Slumping against the body behind me I give up completely as I am dragged away and into a light so bright it almost blinds me. A light that ten minutes ago I would have given anything to see but now just makes the emptiness inside me feel worse. The arms don't let go of me for a long time holding me tight against the firm body as I cry, rocking me gently. Eventually I am let go and a coldness washes over me as I gaze blearily around watching the other members of the fellowship grieve. I turn to see Frodo looking so lost and alone that it breaks my heart even further and I stumble towards him even as I hear Aragorn calling his name. Collapsing to my knees in front of him I meet his eye and for a second we just stare at each other letting each other know that we are sharing the grief that is enveloping us and he lets out a tiny sob as he throws himself into my arms. I lift him into my eyes carrying him like I would a child, despite him being older than me by two years, and move towards the others trying to offer him what little comfort I could.
"Come let us move, we must reach cover by nightfall," Aragorn says and with that we are on our way.
"You can put me down now my lady," Frodo whispers after a while and I smile weakly at him.
"I am no lady Frodo how many times must I tell you if we are to be friends please call me Peyson,"
"You are already one of my greatest friends Peyson, I could not continue without you… you won't leave will you?" he sounds so nervous and heartbroken it nearly stops my heart as I come to an abrupt halt and setting him down kneel in front of him.
"Frodo I swore to protect you, nothing will keep me from upholding that promise," I say earnestly as I hold him by the shoulders and force him to look at me.
"I know I just needed to be sure," he sounds almost guilty and I offer him another small smile.
"That is understandable my friend we have suffered such a great loss today and his sacrifice shall not be forgotten, we shall fight harder because of it," I say and he offers me a watery smile in return before taking my hand as I stand and we head after the offers. I can see them not too far ahead of us and see that Aragorn has paused to check we are still following and that familiar aching to be near him to be in his arms fills me once more.
Frodo and I catch up the the others just as Gimli is saying something about being as sharp as a fox but before I can ask him what he is talking about there is an arrow pointed at my temple and another at my chest. Moving as steadily as I can I push Frodo behind me, trying to keep him safe but it is to no avail we are surrounded and I know from spending even a little time with Legolas, how deadly elves are. Blood is pumping heavily through my system at this point and I can feel pain in my shoulder for the first time since I received the wound, I'm not sure what is happening to me a moment ago I was fine I was not injured other than a tiny nick I received in the battle before but I feel suddenly woozy and I can barely focus on what is being said. Maybe it is just the shock finally catching up with me, yes that must be it. I attempt to shake my head to clear my thoughts but this action causes my legs to give way and I crash to my knees bringing the attention of everyone present to me.
"Peyson," Frodo says in alarm by my ear but I shake my head.
"Mm… fine, just… bit dizzy," I manage pulling myself to my feet again but only managing to stand for a couple of seconds before I feel myself crumpling again strong arms catching me before I hit the ground.
"She is burning with fever," Boromir says as he pulls a hand quickly away from my forehead and I realise that it is he who has caught me.
"Little one were you hit? Were you wounded in the mines?" Aragorn asks kneeling in front of him and his open concern makes me want to cry because it gives me false hope which makes me ache inside.
"Shoulder… just a scratch," I reply thickly and then there are hands pulling me onto my side and the sound of my tunic being ripped.
"It is not deep but the blade was poisoned, come we can heal this and she will be well by morning," that is a voice I do not recognise but before I can question it I am being lifted and my head is buried against someones chest. I don't need to ask who I can tell by the smell it is something that is uniquely him and even in my apparently delirious state it makes me unfeasibly happy and devastated at the same time to be held like this by him, I only wish I had my senses so I could remember this properly, then at least I'd have something to hold onto if I survived this war.
I wake to the feel of fingers brushing the hair away from my face and I sigh as I open my eyes and feel them widen slightly in surprise as I see Pippin and Merry sitting beside me, Merry gently stroking my hair whilst they both look over at something happening a little further away.
"My mother used to wake me this way," I whisper and they both look down smiling happily at me.
"Peyson you're awake," Pippin exclaims loudly enough that all the other sounds around us stop and I am suddenly surrounded by the members of the fellowship and a few elves I do not recognise.
"You are stronger than I had imagined," one of them says and I gaze up at him in mild confusion and apprehension.
"Peyson this is Haldir, March Warden of this realm, it is he who has healed you," Legolas explains.
