"Let us hope we go unnoticed it is a four day journey to the other side and there are fouler things than orcs living in these mines," Gandalf says grimly and I feel myself give a shudder,
"That is a cheery thought," I mutter and am startled slightly by the giggle beside me as I see Frodo slip his hand in to mine and give it a squeeze as we begin to walk and looking up again I see both Aragorn and Legolas smile at me.
The further we walk into these mines the more nervous I get and it is getting harder to stop myself from starting and worrying at every noise and turning.
"Peyson what is troubling you?" Legolas whispers to me as we walk at the back of the line on the third day.
"I do not like being here Legolas," I admit in a voice barely above a whisper knowing that he would hear me.
"I understand I too dislike being underground," he replies and I nod,
"My nightmares are getting worse again," I say even quieter, "It is like every time I close my eyes I see my parents dying, my village burning and then I see you too, all of you…" I trail off and let out a tiny sigh as we begin climbing another broken staircase and for a while I think he will not respond at all or maybe he hadn't heard.
"I am sorry you had to suffer the way you did Peyson but the Valar brought you to us and you have quickly become one of my closest and most valued friends I will not let you suffer again," he murmurs and then I feel his hand squeezing my shoulder slightly before we return to walking in silence.
By the time we settle down to rest for a few hours I am completely exhausted. I have no idea if it is night or day, for there is a constant night in these mines and it is draining me with each step I take.
"Get some sleep all of you I shall take the first watch," Gandalf says and without much fuss everyone slumps down and quickly falls asleep. I fight to stay awake but I can't keep my eyes open and I soon drifting off.
"Peyson," the voice is quiet and urgent and I sit up quickly panting for breath and grappling for my sword, "calm down my child it is only I," looking up as my eyes are able to focus on the figure in front of me I see Gandalf crouching before me worry creasing his brow.
"What is wrong?" I ask in a breathless whisper as I try to regain control of my heart rate and breathing.
"You were having a bad dream Peyson, it is not the first is it?" I shake my head at his question and sigh as he does.
"Come sit with me," he says standing and moving back to his position away from the others and I follow meekly and silently behind him. "Who have you confided in?" he asks after a while.
"Legolas,"
"Not Aragorn?" he asks in mild surprise and I glance at him in confusion.
"No, why would I tell him?" I am aware as I say it how defensive I sound but it is too late and he is already chuckling quietly.
"No I suppose you would see it as a weakness to confide in the one who has stolen your heart,"
"What? He hasn't… I mean I don't…" I can feel humiliation rushing through me at such a speed that it almost makes me light headed.
"Peyson I am an old man and I know far too much. I see in the way you look at him, whether you are willing to admit it or not that your heart is his,"
"It doesn't matter anyway," I say eventually in a tiny voice startled to feel tears prickling at my eyes.
"Oh my dear child you punish yourself so, do you not see how he cares for you too?" he asks and I give a tiny laugh here.
"He cares for me yes but not in the way my heart wishes I must distance myself from him to save us both the hurt,"
"I think perhaps you try to hard to save yourself from hurt and it only hurts you more, confide in him before it is too late Peyson," he says and I sigh again shaking my head a tiny bit before moving back to my stuff and settling down again when he tells me to. I could not sleep now if I wanted to, I had admitted for the first time that I was in love with Aragorn, I am not sure if I had even believed it myself before the words were out of my mouth. Now that they were though I knew I was in trouble, I could not hide it from him for long and Gandalf knew and I am pretty sure Legolas knew too if his hints were anything to go by. Maybe I could be friends with him again, after all if I truly loved him I will be okay as long as he is happy and if I remain close to him as a friend then at least I would still have him in my life. I sigh again as I toss and turn until the others begin to stir and eat a quick meal before we set off again.
"I have no memory of this place" Gandalf grumbles as he sits on a rock and the rest of us are left to our own devices whilst he tries to figure out what direction we should head in. Frodo soon moves over to talk to him quietly and Pippin and Merry are talking about food. I think for a while about what Gandalf spoke to me about and taking a deep breath I decide that maybe I should speak to him, try to at least be friends with him, slowly I push myself to my feet and take a step towards where he is leaning against the far wall of the area we have found ourselves in.
"Lady Peyson," Boromir intercepts me when I am half way there and I am half frustrated and half relieved at the distraction.
"Boromir how many times must I ask you to just call me Peyson I am no lady I have told you that," I smile at him,
"A few more times my lady I'm afraid for to me you are indeed a lady and a great one at that," he smiles in return and I find myself blushing at his comment and giggling a little.
"What is it that you wanted?" I ask and he gestures for me to sit and with a glance at Aragorn who is staring at me again with that strange expression that I don't understand plastered across his face I nod and sit beside him.
