Chapter Fourteen

Fred managed to get a little sleep before waking to find Hermione becoming restless. He held her gently as she suddenly sat bolt upright and began trying to thrash about, eyes darting wildly around the room. He tightened his hold slightly and began whispering, "Shh...It's okay, you're safe. I'm here. It's okay. It's okay..."

He managed to turn her so she was facing him. "Look. See? Just me. Just me. No one else here. You're okay."

She struggled to get her bearings. "Fred? Where am I? What happened?"

He continued to hold her arms and kept his eyes fixed on hers. "You're at the flat. You're safe." He began to run his fingers through her hair to try and calm her. "What is the last thing you remember?"

Hermione took a deep breath, closing her eyes in concentration. "I remember getting up and going down for breakfast. I had already started eating when Ginny and Luna came in with Neville. We started talking and then there was a lot of noise. I turned and saw a little first year Hufflepuff on the floor screaming as if something were coming after him. I stood to help and then..." She opened her eyes, turned pale and began to shake. "Then...I was somewhere else..."

Fred nodded. "You got caught up in someone's sick little game. Madame Pomfrey says there shouldn't be any lasting aftereffects. The antidote they gave you just made you sleep for a while."

Hermione began to focus on her surroundings. "What happened? How did I get here?"

Fred propped up some pillows and pulled her to him. "Lie back here and rest, luv. I'll tell you everything I know." He continued to stroke her hair as he recounted most of the last few hours, beginning with the arrival of McGonagall and Ginny at the shop and continuing through to Harry apparating them to the flat. Hermione became visibly upset when she learned she had injured Neville.

"He must hate me!" she groaned.

Fred gave her shoulder a slight shake. "Hate you? Don't be daft." He chuckled softly. "You know, for an only child you certainly have a lot of people that claim you as family, Hermione, and Neville is absolutely in that group. He, Ginny and Luna took care of you because they love you and they know you have always done the same for them."

He pulled her into another embrace. "Harry, Ron and Kingsley already have the students responsible. They just want you to stay here until they can confirm the little vermin were acting alone. They are going to stop by in the morning and give us an update." He tenderly kissed her forehead. "How are you feeling? Can I get you anything?"

There was a long silence and then Hermione sat up and swung her feet off the side of the bed. She sat there for a moment, gripping the side of the mattress, staring at the floor. "I'm tired, Fred."

He reached for her arm. "Understandable. Lie down and sleep as long as you like."

She gently removed his hand and turned to face him. "That's not what I meant. I'm tired. Tired of letting the past get the way of my present and my future. Tired of reliving these horrible memories." She took a deep breath. "Tired of letting some...bitch... who is dead and gone impact my life and the lives of the people that I love."

Fred stared, speechless. He could never remember hearing Hermione swear before. She continued to grip the side of the bed, her knuckles turning white. She began to rock back and forth, staring a hole in the wall opposite her.

He waited a moment and then said softly, "What do you need from me?"

She looked towards the ceiling for a moment before responding. "Do you remember the article I showed you recently? The one I tore from one of my parents' magazines?"

"The one about the stress trauma?"

"Yes. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder."

He had read it and they had a long discussion afterwards. Fred had commented that in many ways the muggle world had a much better system of dealing with certain things than the magical community. To his mind, muggles tended to dig in and attempt to fix the root of the problem whereas the wizarding society often used magic as a bandage instead of seeking an actual cure.

She began to fidget with her hands. "If you recall, in that article it talked about how survivors of traumatic situations often found it helpful to talk through what happened to them - getting it all out in the open with someone they trust...somewhere they feel safe."

She bit her lip and bounced her foot on the floor. She took a another deep breath. "I...I'd like to try that, Fred. But I'm scared."

He reached out and took her hand. "Scared of what, luv?"

She swallowed hard and glanced away. "Scared of going through it all again. Scared that when I'm done you will look at me differently."

