Tallfeather awoke in his den, but didn't get up right away. He lay in the moss, a lethargic weight clinging to his bones. He breathed in; the mossy bedding still had Thorncloud's faint scent on it. He sighed, his fur prickling at the sweet scent.
It had been quiet since Thorncloud and Copperfur had left. The clan continued their duties as usual, but the camp felt somehow emptier with the two warriors gone. Anxiety plucked at him to think of them crossing Thunderpaths and traversing rocklands. I should have taught her a few simple remedies, he thought to himself. With any luck, at least one of the cats on the journey would have some knowledge of herbs in case something went wrong.
You mustn't think like that. Thorncloud is capable, she'll be fine.
A rustling outside of the rock cleft where he slept alerted him to the arrival of another cat to the medicine den. Getting to his paws, he stretched his long legs briefly and padded out to see who it was.
To his surprise, Rainstar was sitting patiently in the centre of the clearing, her icy blue eyes gazing around the den. Her fluffy tail was curled delicately around her paws. "Tallfeather," she said evenly. "I was hoping you were awake."
He squinted at the light that snuck through the gaps in the den. He wasn't sure of the time, but it must have been very early in the morning. "What brings you to my den today, Rainstar?" he asked, stifling a yawn.
The leader considered him for a moment, sitting motionless like a statue. Part of Tallfeather wondered if she had practiced sitting like that, just to make others feel uneasy around her. He respected his leader of course, but there was something cold about her that unsettled him. She must have seen some terrible things during her previous lives. Only a cat that had died six times – as Tallfeather knew was the case with Rainstar – could have such a hard stare. Then she blinked. "I wanted to talk to you about Thorncloud," she said.
Dread creeped up his spine, but he made sure to give nothing away in his face. "What about her?" he asked.
Rainstar got to her paws, and began circling the clearing. Tallfeather suddenly felt like an apprentice again, being assessed by Poppytail. The leader looked deep in thought, as if considering her words carefully.
Finally, she stopped about a tail-length away from him. "It's my job to keep an eye on everything that goes on in my clan, Tallfeather," she said. "I hope you realize that nothing escapes my notice."
The hair on the back of his neck stood up, and he was sure that he wasn't able to disguise the panic in his eyes. "I'm not sure what you mean, Rainstar," he said.
The leader stared him down, unblinking. "It didn't escape my notice that Thorncloud spent the night here after the last Gathering," she murmured. "And I know it wasn't because she was nursing any injuries."
Tallfeather swallowed. "Rainstar, I–"
"You know as well as I do that medicine cats cannot have mates," the leader interrupted. "I don't suspect any other cat knows yet. I would encourage you strongly to stop whatever relationship you have with Thorncloud. StarClan will not forgive you if you break the vow you made when you became a medicine cat."
Tallfeather hung his head. "It was a lapse in judgment, Rainstar," he said. "I–I promise I won't be so foolish again. I respect my position in the clan too much to jeopardize it."
"Have StarClan spoken with you lately?" Rainstar asked.
He shook his head. "Not for a while now."
"That should be indication enough that you've overstepped," she said. "I hope you truly have come to your senses. The clan needs you more than Thorncloud does, now more than ever."
"Yes, Rainstar."
The leader eyed him for a moment. Once she seemed to decide that he was serious, she nodded and padded wordlessly out of the den.
The clearing felt even larger as Tallfeather sat there. He was a large cat physically, but he had never felt so small. He turned his muzzle to the sky, and pretended he was looking at Silverpelt rather than the woven roof of the den. "Forgive me, StarClan," he murmured.
It had begun to worry him, the last time he visited the Moonstone, that he had not shared tongues with his warrior ancestors. It had happened before; the trip was not always a lively one, but at such an important and confusing time for the clans, he felt as if he should have heard something from the ancient warriors.
Was this really their way of disapproval for his behaviour? He shivered, guilt weighing heavily on his shoulders. He had cared for Thorncloud for so long that he had let himself give into the feelings when he found that she felt the same. But he could no longer reciprocate her feelings. He was a medicine cat, chosen by StarClan. That meant more to him than anything.
Resigning himself to a cold, lonely life, he shook his head as if shaking away the last of his feelings, and left the den.
He headed to the apprentices' den, and spotted Owlpaw practicing a fighting move on Twigpaw. He watched for a moment, waiting patiently for them to finish.
"Good move!" he praised as Owlpaw managed to trip his brother, leaving Twigpaw's nose pressed into the grass.
"Thanks!" Owlpaw squeaked, eyes widening when he turned to look at the medicine cat.
Twigpaw stood up and shook his muzzle wildly, flinging dirt a fox-length in every direction. "I'll get you back for that!" he threatened Owlpaw.
"Before you seek your revenge, Twigpaw, could I ask one of you to fetch me some new bedding?" Tallfeather asked. "It's about time it was replaced. And any extra moss you can carry would be helpful for my stores, too."
"I'll do it!" Owlpaw exclaimed, jumping up at the opportunity to help.
"No, I want to do it!" Twigpaw whined, shoving his brother with his shoulder.
"You can both do it," said Berryleaf, and Tallfeather looked over his shoulder to see the deputy coming towards them. "Grab as much moss as you can, both of you. The elders need new bedding as well."
"Yes, Berryleaf!" Owlpaw said obediently. "I know where to find the comfiest moss in the whole forest."
"No, I do!" Twigpaw said, and both apprentices made a break for the gorse tunnel.
Berryleaf watched them run, shaking his head. Tallfeather suppressed a smile. "Very eager, those two," he murmured.
"They'd be great warriors, if only they weren't so competitive with one another," Berryleaf sighed. "But what else can you expect from Springfoot's kits?"
"All three of them have that same thirst to prove themselves…" Tallfeather thought, his gaze flickering over to Tigerfang, who was in the process of cracking Crowpelt's numerous ticks by the elders' den.
"It's a miracle Thorncloud didn't turn out like that, being raised by Springfoot," Berryleaf commented. Tallfeather tensed, but Berryleaf didn't seem to notice. The black and white deputy yawned widely and turned to leave. "Feel free to use my apprentice for any other tasks," he called, waving his tail in goodbye as he walked.
Tallfeather's paws felt as heavy as badgers as he trudged back to the medicine den. Maybe my feelings for Thorncloud are a test from StarClan, he wondered.
If it is, I've already failed.