There is no greater evil than a woman's wrath. I know that's not how the quote exactly goes but you know what? I'm 17; I'm allowed to screw up stuff.
Which...is good...because man did I screw stuff up. I know I shouldn't have lied to Kairi and I know I should have expected the other shoe to drop at some point, but I was hoping I'd at least have a little more time. I would never admit this in person, but Kairi really does freak me out when she's mad. It doesn't happen often and it never lasts long, but "batten down the hatches" has never applied so strongly.
Now that Kairi knew that something was up? I had an even bigger mess to fix.
After a pretty much sleepless night, I dragged myself out of bed the day after my birthday, half-assing my way through my morning routine even more thacn usual. The sheer dread I was feeling was probably palpable since no one in the house spoke to me or tried to get me to hurry up and leave. I drove as slowly as I could to Kairi's and as I arrived in front of the Harada house, I tapped on the steering wheel nervously and waited. As soon as Kairi got in the car she was going to explode and I was going to feel like a huge asshole and it was going to be a mess.
But when she exited the house and got in the car, she did the exact opposite.
"Uh…morning, Kai." I had to handle this with some sense of tact, but even giving her a slight grin I was met with silence.
"Cute skirt." More silence, and this time she turned to look out the window instead. I let the silence linger between us as I drove us to school, and it was once I saw the parking lot ahead I tried one more time.
"Man, that pre-calc test yesterday was hard, huh?" And again, more silence. I parked in a space close to the building and killed the ignition not long after. "Look, Kairi-"
She didn't even let me finish before she got out of the car and grabbed her bag, slamming the door behind her. I scrambled after her, nearly locking my keys in the car and slamming the door on my fingers in the process.
"Are you ignoring me on purpose?" I finally asked her probably the most obvious question in the world, and the look she gave me was enough to give me chills. I could swear that her eyes even changed from a warm blue to an icy tone before she marched forward and entered through one of the doors, not even bothering to hold it open for me. Narrowly avoiding getting squished between the doors I darted in after her and followed her down the hall.
"Kairi come on! Talk to me. Please?" She barely turned her head and raised an eyebrow at me before rolling her eyes, promptly turning and walking into the girls' bathroom. The door swished closed behind her and I knew I lost my chance.
"Harsh, dude." Of course Sora had followed us in and witnessed the whole thing. Why wouldn't the universe want to screw with me like that? Wordlessly, I turned around and headed for my locker, Sora right on my tail.
"Okay be honest. How mad is she?"
"Oh, she's not mad." It was a matter-of-fact tone as Sora reached into my locker and grabbed a spare granola bar from the top shelf as soon as I opened the door.
"Oh thank god."
"She's furious."
"Seriously...?"
"Yeah, and I can't say I blame her." That same judgmental look was back even as he ripped open the wrapper and shoved half of the bar in his mouth. "It was kind of a jerk move, dude."
"I thought you were covering for me."
"Yeah, I tried. You probably should have remembered she would come in the house."
He's right, I should have. Kairi loves my mom and...if I was actually doing what I'd said I would be she would have just joined us. That was the biggest flaw in the plan.
I did feel like an ass after that, in case you were wondering.
"How badly did it go over…?"
"Well." Sora swallowed what was in his mouth as he fell into step with me again. We usually take the same path, but most mornings I'm with Kairi and he finds Riku immediately. He took his time in explaining as he hitched his bursting-at-the-seams backpack up onto his shoulders again and folded his arms behind his head to stretch. "She yelled at me for a while. And then she threw a box at me. And then she said she was more disappointed that you lied to her instead of being mad you ditched her. So I'd say you just hurt her feelings more than anything and you have a lot of ass-kissing to do to get back in her good graces." I knew he was right, but somehow it made me feel even worse to hear him say so. He looked pretty serious about it, too, but he stopped outside of the ASB office and squeezed my shoulder instead.
"Just be honest with her. I don't know why you didn't tell her the truth in the first place, but...it's not hopeless." There was a shrug and a wave as he disappeared, bidding me good luck over his shoulder before I went to face my doom.
Kairi and I both have Yearbook first thing in the morning. Kairi's really big on this kind of thing and she wanted something for the two of us to do together, not to mention "Roxas, it'll look really good on college applications. I promise." It wasn't exactly hard and I did like designing the pages, but at times like these I would have donated all of my organs to the black market just to be anywhere else.