He scooted closer and turned her face towards him. "Hermione. Listen to me. There is nothing - I repeat, nothing - that you could ever say or do that would change my feelings for you. Please. You have to believe that."

She stared into his eyes for a long moment before nodding slowly. She took a couple of more deep breaths before standing suddenly. "Right. Okay." She began pacing about the room.

Fred watched her carefully then quietly asked. "What do you want me to do?"

She twirled a finger in her hair as she walked. "Um...I think I need to be moving about while I talk. Once I start just let me go. If I stop I may not have the nerve to start again." She looked at him with a worried expression. "Please don't be offended but...don't try and touch me while I'm talking. I...need space when I get agitated like this, okay?"

Fred nodded. "Whatever you need." He paused. "Do you want to do this here or in the living room?"

Hermione thought for a moment. "Living room."

Fred got up and followed her into the other room. Before he sat down she asked, "Do you have anything made of glass or ceramic that you don't care about?"

He blinked a couple of times. "I...think so. Why?"

She wrung her hands and looked at the floor. "Because...I may want to break something."

He couldn't help a soft smile. Only Hermione would ask politely if she could break something. He took out his wand and conjured a table full of glasses, plates and mugs of varying sizes. "Have at, luv. Break all you like."

She took his hand briefly, gave a quick squeeze and then pushed back at the lump forming in her throat. She closed her eyes, took one more deep breath and started in, beginning with a recap of the trio's hunt for the horcruxes, their time in the forest and Ron's leaving and return. Fred already knew most of this but let her talk and used the time to steady himself for the parts of the tale that were still to come.

She related the experience at the Lovegood's and Fred noticed that she significantly downplayed her role in saving not only Ron and Harry but also orchestrating their escape in such a way as to protect the rest of the Weasleys as well as Luna and her father. It occurred to him that she really had no idea how remarkable any of her actions had been.

Then she began to speak about getting caught by the snatchers and her attempt to jinx Harry to protect his identity before they had all been dragged off to Malfoy Manor.

The next few minutes were some of the most difficult of Fred's life. He struggled to keep calm, to not become physically ill, to not leap off the sofa and wrap Hermione in a protective embrace. However awful he had pictured the scene in his mind, it was a million times worse hearing her describe Greyback's threats and the pain she endured at the hands of Bellatrix.

She held it together very well, speaking mostly in calm, measured tones. Her voice began to shake when describing the pain of the crucios and her absolute certainty that Bellatrix was going to slice her throat...and then she got to Dobby. As she started to describe his bravery and how he rescued them all her voice began to catch. She stopped, inhaled sharply and suddenly began hurling glassware and pottery at the wall, screaming in anguish.

Fred flinched and again fought the urge to run and hold her, instead gripping the pillow in his lap so tightly that he realized he had actually begun to rip it in half. He waited until she stopped throwing items and started sobbing, leaning against the wall for support.

At this Fred could bear it no longer. He stood and moved towards her. "Hermione?" He said softly. "Please - can I hold you now?"

She turned and threw herself into his arms, bawling uncontrollably. They stood there for a very long time, Fred embracing her silently as she let out so many months of pent up fear, sadness and anger. Finally she pulled back slightly and rested her forehead on his chest. Without looking up she sniffed, "I'm sorry. I think I've ruined your shirt."

He bent to kiss the top of her head. "It's okay. I'm pretty sure that I have more."

They stood like that for a while longer before Hermione whispered, "Do you think differently of me now?"

Fred paused and then said simply, "Yes." He felt her stiffen and he quickly tipped her face towards his so she could see his expression. "I didn't think it was possible but I think you are even stronger, braver, more amazing, more brilliant, more..."

He closed his eyes and groaned. "Merlin! I wish I had your vocabulary because I can't come up with enough words to tell you how much I love you and how incredible I think you are." He cupped her face in his hands. "And the most astonishing thing is that you really have no idea how remarkable you are."

