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A Bean

"If you keep that up you're going to burn a hole in the carpet," Sasha said from beside me. My feet kept hitting the floor nervously. I used it as a coping mechanism. Something to swallow the ball of emotion that was lurched in my throat. I didn't know what else to do. There was nothing else I could do now.

"How long has it been?" I questioned her. How could something so simple take so long? My feet tapped the floor faster. I wanted to know but I felt anxious, my head felt light and this life I have. This entire situation I was thrown into didn't feel real.

Sasha frowned, her brows drawing downward. "Michonne, you just did it three minutes ago. The results won't be clear for a next," She glanced at her phone, "five minutes." A wave of anxiety washed over me.

"Maybe we should've bought a better brand. Maybe we should've-" Sasha placed a calming hand on my shoulder.

"Relax, Michonne. I know it's difficult but you just have to be patient." She peeked into the cramped bathroom before turning back to me. "What's in there will change our lives. I'm saying ours because you are my best friend. If you do this then I'll be there with you, nothing's going to change that."

My lips started trembling then the tears slid down my face freely. I couldn't ask for anyone better to share this with. Three months ago I made a choice, I slept with my professor. No, I didn't regret the act itself. However, I did regret the fact that my brain was incapable of processing the consequences of having sex with him. Sex without protection.

I haven't seen or spoken to Rick since our little affair in his office. Neither did he make any attempt to contact me. I thought I would've caught a glimpse or some trace of him during my graduation ceremony but that didn't even happen. I knew I couldn't hide from him forever. If I was, in fact, pregnant, he had the right to know. If the small swell of my stomach was any indication, then I already knew my fate. I couldn't avoid him, especially since I start a paid internship at Birkly and Robinson's in a week.

It was an offer I couldn't refuse. About a week after Rick told me about it I applied. A week later they called me for an interview. It was out of my way but I was thankful Sasha's brother, Tyrese, was able to take me. Then, I was a nervous ball of jitters and excitement. I didn't acknowledge that I might've been pregnant. When asked if I had kids or was expecting in the interview I said no. It was only two weeks. Besides, there was a minuscule chance that we didn't conceive and I latched onto that.

Sasha wiped the tears from my face. My hands were limp but my feet kept tapping away. "I know I said I didn't want you to ruin your career but Michonne, this isn't going to ruin anything for you." My head moved up and down mechanically. At this point, me squatting to pee on sticks was just ratification. I was shaken from my thoughts. Sasha opened the door again, making quick work of going into the bathroom and slipping back out.

She didn't give anything away. She just kept her eyes on my face. "You ready?" She looked at me expectantly.

"Yes," I told her finding my voice. My eyes found the slim stick that was wrapped in tissue. Her fingers found the edges covering the device and she took her time unfolding it. When she was done we both looked at the small plus sign on the screen.

Deep down, I was happy, overjoyed that I was going to be someone's mother. That I had the opportunity to bring life into this world as it was nothing to take for granted but now. Now, this revelation rocked me to my core. A bout of sobs tore through me and I fell to the cold tiles of the floor. Sasha was there to hold me.

"You don't have to go through with this, Michonne. It's not too late. Whatever you decide I'm right there with you." I shook my head. I wouldn't deny that right to an unborn child. I was of sound mind when a slipped those panties down my legs for Rick.

"I'm not going to do that," I told her when my cries subsided. I had to pull myself together. Sasha held onto my arm when I was finally able to drag myself from the floor. I took the stick from her looking at it again.

"The other two say the same thing." She told me. How do I even tell a man they were going to be a father after three months? How? We didn't have a personal relationship and to my knowledge no mutual friends. But now we were going to be a part of each other lives forever.

With a frustrated sigh, I dragged my free hand down my face. "How do I even face Rick? I can't just spring something like this on him."

"Michonne, if he doesn't find out from your mouth then he'll see it. If you're lucky you two won't even cross paths. That office isn't exactly small you know." She was right, there was that option but I couldn't take that route. I wasn't that kind of person.

"I know but-"

"Michonne, let's put it like this. You didn't have sex with yourself in that office. So either he accepts this or he doesn't, better this child not knowing than to have a deadbeat father." Her words sounded so harsh to my ears. They were cold and so simple.

"Sasha, I don't want this child to go through the same thing I went through. You might think not knowing your father is better but it's not." Bile burned the back of my throat; the telltale signs of sickness affected me. I cover my mouth, dashing back to the bathroom. By the time I raised my head from the bowl Sasha was there to hand me a bottle of Listerine.