Two minutes before class started and three after the warning bell rang, she turned up, silently settling in her chair and scooting about as far away as she could while still being in front of her computer. It was a little funny seeing her stretched out as far as possible, but it was less funny once I picked up on the implications. The bell rang to signal the beginning of the day and Sora's voice crackled through the intercom for the morning announcements just like it did every day. It was easy enough to tune him out and instead I turned to my computer and pulled up my layout page. Someone thought it would be hilarious to give me one of the sports layouts knowing damn well I have no idea about most of our sports teams, but at least it looked pretty awesome.
I wasn't the only one who thought so. It wasn't long until I felt a presence looming over my shoulder and I spotted Kairi examining my work, nodding slightly.
"Nice job." It was stiff and it was awkward and she started to roll her chair back to her desk when I hooked my ankle around one of the wheels to stop her.
"Kairi, wait a sec."
"What?"
"Okay look, I know you're mad at me, but what if I told you I actually have a really good excuse?" I could see that she wanted to ask even if she still wasn't looking at me. The seconds ticked by and she finally huffed as she leaned back in her chair to face me.
"You better have a good explanation."
I took a look around me to make sure nobody else was eavesdropping, but to my relief everyone seemed immersed in their own projects and conversations. That didn't stop me from leaning in as close as possible to murmur under my breath.
"I think I had a date with Axel." She pulled back very suddenly, eyes wide and a startled gasp leaving her lips.
"You what?" My hand flew over to immediately cover her mouth and keep her voice down for her. Likewise, she immediately batted said-hand away with enough force that I almost smacked myself in the face. "Tell me everything. What do you mean you think? And why didn't you tell me that in the first place yesterday?"
"Um." I didn't exactly have a great excuse, I knew that much, but I bit my lip and shrugged instead. "I knew you'd make it into this whole big thing and...I don't know. I was already nervous enough as it was. I didn't need the extra pressure of having to remember everything to give you details later."
"I suppose that's true." She conceded fairly easily and looked at my monitor, eyes narrowing before she placed her fingers on my keyboard and fixed a typo I'd made in my layout. "But you are going to give me details, aren't you? I think you owe me that much for ditching me and lying to me, Roxas."
"Alright, alright. But you have to promise you're not going to interrupt."
"I'll think about it."
The pointed look I gave her probably got the message across, but she simply beamed at me instead. "So anyway. He surprised me a couple of days ago saying he had some tickets for this concert from some breakout band that was playing in Twilight Town on my actual birthday that someone bailed on and he wanted to know if I wanted the extra ticket. Since I'm not an idiot, I said yes. We had to leave right after school and the show was pretty short but the music was good, he bought me a cupcake, you busted me at 2am and I gave myself an ulcer worrying about how to make this all up to you. And that's about the extent of my birthday that was really important."
She was silent which wasn't exactly a good thing. It wasn't an immediate bad thing, but Kairi being silent meant that she was thinking something over and I was sort of afraid of what she might end up thinking about when it came down to this.
"He took you to Twilight Town."
"Yes."
"Which is four hours away."
"Yes."
"For a concert. Because he knows you're a musician and you're into music."
"Yes."
"And he bought you a cupcake."
"Yes."
"And you guys kissed."
"Ye-no." I couldn't believe I almost fell for that, but she almost looked disappointed by the change in answer.
"What? Roxas! It's not a date if you didn't kiss," she pointed out.
"Why not?"
"Because it's not. Did either of you actually call it a date?"
...that was kind of an important detail, wasn't it. I didn't have an answer for her and I could only give her a wide-eyed look as I considered that. Was she right? Was it not a date even if it definitely felt like one and we kind of flirted and he thought I was some semblance of attractive?
But then again, she had a point. Neither of us had officially called it a date and I frowned at the realization before shaking my head.
"I'm not really sure what else to call it. But no. It wasn't called that." She didn't reply even after I'd said it and she seemed to be mulling that over before she chose a different route.
"Did you have fun at least?"
"...it was the best night I've had in a while." I couldn't tell what, exactly, she was fishing for but that answer seemed to satisfy her as she smiled again.
"We can talk more about this on Friday when we're alone." The tone was quiet, conscious of the fact that people were still around us and I wasn't even considering coming out to anyone else inside these four walls. "Okay?"
"Deal." It was almost immediate, but I needed my best friend and more than that I didn't want her to stay mad. She turned back to her computer and began telling me about some movies she had picked out for Friday, but my thoughts kept looping back to what she'd said about my birthday date not being a real date.
