DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN EEnE and No more heroes, just this fanfiction.

What you are about to read is the result of my strange insanity after enduring months of no internet connection during 2016, so I have 'accidentally' combined No More Heroes game and Ed Edd n Eddy.

If you think it is enjoyable, fine by me. But if it's trash, fine by me.

Also, this following story takes place in an alternate timeline before the official upcoming NO MORE HEROES 3 can come out.

So go ahead and read it, then leave a review about what do you think about this...weird story.

12/13/2019: Edited some words by Grammarly.

CHAPTER 0: What the hell is happening now?

One year has passed ever since Travis Touchdown, known as the 'crownless king' himself, returned to Santa Destroy and successfully eliminating all 53 well-known assassins that worked for the United Assassin Association or commonly known as the U.A.A.

After carrying out his vendetta to cripple the U.A.A harshly, plus with the help of his unwanted accomplice.

He then soon disappeared once again from the city with no sorts of traces or clues, even though the Santa Destroy Police Department (SDPD) has raided his otaku filled room, they found only an empty room that has been completely cleaned from Travis's fantasies.

So the cops decided to hunt down Travis Touchdown's twin brother, Henry Cooldown, but with no luck, they found no signs of him anywhere in Santa Destroy, but they won't stop searching until they get their hands on him one way or another.

And the report of his former rival assassin turned apprentice disappearance is still heavy in the air, but there are reports about crime lords and dirty gangs being found dead in every alley, all having the mark of a gash that is caused by a sword, meaning his apprentice might still be lurking somewhere in the shadows of Santa Destroy.

As for Sylvia, the former representative of the U.A.A has been reported to be working in a peek-show somewhere in the United States of America, so she was declared off the list...for now.

After the uncertain amount of rising tolls of dead bodies being found everywhere due to criminals and assassins and rogue assassins duking out in the corners and shadows of Santa Destroy, the SDPD has decided to level up their tactics that they should have done ever since the U.A.A was born.

And that is to hunt them all down and kill all of them until the U.A.A is out of the picture, so the inside war of Santa Destroy has begun.

(******)

But enough of that dramatic story-telling stuff, the real story is about these 3 newcomers that belong to a town called Peach Creek.

You see, these 3 boys have decided to pick up their careers around in Santa Destroy, even though it is known to be full of deadly 'traps' and unfortunate events that can lead you to your death.

There is this guy's name, Ed Howard, cause' one day, he was casually browsing the web and checking out a 'really great' auction site, and there he found a short sword that was something straight out of his comic books, so he banked in his credit card and successfully bought it and ordered it for overnight shipping, and by the time he got this fantasy-wannabe sci-fi looking sword outside his front door's mat and it was put inside of a long box, he was so excited that he tore the entire wrapping in one quick stroke and when he opened the box…

Well, he was even more excited and surprised, the sci-fi sword just looked beautiful and deadly, just as it said on the screen last night, and he also found some etchings on the box and it spelled out the short sword's name.

The Diablos Tongue

Why was it called like that…well, he soon found out as he curiously pressed a button on the short sword's hilt and the blade's sides suddenly split apart and slide till it reaches the hilt, and out came a beam of pure blue energy.

That's right; he may have accidentally bought a rare beam sword from that auction site, and quickly pressing the same button on the beam sword's handle, the blue energy then quickly died out and the blade's retracted itself until it became a short sword again, and surprisingly enough, this big guy showed no signs of fear, just plain smiling while he's stupidly surprised and excited.

So he then saw a note inside the box it came from, and then he decided to look at the note and read it and it clearly said:

Dear, the new current owner of the Diablo's Tongue

Please to inform you that we would like to congratulate you of buying one of our brand new beam-powered blades off the site, it helps our business a lot.

So with extra precaution, please be careful about handling this beam sword for this is NOT a toy that every kid might get off from the internet.

What you have owned right now is a new generation of beam swords, one that can rival the beam katana series.

And here is a fact: If you killed anyone with that sword, then you are about to enter the world of assassins' life in an instant.

So please, train very well, kill well...unless you are a fucking pacifist, and most importantly…SURVIVE.

Santa Destroy is not the place for wannabe heroes everywhere.

And if you survive long enough, you might hear more from me soon enough.

-J.A.C.K

And just like that, he just dumbly accepted the note's challenge.

Completely ready to face the real bloodshed, plus getting the help he needed and finding the people he might come across.

And now all he needs is some sort of training that could save his already tough ass and a certain 'engineer' who might know how to tinker with this kind of dangerous stuff.

And then he's gonna need cool and efficient transportation to get around this place while also making it his quick getaway, just in case shit hits the fan.

After all of that has been acquired, then he is ready to make some heads roll on the ground, determined to soon fight the best and dangerous fighters in Santa Destroy or maybe the entire world.

And besides, no heroes are allowed anyway, so there's that.