The next morning I awake to the feel of Aragorn's arms wrapped around me holding me tightly and sleeping deeply and I feel a small pang of guilt once more as I realise that this is probably the first time he has truly slept since I came home.
"I'm sorry," I whisper thinking he is still asleep,
"For what little one?" he asks in his gruff morning voice and I freeze and cringe immediately feeling the heat rise in my cheeks.
"For… for causing you worry and pain, I seem to do that a lot, I don't think as your wife I am supposed to do that am I?" I say quietly as I turn in his arms and bury my face in his chest.
"It matters not as long as you are well and it is my duty as your husband to worry for you always," he says softly his arms pulling me even closer to him as his lips brush against my head.
"I suppose I should get up and go and Eowyn," I mutter after a while sighing as despite my words I edge even further into the warmth of his embrace.
"Are you sure you are up to it little one?" he asks his hands finding my cheeks as he stares into my eyes as if trying to detect any wariness within me.
"I am sure… she is my friend and it will be good for me to focus on joyful things, besides she did so much for us and our own wedding it would be selfish of me not to help her now," I reply offering him a smile as he leans down to kiss me gently.
"I love you so very much Peyson," he whispers into my lips and I smile again moving just a fraction of an inch to press our lips together again.
"And I you," I reply before finally pulling myself away from him and getting up and dressed in my tunic and trousers, more regal than my ranger garb but after a long discussion with Aragorn and Marianna it had been decided that I would not wear dresses unless absolutely necessary. Marianna was not impressed and some of the men of the council were completely outraged but Aragorn pointed out that he was the king and I was his wife and it was time that things were brought crashing into the new age. I loved him a little bit more for that if possible and smile to myself as I wander down the corridor towards Eowyn's chambers.
"Just a minute," her voice calls out when I knock and opening it she lets out a squeal and embraces me quickly before pulling me into the room, "Peyson, I have missed you were have you been?" she exclaims pulling me over to the fire and sitting me in front of it.
"I have missed you to my friend, I am sorry to have been absent I was recovering from battle," I reply somewhat truthfully as I avoid telling the truth.
"You were injured?" she asks looking taken aback, "Faramir did not say…"
"Nay my friend, I was merely weary," I interject quickly not knowing what else to say.
"But you are well now?" she asks looking concerned and I laugh a little as I nod at her, feeling slightly conflicted, it is not really the truth I am not all that well, I still feel an emptiness inside me and I still feel like crying all the time. I want to tell her so, I want to tell her everything but I cannot face going through it again. "Good because I need your help with organising these things, I am going crazy with all these flowers and dresses and people," she says throwing her hands up before slumping down opposite me in mock despair and I have to laugh as I watch her.
"I am at your disposal then my friend what do you need from me?" I say through my giggles and she grins as she pulls me up and towards a table full of flower arrangements and cakes.
"Sit and eat, and look and tell me which you like the best so that I can finally make a decision," she says laughing at my bewildered expression.
"I will do my best but I have to tell you I would be better at choosing swords and bows," I reply skeptically, raising my eyebrow at her as I pull a piece of cake towards me.
By the time that afternoon turns to dusk I am full of cake and my head feels light with the scents of so many flowers, I can no longer distinguish between the different flavours or scents but have had a day that has been both pleasant and healing. It is as Eowyn is walking to the door with me that the child runs into me and the breath is stolen from my lungs as she hits my legs and I am hit with visions of my own child. The images are so vague and blurry it takes me a moment to work out what they are but when I do I gasp out loud and have to cover my mouth with my hand to stop a sob escaping as my legs buckle beneath me. A small child in a tunic and short trousers a tiny bow in her hand running towards the training fields, turning and shouting out for her mother and father… for me and Aragorn. I can't work out whether it is a memory or a vision of the future and I squeeze my eyes shut to try and remember Galadriel's training and work it out.