So what did that mean? Did that mean that Axel and I were hanging out as friends? As more than friends? What was this? I hated not knowing, but I really didn't have anybody to ask other than Kairi, and I already had her answer. Besides, there was no way I was going to walk up to Axel and ask him. With my luck, he'd take it the totally wrong way and I'd have an even bigger mess on my hands.
The only thing I could do was put the subject in the back of my mind, tell Kairi why we weren't going to watch seven chick flicks back to back, copy and paste photos into my layout and ignore the Axel thing for later. I was getting really good at this avoidance thing...so why stop now?
I think I must have been off for that entire morning because I had no less than six people ask me if I was okay and call me out for being a spacecase. I didn't really know how to answer that, and I had a feeling that if it was obvious to other people in my classes it was probably going to be obvious to my friends.
So, I did the absolutely courageous thing and skipped heading to the cafeteria with everybody else under the guise that I had some stuff to work on in the library and that I'd catch up with them later. The problem with that was the fact that I had to actually go to the library and back up my second lie in the last 24 hours and that meant not actually getting food. If I timed it just right, I could grab a snack just before the bell rang for afternoon classes and still avoid everybody until I got my head on straight.
The thing about our library is that it's one of the nicest school libraries I've seen. There're couches and tables and walls and walls of books both fictional and non-fiction. If I'm honest, reading has always been a thing I liked even if I haven't made time for it in the last several years. During this time of day not a lot of people were actually in the library. There were a few people who were studying on their own and had lunch in front of them and one or two people lingering the aisle looking for something to read. I let my mind wander some more as I drifted down an aisle in the middle, completely bypassing non-fiction and jumping right into something a little less real. I've never been big on YA novels (especially when someone (named Selphie) kept trying to get me to read a book about vampires that came out a few weeks back) but something about actual fiction was comforting.
I was wandering the aisles when something from last night surfaced to the front of my head.
"Invisible Monsters. Read it to understand everything."
He didn't even give me an author, but that's what computers were for. The catalogue system of the library's easy enough to figure out so it didn't take long for me to find what I was looking for and dash forward to an aisle down at the end. Wiggling the black and rainbow-colored book out from where it was wedged, I looked it over and scanned the back really quick. It seemed easy enough, and maybe by reading it I really would understand everything. I still had about twenty minutes left of lunch by that point and I'm a fast reader. I could get through a couple of chapters. With that in mind, I settled into one of the couches in the back near a window and cracked the book open, immediately immersing myself in the text.
It was maybe about ten minutes later that my phone buzzed with a text from Kairi. Blindly groping for it in my pocket, I flipped my phone open and squinted at the screen.
where are you? you just missed a pop quiz in calc!
"What?"
It didn't matter that I was immediately shushed for being too loud. Kairi's text didn't make sense and I shut the book as I glanced at the clock above me.
Lunch was over. Fifth period was over. I had three minutes to get to sixth period and I had already finished about half of the novel.
"Shit." I practically vaulted off of the couch with the novel in my hands, completely forgetting to check it out of the system and dashing my way down the hall to my English class. Teitzel was just closing the door as I barreled my way inside, crashing straight into my desk and breathlessly looking toward Axel.
"Can I borrow a pen? And like four sheets of paper?"
I'd forgotten my binder in my locker, too, and all I had on me was the library book and a sense of horror dawning on me knowing I'd spaced as hard as I had.
"Where'd you disappear to?" Even as he handed me the requested items I got the sense he was trying not to make fun of me. I had to give him some credit for being marginally successful.
"Shut up, this is your fault." I didn't explain beyond that, using a sheet of paper to hide the novel on my desk before looking up at the board to write down that day's notes.
"What'd I do?" He lifted an eyebrow even as he followed suit and wrote everything down as Teitzel scrawled on the board ahead of us. "You're the one who told me you didn't have a curfew last night."
"That's not what I meant!" I did my best to keep my voice low so we wouldn't get busted for talking in class, but it was hard not to answer. "Never mind, just pay attention to what you're doing and know that this is your fault."
The derisive snort didn't assure me that he was going to listen, but he remained quiet as we settled into the lesson. Both of us were on our best behavior and trying to pay attention, but my mind kept wandering both to the book and to the boy next to me and how they both connected. So far I wasn't getting it, but at least the story was interesting...and weird. Definitely, definitely weird. Not a word was exchanged between us for the rest of the period and when the bell rang I grabbed my papers and the book, tossing the pen back onto Axel's desk.
"What, no explanation?" He got up from his desk and followed me out of the classroom toward my locker.
