along a very long, very complicated line. A line of coming home once a year and staying for maybe a week if they were lucky. Even Gary only ever saw him if he happened to be at the lab when Ash came by to deliver more pokemon.

Pewter didn't get a second glance. Cerulean didn't get a second thought.

Brock eventually caves after nine and a half months, and really, he should have seen it coming from a mile away.

"This isn't right, Gary," Brock says. "Ash should be here. She'd want him to be here."

Gary tenses. He doesn't notice his own sharp intake of breath that fills his lungs with dread, but Brock does. "She doesn't, though. What good will it do to throw him in now? I still haven't determined anything about her memory."

"You've had more than nine months," Brock points out, "and we're out of ideas. If anyone has any chance of triggering anything or make some progress with her, it's Ash."

A silence lapses between them. It is then, in that moment that Gary sees what everyone else saw before with Misty; the pitiful stare of compassion and understanding. He realises that Brock has been here before, only not with him. The roles are reversed this time. He spent years travelling with his two younger companions, years learning how to deal and react to these situations.

Years recognising how to respond to someone like him.

Someone who is completely lost in a person who is lost in something else. Only this time it isn't Misty who is earning the glances because Ash is too absorbed in training, it is him. Brock knows all too well what it looks like and Gary curses himself for letting it get this far. There is a silent promise in the air to not speak of it.

His train of thought is interrupted when Brock speaks again, "You aren't the only one who cares about her, you know. He deserves to be told. Ash has more right than anyon-"

"He doesn't," Gary cuts him off, harsher than intended. He doesn't want to hear what he doesn't want to admit. "I've made perfectly fine progress with Misty."

"This isn't about you," Brock argues, and it's the closest Gary has ever to heard to him being stern. "This is about her, and if she remembered what we do she would say that he does."

Gary curses himself again. He hates this, but he is out of objections and Brock is insistent. There is nothing more he can say.

It's nearly been a year. Ash will no doubt be coming home soon, and when he did there would be nothing stopping him from finding out. They couldn't- even though he'd damn well try if they'd just let him -keep her in Cerulean for the entire week. She'd realise something was up; they only ever sent her home on weekends.

Even if by some miracle Brock allows it- which he won't -and Misty raises no questions- which she will -, Delia Ketchum would no doubt burst into tears and it would all be for nothing. Not only that, but Professor Oak and Daisy are two more obstacles he just doesn't have the power to deal with.

There is nothing he can do to stop her from meeting the love of her life any longer. Dragging this out will not make a difference anymore.

"Yeah," he chokes out, "I know."

Two weeks. That's all he has left before she's no longer only his.

Because without being here for almost a whole year, even more if Gary was to count the times the boy has been home and never spared her a second thought, Ash Ketchum still has more value in the life of a girl who is barely aware of his existence than Gary Oak does.

One moment Gary is preparing to take Misty on a tour through the pokemon fields of his Gramps' lab, and the next he's staring into the cold eyes of one irate Ash Ketchum.

"It's been ten months," Ash grinds out, and Gary thinks this is the angriest he's ever seen the usually cheerful boy, "almost an entire year, and nobody thought to even give me a call?"

Gary shuffles his feet nervously, now regretting the insanely small smug part of him that he hadn't tried to squish beforehand.

Brock replies for them both, "We wanted to Ash, we really did. But you're always so far away a-"

"You know that I would have dropped everything for something like this," Ash practically hisses. "She's my best friend!"

"Was your best friend," Gary corrects, quick to continue when he sees the flash in Ash's eyes, "she doesn't remember you. As far as Misty is concerned you're just a stranger."

Ash visibly winces and he sees Brock cringe, and he realises that his phrasing could perhaps be better, but sugar-coating when it came to Ash Ketchum has never been his thing. They've always been brutally honest and he cannot stress this enough but Ash-

Has.

Not.

Been.

Here.

Ash also isn't aware of the underlying meaning in Gary's words. Brock is, it's glaringly obvious, but as far as Ash is concerned Gary is just being Gary.

"His choice of words is poor, but Gary is right, Ash," Brock says, choosing to leave out the other part. "Misty doesn't remember you."

Ash pauses for a moment and Gary sees his hands shaking. "Does... She does know about me though, right?"

Brock nods and Gary clenches his jaw, torn between jealousy and guilt over how laughably, so damn helplessly vulnerable Ash is when it comes to her.

"She knows what we've told her."

"Which isn't much," Misty speaks up from somewhere behind him, and the three whirl around to find her leaning against the door frame. Her eyes are on Ash and Ash alone, an expression of wonder-slash-amazement crosses her face as she drinks in the presence of the boy she has only ever seen on paper.

Ash, in Gary's opinion, looks utterly stupid. His face drains but he looks like he's seeing the sun for the first time, and Gary resists the urge to roll his eyes.

The tension in the room is so thick that he thinks he could cut it with a knife. Misty stares at Ash and Ash stares at Misty, Brock remains rigid and the world feels slightly less brighter than it did before. Gary forces his mouth to clamp shut; he knows he'll regret whatever impulsive sounds that were sure to escape. Or maybe he won't, because Mew knows everyone bar Misty is already thinking what he is.

Still, it's hard to breathe and way they are looking at each other is nearly enough to make him sick.

He would give anythinganythinganything to be anywhere but here.

"H-hey, Mist," Ash eventually stutters out with a trembling voice and a shaking smile, almost as if he's afraid of her reaction. "It's been a while."

Anything but that.

guest review replies:

Eevee: Thanks, it's nice to see you again! Loving how you really go in-depth, and I'm enjoying answering your questions. Completely agree with everything you said about Gary, too. :D

Misty's personality is something I'm leaving more open-ended. She's confused and lost because she's meant to be this girl that everyone tells her about, but she doesn't understand how to become that person so she's having a hard time coping with the fact that she can't.

Her nature is largely similar, even if the events that helped shape it are no longer in her mind. The memories themselves are gone but the involuntary reflexes haven't changed. Think of it like taste remaining the same. She'd still react normally to how pre-amnesiac Misty would if presented with a situation, but if someone was to bring up a specific event from her past she wouldn't know how to respond. Her 'fire' would still be there, I imagine, because that's how she's always been, but for now she isn't capable of finding it.

She's burning herself out because she's caught in between a person with no history and everyone else's version of her. The diaries will help with that.

Gary sees the sweet, genuine side of Misty that was only ever really exposed to Ash and Brock. He gets to know her for who she really is, even if it isn't, because all that's left is raw nature. She's still Misty, though, so he's falling for the person underneath everything that used to be there. If that makes sense? XD

Modern Kassandra: Hi! Thanks for your review! I've read so many fics in which Gary is just the asshole or simply there for the sake of plot, but he's never really given the chance to be even somehwhat fleshed out. Glad that you think I'm doing it right :)