"Then I am in your debt," I say as I push myself to a sitting position, wincing slightly as a small pain shoots through my shoulder.
"You should rest some more, we leave in the morning for Caras Galadhon," Haldir says in reply and I nod as Aragorn and the others seem to breathe a sigh of relief before settling down, I catch Legolas' hand before he can move away and he turns back to me.
"What is it my friend?" he asks gently and I offer him a small smile.
"I… can you stay close… if I… I mean just in case…" I trail off embarrassed to ask within hearing shot of others.
"I will watch over you just as I always do, at least until you confide in others too," he says and I nod before laying down and closing my eyes once more. My night is plagued with nightmares and I wake up gasping for breath to see Legolas crouching above me at least three times.
"I have told them it is just the fever leaving your system." he whispers to me when he notices me looking towards the elves that have also heard and seen me toss and turn. I offer him a weak smile at this and turn to sleep again exhaustion washing over me like waves.
The next time I wake I feel much more refreshed and after a moment realise that it is Aragorn who has woken me.
"What is it?" I ask immediately and he smiles a little at me,
"Nothing is wrong little one but we must be moving if we are to reach Caras Galadhorn before nightfall," he replies quietly and I nod my head moving to stand only to waver on my feet a little as my head swims. His arm is around my waist instantly, pulling me into his side and steadying me, and making my skin prickle at the contact even through our layers of clothing. "You are still weak little one you must be careful until you are fully recovered," he admonishes gently and I huff out a sigh in reply.
"And when will that be exactly, we surely must be on our way soon and I have promised Frodo I will not leave him and yet I cannot continue knowing that I would be a burden?"
"Calm yourself little one, you were never and will never be a burden to us or this quest, we will rest here for a time. We all need to recover, we will not leave until you are well," he finishes and I smile at him gratefully as Haldir approaches us.
"The dark must be blindfolded," he says shortly and at once the tension around us is almost palpable as Gimli steps forward to argue.
"Then we shall all go blindfolded," Aragorn replies and I cannot help the tiny smile, he may not know it but he is a natural leader already, he is king and he does not even know it.
"And what of the girl? She can barely stand or walk alone as it is," Haldir replies and Aragorn observes me for a second before replying.
"I will carry her,"
"What? No. You can't…" I start before I am interrupted,
"I will carry her Aragorn," Legolas announces, "I will not let her fall my friend," he adds when Aragorn looks ready to interrupt him.
"Hello I am still here and I'm not a doll," I say in infuriated embarrassment.
"I like her," Haldir muses quietly and I look at him in sudden shock,
"I can walk," I add stubbornly.
"Nay, you are recovering more quickly than I could have hoped for but you are still weak," Aragorn says and I almost growl in frustration.
"The sword barely touched me," I almost yell,
"And for that we must be grateful as any deeper wound would surely have been much more deadly,"
"But…"
"No more arguments we must move and you cannot walk so Legolas will carry you," Aragorn says in such a stern voice that I flinch back slightly, stung by the anger in his voice. I think better of arguing this time and so nod my head slightly and turn to Legolas who offers me a tiny smirk before pulling me into his arms and lifting me as if I weighed nothing more than a handful of leaves. A blindfold is placed firmly over my eyes and I spend the next few hours trying not to fidget too much in his arms.
When we finally reach the city and my blindfold removed I am so awed by it that I barely even notice Legolas momentarily putting me down as the blindfolds are lifted off of the other members of the fellowship and Aragorn appearing beside me.
"It is beautiful," I murmur and he squeezes my hand briefly to let me know he agrees with me before lifting me into his arms. "What are you doing?" I ask in shock trying to cover the fact that my body had immediately responded to his close proximity.
"Legolas needs a break and wanted to speak with his kin and we still have a way to walk and before you think to argue we are to meet the lord and lady of this wood before we do anything else and you do want to appear weak to them do you?" he asks with a glint of triumph in his eyes as he does so. I hate how he knows he has won and how much I love that look on him, how much I love any look on him so instead I sigh and nestle down slightly to get more comfortable trying not to blush as I hear him chuckle.