"Nope. I have to meet Kairi and come up with an excuse for why I skipped fifth period."
"What's the real reason?"
"I already told you, it's your fault."
"I'm not even in your fifth period."
Once we were at my locker, I whirled around and thrusted the book up toward his nose, shaking it back and forth for a moment.
"This! You told me to read this and I started to and then I lost track of time. You didn't warn me about this!" Taking a step back, he pushed my hand away to get a better look at what I was practically blinding him with and had the audacity to smirk at me.
"I didn't think you'd listen." There was a pleased sort of note in his tone and for once instead of aggravating me it felt a little...nice? Was nice the word I wanted? It made me feel like I did something right, like maybe I was special for doing something unexpected but wanted.
God, I hated that.
"Yeah, I shouldn't have. You're a bad influence. Making me go on an eight-hour trip with you, making me go to a concert, making me share a cupcake and stay out late with you…"
He didn't reply for a moment and it was the silence that got me to look up from where I'd already turned back toward my locker. The door was open and I was halfway inside grabbing my bag when I clued in he wasn't answering and instead leaning over the top of the door. "What?"
"Nothing, nothing." He waved a hand. "Just that you look a lot better when you're smiling like that instead of bitching at me."
I hated that even more, especially knowing I wasn't even aware I was smiling. I didn't even know how to respond to that, but luckily I didn't have to. I heard Kairi call my name from somewhere behind me and Axel pulled back, giving me another look before he turned on his heel. "I'll see you later, Roxas. Let me know what you think of the book."
Stupidly, I stood there and watched him leave as Kairi approached my side and stared in the same direction I was staring.
"What was that all about?"
"Nothing." The word was immediate and broke me out of my trance, giving me time to gather everything I needed for that night and shove it into my bag. "How much was the pop quiz worth?"
"Not much. It was mostly attendance points." She began leading us out of the building and toward my car, still trying to read my expression as I shoved Invisible Monsters into my backpack, too. "Do you have an excuse for skipping? You didn't fall asleep somewhere, did you…?"
"Of course not. I'm not Sora." I didn't have enough in me to actually feel offended and as I unlocked my car she skipped ahead to let herself in. "I just lost track of time in the library, no big deal. Do we have math homework?"
"You're really bad at changing the subject. But no, no homework. I have to work though, can you drop me off at Noon Moon after I change?"
"Sure." Truthfully I didn't have anything better to do anyway. "I might stick around to get some homework done. I can't concentrate if my house is too quiet."
"Sora's working today?"
"Think so. Let's just get out of here." For some reason being in the hallways were making me nervous, like Axel was still around watching me somewhere. Without even really waiting for her, I made sure my locker was locked tight and headed toward the parking lot.
I won't lie. As soon as we got to Noon Moon and Kairi clocked in I sat at my usual place at the counter near her and immediately pulled the copy of Invisible Monsters back out of my bag. I knew I had other homework I should be doing but I was slowly becoming obsessed with understanding and I knew I wouldn't be able to focus otherwise.
The café was pretty quiet that day to say the least but it was a steady slew of kids from our school and kids from the local college and the like. Kairi kept herself busy and I flipped through pages and pages at a pace that was fast even for me.
The sound of porcelain clinking on the countertop got my attention though and when I looked up Kairi had set a mug of hot chocolate in front of me.
"You're really invested in that book." The line of customers had dwindled and it allowed her time to lean her elbows on the counter and watch me. "What is that?"
"Something Axel recommended." I didn't have a problem telling her that much, and instead I looked down at the book again and blindly groped for the mug.
"Is that why you missed class?"
"This is one of the weirdest things I've ever read in my life. I don't even know how to describe it other than a bunch of people with secrets and hidden identities and non-linear timelines."
"Are you reading it because you like it? Or because Axel told you to?"
It was a valid question but I still couldn't help but snort into my cup.
"Please. Like I'd just do whatever he asked me to do."
"You know that point has kind of worn thin considering you let him talk you into going to a concert four hours away on a school night. I'm just pointing that out." Grabbing a rag, she began wiping down the counter.
"It's been a while since I've really read something that wasn't required for class. I just like the break."
She didn't say anything for a moment, silently working and observing me as I finished a chapter and took a sip of my drink. I could almost picture the look on her face without actually looking at her.
"...I really am glad you guys are getting along," she finally said. "Axel's...weird, but he fits in pretty well and he's actually nice once you get to know him. But it sort of sounds like you're getting to know him way faster than the rest of us."