For the rest of the day, I sulked around our apartment, staring blankly at boorish reality TV. This wasn't in my plan. When I was sixteen I had it all planned out. Get into my dream college, graduate top of my class. Start my dream career off strong then find a man I loved to share a home and have kids with. But life was littered with unforeseen events that would derail anyone's plans. It didn't mean my plans were ruined, it just meant the things I wanted to happen won't happen in the order I wanted them to. Now I just had to adjust the plot of my life differently.

Before the day was out I booked an appointment with the doctor. It was already nerve-racking to take a home test but having a doctor confirm it was another story. When Sasha came home from work I begged her to come with me. It would take up her entire lunch hour but without hesitation, she agreed. Then she reminded me that she'd always be there. That was the third time I cried.

The next day we were seated in the waiting room of a small clinic. It was freezing and nothing could've distracted me from my uneasy state. I tried reading some of the magazines on the glass desk in front of me but when that didn't work I just went back to pulling my cardigan closer to my body.

"You should be happy you wore socks. That woman over there didn't have a chance." Sasha whispered over to me. I looked at the woman across from us whose teeth were clattering. She had a bigger problem than not wearing socks. The red-headed lady was just wearing shorts and a tank top. I chuckled silently. But it was enough to take my mind off things for now.

"Thanks for that." I told her.

"Don't worry, Michonne." She turned her magazine in my direction. "I know you needed a car and this looks like the sort of thing you should go for." The page showed a small minivan. I squinted at the print below it. 'For your soccer mom needs.'

I pierced my lips. "I'm not buying a minivan! I was thinking of an SUV or something along those lines. Maybe I'll just get a regular four-door until I actually earn a decent paycheck." I didn't know whether my internship would turn into something permanent. The contract I signed was only for a year and a half. During my time working there, they would've already established if I was best suited to represent the company. The pay was decent, but it was nothing I could live off of especially with a child on the way. In short, I needed to get a more concrete lead in my career and fast.

"You never told me why you never bought a car, Michonne. I remember those nights you worked double shift at the café in school. I always thought you'd have enough money for a car."

"I thought about it, but the campus was close to our apartment so I never had a need for it. Besides you're forgetting that rent isn't cheap. Neither is keeping food in the fridge." I told her.

"Have you decided on when you're going to sit the bar exam?" That was the last thing on my mind. It was disappointing because in order to become a lawyer I needed to pass the exam. In order for me to get a respectable position, I had to have the lawyer title on my resume. Finishing law school wasn't enough.

"I'm studying for it. But I still need to get past a heap of books before I can even go in for a date." Sasha had already gotten a date to sit her exam. Sometime next month she was either going to pass the exam because failure wasn't an option. Retaking the exam would run her into about eight hundred.

"Tell me about it. Bob tried to help me study but he has to worry about his own exams." Bob was Sasha's new boyfriend. After a heart to heart with her, I convinced her to move on from the last man she dated. Crying over someone who didn't love her enough to be faithful wasn't worth it. Being with Bob made a difference in Sasha; he kept her focused on the important things in life. He was in my good books because he kept Sasha happy.

A middle age woman started calling in the next set of patients. It made me agitated. Her corroded voice made slow work of pronouncing everyone's names. She held a notepad far away from her face, her glasses barely hung off the edge of her nose.

Clearing her throat, she continued to call names. "Michonne Johnson?" She looked up from the list looking to see if anyone responded. I took in a deep calming breath before standing up.

"I'm here." I replied. Sasha was right there next to me.

"Okay, Dr. Rhee will see you now. Just head to the back and look for room three." I nodded absorbing her instructions. We walked into a corridor; it was colder than the lobby but it wasn't easy finding the room. We had to backtrack twice before we were in the right place. With shaky hands, I grabbed the handle and stuck my head in the room.

"Dr. Rhee?" I said aloud just to be safe. A brunette woman with green eyes spun around in her seat with a wide smile. She took a quick look at her notepad.

"And you must be Michonne?" She got up and approached me. I nodded. "Well, I'm glad you chose our little clinic for something this important." We shook hands before she led me to a bed.

"Please make yourselves feel comfortable. I've been told its freezing but my father seems to think this temperature is normal." She opened a pack of gloves while I tried to find a comfortable position. The bed was hard, top that with the bunched up nerves and emotion rolling through my body it was difficult taking her advice. She kept one hand gloveless then started jotting notes on her notepad.

"So Michonne, how did you find out you were expecting?" She questioned. I looked over to Sasha who was standing in the corner of the room.