"I'm sorry… I didn't mean to…" the little girl says in a rush pulling me from my mind and back into the present and I take a shuddering breath as I look at her, almost eye level now that I am on the ground.
"It is okay I should have looked where I was going," I say shakily trying to regain control over myself as I see her petrified gaze and Eowyn hovering over us looking worried.
"But you are the queen… am I to be punished?" her voice is quivering and I feel so sorry for her I nearly grab her to me but manage to stop myself.
"Of course not, besides you may have noticed I am no ordinary queen," I say smiling a little at her and she smiles a tiny smile too, relaxing a tiny bit as she sees I am not angry.
"I think you are amazing my lady I want to be a warrior and a princess when I grow up, my mother said I can be do you think I can be?" she asks now suddenly more chatty and I smile again.
"I believe your mother is a very wise woman, I should like to meet her some time," I reply and she looks sad suddenly.
"My mother is dead my Lady," she replies in a tiny voice and I falter for a moment not knowing what to say.
"Who looks after you then?" I ask eventually,
"My sister looks after us, I was here to visit her she works here," she replies and I look at her more closely suddenly seeing the resemblance.
"You are Annabeth's sister?" I ask and she smiles with delight,
"You know my sister?"
"I do, she is a very nice lady and a hard worker," I say and the little girl beams at me.
"I had a dream the other night that I was like you, I had a crown and everything, do you think that it could come true?" she asks and I feel slightly overwhelmed by the idea that anyone should wish to be like me.
"My mother told me once when I was a child that a dream is a wish your heart makes, maybe if you wish hard enough one day it will come true," I say as I look into the small child's eyes my own heart squeezing painfully in my chest as I am reminded of what I lost, but for the first time in a long while it does break me completely and I feel instead a hope for the future. For our future.
"Peyson," the voice is gentle and looking up I see that the little girl is gone and Eowyn is crouching in front of me concern all over her face.
"Sorry… the… my thoughts got away from me," I stutter struggling to my feet and allowing her to lead me back to a chair by the fire.
"You are crying Peyson, tell me, what is wrong?" I look at her and notice suddenly that tears are coursing down my cheeks.
"I… Aragorn and I…" I break off swallowing thickly and gazing fixedly at my hands as I try to steel my nerves, "I fell when I was battling the orcs last week…"
"You were injured," she says and I shake my head a little, more tears making tracks down my face.
"Not I… I didn't know but Aragorn and I we were expecting a child… I… I lost our baby Eowyn," I finish and she makes a noise of distress as she pulls me into her arms rocking me gently as I cry.
"I am so sorry Peyson, oh… why did you not say anything?" she sighs.
"I wanted to… I so badly wanted to but I couldn't," I say and she sighs again hugging me tightly,
"It will be okay," she says quietly and I nod.
"I know… I mean I really think that it will now," I say and she smiles sadly at me, "please don't tell anyone, we… we don't want anyone to know," I say and she nods after a moments hesitation.
I walk back to our room in a daze trying to see the image of the small child, work out what it all meant. The room is quiet when I get there and so I lay down on the bed and close my eyes trying to think, to clear my head.
"Little one," I start awake realising that I had fallen asleep.
"I fell asleep," I say dumbly and he chuckles a little before his face grows serious,
"You have been crying," he observes and I nod before smiling which causes him to furrow his brow in confusion.
"I saw our future, at least a glimpse of it, in a vision," I say and he looks taken aback for a moment,
"What is it you saw that has made you cry?" he asks and I reach for his hand.
"I saw a child Aragorn, I saw our child," I say and his entire face lights up,
"When?" he asks but I shake my head,
"I know not when but she was beautiful and was running and had a tiny bow to practice with," I say and he laughs aloud.
"Of course she did, then it will happen?" he asks as if he cannot quite believe it.
"Lady Galadriel told me that nothing is set in stone but that somethings were almost certain, I believe that it will happen that she will be with us," I say and he crushes his lips to mine in joy and I think a little relief too.