Run From The Light

by TallysGreatestFan

L'Rell and Katrina Cornwell managed to escape from the Ship of the Dead, but Katrinas tightrope walk isn't over: She has to form a bond with L'Rell to be sure of her own safety, but she has to watch out to not become to invested in it to cloud her judgment. Will she manage it on their flight across Klingon territory?

4. 4: My Beautiful Liar, Why Are You Crying

4: My Beautiful Liar, Why Are You Crying?

Music: ,,Lost At Sea" – In This Moment

,,Warrior" – Beth Crowly

For ninety-nine percent of the time, fleeing their way through enemy territory was waiting. L'Rell and her hold watch in shifts, one supervising the sensor data, the other doing whatever she wanted. It was like the longest, most dangerous, most boring shuttle trip ever.

Over the fornoon, they had first checked the Rihannsu space suit for damages (no damages present, as far as they could tell, but thanks to their missing diagnosis tools this meant not much) and talked, but now there were simply no topics left anymore. They had played a game Katrina had learned during an particular boring nebula examination, saying two things and making the other choose. For the first hours, it was quite interesting, carefully asking political questions, questions about the others food preference or favorite works of fiction. But despite Katrina actively working against it, it had become more and more personal, and although she needed, wanted to learn more about L'Rell, the younger woman had token the chance to put some rather not so nice ideas against each other. She seemed to have an sick fascination with death, blood and killing people in the most painfull, slowest way possible, and as if this wouldn't have been disturbing enough, she was uncomfortably confident with the needs of her body. Katrina didn't knew if it was a general Klingon thing, something from House Mokai or just the way L'Rell was, but she had absolutely no problem with telling an almost-stranger explicit details about her dating history or letting her choose between two equally x-rated and kinky practices. The worst thing about it was that she the younger woman was an good enough story teller to imagine everything in great details, and to Katarinas utterly shock it didn't disgusted her nearly as much as she had expected.

The first few questions, she forced herself to overcome her inhibitions, but as the questions became weirder and weirder, Katrina desperately searched after a way out of this, and at ,,knife play or spanking?" she finally had enough.

,,I think this is getting a bit boring after several hours."

L'Rell shrugged, suddenly apathetic again. Had she only tried to distract herself from her guilt?

,,Maybe we could play another game? Chess?"

,,We don't have figures or a board"

,,We could maybe draw them?"

,,We don't have paper"

Katrina shrugged and turned back to her console. Now, without anything else to do, her thoughts went back to L'Rells mysterious lover, Voq. Whoever he was and what had happened to him, by the way L'Rell spoke about him, she must have not only be deeply in love with him, but also seen some importance of him for her plans. What role did he play in this war? This was one of the things she needed to know as soon as she had manipulated L'Rell to trusting her.

She had gently tried to get more information about him, yet all she knew was just that he had been very sacrificing and devoted, and that he apparently had quite skilled fingers and lips. L'Rell had told that with longing and wistfulness in her voice, but seeing her like that had been still better than her former apathy, and her clear, accented voice aroused Katrina with the explicit pictures it brought. Truly amazing how less these reproduction mechanisms cared about all the missing similarity and perversity of the subject activating them.

They sat for a while, Katrina scanned their surroundings, and L'Rell checked their weapons, and then L'Rell scanned and Katrina checked the shields, until finally, she was tired of scrolling through the buttons another time while only understanding half of them, and asked: ,,Is there any why to change the language to English?"

L'Rell had fallen back to staring at the back of her head, deeply in thought, Katrina worryingly realized. But the question brought her out of her pain, and with weak, tired voice she said: ,,Not without an informatican more skilled than I and approximately several weeks."

,,Oh crap…"

,,Seems like you have to learn our letters."

,,Hmm.", and again, there was the problem with the missing paper.

But L'Rell didn't begun to explain any of the symbols to her, and Katrina didn't found anything that even looked remotely like an dictionary.

,,I have music, movies and books on the data crystal.", she suddenly said.

,,The federation one?"

,,Yes."

But why the hell, actually? Had she encoded some secret information in the files and used them to hide them, what other reason should she have to carry something as un-useful around with her?

Katrina raised an eyebrow, but opened the files on her console. Several titles in Klingon, of course. Sighning, she scrolled down the list. From time to time something that must be romulan flashed out, as well as several writing systems she couldn't identify.

And then there suddenly was something in latin writing system. She only realized how strange this was after a second, so ordinary this writing system was to her.

,,Tale of the Heike", the titled read. As she tipped on it, she soon found out how to display only works in this language, and several other books, movies, a surprisingly large amount of Rock songs from the last threehundred years till present and even shows from the federations most important planets were displayed.

,,You stored human literature on that?", Katrina asked surprised.

,,We were stranded near enough federation border to have access to the public-open datacores. I had not much variety there and their stories are always a good way to learn to understand your enemy. There are some works among them that could almost be tales for us, too, with their narrations about honor and war and cameradie. The Tale of the Heike, with their story about warring clans and warrior monks in ancient Japan. Lord of the Rings. Songs of the Pale Desert by T'Par. The Snow Mage series. Star Wars.

Your works of fiction are a lot less boring than I thought."

,,Does that mean you think we are boring and dull?", Katrina asked mockingly.

L'Rell smiled. How wonderful it was so see it again. ,,You clearly taught me better. You are more…pleasant company than I ever believed a human capable of."

,,Well thank you.", Katrina chuckled.

,,And you are a more pleasant company than I expected one of your people to be.", emphasaisingly she laid her hand at L'Rells shoulder. She felt her warmth trough the rough fabric of her shirt, the hardness of her collar bone and shoulder blade and the softer firmness of her back muscles. Yet there were somehow more hard parts than she had expected, and at places where only softer flesh and not bones should have been.

