A/N
Thank you for reading this far. Enjoy the final chapter.
If you skipped the last chapter here's a quick overview:
Sam found Grace's bible and questions her about it bringing part of her past painfully bubbling to the surface and then she has a nightmare.
#CHAPTER 9#
Wake up in a sweat, my head's banging, breathing fast, my face is burning.
"Grace?" Sam's voice floats up from behind me. I sit up.
"I'm fine." Obviously not very convincingly, because he sits up too. "No, you don't seem fine. You look terrified."
Slightly breathless I answer. "Nightmare, headaches, what's new, oh yeah my bloody head is pounding." Sit over the edge of the bed thinking I'm going to be sick, shivering all over. Go to take another set of ibuprofen, splash my face, neck etc. in the kitchen sink.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"It was just a stupid dream. They mean nothing."
"You have a bad one every time you fall asleep."
"Yeah, why do you think I got desperate enough to try Seline Capensis? It's not as if I use it for dream walking." Hopping back into the bed, placing a glass of water on the bedside table.
"But this one seemed worse."
"It was different, strange, my heads worse. It's probly just the booze."
"Or not, try me."
"Well it started out normal enough, hanging out at the beach with friends, arguing over food. Then it's like a dream, within the dream. I was in this locker room with a different friend who hugged me, then left me alone, after putting some papers in my backpack I some heard noises, was searching around; then it was like a time jump; other people came in but no one could see me. One walked right through me. I screamed but no one heard me. There's more but I can't remember." Rubbing my forehead roughly, Sam is rubbing my back on small circles in a comforting manner.
"Being invisible isn't a new dream, it's my normal 'naked in class' type dream; why would it scare me now?"
"I don't know, maybe your right, or it could just be a reaction to your first hunt, I mean for most people a run-in with a ghost isn't an everyday occurrence and it can be tough, even for seasoned hunters. And you got hurt." Gently holding my bandaged hand.
"Hmm, I s'pose."
"Why don't you try go back to sleep?"
"Seriously?"
"You think you'll have another nightmare?"
"If I can even get back to sleep."
"You're going to be exhausted, you can't drive home like this, and I won't let you."
"So what do you suggest then?"
"That you just try again. No. No. Hell no. You're not taking the root again, it's dangerous."
"You could come in to? You have some control with the root, don't you?"
"No way."
"Okay." lying back down, again with my back to him and wrap the sheet around tight.
"Grace..." trying to put his arm back around me, but I shake him off. I have to try sleep without him, since after today I will never see him again. Part of me wants to make the most of his presence, part wishes he won't leave me. But he's supposed to be alone. I'm supposed to be alone. This is just nuts.
I still can't believe I've met him and this has all happened, what if this is the dream, one crazy, long arse dream. After ages of pretending to sleep think 'This is not working; try think of something, need to sleep, need to get out of here but he won't sleep.' I'm going crazy, well more crazy.
Screw it, I roll over and huddle in close, if I can sleep my headache will go and I will be able to get out of here. Eventually drift off.
It's a weird dream but nothing too scary.
I'm woken by a knock on the door, it's light outside, rub my eyes and see Sam putting his jeans on, and still shirtless he opens the door.
"Room service." Carter laughs. "Breakfast is over didn't want you to miss out. How was your night."
I sit up, rubbing my eyes again. Remnants of the headache are hanging around. Sam says "Okay considering."
"Morning Sam. How was your watch?"
"Quiet which is what I expected. You alright?"
"Yeah, I'm good."
"Right, well I'll leave you to it then. See you later."
We fall back into silence. While we eat I speak up. "So you gonna leave today too?"
"Yeah, case is over, you're okay. Time to move on."
"Got another case?"
"Nah, something will come up though, always does."
"Do you think you'll ever stop? You told Ruby you didn't want to be 'doing this when you're an old man' but if you don't stop you won't get old. I bet the likes of Bobby are rare for hunters?"
"Yeah, I know. Dean tried to get out, lived with Lisa and Ben for a year, he's back hunting. I don't think it's possible, I wish it were possible to have a normal life," exhaling, then breathing in deep, "just not for us."
"That's kinda sad. I mean you only have each other and Bobby, you've both died several times, one day one of you won't come back and then what? You didn't exactly handle Dean being in Hell very well and I bet he didn't with you in the cage? I mean Ruby was a bitch, but what would have happened to you if she hadn't of been around?"
"I don't know." Pain fills his face.
"I'm sorry, shouldn't have bought it up." Getting up, put a hand on his shoulder for a second, head for my bag. "I'm going to have a shower." Grabbing my things. In the bathroom remove my bandages and hop into the large, modern, flat, cream shower; imagining him following me in here and watching me through the glass door and maybe joining me. Slap myself. Stop it! Let my mind float through random things.
He's still sitting in the same position when I come out. "You alright?"
"Yeah."
