I am torn so suddenly back to reality this time that it rips a gasp from me as I stare up at him.
"I had a visit from Lord Elrond," he is saying now and I glance up and pay more attention.
"What did he say?" I ask my fingers now gripping his and neither of us too concerned for any who may see us in the darkness of the camp.
"He has said that I must take the Dimholt road, the sword has been reforged and it is our only hope at a victory," he does not seem too convinced but I can tell that his trust in Lord Elrond is what is leading him.
"You mean to get the dead army to join?" I ask as comprehension dawns on me and he nods, "what is wrong?" I ask when I see the hesitation in his stance.
"I turned from that path Peyson I do not know if I am strong enough to do this," he sighs and I smile at him suddenly before letting a giggle escape causing him to furrow his brow at me.
"You have so little faith in yourself Aragorn, you are not you ancestors you are your own man and I know that you are strong enough to do whatever it is you need to,"
"How can you be so sure?" he asks and my chest constricts slightly at the vulnerability that he is displaying, knowing that he must truly love me to let me see him in this way.
"I know because the man I love has shown me nothing but strength and loyalty since the moment I met him and I trust him more than anything or anyone in this world," I whisper taking a step closer to him and relishing the look of adoration that he gives me his fingers tightening in their grip around my own.
"So you will come?" he says and my own heart breaks a little as I realise what I must say.
"I cannot," I whisper and he doesn't look angry, rather he looks resigned and almost nods,
"I can do nothing to persuade you otherwise?" he asks instead his voice quieter than I have ever heard it and I shake my head trying to hold back the tears that are so desperate to escape.
"I must stay here and ride with the others, I feel… I think the men they may need the reassurance but I will see you there and you will be home at last," I reply smiling a little whilst I swallow past the lump in my throat.
"We shall be home," he says smiling too although I can see that there is pain behind the smile too.
"Yes," I say unable to get anything else out and suddenly I am in his arms and he is inhaling my scent as I am his and then he is gone and I am left swaying on my feet in the absence of him.
Slowly I walk back to the camp and find a spot alone by a small campfire, I know that Legolas and Gimli have gone with him, I'm not sure how I know it is a feeling more than anything but I am indescribably pleased that he has their support. For a long time I sit alone and try not to think about how much I already miss him, how my heart aches knowing that I may never see him again and I had not spent enough time with him.
"You are still here?" Eowyn's voice startles me a little and I am instantly wary having overheard their earlier conversation.
"I… yes," I say not really knowing what to say to her as she sits opposite me and stares at me intently making me feel incredibly nervous suddenly.
"He asked you to stay?" she asks although I can tell by her tone that she suspects this may not be true.
"No, he asked me to go with him," I answer and she nods her head,
"Then why did you stay?" she asks and I sigh before looking up at her questioning once again why I had decided to stay.
"It was his destiny to go alone, he had to…" I trail off not really knowing what else to say.
"And what of yours?" she asks quietly,
"I don't know," I shrug, "ride to battle tomorrow and hope that I survive and see him again," I add and for a long time we fall silent.
"I wish I was allowed to ride to battle in freedom like you, you cannot imagine my jealousy," she says in almost a whisper and I look up at her startled into silence for a further few seconds before my brain catches up and is able to think of a reply.
"I am jealous of many things you have that I do not, not least of all your beauty and grace and elegance, you exude an air of royalty and nobility and authority wherever you go. How can I hope to be like that in any way if we survive this?" I answer and she laughs suddenly which shocks me still further.
"How silly we have been," she manages to gasp out eventually,
"What do you mean?" I ask shifting in the cool breeze that has whipped up around us.
"We are two women fighting to survive in a world dominated and controlled by men. We should be friends and allies no matter what else is going on," she says and I feel suddenly tearful and in desperate need of a friend who could understand things the men could not.
"I have had no woman to talk to since my mother was killed," I whisper eventually and she is suddenly beside me her hand on my arm.
"Then let us be friends to each other, you ride to battle as a free woman tomorrow and I wish to ride too but cannot do it without hiding," she says quietly and I feel indescribably thankful and pleased that an atmosphere of wariness that has always surrounded us seems to have dissipated in the evening breeze during the course of our conversation.