"I guess I always suspected I was but just yesterday I took a test. They all came back positive." Her pen glided across the paper.

"How old are you Michonne and have you had any prior pregnancies?"

"I'm 26 and no I haven't." Everything felt so clinical and distant. We could all sense it.

Dr. Rhee rests her pen aside. "Look, I know this might be beyond nerve-racking but you're in good hands. I remember when I found out I was pregnant with my son. It was beautiful and then it became terrifying because my father insisted he does my monthly ultrasounds."

"Your father's Dr. Greene right?" Sasha spoke up from her spot. Doc nodded in response. "I remember going to him when I was a kid."

"Yeah, he's still kicking. Should be somewhere around here. But Michonne, nothing can get worse than that, and please, for future reference call me Maggie." The chills of anxiety eased downs bit.

"Thanks', this," I gestured to my stomach, "Wasn't planned. But I'm grateful; I just want them to be healthy."

"We both want what's in the best interest of the baby and you, Michonne." After resting her pen down, Maggie rolled a machine over to the bed. I assumed it had to be an ultrasound machine, after binge-watching pregnancy documentaries I had an inkling of what to expect with every procedure.

"Alright Michonne, today we're going to confirm how far along the baby is. We'll get a scan and hopefully, we'll get to hear a strong heartbeat. Just lay back for me." My back met the hard surface of the bed. I watched the machine boot up. Maggie disappeared for a second only to reemerge with a tube of gel.

Slipping on another glove she squirted a modest amount of clear liquid on her hand. She kept a comfortable polite smile on her face, "Now this is going to be a little cold, but it's nothing you can't handle." Knowing what came next; I raised the hem of my shirt and waited for the cool gel to touch my skin. It wasn't merely cold. I jumped when it finally touched me. If my arms weren't already covered in goosebumps I was positive some would appear. Sasha came around closer to the bed.

Maggie moved the transducer around, before settling on a particular area. When translated to the screen it just looked like black and white to me. Sasha looked over at Maggie in confusion.

"What are we looking at? That kind of looks like a bean."

Maggie laughed, "That bean-shaped thing is the baby. You look to be about 11-13 weeks already." I frowned doing a mental calculation. "Now I can switch over to something more 4d but before I do you want this recorded on a cd? I already started but it just feels better to ask."

"Of course, I'd like that." My eyes were glued to the screen. That little bean as Sasha described it was a part of me. I couldn't even fathom doing anything to hurt my child. My child. The image on the screen switched over to something more realistic. My hand drew up to cover my mouth the moment I was able to make out a face.

"Holy shit!" Sasha exclaimed. Both of our mouths hung open in astonishment but my shock was hidden behind my hand. "You really are pregnant." I couldn't describe the feeling that went through me. But my tears were all I had to show for it.

"Well, you can see the mouth," Maggie pointed to the screen, "That the eyes and those are hands and in a few more weeks we'll be able to see fingers. Now for the best part," Maggie clicked on a button then a steady heartbeat filled the room.

"Oh god." I cried. It was beautiful in so many ways. Right then I decided I was going to do anything for this child. Even if that meant in the event that his/her father refused to be a part of this, I'd be right there to fill that void.

My eyes ate up every little movement it made on screen. "I think it's going to be a boy. Just look at how rowdy it is." Sasha says leaning over to get a good look at the screen.

"It'll be a few more weeks before we can look into that. But if you want to know for future reference I'll tell you." Maggie smiled.

"No."

"Yes, of course, we want to know." I glared at Sasha then looked at Maggie.

"If I want to know the gender I'll tell you but for now, at least until the 8th month I want everything to be unknown."

"I understand. If you don't mind me asking, is the father involved? Most of my patients have said it has always helped to have their significant other with them. Unless you two…"

"Oh, no. Sasha is my best friend and as for the father, he- he doesn't know as yet." I told her after catching her meaning. Sasha wasn't paying attention. She had her phone out snapping pictures.

After wiping the gel from my stomach, I couldn't keep my hand off the swell knowing what it meant. Dr. Rhee gave me a prescription for prenatal medicine and a few books on pregnancy before I scheduled the rest of my appointments with her. For now, I only had monthly appointments but as the time drew near to my due date I'd be in the office weekly.

Honestly, I wasn't sure how this would affect my job. The contract didn't have a clause that highlighted what would happen in the event of a pregnancy. It wasn't as if I'd be able to hide it from anyone in the long run. After leaving the clinic I hugged Sasha tightly and caught the bus to a mall, buying clothes for my job.