A/N
Warning: an intimate scene approaches.

#CHAPTER 8#

"Sorry about the Ruby line earlier." Taking some deep breaths, hanging my head, "that wasn't on, I-" pause as his hand comes down on my shoulder, then gently grips my upper arm.

"You were right," Sam quietly tells me.

"No I was wrong," as I turn to face him, highly aware of our proximity. I have to fight the urge to put my hands on his arse, so grip the bench edge tight with both instead.

"You were right; but you should also realise I'm trying to help you." I freeze as he reaches out a hand to my cheek but not touching. "I don't want you to get as far as I got before she intervened, and that's where you're headed; also I'm doing it because I care about you." Inching closer, the hand cups the cheek, "and she…"

"Was just using anything to get you to trust her so you you could kill Lilith," whisper, try to step back but with no space I'm pressed completely up against the bench. Look up but not to his face, raise my voice to a normal level. "But at the right time. The bitch. Though you do realise yesterday you gave me the same 'time heals' line you got pissed at her for?"

In a slightly guilty but funny tone he says "Yeah well-" he cuts himself off as he leans down kissing me softly.

When I respond he kisses me harder, soon Sam is grabbing my breasts, squeezing them so hard I gasp with pain and pleasure. He presses against me crushing me against the cupboard, I'm still gripping the edge, can feel him getting harder against my stomach.

Suddenly his hands are on my bum lifting it onto the bench, holding my lower back pulling the bottom of my top up so he's grabbing my bare hips, yanking me closer to him without letting me fall off the counter.

One of my arms is wrapped around his neck, the other on his side, just above his hip, grinding our hips into each other. I wrap my legs around his arse locking my ankles together while his hands slip up under my top and undoes my bra, scratching my back.

Desperation rises as he brings his hand down between my thighs, then all of a sudden both hands are gripping under me, I quickly throw my other arm around his neck too as he lifts me off the bench and backs towards the bed, landing on the corner. Unlocking my legs so my knees land on the mattress when he falls back, his hands pull through my hair. Drag my fingertips down his chest, down until I reach his belt, undo it and fumbling with his jeans, then freeing his straining cock from it's prison.

Slide down so I'm kneeling on the floor, pull his jeans off completely before licking and sucking the tip. Take in more, little by little; playing with his balls. Get sick of my bra hanging off I remove it as quickly as I can from under my shirt, while sucking on him and swirling my tongue around making him moan and get my hands back on that tight arse.

He's getting close so I let go and climb back onto his chest as he groans, I quiet him with a kiss. Our hands entwined in each others hair, he sits up, I suck on his neck, he chews my earlobe, attacks my mouth roughly, we pull each other's t-shirts off, gripping our backs, he undoes my jeans, driving his fingers straight into my wet pussy ripping my panties. His free hand pinching my nipples squeezing them, twisting them, arch my back, gasping. Suddenly he pushes me to the side so we both lying on sides, fingers still inside me, he pulls them out and shoving me onto my back, drags my jeans off, climbing on top. Grinding himself against my clit, holding my shoulders down, he pushes back off to ease himself in and out going deeper each time, getting harder and faster, he's pinning my arms to the bed I scrunch the cover in my hands, bucking towards him gasping harder, breathe his name over and over again.

Quickly his thrusts become erratic and my own body soon in orgasm, sending me soaring high as I feel his cum rush inside me. He's still pulsing as he settles in lying down on me to lay feather light kisses on my lips.

We doze off a little, his cock still inside me, my head resting in the crook of his neck. After a few minutes when our breathing is restored he gingerly pulls out and lays down next to me.

** END of SMUT **

I turn on my side and he snuggles in behind me, pulling the cover up over us. Resting his top arm over me covering my stomach and chest and we just lie there peacefully for ages neither sleeping or talking.

"Can I ask you something?" he near whispers in my ear.

"Told you, you can ask me anything." Turning my face towards him.

"In your bag, umm you have a bible."

"Yeah?" Twist more of my body round so neck doesn't get sore. Wonder where he's going with this.

"So you believe?"

"In God? I dunno but I found going to church helpful… for a while."

"A while?"

"Yeah, got baptised and everything then one day I didn't feel umm well enough to go and stopped going for a bit until I ran into someone from my congregation who I'd gotten close to and she convinced me to at least come back to the lady's bible study group until I was ready to go back to services. I was nearly there when DEEP BREATH things changed." I get a little uncomfortable and scoot up to the backboard pulling my legs up, he props himself up. "You don't have to." Soothingly. I answer with a small smile, take in a few short breaths.