"No-one should be kept from fighting in battle if it is what they truly want, I shall help to conceal your identity," I say solemnly and she smiles back at me before her own expression becomes sombre too and she pulls on my arm slightly to turn me to face her.
"I am sorry," she says quietly, "my… feelings for Lord Aragorn led me to behave inappropriately towards you," she finishes and I marvel once again at this woman's bravery at facing things head on.
"I am sorry too. For letting my own insecurities get in the way of what should have been a great friendship much sooner. You are an incredible woman Eowyn I know you will find a man worthy of your attentions one day," I say and try to make her look me in the eye so she can see how sincere I was but she only holds eye contact with me for a second before awkwardly gazing away and mumbling something incoherent.
"We should rest," she says after a while and I nod with a little sigh, not relishing the thought of trying to rest with none of the fellowship there but Merry, I had not been separated from Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli since this had begun, except for the time after Helms Deep but I was unconscious then so it doesn't really count.
"Yes I suppose we should," I answer but I stay where I am for a long time and she seems to understand as gets up and takes her leave allowing me to think, to mourn the sudden loss of my closest friends, my family now and pray to the Valar that I would see them again.
The next morning as I mount my horse and am careful to make sure that both Eowyn and Merry are concealed on the outskirts of the army so they could ride to battle too I am suddenly struck with nerves and try as I might I cannot seem to make them disappear.
"Lady Peyson?" the voice is soft and questioning and looking up into Haldir's face I know he can see exactly what I am feeling.
"I'm fine," I say automatically and he shakes his head at me slightly, motioning his horse forward so that he is right beside me, his voice so low that no one would possibly hear us.
"I can feel your panic my lady you must breathe, I will allow no harm to come to you this day," he is so sure and calm that for a second I hate him and want to shout at him like a petulant child. I want to tell him that the last time we were in battle it was I that had saved him and nearly died doing it, that every single time I had entered a battle in this war some one I loved or had grown close to had been killed or lost or injured but I didn't because he was right, I knew he would protect me to his last breath.
"I know… thank you," I whisper back, putting up my internal walls trying to block from him that I wasn't really feeling any calmer but that for the sake of those around me, especially Eowyn and Merry, I had to at least pretend to be confident in our chances.
"How is your back, you did not come to see me last night to have your dressings checked?" he asks and I glance at him whilst formulating an answer.
"It is well enough to fight, I feel almost as if it never happened," I lie so convincingly that it scares me a bit but I was terrified that if I told him the truth I would not be allowed to fight and that is something I could not stand. The truth was that I didn't know how it was, that it tingled every time I moved it too quickly as if it was about to rip apart and I had not practised for some days because of it. The truth was that I was scared I was too out of practise, too weak and too vulnerable to be much good in this battle and that I was pretty sure I would not live to see another dawn.
"Good then let us go to the king he has asked that you ride with him this day," he says and I nod tightly at him glancing around to give a tiny reassuring smile to my hidden companions and then follow him forwards.
It is many hours before we reach the crest of battle and the smell of blood is almost overpowering even from such a distance. Sounds and smells that would not leave my memory for many years to come. Cresting the hill we stop and line up, observing for a moment the devastation being dealt to Gondor and the great white city of Minis Tirith. I struggle to swallow the scream of despair that desperately wants to escape my throat as I gaze out upon what was certain to be one of my final sights on this earth and a sudden terrible surge of injustice, guilt and sorrow rushes through me as I think about Aragorn and my longing to see him one last time. I wait until Theodan begins to talk and gradually make my way down the line to Eowyn and Merry who look as terrified as I feel.
"How are you?" I ask in a whisper and they both look at me with wide fearful eyes.
"All my life I have longed to be treated as an equal to men, to be allowed to fight battles as they do and now I am here I fear I will be too scared to deal a single blow," she whispers back and I sigh softly knowing exactly how she feels because it is how I feel every time I look out upon battle.
"You are the bravest woman I have ever met, every word you speak and action you take shows your bravery. You will fight as well as any man today and together we will do our best to win this battle and help Frodo," I say and am shocked by how much conviction I hear in my own voice.
"Stick together?" Merry's voice asks almost pleadingly and I smile down at him,
"Always," I reply just as the cry to charge to battle begins to erupt and with one last look at each other the three of us and charging headlong into what can only be certain death.