"I just wanted to ask how you were faring my lady," he says once I have turned to face him slightly.
"I am quite well although I will admit that I will be much happier when I can breathe fresh air once more," he smiles and nods at me.
"Ay, I understand that feeling very well," he grins and I am just about to make my excuses and go to Aragorn when Gandalf stands up and draws my attention.
"Ah it is this way,"
"He's remembered Pip," Merry mutters,
"No but the air does not smell so foul down here, if in doubt young hobbit always follow your nose," Gandalf smiles and I can't help the little giggle and then slight catch in my throat as I feel a warm hand at my back sending a wave of calm through me. Turning I see Aragorn smiling down at me and I offer him a shy smile in return.
"Hi," I say in a whisper and his smile widens slightly,
"Hello little one," he whispers back before increasing the pressure on my back slightly to indicate that I should move forward and so I do feeling safer just knowing that he is behind me.
We are descending now, slowly making our way down staircase after broken staircase until we eventually level out into what feels like a great open space.
"Let me risk a little more light," Gandalf says and I hear him tapping his staff to the ground before the soft glow of light begins to expand and I stifle a gasp at the sight I am met with. Vast halls with giant and intricately decorated pillars moulding into the arched ceilings. All carved from the rock of the mountain and all beautiful.
"Well theres an eye opener and no mistake," Sam mutters from beside me and I nod my head unable to reply as I gaze around in wonder.
"Little one come on," Aragorn's voice startles me out of my reverence as I feel his hand placing a slight pressure on my back again and see that the others are once again moving, walking through to vast halls.
"Sorry," I mumble my cheeks flushing and he smiles at me almost feeling his chuckle reverberating through him to me he is standing so close.
"It is quite something to behold is it not?" he says quietly and I open my mouth to answer but before I can there is a cry from ahead and I see the figure of Gimli darting away with the others following him. I throw a worried glance over my shoulder to Aragorn and then we are both running too.
When I reach the others I skid to a stop as I see we are in a small room with yet more skeletons littering the floor.
"… He is dead then it is as I feared," Gandalf is saying and I gulp trying to quell the feeling of apprehension that is building in me and concentrate instead on the thin beam of light making its way down from high in the back wall. Real natural light for the first time in days and despite the fact that it is casting a strangely eerie light across the bodies and dust in this room it is the most beautiful thing I have felt in days as I stand in it's path and close my eyes, blocking out everything else around me.
The crash is so loud I let out a little yelp so suddenly am I pulled from my mind. I spin round my sword already in my hand looking wildly from left to right for the enemy. It is only after a good two minutes I am able to calm my body enough to understand what was happening and I almost wish I hadn't. The drumming had started and was getting louder every second accompanied by the screeching of orcs, hundreds of orcs. Okay Peyson just breathe, you can do this just breathe. I repeat the mantra to myself several times while I watch the others rush around preparing for battle. Fear was thrumming through me so strongly it made me feel sick but I had to get control of it. I may be good with a sword and with a bow but I had only ever had to fight for my life once and it was not exactly a resounding success. In fact it was an abject failure, I was shot and everyone in my life murdered and the thought that it could happen again terrified me beyond anything I thought I could feel. Worse than all of that, the thought that Aragorn could be taken from me was almost too much to bear just thinking about it causes a lump to rise in my throat and tears to burn in my eyes.
"Get a grip Peyson," I whisper to myself.
"Peyson get back, protect the hobbits," Legolas shouts and I realise suddenly that this isn't about me, I had no choice but to get over it and protect them because I would save them, I would protect them in a way I was unable to with my family and my friends.
Legolas lets loose an arrow swiftly followed by Aragorn doing the same as the weapons of the Orc's make their first hole in the doors to the room which we had barricaded shut.
"It's okay Lady Peyson, we shall keep you safe," Merry says quietly to me and I look down smiling weakly at him,
"I think I am supposed to be protecting you," I say and he looks me in the eye for a second before smiling broadly.
"Then let us protect each other," he says and I nod before I see my own fear reflected back at me in his face as the orc's break into the room. Everything about them is grotesque, the smell, the way they look and the sound they make that sends chills down my spine. I cannot stop the scream that escapes me as the first one rushes towards me and I lift my sword only for it to drop to it's knees in front of me a familiar arrow in it's back, I glance up to see Legolas nod at me before launching another attack jumping into battle as though he belonged there. I shake myself and push myself forward ridding myself of all feelings and emotions and concentrating on killing the creatures that attacked me. Remembering only my training going through the emotions, attack, block, parry, attack, kill, block, parry, attack, block, the movements continue and I am unaware of anything else around me until I almost knocked off my feet as the ground moves so tremendously as the most terrifying creature I had ever seen barrels into the room.
