It's nearly midnight, and the bottle of wine she opened earlier this evening is now distinctly empty. Perhaps not a good choice for a Thursday evening Nikki thinks to herself as she finishes that last of the dregs from her glass. Empty glass in hand, she rises, making her way slowly into the kitchen. Placing her glass on the counter top with the remainder of her half eaten dinner, she catches site of her reflection in the window. A mixture of tiredness and ever so slightly drunk….what a great look, muses Nikki shaking her head.
A glass of water before bed, she knows is essential to lessening the effects of her almost certain hangover in the morning. Reaching for a clean glass from the cupboard to her right, she fills the glass and drinks it down in one. Exiting the kitchen and shutting out the light, she trudges back up the stairs to her bedroom. She hesitates once more at the periphery. Her phone is still lying there on her bed as she left it. She's weakened by alcohol now, and the pull to pick up the phone and listen to the voicemail is strong, almost as strong as the feeling that she just wants it all to go away. No she won't do it, not now. Now she needs sleep.
She sleeps fitfully for the first 4 hours, lulled into a wine fuelled, dreamless sleep. Then all of a sudden she is wide awake. It takes a few moments for reality to hit again. Inwardly she groans, pulling the duvet up over her head. Her phone, switched on to vibrate for the night (just incase work calls) makes a sound. Reaching across her bed for it she steels herself. It's not Jack, its Matt.
"Hey sweetheart, just checking in to say I'm off to bed now. Long day. This time tomorrow I'll be there with you, I can't wait. Love you. Sweet dreams my Nikki"
Her first reaction is to smile, god he's so sweet. However, her initial reaction is soon replaced by a deep sense of guilt. Replacing her phone on the side Nikki lies back in bed and tries to sleep again, but the relentless thoughts circling round her head think otherwise. Sighing she kicks the covers off, grabs her phone, puts on her dressing gown and sets off downstairs.
Whilst standing waiting for the kettle to boil Nikki absentmindedly turns her phone round in her hand, round and round it goes just like the thoughts in her head. As if on autopilot Nikki goes to make her tea. Her mind still running through the day's events. Tea finally made she moves to the sofa. Taking a small sip of the hot liquid, Nikki inwardly relaxes slightly. Picking up her phone again, she goes to flick through the recent photos on her phone. First she looks at the recent ones of herself and Matt. New York, The Empire State Building - they look so happy, her hair looks wild from the wind. She didn't mind though not at the time. London in Hyde Park - a picnic together on the grass. Such a beautiful day. It looks like a picture perfect moment. The sun had been shining, the grass a luscious green. They'd had champagne and strawberries and cream. She smiles at the memory, and thinks at how sometimes the past few months have felt like a dream. Not entirely real to her.
Next she comes to the photos of a recent Lyell staff night out. They'd been to a new restaurant in town. Thai if she remembers correctly. She pauses at a photo of her and Jack. She doesn't remember this one being taken. In fact when she continues scrolling she realises it's a photo burst. A collection of photos, spanning over a few moments. Hazily she recalls Clarissa using her phone to take some other photos during the night, evidently she also decided to sneak these photos in. Nikki peers more closely now. They both sat together, drinks and finished plates littering the table. They look so carefree and happy. In the first few photos Jack has just made some joke and she's laughing. She thinks back, she can't quite remember what the joke was about. That probably had something to do with the copious amount of wine they'd all drunk that night. She remembers laughing a lot that night. Especially at the end of the night when Jack rode with her on the taxi home, and fell out of the taxi cab in an attempt at chivalry. As she scrolls to the next few photos she notices something new about the photos, Thomas must have asked her a question, because now she has turned away from Jack slightly. Her attention focused on whatever it was that Thomas was telling her. Jack however, has still got his attention focused solely on her. He's looking at her with such an intense look of admiration it's undeniable. Shocked Nikki clicks off the photos.
Afterwards she sits sipping her tea in stunned silence. How had she not realised this before. They flirted yes, but it was always just light-hearted banter. She has grown deeply fond of him over the years. In some ways he's almost been like a brother to her. Yet somewhere along the line things changed. Maybe Mexico, maybe before. After the events of Mexico there was even a point where she had let herself consider the possibility that she had feelings for him. Yet he had been so cold with her at first on their return, and then by the time they re-connected he had met someone new, and she'd met Matt.
It takes another 20 minutes until she decides finally the voicemail needs to be checked. She puts her mug down on the coffee table. Breathing as deeply as she can she dials her voicemail carrier and presses the corresponding keys to release Jack's voice from the phone.
"Nikki I...I don't know what to say. I...I just...look will you just call be back please. I don't know what to do, apologise, tell you it came from nowhere, but then that would be a lie wouldn't it. Plus you didn't exactly push me away did you. Oh I don't know. Look just call me back Nikki, please. I care about you so damn much."
He sounds devastated, so much emotion in his voice. She replays it once, twice, three times. He's right. She didn't push him away. Why didn't she push him away? She puts herself back into the scene once again, and tries to understand it...