"I'm going to stop you right there before you say anything." I looked up again. "I still have a lot of suspicions about him."
"Aren't you sort of suspicious of everyone though?"
I didn't even get a chance to answer before my phone chimed with a text. Flipping it open, I scrolled to find the new message.
bday dinner. mom and aunt kia want to take both of us out. where r u?
Sora. I guess because I'd bailed the day before I had a lot of catching up to do...and it meant having to put the book down. Again.
"I gotta go." I tucked the novel into my backpack and drained the rest of the mug, ignoring the way the liquid chocolate burned my tongue just a little. "Mom wants to do birthday dinner with me and Sora and Aunt Seiya. For real this time."
"I should get my own ride home?" She didn't seem too put-out at least. "I can see if Riku can get me on his way home. Go have fun."
I didn't know how to tell her I was still distracted but in the end I grinned and waved her off, disappearing from the café and heading home.
I could tell you all about the details of birthday dinner with my family, but in the end it's...you know. Family. We went to my favorite place (Trident's has the most amazing seafood) and even with a giant lobster tail in front of my face my mind kept wandering to the events of the day before, Axel, and Axel's stupid book. Nevertheless it was nice just having dinner with the four of us even as Sora was talking about early applications opening for the university of his choice and my mom not-so-subtly hinted she knew I wasn't at Kairi's last night but wasn't going to openly ask me about it.
My mom's pretty good that way, I guess. Things were a little rough after my parents split up but my mom's always been the most supportive person even if sometimes her support is a little...overbearing.
...I know what you're thinking. "Roxas, if that's true, have you considered coming out to her?"
Absolutely not.
Supportive though my mom may be...it was still hard sometimes. With Sora and Riku being Sora and Riku, I got a lot of the jokes about how I'm the only hope for grandchildren for both my mom and my aunt and even though she knows Kairi and I are just friends there's been more than a handful of comments about how we're a perfect match.
Dramatic though it may be, I wasn't entirely ready to crush her dreams yet.
Dinner went for a couple of hours and even though my thoughts were elsewhere it wasn't hard to relax around my family. On the other hand, then it was going back to the house and receiving birthday presents and having dessert and a few rounds of Scrabble because that's just what we do as a family. Bonding. Board games. Taking up a lot of my time when I had a lot of stuff I wanted to be doing. It wasn't that I was ungrateful. Really! I love my family and I love hanging out with them like this...but I also could acknowledge I had this weird thing with a cute boy and something to prove and that meant finishing a book about drag queens and models with missing jawlines.
Luckily it was Sora who called it quits first at about ten, yawning and stretching his arms over his head before citing he had a lot of homework to finish, plus some stuff for the ASB, plus some other itinerary of stuff he needed to do. To be honest sometimes I'm not even sure what he's actually involved in anymore because he's always busy. It wasn't hard to notice the slight bags under his eyes and it occurred to me that maybe he was doing too much.
But simultaneously, selfishly, all I thought of was the fact that it meant he'd leave me alone and I could get away with what I was doing. Bidding everyone goodnight I practically vaulted up to my room and carefully shut the door, ignoring pretty much every bit of homework I had with the idea I'd do it in Yearbook first thing in the morning. The book was ripped out of my bag and I dove straight into my covers, flicking on the bedside lamp to keep reading.
...I think we've already established I'm bad with the passage of time, but by the time I finished the book at 2am I couldn't even comprehend that this would be considered late for some people. It felt like a bomb had gone off in my chest, gut-wrenching and volatile and uncertain. The ending of the book was a lot to unpack, a lot to address and a lot to understand but there were some things in particular that stood out.
Without thinking about it and working on autopilot I grabbed my phone from the pocket of my pants (that I was still wearing, because changing into pajamas hadn't even occurred to me) and I dialed Axel's number on the automatic. Looking at it now I'm surprised he didn't get angry for calling him at such an early hour, but when he answered his voice sounded strangely awake.
"Little late, isn't it?" He sounded a little taunting but his tone suddenly changed as he listened for a moment. "...are you okay? You sound like you're crying."
I was too stubborn to tell him that I was and instead glared at the phone.
"What the fuck did you just make me read?" He was polite enough not to point out I was sniffling. "Holy shit. What?"
"Ah. So you finished the book."
"What the hell, Axel?"
I was stuck on that, glancing back at the pages again where I'd flagged certain passages and quotes.
"The one you love and the one who loves you are never, ever the same person."