Suddenly everything is a blur I see Boromir thrown to the side and I rush before him to kill the orc's advancing and then Legolas is on its shoulders and then my heart stops as I see Frodo in it's hand, him being dropped but caught by Boromir letting me breathe for a second again before I hear a sickening crunch and looking over see Aragorn lying motionless on the floor. I let out a strangled cry before I can stop myself as I rush to him not caring about the nick of a sword I feel catch my shoulder, killing as many of the horrific creatures as I can on my way to him.
"Aragorn, Aragorn please wake up," I cry urgently shaking his shoulder and almost wailing when he does not respond. I am vaguely aware of screaming behind me of, the resonating crash as the troll falls to the ground and then the most beautiful sound I had ever heard as Aragorn groaned in front of me and opened his eyes. "Oh thank the Valar," I whisper only just stopping myself from throwing my arms around him as his eyes flicker to me briefly before resting on something behind my shoulder and he lets out an almost inaudible whimper as he pulls himself to his feet somewhat unsteadily and staggers towards what I can now see is the body of a hobbit on the floor. I let out my own moan of grief as I see him lying there and move towards him too. How could I have let him down? How have I failed again?
"I'm okay, I'm not hurt," a small voice says and my legs almost give way, so complete is the relief I feel wash over me. A pounding in my ears is all I can hear for a moment as I blink away the tears that are rapidly gathering in my eyes.
"Come little one, we must run," the voice is so earnest I pull myself from my moment and look towards it where I see Aragorn already holding my hand in his as he attempts once again to pull me along after the others and this time I let him, running swiftly through the stone chambers our footsteps echoing loudly around us.
As we skid to a halt again Aragorn pushes me bodily behind him and I shamelessly cling to the back of his tunic for a moment as I watch the walls and ceiling become black with the bodies of orc's soon occupying every inch. There was no way out, we were going to die here and I hadn't told Aragorn that I love him.
"Aragorn," I whisper urgently, throwing caution to the wind and deciding that if I was about to die I would at least tell the man I loved that he held my heart.
"Little one?" he questions equally as quietly never moving his gaze from the orcs surrounding us,
"I needed to tell you that… if we are about to die I needed you to know that…" I am cut off suddenly by a rumbling growl that seems to reverberate into my very soul.
"What is this new devilry?" Boromir asks and I see fear in his face but it is not untilI turn to see the same fear in Legolas' eyes that I truly begin to tremble, if the elf is scared I knew we were in real trouble.
"A Balrog, a demon from the deep this foe is beyond any of you, run," Gandalf replies and we do not need telling twice. The orc's seem to be just as scared of the demand as we are and so our path is cleared for us as I feel Aragorn's hand once more wrap mine within it as he pulls me forward.
My breath is rattling in my lungs and I gasping for breath we are sprinting so fast and so soon after battle. Terror is singing in my veins as we negotiate the narrow, steep stairways until we reach a gap and Legolas leaps across it before turning for Gandalf. I gulp trying to stop the tears of fear from streaming down my checks but unable to. Before I even realise it there are only three of us left, Aragorn turns to me holding my face in his hands as I realise that my breathing is ragged and loud to my own ears.
"Peyson you must be brave for a little while longer, close your eyes and when you hear me say jump you must jump okay?" he says and despite the nausea that races through me at the mere thought I nod my head and close my eyes when he turns me to face the others. I breathe deeply and try to ignore the tingles that spread through me as his fingers grip my waist despite the situation and as he says jump I jump and for one heart stopping moment I thought I would continue falling but then strong arms are around me and my face is buried in a solid chest and I can do nothing other than shake and weep like a baby in relief as they grip me tighter. I can hear shouting and the dull thud of arrows hitting the side of the pathway but cannot move my head to look for the moment.
"Run, across the bridge," someone yells now and I an finally wrenched from the arms that held me to see Boromir staring at me for a second before he grabs me and pulls me forwards. somewhere along the way I drop his hand and am running alone until I hear Gandalf shout and Frodo scream and I stop and turn to see Gandalf facing the beast.
The heat from the Balrog is overwhelming as it approaches and its eyes are like two black holes into nothingness. A feeling of hopelessness encroaches on me with every passing second and the pounding of my blood in my ears means I can't hear what Gandalf is saying. Suddenly the beast attacks and I cover my eyes as Gandalf fights back with staff and sword, yelping in surprised relief as I peep through the gaps in my fingers to see the Balrog fall and Gandalf turn back towards us. Taking a step towards him a smile on my face I freeze as he is pulled backwards, for a brief second I think I have imagined it and then I dart towards him only to feel arms close around my waist. I scream and thrash and try to reach him but he is gone and I feel nothingness and grief wash through me so quickly I feel lightheaded.