When we reach the top of the stairs and are standing in a vast room lit softly so that it appeared to almost glow of its own volition Aragorn sets me gently on my feet keeping a hold on my arm to keep me steady. It is ten that I look up and see the two most beautiful beings walking towards me. This man and woman so surpassed any ideas of beauty there was almost no words to describe them, they glow with some sort of calming energy and they both radiate power so strong it almost knocks me backwards, it may well have done if Aragorn's grip on me wasn't so strong.
"Nine there are here and yet there were ten that set out from Rivendell. Tell me where is Gandalf for I much desire to speak with him," I feel my breath hitch as soon as he says this and I fix my eyes on the floor trying desperately to stop the tears that are gathering in my eyes.
"Take heart child, not all is as it seems and you will play such a vital role in this quest," her voice is in my head and as I glance I up, stifling my gasp of shock I can see that she is talking aloud to the others but her voice is in my head. How can that be? I try to decipher what she has said but it makes no sense to me. I shift again when I notice Boromir fidgeting uncomfortably and looking fixedly at the floor.
"Go now and rest you are safe here," Galadriel says and we turn, all of us seemingly in a daze of sorts, and made our way slowly down to the forest floor. I am unsteady on my feet again by the time we reach the forest floor and so exhausted from the overwhelming emotions flying through me at increasing speed that I don't even complain when I feel an arm wrap around my waist and instead just lean into the support and slump down heavily as the figure lowers me to a bed of sorts.
"Rest little one, you need to sleep in order to recover," Aragorn's voice washes over me and I nod slightly my eyes already shut.
The nightmare is worse than ever. Since Galadriel spoke to me I had been trying to work out what she meant and now I dreamt the most awful things. I saw my parents die, my friends die, as I did every night, watched the life slip from their eyes while I stood by doing nothing and then I sae the fellowship die as I had done recently in my dreams. Only this time I was standing there as Aragorn was killed I could have saved him and I did nothing. I was standing on the wall when he fell, I watched as the orcs approached him I watched as they surrounded him as the others tried to reach him and I did nothing, I turned and watched as they murdered Haldir and then Legolas and Gimli, I watched as Aragorn was taken from me as he pleaded with me to help him and I did nothing. This time I scream out as I wake and sit up, sweat drenching me and tears already coursing down my cheeks as I try to control my shaking.
"Peyson?" the voice is soft and worried but as I glance up and see his eyes so full of concern and all I can see is him asking me for help as I watched him die. A sob forces its way from my throat before I can stop it and I stumble away from him staggering as I push through the trees until my legs finally give way and I crumple to the floor sobbing as I feel him embrace me and I try to push him away but his grip tightens and he whispers comforting words in my ear.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," I gasp out eventually and he finally lets go of me and we sit instead side by side.
"What do you have to be sorry for Little one?" he asks but I shake my head and we sit in silence for a long time until I am calm enough to breathe normally.
"I shouldn't have pushed you away," I say in a whisper eventually,
"Why did you?"
"To protect myself… to protect you," I shrug.
"What were you protecting yourself from?" he persists and I sigh again before offering another shrug.
"Being hurt, every night I dreamed of you all dying, dreamed of losing you again I was protecting my heart I already told you I tried to stop caring but I couldn't,"
"I never knew,"
"I know I had a deal with Legolas we… he would wake me if I ever started to show I was having bad dreams," he sighs heavily at this and I feel suddenly and inexplicably guilty.
"And tonight?" he asks at length.
"I saw it all again but it was worse, I was there, I stood there and I did nothing, you all died and I did nothing I just stood and watched. Galadriel spoke to me today she said that I had an important part to play in this quest but I just watched you die what if that is my role to help him him win?" I ask hating the way my voice shook as I ask him and his face is so full of concern for me that I feel more tears falling before I have a chance to stop them.
"Oh little one you are important and it was just a dream we all know you would not leave us to suffer. I know what you did in those mines Peyson I know how you received that wound," he whispers and I look at him in shock.
"How?"
"Legolas saw he told me, you did not see the sword that wounded you because you were trying to protect me," he replies staring at me as if challenging me to argue but I don't I just shrug.
"I'm sorry," I say again and he chuckles a little at this before wrapping an arm suddenly around my shoulders and pulling me into his side.
"Stop apologising little one, I would just like my dear and trusted friend back," he says and snuggle further into his warmth in reply.
"Me too," I whisper, oh and I am completely in love with you and would very much like to kiss you every time I am near you and marry you and have your babies, is what I would like to add, but I don't I just nod and relax into his embrace.