"When did the future, Ellis once wrote on the back of a postcard, switch from being a promise to a threat?"
"Our real discoveries come from chaos," Brandy yells, "from going to the place that looks wrong and stupid and foolish."
"Ellis writes: Your birth is a mistake you'll spend your whole life trying to correct."
"Here's my first real dead end in my life. There's nowhere to go, not the way I am right now, the person I am. Here's my first real beginning."
"There's no escaping fate, it just keeps going. Day and night, the future just keeps coming at you."
Was this...what I was supposed to understand? Were these things Axel agreed with, or were they simply things he also understood? I wasn't sure how to process any of that and it was only when he spoke up that I paid attention to the call again.
"What'd you think?" He prompted me, and angrily swiping my eyes I grabbed a notebook to start copying down quotes.
"...I loved it even though it was pretty fucked up. Is that how you're supposed to feel?"
"Yes." I heard the squeak of a mattress, envisioning him laying on the bed in Demyx's guest room. "That's generally how it should leave you."
"You said that I should read it if I wanted to understand everything, but I feel like I don't understand anything at all. Did I do this wrong?"
There was a thoughtful hum. "...give it a few days, Roxas. Or weeks. Maybe even months. But one day I promise you're going to look back on this and it'll all make sense."
"That's weirdly cryptic of you."
"That's what you get for calling me at 2am." A beat followed. "Do you...want to talk about it?" The offer was hesitant, like he wasn't sure if he should keep me on the line even though I called him.
I couldn't guarantee that I'd ever truly understand what it was he wanted me to, but I kept him on the phone for two hours to dissect the story and felt a little more enlightened than I had in a while.
I suppose I should have been grateful Kairi didn't point out how dead tired I was Friday morning when I picked her up, and equally grateful everybody just gave me space and let things go as they were supposed to go. The day was a blur and the promise of the weekend was on the horizon anyway with a sleepover at Kairi's that night and Demyx's party the next night.
Lunch was busier than usual, too. A lot of people kept stopping by our table to talk about how stoked they were for the party the next evening. Eventually Demyx waved everybody off to focus on our full circle.
...I'm being generous when I say a circle because it never ceases to amaze me how we manage to fit everyone around our lunch table. It was me, Sora, Riku, Kairi, Demyx, Axel, and Selphie crammed at what should have been a four person table. Somehow we made it work though even as Demyx shifted to try and look at everyone.
"So I think we have everything settled and planned. Axel and I are taking care of most of the snacks and drinks."
"And I'm bringing Roxas's birthday cake," Sora interjected while also taking a bite of a slice of chocolate cake on his plate.
"I'm coming by to help unload everything and set up." Riku reached over to take Sora's fork, stealing a bite of the cake for himself.
"Roxas and I still have to get costumes for tomorrow night. Anybody want to come shopping with us after school?" The fork was then passed to Kairi as she followed Riku's lead.
"Can you guys go get your own damn cake?" Sora smacked both of their hands away, shielding his cake from them. The two of them merely snickered but they did pull away.
"Yours tastes better," they said in unison.
"I think we're good on costumes!" Selphie suddenly chimed in, green eyes bright and also hungrily eyeing Sora's cake. "Tidus and I picked everything out last week. What's everybody else doing?"
"I'm gonna be a secret agent." Sora eventually gave up on his cake before sliding the rest to Riku and Kairi to split.
"Well it's not a secret now, is it?" Axel grinned at him, finally choosing to join the conversation even while he was focused on peeling an orange.
"…crap. Whatever, fine, I have a better idea and I'm not telling anybody. Except for Riku. We're going to match, right?"
I'll admit. There's nothing funnier than seeing Riku look like a deer caught in the headlights as he warred between his pride and also giving in to anything Sora wanted.
"I...guess?" he sounded baffled and unsure and maybe it was mean to laugh under my breath before bringing up another point.
"Music. What are we doing about music?"
Demyx shrugged. "Figured we could actually do a show? I know it's your birthday, but what do you think?"
"And there's a piano if you want to add to a creepy kind of vibe." Sora shrugged as he leaned against Riku's shoulder.
"You could dress up as the Phantom of the Opera?"
"Okay first of all, I'm not dressing up like the Phantom. Second of all, that's actually not a bad idea. Getting Sora's drums to your place shouldn't be too bad if we haul everything early in the day, and my bass is portable. We have about a half hour's worth of covers and originals we can use…"
Planning somehow made it feel more official, and even while the three of us started discussing the logistics of performing tomorrow on such short notice, and even while Riku and Kairi and Selphie talked costume options, Axel remained silent and watched the six of us. He pretended to pay more attention to his orange, but I'd grown a little too used to picking up when he was watching me from the corner of his eye.