,,Do you see me as an brutish, empty-brained barbarian?", L'Rell growled, but her smile continued. It was not aggressive, rather the opposite, it was an deep, pleased, approving sound that seemed to vibrate in Katrinas chest, made her heart beat faster and sent an restless, anticipating energy trough her body.

,,An empty-brained barbarian would have hardly created this plan of misleading Kol but would just have directly attacked him and died hopelessly outgunned. Not to mention that I wouldn't be alive anymore long since."

L'Rell laughed. It sounded utterly human, light and high-pitched, and even if it showed her sharp carnivore teeth, she suddenly didn't seemed to be Klingon, an hostile alien anymore but just a delighted person, and her blue eyes sparkled.

Even as she calmed down after the few first bursts, her lips still quirked to a smile and she chuckled trough her teeth. She had full, dark and pleasantly curved lips, at the left the edges of the scar tugged at their corners. Katrina took in every detail.

,,I like it when you smile."

L'Rell leaned towards her, and Katrina felt how in the small cockpit of the fast mover the tip of her feet touched her ankle.

It seemed as if she would examine Katrinas face as well, because her eyes were firmly focused on her lips, following their form with her gaze. Finally they left, wandering over her other features.

Their gazes meet. It felt as if there was some kind of magnetic force between their eyes, locking them in their position, making it unable to look away.

,,I like your smile too", L'Rells voice was low and hoarse.

There was an intensity, and unblinking focus in her gaze that Katrina could almost physically feel. Her irises had no sparkles or little lines inside them, just a electric blue plane and a darker lining at the edge, giving them an utterly non-human, seagull-like quality.

They were close, very close now. Katrina still felt her foot against hers, the warmth of her shoulder underneath her hand. For a moment she caught a trace of her scent, earthy and heavy and feral.

The intensity of her gaze suddenly was too much, and Katrina looked down. What was she doing?

Only now she realized that her hand still rested on L'Rells shoulder, and that it definitely had been far too long there.

She pulled it back and turned to her console, desperately wishing there would be anything out there that required their attention, having them focus on something other than this strange moment that had just happened.

Had she actually flirted with the Klingon? Her heart still raced and her body felt shaky and full of nervous energy at the same time. No, she couldn't have. L'Rell was an torturer and interrogator, she belonged to an highly aggressive and hostile alien race Federation was at war against, Katrina could impossibly be attracted to her. No, she couldn't. She couldn't possibly have flirted with someone with such backward moralities like a Klingon.

That had just been an conversation taking a wrong turn and becoming awkward.

L'Rell took over the piloting and watching soon, and Katrina sat down crossleged on the sleeping bag and started watching one of the series she found at the data crystal. To her surprise, there was something she could only describe as ,,Klingon Sitcom" and it actually had English subtitles (seemed to be because there was a large number of fans from some race to obscure to synchronize it in their language but almost all of them spoke English). It was actually quite fascinating to see aliens undergoing their everyday life from their perspective, and she was quite sure that it provided an useful source about the Rihannsu as well.

She was surprised how emphatically it painted its protagonist, a lanky, wild maned girl who was quite intelligent but incredibly goofy, an boy afraid of everything and another raised by Orions, which led to him awkwardly flirting with absolutely everything that crossed their way, who had made it to their goal to become honorable warriors.

She had to stifle an laugh as they managed to start an red alert because the scared boy mistook an swarm of fat goose as enemy drones, and the chaos that the just equally incompetent captain started after that.

,,,bah, ko'tal!'?", L'Rell said with a smile, ,,This series is amazing. It helped me trough a very hard time as a teenager."

Katrina waited for more, wanted to know more, but L'Rell just continued to check her console.

As it was time for dinner, Katrina took the pilot seat again, while L'Rell searched in the bag of food.

Katrina turned around as she delightfully claimed: ,,I didn't knew these still existed! The last time I ate one was ten years ago. They bring childhood memories back."

She had found several cans of what looked like tuna with some vegetables in it.

,,My handle used to eat these after our runs at the higher seas in the mountains. I thought it wouldn't be produced anymore long since."

She handed one can to Katrina: ,,It is fish mush with vegetables, but it tastes a lot better than it sounds."

Warily, Katrina took the first spoonful of fish, long since having learned to not trust the Klingon measure of what tasted good.

,,Hmm, that is indeed good!", she chewed and swallowed, ,,So you were growing up in the mountains?"

L'Rell thought for a moment, probably pondering what information she could give away without revealing her the position of her clans territory.

,,The village and temples I were taught in lay between two mountain lines, opening in front towards an vast sea. Our Matriarchs generations and generations before me had chosen this place as their stronghold because the cliffs towered around the shore like powerful rampart so that their enemies could only reach House Mokai per feet or over the water and even then we would have been able to spot them from miles away. Now, after the innovation of aircrafts and spaceships this is irrelevant of course. But the mountains still feel mighty and noble. Grey, ragged walls with speckles of green.

We went on runs there, to teach us stamina and strength. I still remember the feeling of chocking in the hot air, clothes splicing on my body with sweat, stones sliding away under my feet, the raspy breathing of the other girls mixing with mine. But it was a sweet pain. It was worth the view all over our town and the sea and mountains. And to know that I was strong and enduring."

,,Tell me more about that. Your past and your heritage fascinates me."

There was something nostalgic in L'Rells expression. She thought for a moment, then she had chosen her piece of random unimportant memory: ,,Every year, as one of their first responsibilities after ending our training as well as a celebration of this, the new Warrioresses scramble up to the small chapel high on the cliff wall.

To show their dangerousness in doing what our ancestors did to protect their territory. And to bring offerings."

,,Offerings? In the sense of exhausting, painfull rituals to show their strength once more?"