He stared at her and a wave of emotion started to overwhelm him. He gazed at the thin scar on her neck and managed to get out, "And the thought that someone almost took you away before I ever realized..." His breathing became ragged and he began to shake.

Hermione looked at him in alarm. "Fred? Are you okay?"

He took a couple of deep breaths and gripped her shoulders. "Luv? I think it may be my turn to break things now. Okay?"

She reached up and placed her hands on his face, a concerned expression in her eyes. He tried to answer her unspoken question. "Yes. I'm upset and angry, but not at you, all right? Never at you. Understand?"

She nodded. "What do you need me to do?"

He stepped back from her. "Same, I guess. Let me say my piece and try not to get between whatever I'm throwing and the wall."

She sat on the sofa as he began to pace. She watched him run his hands through his hair as he began to get more and more agitated.

"I love you so much, Hermione. And that love causes me to get very angry and very afraid when I think of anything happening to you."

He picked up a glass from the table and turned it over in his hands. "For example, I am angry..." At this word he vehemently hurled the glass at the wall. "...that anyone felt they ever had the right to touch you at all, much less to hurt you."

He picked up a mug this time. "And I am angry..." It smashed to pieces. "...that people feel that just because of who your parents are that they can attempt to make you feel somehow less of a person."

A plate this time. "I am angry..." It shattered into dust. "...that Bellatrix and Greyback are dead because what I really want right at this moment is to tear them apart with my bare hands."

A goblet. "I am angry..." It disintegrated upon hitting the wall. "...about this whole stupid, senseless war and all of the people that it hurt and all of the people who died and all of the ones left behind."

Another mug. "And I am angry..." Practically vaporized. "...that someone else was there for you today instead of me."

Suddenly, his shoulders slumped and his voice lowered. "And I am afraid...with a kind of fear that I have never felt before." He shook his head. "You know, I was never afraid of losing George. The idea of him being gone honestly just never occurred to me. It was something that could simply never happen...until it did."

Fred's voice began to quiver. "And now that I know that you can lose something so important in such a brief moment..." He turned away from her. "That's why I panicked the other night when I had the nightmare. It wasn't the one I normally have. In this one I was forced to witness you suffer and I was powerless to stop it. I just had to watch until I saw you...die." He gulped. "And I woke up and felt so...helpless. Because I know that I can't be with you all the time and that someday something could happen and there would be nothing I could do. And then this morning..."

At this point his voice failed him. There was a quiet moment and then he felt a soft touch on his shoulder. He turned to see Hermione's tear stained face looking up at him.

"May I hold you now?" She whispered. He nodded and they clung to each other for another long while, both in tears this time.

Hermione finally leaned back, reached up and wiped his face with her hands. He sighed. "Haven't you gotten tired of seeing your boyfriend cry yet?"

She tipped her head slightly. "You say that like it's a bad thing."

He shrugged. "Isn't it?"

She looked at him in genuine amazement. "You don't get it, do you?"

"Get what?"

She reached up and pulled his face down until they were touching foreheads. "Don't you know how brave a man has to be to show how he really feels to someone - especially someone he loves?" She moved her hands to his neck. "You are the bravest man I have ever known, Fred Weasley. Don't ever doubt that for one moment."

She tenderly kissed him before embracing him once again. After a moment she asked quietly, "So - What now?"

He turned to look at the floor around them, filled with broken glass and crockery. "Well, we either remember some cleaning charms or we hire a maid."

A smile spread across her face and then they both began to laugh. "Besides that," she said softly.

He gazed down at her. "I'm not sure. I think this is a good first step. I guess from now on we make a promise to try and be honest whenever we are feeling scared or angry or sad and work on it from there. Deal?"

She nodded. "Deal."

He leaned down and kissed the tip of her nose. "Are you hungry?"

"Starving."

"All right. Let's get you fed and then work on this mess before Harry shows up and thinks you've been attacked again."