I hadn't decided if that was better or worse than openly staring though.
On the other hand, he at least seemed a little more relaxed around me when I got to sixth period later that day and we spent the whole class passing notes back and forth about Invisible Monsters and other book recommendations.
how have you not read good omens yet?
I've been busy! how have YOU never finished catcher in the rye?
...touche.
It was just another thing to get closer to him and in a way it sort of felt...I don't know. Like it was our thing. A special thing. That thought sort of carried me out of sixth period on Friday afternoon like I was floating on a cloud, and by the time I met with Kairi at my locker she simply laughed at me and linked arms with me, hauling me out of the building and toward my car.
Halloween is actually one of my favorite holidays. Sora's always preferred Christmas but I've always liked the idea of dressing up and disguising who I am for a night, being whoever I wanted. Despite the fact we should have figured out costumes days ago Kairi and I went to the mall and found ourselves wandering from store to store.
"So hey. Do we want to match?" She asked me even as we window-shopped, arms still linked and eyeing our options.
"I don't know. Do we?" Kairi and I have done matching costumes before, but I could tell we were both thinking the same thing. Now was really not the time to give people the wrong impression. "Maybe the same idea but not exactly matching? I don't even know what I want to be."
"...most of our options are pretty romantic, aren't they?" There was a slightly discontented hum as she thought it over, perfectly manicured nails tapping on my elbow. "I was thinking Fred and Daphne. You know, Scooby Doo? You'd look cute with an ascot and I have the perfect dress I can use."
On the one hand, it did sound fun. It sounded perfect to be honest, lowkey and recognizable, but I must have hesitated too long because she paused, tilting her head and peering up at me inquisitively.
"No? We can think of something else."
"Do you ever just." I stopped not long after that, looking at a magician costume to my left. "...you know. Think about how people must see us?"
"...you mean think about the fact that people assume we're together even though we're not." She rolled her eyes, but there was a smile to soften the blow. "Of course I do, Roxas. I think about that all the time." She began to lead us forward again. "It's sometimes hard, you know? Having people approach me and only address me as "Roxas's girlfriend" even when it's not true."
I didn't know about that and the surprise must have shown on my face given that she quickly laughed. "It's fine, I promise. I always tell people that you're too good for me and you deserve better."
"Shut up." I made a face, using a free hand to push at her head even as she laughed harder. "If anything it's the other way around and you know it." I pointed to a set of Batman and Catwoman costumes and was quickly met with a disapproving noise. "You deserve the best there is for everything, Kai. Boyfriends, best friends, whatever. And I know I'm not always what's best, but I-"
"Am going to stop talking." She cut me off, suddenly turning to get me to face her. "You're amazing. And sweet. And yes, okay, you're a little prickly and sometimes you're selfish but that's part of being human, Roxas. I love you regardless."
We usually don't drop the l-word that often for a lot of the reasons already mentioned, but it's not the first time it's been used in this kind of manner. I didn't know what to say immediately and maybe that was okay. Maybe she wasn't expecting an answer from me because she continued anyway like she hadn't stopped at all.
"I don't really care what people say about us because I know it's not true. And you know it's not true, and if you're worried about certain people thinking it's true...are those people you really want to be around? People who won't even ask you?"
I couldn't help but sigh. "Why do you always know the right thing to say?"
"Call it female intuition." She squeezed my hand, turning her head to look in the window of the next shop. Whatever she was going to say though seemed so slip her mind as she suddenly stopped, pulling me closer to point through the glass. "Those. Roxas, those are perfect!" Looking up I followed her line of vision and felt my eyes widen as the possibilities suddenly came flooding through my head.
She was right. They were perfect, and without another word I dragged her into the shop to get everything we needed.
Friday night was spent with a barrage of chick flicks despite my protests, pizza, and crafting last-minute things for Halloween. I'm not exactly a hands-on creative person, but Kairi is and she was willing to help my perfectionist ass with accessories that weren't even necessary. As Bring it On played in the background and Kairi took a pair of scissors to her pale green tights, I looked up from the black felt I was stitching and cleared my throat.
"So. I thought about what you said. The date thing?" She didn't look up, but the way she raised her eyebrows was enough to tell me I had her attention. "...maybe you were right. I'm not even sure it was a date since we didn't kiss or anything. But how would you even know? I don't want to believe that every date ends with a kiss."