,,No. Or in a way, too, maybe, though there are more tormenting rituals. Literal offerings in the form of…", she paused a moment, searching for the right translation to English, ,,I think the closest thing to a federation animal would be 'Seagulls'."

,,Seagulls?!", what the hell? Hopefully her surprise hadn't shown in her voice, who knew how important the cultural significance of this ritual was.

,,Before Khaless, our ancestors had their own holy women and men who told their own knowledge about the world beyond this one. We still worship these forces. One of these myths tells about a young warriorress who was one of the few survivors of a battle lost. In her flight, she had not noticed that she ran into a blind end. Behind her was only the rough sea, to wild and to interspersed with cliffs to be able to swim trough it, in front of her the enemy forces, and this happened to a time where aircrafts were still to rare and to difficult to contact to call help on this way. But then the warriorress saw a giant seagull start from her hidden nest in the cliff, and tried to catch some of her last proviant. The warriorress attacked the gull with her mek'leth, and the injured bird fell from the sky and became a terrible but elegant creature, a woman with skin as pale as the birds feathers and the sharp bill and feathered face of the seagull, with claws instead of feet and wings stretching out on her arms."

,,We have creatures like this in some of our old myths too, we call them harpies."

L'Rell smiled: ,,Our name for them means roughly translated 'sky mistress'.

The warriorress was shocked, of course, but despite her fear she still tried to kill the gull woman. But as she raised her weapon, the woman spoke: 'I am impressed with your bravery to fight me even if you are lost and even if you saw my true being. If you let me live and tend my wounds, me and my sisters will teach you the art of hiding in the cliffs and not been seen by anyone, even your enemies.'

And so, the warrioress spared her life and called the other survivors of her company to her. At first, they were horrified by the sky mistress, but as the warrioress explained to them, they were willing to learn. And as their enemies arrived in the early morning of the next day, sky mistresses and Mokai warriors together hid in the cliffs and in the flat water and only came out as their enemies believed themselves safe, and so their battle was won at last.

And for this reason, we bring seagulls to the top of the cliffs every year to gift them food and let them free to symbolically thank their sisters."

She paused a moment. ,,Surly this must sound silly to you federation people with your only believe being the engines you create and the cold science you use.", she added appologially.

,,No, not really. In contrast, I found it a fascinating story. Most of us may not believe our ancestors mythologies and gods and goddesses anymore in every word that was written down, but that is mostly because of the horrors our ancestors did with them, and that does not mean that we can't listen to the greater wisdom lying underneath them. We believe in science, but science isn't just cold mathematics, it is the process of learning about the reasons behind why everything is the way it is and how it could become better."

,,Still a strange way of believing at something."

Katrina shrugged: ,,I grew up with it, for me it was so normal that I never really questioned it"

Time started to blurry into itself. Katrina tried to stick to their shift system and sleeping cycles as closely as possible, to bring at least an semblance of an night-and-day-cycle into ever-black space, but there was no way to actually feel how time passed. When it was her time to navigate, she heard L'Rell behind her turn and rustle when she should be sleeping, but she didn't said something about it and time blurred and in the next moment her "night" was already over, and so she simply ignored it. The nervous tension too much time spent on too less space created had settled between them, too, and even though they were flying the ship or relaxing quietly beside each other for most of the time, an outbreak of that energy lurked far to close underneath the surface all the time, ready to explode in either direction. Sometimes, they were both sitting there and then suddenly a song started and they blurted it out fervently ("so you can throw me to the wooolves… tomorrow I will come back, leader of the whole pack… beat me black and bluuuue…. every wound will shape me, every scar will be my THROO-OO-NE!").

But Katrina was all to aware that it could hit out in the other direction very well too. She just hoped the resulting fight wouldn't be bad enough to harm one of them.

Katrina was once again clicking trough the sensor readings, holding watch alone, as she heard a panicked gasp from behind her. She turned around just in time to see L'Rell flinch up from her sleeping position, shaking her head and mumbling ,,No, no..", until she arrived fully in reality and immediately forced herself still as if she would feel embarrassed by her reaction.

,,I was dreaming that Silrek and I were doing some basic weapon checks on the battle deck, only that they were not ordinary because Kol was watching us.", she was apearantly so upset that she didn't even realized that Katrina had no idea who Silrek was, ,,And Voq was there too. For once he didn't managed to merge with the background as he was so skilled in, and so Kol found him… I… I tried to protect him, to talk him out… But I just couldn't save him. I couldn't save him.

And then Kol forced me to become part of his House. I didn't even knew if Voq was still alive at that point, but for the sake of the smallest chance of saving him, there was no other way than working with him. Silrek and I had to share our Houses secrets, our technology with him just for the bare hope of ever seeing the luck turn to our side. And he forced me to kneel and painted me with this disgusting, sticky, oily red. He raised my chin and laughed at me. They all laughed at me. And I had no other choice than to laugh with them, because they outnumbered me. Until the end I did not know whether Voq was still alive at all…"

She looked up now, eyes looking haunted: ,,Do you know these dreams where you awake at some point, but you can't be relieved about that because everything is just as horrible in reality?"

,,I'm sorry."

,,The worst thing is that I don't even know if he is still alive. If I will ever see him again."

,,What happened to him?"

She looked away, her lips clenched tight, gaze frozen as if to keep herself from crying.

,,I… I sent him away. I had to. Wasn't my idea, and I wouldn't have done it, but sending him on this mission was the only way to maybe still accomplish T'Kuvmas goal. To maybe, just maybe keep him alive."

,,And you never heard again from him?"

,,No.", she breathed in shakily, ,,He didn't deserved this. He didn't deserved that I had to do that to him just to save him."