"I promised you anything." Okay, DEEP BREATHS "I found out I was pregnant. I'd been pressured by an old friend and it had been well a while so eventually I gave in. When he found out he lost it, freaked out and told me if I kept it I was on my own and he would have nothing more to do with me, he wasn't ready to be a father. So I ignored him tried to make my own decision, tried keeping it as secret as possible; trusted some of the wrong people in trying to help me, though some were extremely supportive but eventually I chose; it completely broke me."

Pause to quickly breath properly. "Felt too guilty to return to the group or church. I have no clue how I survived that. I became a hermit, every now and then I'd get dragged out. Hardest time was when a friend had a baby shower soon after, I didn't want to let her down. A year later I find out through the grapevine that the dude had just found out he was a dad to a daughter who was 18 months old at that point, and he was fighting for parental rights." Can't continue right now. I don't want to cry again. Sam is speechless.

"Anyway I've sorta watched him from afar, kinda especially since he owes me lots of money and he's a pretty crappy father so in that way I'm glad of the choice I made, that I'm not attached in any form to that bastard anymore. I don't expect him to pay me anything of what he owes. I've let it go, mostly..."

"I can't imagine what that would feel like." His supportiveness is killing me. I want another drink.

"Just like I can't imagine how you've been through what you have, what you could have possibly felt and still be this lovely, caring guy." Pouring yet another glass of Jim.

"So you regret your choice?"

I nod. "Sometimes." Climb back into bed, semi-crossing my legs.

"Which is why you stopped going to church? So your bible?"

"It's still a comfort, occasionally. So I take it everywhere, it doesn't get much use but it feels wrong not carrying it around, I do pray sometimes. I often wonder if I'm ready to go back to church but now…"

"You're wondering who you're praying to since the angels are a bunch of dicks who say God has gone?" It's hard to tell what his mood is right now.

"Yeah, I guess. Though Castiel seems okay, for an angel. You used to pray, didn't you? Until you met them."

"Yeah. A long time ago."

Great that was a conversation stopper. Stifle a yawn but he sees anyway. "Come on, lie back down."

I don't like being told what to do. Pull my shirt back on and walk to the bathroom, afterwards go to the sink for a glass of water and to take a few more ibuprofen, refill my glass then seeing Sam has turned the bedside lamp on I turn the cabin light off, put the water on the bedside table and climb between the sheets, lying on my back.

It's all been a bit much. I know I won't be able to prevent crying much longer so I turn my back on him again, hoping I can stop the sobs even if I can't stop the tears. He just put his arms around me, holding me close till I have cried myself to sleep.

Staying at a friend's beach house. We go for a walk on the beach first. Steep entry, and quite a few people roaming make me give up quickly. Go back alone to make some lunch.

The boyfriend has some trouble sleeping and disturbs me trying to sleep on the couch while he dusts.

Dream of some kind of locker room and a guy I seem to be close with is there smiling before walking out. Turn to put my story in my bag and get changed when hear noises coming from a locker, try opening each one but no joy. When get to the shelves I think that I see a tail behind the towels, but it quickly vanishes. Go behind the lockers to see what's there.

Next thing I know people are milling around, chatting happily, getting changed and checking each other out.

Someone spots my bag and wonders aloud where I am. I step into view 'Hey guys'... "Hello? I'm right here." Someone sees my story sticking out and grabs it. "Yes, read it it's true, someone please."

"Look at all these drafts," the guy says flicking through the pile. A girl hisses at him. "Put it away! I don't think she wants anyone reading that." They put it down under my cap. #CLAP CLAP CLAP# "Gowns check everyone" a call comes from near the door and people make their way over. I follow "Hello?" Starting to get louder now, panicking. The roster being called so they can get in order, so find it most frustrating when my name comes up.

The group follows someone to the stage where yellow wooden bleachers have been set up so the audience can see everyone, who are currently waiting in the hallway. I don't stop going up to people, screaming by this point. Giving up, sit on a step, head in hands. An announcer comes out "A graduent is missing, has anyone seen Grace Evans?" Slowly several of the presently assembled audience raise their hands and a few immediately start getting out their phones. Preparing for my phone to ring I put my hand in my pocket, it's not there. It was definitely there earlier.

Eventually they start without me. I watch helplessly as my friends and classmates graduate, walking alongside some, heart sinking as this is s'posed to be my special day too.

Wake up in a sweat, my head's banging, breathing fast, my face is burning.