"Sorry." Drop my things on the bed and do the dishes, before sitting on the bed to redo my bandages; Sam just sits there, quiet as a mouse. Planting my chair in front of him. "Spill." Nothing. "Come on. What is it? Sam?" Stare him down until he reluctantly opens his mouth. "You're right but it's more likely to be Dean on his own than me."
I frown. "What's that supposed mean?"
"When I was taken out of the cage, my soul was left behind, it was tortured by Michael and Lucifer; I was wreaking havoc soulless so Dean made a deal with Death to shove it back in me. Death put up a sort of wall in my mind to protect me from the Hell part. As a result I can't remember anything I did between jumping in the pit and waking up in Bobby's panic room 18 months later."
"Dean was warned we 'can't scratch the wall' but there was this case where it cracked a little and I remembered little bit, but it was cracked enough that I passed out. According to Dean it was only a few minutes; meanwhile I was 'back in Hell' and it felt like a week. If this wall comes down I'm toast."
While he's talked my hand has covered my mouth. Dropping my hand to his knee "Oh my God." I whisper. "Wow, umm and nothing can be done? What about Cass?"
"He can't do anything." Shaking his head.
"Oh. Isn't that more of a reason to stop hunting? The supernatural life could keep cracking the wall won't it?"
"I can't just walk away from the life."
"You did when you went to Stanford." Slapping my hand over my mouth, mentally slapping my forehead.
"I'm not the same guy that went to school, I ran away. There is no point in running anymore. There is a war going on, we need to be out there."
"There are other hunters, it doesn't just have to just be the Winchesters saving the world. How many times have you done it already? When is enough going to be enough? What's your reward for killing yourself over and over?"
"The people we save."
"And how are you supposed to save people if you're dead?"
We both become quiet now, boy have I really stuck my foot in it. There must be some tape around to shut my mouth with.
"Listen I'm a nobody with no right to tell you how to live, it's just a shame that the life you live must suck sometimes. Couldn't you have a family and hunt? Have a bit of both rather than one or the other?"
"And put them in danger? Something always comes, how do you think Dean got back into hunting? He was dragged back. He tried doing that for a while, the 'have a family at home, leaving to hunt' bit but it got too hard for Lisa."
"Oh okay umm was just a thought, just sucks. As long as you're happy with just saving people, you deserve some happiness Sam. I hope you know that."
He's making me feel sorry for him. I'm dying to give him a hug but he's a Winchester (they don't tend to be affectionate, only hugging when back from the dead, etc.), settle for giving him a quick pat on the shoulder and a peck on the cheek, as I get up to re-pack up my things. Send Tapping a text about lunch then grab my book, lie on the bed to read until I have to meet up with her, since talking with Sam obviously we are going to be back to awkward city. I can't concentrate on what I'm reading, going over the same page several times, thinking about what he's said is rough. I wish I could help him, or get him to talk more. Just watch him, his back to me.
"You gonna join me and Carter for lunch at half 12?"
"Think I will have lunch in town."
"It's not because of me is it? The talk? If it is then I'm sorry. Sometimes I have no idea when to shut my mouth. Like I said not good with people."
He finally gets up turns and stands facing me, I can't read his face. "No Grace, it's okay, it's not you."
"You sure 'coz you seemed fine until I asked some stupid questions, now you are umm weird."
"I'm fine." Strolling into the bathroom and I hear the shower turn on. Again my imagination starts to run wild but I just pinch myself and try to return to my book. What is wrong with me? It's like now I've got some, I can't get enough; eased along by Sam's total hotness. As I'm thinking this he saunters back in the room, shirtless. That gorgeous body, rippling muscles. I can't help but stare at his delicious form.
Sitting up I realise I'm biting my tongue, and fingernails are digging into my palm; freaking grinning like a Cheshire cat. "You should put a shirt on." let out a tiny giggle.
"You got a problem?" He asks with all seriousness.
"Nope, no problem at all," having a little problem looking at his face, totally feel my face warming up.
Get up to grab a glass of water, he's still just standing there. "Something wrong Sam?"
Lightly he answers. "No."
Walk right up to him. "Really?" Itching to touch that chest again but it is so not the right time. Look up into his face, him down into my mine.
All of a sudden he's swooping down on me. I'm being pushed backwards towards the bed, lips locked, he falls on the edge, sitting; I swing a leg over so I'm perched on his knees, his hands are in my hair, I have one in his, the other arm around his neck.
Before I know it my top is gone. Whoa - how is this happening again? I don't want to stop but I slow down, trying to pull back, I grab his face with both hands.
"Sam? Sam. No."
"What's wrong?"
I slide back off him. "You." Start before coming to the realisation I'm standing in my bra, gaze around for my top and put it back on.
"What?"
"This isn't right, that was one strange mood change. Sam, you can't cover up whatever is wrong with sex, as much as I want to. We shouldn't." Sit on his knee, arms around his neck, "our conversation change umm obviously upset you and umm sheesh I dunno. This is not the way to deal with it." Stroking his face.