,,But he enlisted to it, even though he knew about the risks?", she was closer now than ever before of finding out what had happened, but how could she coax more information out of her without being pushy and cold and also letting her realize that she was suspecting about Voqs importance in her plan.

,,Of course. He was so devoted. He would have done everything for T'Kuvmas dream without questioning.", she smiled sadly, ,,Maybe that is naivety. But I found it inspiring. I envied him, sometimes, even. He had… suffered so much, being the outcast that he was, and still he never stopped believing. Even after we were stranded for months, he still believed that this would be part of a greater heavens plan – that is the phrase you humans use, is it? – and that everything would make sense as long as we stuck to T'Kuvmas believes."

She smiled again, sad and so full of tenderness and love Katrina would have believed was not possible for her species mere two weeks ago.

,,He was never a particulary good warrior, or fitting the model of how a Klingon should be, neither in character nor in looks. Just… just like me. But… he was strong in a whole other sense. Innocent, maybe.

He always doubted at himself and his choices, but that made him an so much better leader than somebody who just always believes themselves to be right.

This may sound like an insult to you, but he was such a sweet man. Just the way he talked, as if to keep back the sharper tones to prevent him from drawing any attention…"

,,Oh dear, you really fell hard for him…", Katrina mumbled sympatically.

,,Yes..", now, she sounded close to crying, ,,I thought I would have finally been over it by now, but… it all comes back. I miss him."

,,Of course you do. I takes awfully long to overcome love, but it will hurt lesser and lesser with time."

,,I know. But still…."

,,Shh. Its okay…"

At the third night, L'Rell still laid there quiet and cramped but breathing too shallowly and fast to truly be asleep. By now, Katrina didn't managed to ignore her anymore, and every rustle of the sheets as she restlessy turned around pulled her out of her ministrations of the surroundings scans. And as she glanced over to her again, seeing her only clunched tight into the sleeping bag, strangely small for such a big woman, she couldn't bear it any longer.

,,L'Rell?"

,,I thought that if I do not move I will perhaps fall asleep.", her voice sounded flatter than she had ever heard from her, flat and shallow. She didn't move even a tiny bit.

Only now Katrina realized that she did not worry about having an sleep-deprived and possible deeply lost in her painfull thoughts co-pilot. She genuinely felt with L'Rell, and that it hurt her to see her like this. Fear crept up in her; she was loosing the distance she needed, and what did it said of her that she felt with somebody who tortured people and who had possibly done so many other crimes?

But she would have to fight back this feeling later, for now she only had to deal with this situation.

,,Is it the situation with Voq?", a shake of her head, ,,Your slaughtered crew? You can talk with me about it, and I could help you to deal with your thoughts. This is my profession, after all. Of course, only if you want to, and it doesn't means that I wanted to devalue your strength with asking to help, if your culture sees it like this, in my culture these things are not meant like this."

L'Rell continued staring at the fast movers wall, and Katrina already thought that she would just hide her pain in herself as ever.

But then she said with a voice so quiet and flat that she could hardly hear it: ,,I still see their faces. Silrek. Her face was so peaceful. Torak, his guts spilled all over the floor. And I try to say to myself that they only mutilated him like this afterwards, and that he died an quick death, but… It is my profession to know how to cause somebody pain, and I can't forget how horribly painful and slow it is to die of such a wound."

She breathed in deeply, trying to dispel the feeling of nausea that rose in her. What should she say to a crime as gruesome as this?

,,I am sorry.", she mumbled, ,,But that you think about it means that you are already processing it, which is a healthy thing to do that will ultimately make you able act as efficiently as before.", she still wanted to add some techniques to distract her from this painful thoughts when she needed to sleep, but L'Rell already almost hissed: ,,That doesn't eases their pain!"

,,No, of course not.", Katrina mumbled sympatically, ,,I thought it would reassure you that you are healing and thus able to fight back. You are still alive. And you are on your way to escape. That means that you will be able to revenge them."

,,Yes.", L'Rells voice still sounded quite flat. But after that she didn't said anything more, and Katrina wondered if she had actually managed to fall asleep indeed. Until she heard that her breathing was too flat and panicked for that.

,,You can do equations in your head or try to remember every single detail from a movie or book in chronological order to distract your mind from these painfull thoughts, and if doing these techniques in your head isn't enough, you can listen to an audio book or music."

,,Even that would always lead my mind back to their deaths."

Katrina tried to guide her trough some more invasive techniques, such as progressive muscle relaxion and the 5-4-3-2-1-technique, but at each of them L'Rell lost concentration on it halfway trough and hissed and swore exhaustedly that it didn't use anything and that she already knew and had tried some of them ("Do you really think I could have survived so long in such a brutal society if I didn't even knew distracting stuff like that?!"), and so Katrina searched her mind after something else.

,,For some people physical touch can bring them out of their though cycles. If this is not a taboo in your culture, I didn't wanted to embarrass you." She had learned her lesson about touch and comforting in foreign cultures the hard way, and she still thought back in embarrassment at that flustered Vulcan.

,,It isn't." She wasn't sure if she was relieved about that or had wished the other way.

,,Okay, then.", she programmed the consol to make alert at the slightest abnormality, then she walked over to L'Rell.

Hesitantly, she sat down beside her and placed an hand on her arm, gripping her and stroking her nervously with her tumb.

She was not sure what she had expected, but certainly not that L'Rell would snuggle up to her folded legs, easing notably. Her body was firm, her spine stack against Katrinas knees. Strange, how vulnerable and small such a huge, muscular woman from a warrior race could look like.

,,It does not dispel it completely… but it makes it somehow lesser present."

And very gently, she took Katrinas arm and laid it around her, pressing her hand and lower arm to her chest like an comfort pillow.

With heavily beating heart and an painful awareness of how fucking strange this situation was, Katrina slowly laid down behind her, pulling her arm tighter around her and snuggeling up to her back. L'Rell signed happily. Her back was firm with muscles just like everything she had touched until now was, but just like her shoulder harder than it should been, with bones flat under the skin where actually no ribs or spine should be.

It was a slightly awkward position, not just because she was actually. really. in truth. cuddling with a Klingon, but also because L'Rell was so much taller than her. Katrinas legs were somewhere over her butt so that she wasn't able to bent them but just had to keep them unnaturally straight, and no matter what she did, there was no place for her head, either L'Rells shoulder was in the way or the ridges at the back of her head stuck into her forehead.

But she was warm and firm and wonderfully soft at all the right places (she realized as she laid her lower arm at her waist, over her stomach), and listening to her slowing breathing and feeling her heartbeat was soothing. They just laid there like this, and for a moment, for the first time Katrina forgot that she had been captured by the enemy and now was fleeing with said enemy and would very likely don't make it back to Federation. She just concentrated on L'Rells breathing and heartbeat, at the way her chest rose and fell, and how firm her lower arms and how surprisingly soft and gentle the fingers that kept stroking over her hands were. It felt safe and peaceful.

Katrina entwined her arms out of the younger womans grip and gently laid them closer around her. There was something full and soft under her hands and lower arm, and for a moment she wondered why her body was so soft so high up – and then it struck her, and she pulled her arms back, gulping and embarrassed.

,,I… I am sorry. Please don't kill me.", she managed to say, her voice far quieter than usually.

But L'Rell only laughed, loud and dirtily. Katrina was so relieved that she fell into laugher, too.

,,We are both women. Things like this happen. And we actually do know these parts from ourself, don't we?"

Katrina almost answered that there may be the same basic anatomy for all biological women, but the particularities were obviously different, especially between her and L'Rell, and furthermore she did not know how much of these characteristic differed for Klingons, but this would have made the situation only even more awkward. And so she loosed her grip and shifted back a little bit. But since L'Rell didn't commented anything more, she stayed like this.

,,Come closer, little human. Or do you fear me to much?", L'Rell growled softly, and shifted closer against Katrinas chest and upper body.

Through the thin shirt, she could feel powerful muscles shifting. Her broad shoulders and back were pressed against her chest, so firm and strong. It felt so much like Gabriels back, like the way he had pressed himself against her, his naked skin and the wonderful musculature beneath it against her bare chest and her waiting breasts…

Suddenly, she was desperately wet. She breathed in slowly and tried continue breathing and laying as if nothing had happened. How long hadn't she thought at that anymore? She hadn't even realized, but this must be the first time perhaps since a month that she had actually been secure and free enough to feel desire.

God damn, she just wished she wouldn't perceive how good L'Rell felt like even despite ridges everywhere but just remind how Gabriel had felt like, and not getting both blurring into each other like this. She cursed her body.

She could feel her back muscles flex again as she relaxed, and her earthy, heady scent filled her nose. But after some awful tense minutes, L'Rell still hadn't said anything, and slowly the secureness and coziness came back. She actually dozed away slightly, and as she awoke again, she still felt unusually calm and peacefull.

At the next morning, L'Rell looked just as haunted, but at least not so worn-out anymore. And she actually reacted to what Katrina did, watching her carefully and answering imediantly. They did their usual daily routine, one controlling the sensors, the other eating, and then the other way around, and then keeping quiet, only interrupted by short dialogues. Katrina was describing some every-day life details from home, unimportant, tactically useless things.

Suddenly, L'Rell said: ,,How fast you expand your borders under the pretense of scientific exploration, how you manage to bring together the forces and intellect of so many planets, how you all move in one line despite your differences… Sometimes I envy your Federation."

Katrina looked up, completely taken by surprise: ,,What?"

,,Look at us. We are no longer the honorable, brave warriors of the old tales. We are just a bunch of quarreling, warring savages. Our so called honor is only killing the most enemies and ruling over as much as possible, not fighting for a cause no matter the hardships and protecting those who deserve it.", she spoke so full of hate and disgust Katrina would have never thought about being possible for someone so proud about her race. Her accent came through stronger than usual, making the words harsh and rough. ,,There wasn't a time of peace since generations. We start one pointless war after another. We fight the Rihannsu, we fight the Orions, we fight Federation, we even fight fucking Tribbles, and if none of them are available, we just fight each other for no sensible reason at all.

We don't even have an actual education system. What civilized people doesn't has education?", she laughed, and it almost sounded like sobbing.

,,Admiral… Katrina, are there sometimes moments where you despise your people?"

,,Since this war started… all the time."

An alarm from one of the sensors started beeping. Katrina ran too the sensor console.

,,It's a ship a lighthour from us. From the bit the sensors can measure, its around frigate-sized", she controlled the readings again, hoped that there was any way that she had misinterpreted that, ,,and with an energy signature that can almost impossibly be anything else than weapon systems and a warship-like shield deflector."

,,Any more details?"

,,No. The sensors are not sharp enough."

L'Rell hissed out several Klingon swears. ,,You take the helm and sensor control, I do the gunnery.", she ordered.

,,Okay."

She changed the few parameters she got, in hope to get better resolution. ,,Any way to disguise us?"

,,Our deflector is to small to change our signature enough. Not at this distance."

,,And we are in the midst of interstellar space, there is nothing to hide for lightyears and warping to the next solar system would only draw attention to us even more."

For a few tense, straining minutes they didn't speak, only checking their consoles alert, Katrina monitoring the curse of the frigate – it was still on its initial curse, but coming closer and closer.

,,How exactly do sensors on a Klingon ship operate? If we consider the specifics, we might have a better chance to figure out how to escape unnoticed."