"That's rich coming from you."
He's right and it stings a bit. I close my eyes for a count of ten. "I know, I guess we're both wrong." DEEP BREATHS "I get it you don't wanna talk anymore, that's fine, but this is not the answer."
I lightly kiss him on the lips before standing, picking up my book off the bed, putting it in my pack before slinging it over my shoulder, picking up my bag with my good hand. Spot the whiskey bottle on the bench, deciding I don't want it. "I'm gonna wait for Tapping in the mess, then go. Take care of yourself. Okay Sam?" There's no reply and I can't look at him as I walk out the door.
Sit outside the lodge in the sun reading my book until Sam turns up. "Are you alright?" I look up at her nodding. "So why don't I believe you?"
"I am okay Sam, just had a rough talk with Sam, got a little shaken, it's nothing, let's just eat and then I'll head off."
We head inside, fill our plates and sit. Eat a bit before she clears her throat. I put down my fork and look at her. "What's up?"
"Well it seemed you two were getting rather ah close and now you're fuming. It doesn't take a genius to see something's wrong."
"You are a genius." Laughing at her, then the smile droops. "Yeah some things happened, and then some other things happened." She just glares at me. Tsking. I take a deep breath. "Yes, we slept together and then I asked him some very stupid questions and he kinda snapped. I deserved it."
She pulls out her phone, quickly tapping out a text. *Are you still here?*
Sam: *Yes still in cabin for a few minutes*
"Right. Come on," she says getting up.
"What?" Utterly confused. What's more important than food right now?
"He's about to leave."
"So?" I snap.
"Grace, I'm trying to help you both."
Getting up reluctantly to follow her. I leave my bags under a chair outside the mess door. "Don't see the point in this; we are both leaving."
Grumpily, striding after her. I stand back while she knocks on the cabin door. Sam answers, not surprised to see me there. "This wasn't my idea." I say to him.
"You left your pillow behind and the bottle on the bench."
"Have the bottle. If you don't it's going down the drain." He looks a little surprised at that.
Tapping looks between us. "Something has changed between you, I'm not blind."
"And we are both leaving. So what?"
A rather loud "ha" slips out of my mouth.
"What?" He directs the question to me.
"She just said that on the way over here." Tapping answers him.
"Whatever. Get to the point T." I just want to get back to my lunch.
"Looks to me like you both hurt each other. Don't leave it like this. I'm going to leave you talk properly. Goodbye Sam, t'was nice to meet you."
"You too Colonel Carter." They nod to each other. She turns and goes back to the mess.
"I've already said I'm sorry a dozen times and I am, there's nothing else to say. I don't know what she expects me to say." Sam goes into the cabin, grabs my pillow, puts my bottle in his bag, zips it up and closes the cabin.
"Walk with me to the car?" He asks, passing over the pillow.
"Okay." heading towards the car park. "So what's on your mind Sammy?"
"I'm sorry too."
Keep my head down, watching my feet. "Don't worry about it."
"No Grace, listen I shouldn't have said it."
"Even though you were right?"
"Still it shouldn't have been said."
"Okay."
After a short silence he clears his throat. "I like you, I really do but-"
"You don't want to get close to anyone in case they get hurt. I get it, told you, no expectations."
"Stop trying to finish my sentences."
"So you weren't about to say that? Or at least something along those lines?" Sam looks at the ground. "Just don't tell me you'll see me again; not like you told Sarah. I know the score, don't lie to me please. Though I mean it when I said if you're ever in my area I'm there for you or Dean, alright?"
"Okay."
"Thank you Sam, really. I don't know what I would have done without you here."
He chucks his bag in the backseat and leans on the boot. "You don't have to thank me."
"I don't? I think I do. Sorry and thank you - must be my words of the week."
"Alright. You take care of yourself okay?"
"Yeah, you too." Shift awkwardly.
"Come here" holding his hands out a little, cautiously I step forward, he pulls me in for the softest longest kiss I've ever had, his hands firmly on my back. A few more little kisses are had before he releases his hold on me.
"Be careful out there Sammy." Patting his chest. "Don't lose my number, okieday?"
"Goodbye Grace."
He gets in and I stand back watching him drive off, until I can no longer see the blue dot.
Dump my pillow in my car and wander back to the mess. Go back to Sam a lot happier, "You okay?" She asks.
"Aha." We finish off lunch, she brings up whether I will go to the funeral tomorrow and gives me the details. I honestly don't know whether I should go. Do vacation 'relationships' have the right to go to funerals? Last time I saw Moira she didn't want to know me.
When there is nothing left to say I grab my things and she walks me to my little, beat-to-hell silver car.
I thank and hug her too and then drive off myself, watch her getting smaller in my rear-view mirror.
This is going to be one holiday I will never forget.
The End.
A/N 2
If you liked this story feel free to 1) tell me and 2) hop on the next bus to my crazy land and read part 2 Saving Grace: Consequences.