,,At Warp through the distortion the gravital field caused to the space-time continuum and with it the ships warp bubble due its gravity, which indicates mass, density and compostition of the object, and radiation over subspace. Under lightspeed the specific radiation unique to the different elements and the way background radiation is blocked or partially goes trough it."

,,Could we turn off every radiation source and pretend to be an asteroid?"

,,They are too close. And we have the wrong composition and too much heat for an object this far in interstellar space, not even considering the scarcity of such occurrences."

,,But… this is mostly metals, just like in an asteroid, right? And…", and then it struck her ,,…an oxygen-nitrogen atmosphere. We have to blow out as much as we can possibly sustain into space. And limit our temperature."

,,It's gas. It doesn't contributes enough to the overall density to make a difference."

,,But it's the only thing we can change."

,,Hmm.", L'Rell sounded uncomfortable, ,,Put on your space suit." She already stood up to get hers.

Katrina rushed to the romulan space suit, entangled it and turned it on the front where the fastenings where. It was made of several pieces, and she pulled the trouser part over her legs and hips, and grabbed the boots, clicked them into place with an metal buckle, and then strapped on the chest-piece, the arms and gloves, the air supply and finally the helmet. It was notably tighter than the space suits she was used to, almost uncomfortably so, probably using only artificial muscles and not air pressure too for compressing. She closed and opened her hands, tipped on controls to see if they were working, and finally connected the air supply with the helmet. But nothing happened. She touched the button again, and suddenly, she still felt air on her face but as she breathed in there was nothing, and her lung cramped.

,,To high oxygen level detected, supplemented with nitrogen to prevent toxic level", the text on the front of the glass said.

She ripped the helmet off, grabbed the control panel on her arm and corrected the composition, but the next try ended just as the one before.

,,Something isn't working with my suits sensors, perhaps even with the software."

L'Rell, already in her space suit including headgear, hasted to her.

,,But we checked it. Must be a damage to small to detect."

They both hastily searched for anything that could have caused the defect, then L'Rell tried to find the error in the programming causing this false analysis. Without success.

Finally, L'Rell grabbed the air supply tube, pulled it out and connected it with a second one from her supply. Now, something hissed inside Katrinas helmet, and she already thought it was successful, as she realized that she still couldn't breath. And there was L'Rells coughing over the link, too.

,,What happened?", she asked, Helmet in her hands, eyes wide.

,,I… hrrrg…something's wrong with the Carbondioxide return circuit…", she opened her helmet, gasping, eyes fluttering around as if she had been shortly before fainting.

,,I think it mistook the second tube.", she changed something at the bottles on her back, but concluding from the panel on the left side of her vizier and her swearing and more and more panicked working, it was not working.

,,Oooh FUCK!", Katrina yelled.

,,We have to do it without space suits. Limit pressure, temperature and concentration to the absolute least we can survive."

,,Shiiit…", Katrina hasted to her console. At least the other ship was still far away enough, but hardly so.

She tried to remember the composition of the lowest non-letal concentration of oxygen a human was able to survive. Ten percent at an air pressure of 12 bar. Temperature drop to -80 °C. All in a continual drop in one minute.

The computer said something in Klingon. From the tone and context it seemed to be a warning that this environment would be letal over longer time.

L'Rell barked something at it, most likely an authorization to do it nevertheless.

,,Keep the space suits on.", L'Rell ordered, ,,If we huddle against the warp core, we will stay warm longer."

,,Good idea.", she ran to the back of the shuttle, where bulky walls and machine parts covered the view at the stars, only leaving a small space between them in which the still slightly blue glowing warp core was located.

She put off her glove, hold her hand over it. Indeed, it was still radiating warmth, but not the skin-burning heat the matter-antimatter annihilation normally created.

She ducked under a pipe and crawled in between the engines.

The air was already cold as if in deepest winter and she noticed that she had started breathing faster.

How could L'Rell possibly fit into this crampy little chink too?

She was still typing orders into the console, programming it to inform them about every direction change of the ship, every radiation and every energy level change of it.

It became colder and colder. Katrina huddled against the warp core, but even if her head was the only exposed body part, she started shivering. The air felt like tiny needles of ice against her face, and every breath seemed to freeze all the way down into her lungs.

She wanted to crawl out and pick some piece of fabric to cover her nose and mouth with it, but even this tinny movement made her dizzy. It felt as if her brain and eyes were swapping around freely in her head, and she blinked to expel the feeling. It didn't help. Her thoughts were muddled too, as if she had to catch them through thick mud. Her rash breathing sounded to flat and to fast in her own ears, but no matter how deeply and fast she breathed, she couldn't get enough air.

In this condition, any fight with the other ship would extremely difficult.

She finally got hold on some fabric – her Starfleet jacket – and stumbled back. Her fingers and legs felt dull, as if they would only half belong to her body.

She actually had to concentrate to spot L'Rell in the mess of blurring, waveing forms. She was finally finished with the console, and got up to join Katrina at the last warmth in this shuttle.

She stemed herself up, slow and breathing heavy with effort, and as she stepped towards the warp core, her leg simply gave way under her and she could hardly catch herself.

She grabbed for the shuttles wall, and immediately collapsed against it, shivering and barely keeping herself standing.

,,There isn't…", raspy, hasty, panicked breathing, ,,…isn't… enough air."

Somehow, she managed to stumble further. Katrina could see the panic in her eyes, her open mouth and how unnaturally fast and cramped her chest rose and sunk. Her skin was now fully grey, no trace of brown left.

,,My skin… it feels like needles everywhere. Can't feel my legs. I'm… I'm anoxic. Not enough oxygen.", her eyes widend in horror, already dulled by her fading consciousness, she gasped for breath.

And then Katrina realized. Enhanced durability through redundancies for almost every important organ. More organs needing more oxygen. Of course.

,,I'm fainting…", and now she truly did fall, sliding down the glass wall without any attempt to catch herself aside from one hand touching after the window to slow and to shaky to stop her fall. Her eyes found Katrina for a moment, an empty starring without actually seeing anything. Her eyelids fluttered, as if trying to fight the urge to close them.

A thought made its way through the mud, blurred and hard to catch but filling her with fear: If this they needed more oxgen… if this was to less… would it damage her brain? How long would it take to be irreparable? She had neither the knowledge nor equipment to tend any damages. L'Rell would have had. L'Rell would be the one who needed medical attention.

With her limbs tremebling as if this would be incredibly difficult, she managed to crawl, pull herself towards Katrinas recess. Time and thoughts and senses blurred into each other so that Katrina could not estimate how long she needed, and the whole time the image of L'Rell with parts of her brain dead haunted her. Only a shadow left of the person she once was, everything becoming to complex, intellect being shrinked to the most simple instincts, having to relearn even how to speak or how to move, if that was possible at all… She didn't wished this to anyone. And L'Rell relied on her intelligence, on her knowledge and slyness, it would take so much away from her. What a terrible fate.

Through the thick liquid in her mind Katrina realized she didn't feared for her as for an random person or because she needed her intellect. She feared for her as for somebody… who meant something to her. She didn't wants to have to witness how this woman faded away.

Finally, L'Rell was close enough for Katarina to grab her and pull her beside her against the warp core – cooling fastly, but still wonderfully warm in air so could that it felt like chunks of ice against every exposed skin.

L'Rell gagged and gulped as if she would feel nauseous. Her eyelids fluttered. Shit, hopefully she would not vomit, how could they ever got this spell of the shuttle? Not even to mention that she seemed close to suffocating without that already. Her raspy breathing was desperation.

Katrina wanted to reassure here that she would be alright… that… that this had been the right tactic. But speaking would have made her so dizzy, consumed to much oxygen. And so she just padded her arm reassuringly.

Should she release a bit of the oxgen left? But how would… - the thought got lost in the mist – how would she do that… wouldn't it create a energy signature the war ship could detect? Could she… could she perhaps… But she didn't manage to get a clear enough thought.

Her own dizziness, coming and going in waves that made her feel as if the ground had become liquid and moving, the muddled, tangled thoughts and the numbness creeping up her limbs, L'Rells flat panting mixed with her own and the occonasional status signals of the computer all blurred together, so that Katrina couldn't tell if just minutes or hours passed by. Were they racing or were they standing, was she truly on a spaceship or had everything just been an bad dream? Was she actually floating trough space without space suit and life support system? Where was she? How had she got here?

The computer announced the next position of the frigate, and already as it ended and she had rated the distance as safe, the words dissolved and drowned in the thick mud, and she couldn't have said how many of these status signals had been there or even what this one had said. Hours or minutes passed, blurred and teetering, and nothing truly existed beside the warp core against her body, the floor underneath her, the warmth of her space suit and L'Rell beside her.

Would the war ship come to close? Were they actually able to fight in such a case? Would they even survive this?

And then, finally, the computer announced that the warship was out of sensor reach, and Katrina weakly ordered to release their spare oxygen. Nothing happened, and it took long until she understood that it probably wouldn't react to orders in English.

L'Rell coughed out the order. It took her three attempts until it was understandable enough for the shuttle to react.

It did not happen as fast as the dropping of air pressure before. The air became more breathable only slowly, and they continued sitting against the warp core and waited.

,,Thank you for not killing me as you had the chance to.", L'Rells voice cut trough the headache and nausea from far to less oxygen. The ship must have been away now and the last parts of their oxygen supply were still released in the life support systems again, but the air was still far to thin.

Katrina realized that with this vulnerability, L'Rell finally gave her the soft spot and connection she had tried to create, and that this was her moment to use it. But it seemed that she had failed the tightrope walk, because she could only say: ,,Thank you for… for escaping with me and trusting me."

They sat nestled in each other for a long time, and it took long before L'Rells desperate, raspy breathing had returned to normal. Only now Katrina realized that she hold her hand, and that her head laid on her shoulder, her forehead ridges brushing against her neck. And despite everything she should have done, she felt herself lean into the touch, searching the warmth and comfort L'Rell provided. Her breath stroke over her skin, pleasantly warm in the icy air. Their faces were so close, closer than she ever had been an Klingon before. Closer than she had ever thought could not scare her.

And then, L'Rell tilted her head just a little and bent forward. Her skin felt to leathery and raw at the scars, her body slightly off at all the places where muscles should have been but only hard bone ridges were, she was so alien that she sometimes felt like not even another person, but something entirely else, to sly to be an animal, but also to alien to be a person. But her lips felt absolutely human, thought. Soft, full lips, and she kissed her softly, softer than Katrina had expected her species could. Her tongue caressed hers, carefully exploring her. Her large, strong hands stroke trough her hair. And Katrina felt herself lean in and stroke carefully over the scales at the beginning of L'Rells spine and the leathery skin of her neck.

They kissed each other for what seemed an very long time, slowly, carefully. But as the oxygen and warmth returned to the ship, Katrina found herself pressing her body harder against L'Rells, running her fingers under her suit and over the line of her collar bone, and L'Rell pressed her tongue deeper in Katarinas mouth, grabbing the back of her head, the other hand rushing down her back. A quite little voice screamed alarm inside Katrina, she shouldn't do this, she shouldn't, needn't let herself become so attached to an enemy, and she shouldn't let her touch her so intimately, didn't she know what she had done? But the fear battled with the pleasure of her touch.

And then, L'Rells hands pushed under her suit with one sudden movement, and her touch seemed like an cage from one moment to the other. She tried to pull away, give herself time to grasp the new situation, but L'Rells arms hold her in their embrace like a chain, pulling her even closer to her. And now, Katrina actually panicked, and somehow managed to thrust her elbow against the others stomach and leap up and spring away from her.

Her heart raced like a drum. What had she done?

L'Rell stared at her, still sitting, and there was an vulnerability and hurt in her expression that didn't fit to her sharp features and strong, heavy frame.

,,I am sorry. You don't have to fear me. I would never do anything you don't want to, I respect you to much to do.", she said with heavy accent.

Fear still sting in Katrinas chest, and she knew that she shouldn't do this, but she couldn't help but whimper: ,,Like you did for your prisoners?"

Suddenly, all the things she had actually known but always refused to believe forced their way into her mind: ,,Don't think just because you were treating me humanely I believe that you were like this with them too. They sent you to interrogate me because they knew you were skilled in this, and I am aware with which… techniques this is accomplished. And… that is one of the most popular. Don't pretend you care about consent at all."

Her stomach turned in fear of what L'Rell would do after she had confronted her like this, but even more at the thought that she had actually kissed someone whose job had been to break and humiliate and traumatize people. Had kissed the very lips that had probably committed the most horrible crime she could think of.

Something inside L'Rells eyes broke, shattered and sharp and dangerous as glass shards.

,,Do you think I wanted that? Do you think I didn't had been haunted by those I tortured in the first years? See their faces, hear their voices, feel their pain?"

,,And I shall pity you for that?", but the worst thing was that she actually did. She felt sorry for everything L'Rell had lost, and what kind of terrible society forced a young woman to learn how to be not affected by the agony of tortured people? Or was she now truly emposing her cultures standards on others? But how could something like this be just in any culture?

,,You choose too!"

,,How can you pretend that you never did anything terrible in a war, admiral? You play judge for whole civilizations, use your psychological knowledge to manipulate and foresee the behavior of your political players? In which way is what I do any worse than that? We are at least honest about how terrible we are."

She was hit so unprepeared by this that it took her a moment to answer: ,,Starfleet is a peaceful organization dedicated to exploration."

,,Do those you 'explored' see that the same way?"

,,We don't dispose our own believes and rules on foreign cultures, our prime directive forbids interfering with other peoples and even in the few cases we have to we only step in if a group of people is harmed by their behavior."

,,How can you be arrogant enough to label your own cultures morals as universal applicant?"

Katrina wanted to reply that this would be obvious, because there were some things that just were universally bad, but then she became aware that she still had nothing to actually prove that they were not only like this from her own federation perspective she had no chance of escaping. The truth was, she could never truly know. She could only hope that she had done the right thing.

,,Federation expands faster than any other nation. You tell you would simply explore regions where no one has been before. But there had been people before. Those who lived there. And you claim you would scientifically examine them, and already it is part of your territory and you plan further expeditions from there. Did you never wonder why every single other mayor power is either at war or extremely wary of you? Despite Federation being oh-so-peaceful?"

Now she had nothing to argue against anymore. In a way, it was true. And she could understand how threatening it must seem to alien peoples, especially to some like the Klingons who had probably hardly ever known peaceful expansion, if ever.

Katrina breathed out angrily, and started taking off the romulan space suit without looking at L'Rell again. Silly and pointless, she thought at her the whole time, just how deeply it had scared her to lose her and what they had done together. Despite everything else being blurry and hard to remember in any chronological order, she could still feel every detail of their kiss. Did oxygen deprivation also cloud ones judgment? That must have been it, that and the unpredictable psychological side effects of surviving an potential deadly event together. It had just been an strange incident. Yet even with that in mind she did not feel disgust and amusement at the memory of how her lips and tongue and the smooth skin of her face had felt like, or at the echo of that time where she had cuddled against her back, or the security of feeling her grip. It had felt wonderful. Not like something that could have happened in such a dark time. Not like something that could, should have happened between different species on the opposite sites of a war.

She shouldn't have done it. She shouldn't have been so inappropriate, not with a war criminal and torturer like L'Rell, and she certainly shouldn't have enjoyed it. This wouldn't happen again.

But still she hoped it would, she realized. It had been such a beacon of happiness and joy and hope in this dark time, risky and new in a good way. Somehow, it had felt even more genuine than the last time with Gabriel, where she had been aware of his tension and changes after he had lost the Buran and something about their interaction had felt off, threatened by his importance as Captain of the Discovery and her duty to take the ship away from him when he would be mentally to damaged to continue. Had he actually tried to get her out of the way to keep his command? The thought had haunted her at the beginning of her imprisonment and she had become very good at pushing it away, and so she did now, too.

But the memory of her kiss with an enemy woman was still there. Was she already at risk of being compromised?

L'Rell ripped her out of her thoughts: ,,We just entered the area directly behind the front."

A/N: I really like the angsty moments and the awkward flirting in this chapter. And oh my, it was so difficult to think trough what exactly all has to go wrong for to rather classical "huddeling for warmth" scence to happen, but by now I love how much like hard science fiction that scene sounds, and I'm also quiet happy with how the kiss turned out

And sorry, after the whole disturbing mess in canon with Ash, I just had to brought the issue of consent and L'Rell being an horrible person up, I wouldn't have felt comfortable with taking this ship any further if I hadn't

The weird talk about the harpie-myth was originally planed to head in another direction but then the characters wanted that it ended in this talk about religion, and I had simply no idea how to change it again, so I let it like it was, even if I am not sure if it truly contributes anything useful to the story

It could be that I already upload the fifth chapter at Wednsday depending on how fast I am with editing it, so that I am finished with publishing the whole story before the second season of Discovery is out and maybe contradicts all my backstory for L'Rell