"There's a couple of other pretty big signs, I think, when it comes to someone who finds you attractive." Snip, snip, snip. Rips and tears were going through her tights as she began to sew up holes and patches. "It was obviously just the two of you. Did anything else happen that you should maybe mention?"
I stopped to try and replay the events from Wednesday night in my head. "...we talked a lot. He got me a cupcake. And we held hands kind of? Or, like, he took my hand to lead me around and he wouldn't let me walk away."
"That just sounds sort of possessive."
"Kairi!"
"I'm sorry! I mean in a good way. Sort of." There was a short yelp as she pricked one of her fingers, dropping the needle before shaking out her hand. "What do you mean he wouldn't let you walk away?"
"I mean I threatened to leave if he didn't do what I asked and he bent over backwards to make sure I wouldn't go."
It was an embellishment, but I think we both knew it. "...what did you ask him to do?"
"...dance." She raised her eyebrow higher. "It was a club, what do you expect from me?"
"And he did it. Just like that?"
"Just like that."
There was a soft and thoughtful noise as she turned toward the TV to watch one of the cheer routines on screen. "I still don't know if I would call that a date, but it's interesting to think about. Did you want it to be a date?"
"I don't know. I'm still not sure." It was as honest as I could get. "I thought about it all day and when the time came I couldn't decide if I wanted to kiss him or if we wanted to just be friends or if I wanted to bail." I ran a hand through my hair, ignoring the dried, flaking white paint on my palm. "It was never this hard with Olette or Naminé or anything. Why's it hard now?"
"Do you want a real answer? Or the nice answer?"
"What do you think?"
Kairi, as sweet as she can be, is also the first one to give me brutal honesty.
"You're overthinking it. You want something so badly you're overanalyzing everything to make sure it works out and that's not always a good thing."
"...so what do I do?"
"Act natural." That was a real shock. Really. "Act natural, see where Axel takes it, and let yourself be open to not following your plans exactly. You have a really big problem with that."
"So what you're saying is stop trying to be a control freak."
"Now you're getting it!"
I'm not saying I threw a handful of popcorn at her after that, but I'm not saying I didn't either.
She had a point, maybe, even if I didn't want to admit it. Even if I didn't want to think of myself as a control freak I knew that when it came to stuff like this I really was. At the same time, the idea of not being in control was a little...terrifying's not the right word, but it's the first to come to mind.
The rest of Friday night and most of Saturday morning went into getting ready for the party that night. I fielded a bunch of texts and calls from my friends figuring out driving arrangements, equipment runs, last-minute prep and everything. In the end it was decided that Riku would be there early like he said, but Kairi and I were picking up Selphie and Sora on the way. It was a Demyx party...which meant we'd all be drinking and crashing at Demyx's that night. There wasn't any other way around it and if I was the only one with keys…
...well. The temptation to leave was less.
"Sora, come on!" I yelled toward the house, blaring on the horn where I was parked in the driveway. Kairi was in the front seat and laughing at me even as we waited for my cousin to show up. It was about five minutes later that he stumbled out, locking the front door behind him and carrying a backpack.
The Jack Sparrow look should have surprised me, but in the end I could only accept that Sora never stopped being five years old. He tossed his stuff into the trunk with mine and Kairi's before diving into the backseat, buckling up before looking at both of us and gasping in surprise.
"Whoa! You guys look awesome!" He grinned brightly as he leaned forward between us. "Somehow Jack and Sally really suits both of you. And that face paint's pretty sweet."
...Halloween's my favorite holiday. Sometimes I go all out and that means painting my entire face with black and white skeleton make-up.
"And look at you, Mr. Sparrow," Kairi teased even as she patted Sora's cheek, leaving me to navigate myself to Selphie's.
"Ay. It's Cap'n Jack to you, lass."
"Don't. Ever. Use that accent ever again."
"Shut up, Roxas."
The trip to Selphie's was quick at least even after I had to whine at her for getting glitter all over my backseat. If someone had told me she was doing the Tinker Bell thing this year I might have reconsidered my offer, or at least put down a towel. At the same time though I couldn't be too mad. I was frankly kind of excited for that night, and I couldn't even pretend it wasn't because I wanted to see Axel, too.
Parking at Demyx's, everybody piled out of the car and grabbed their bags to bring inside. The front door was open and the house was decorated with pretty much every bit of Halloween decor you could think of. Cobwebs and coffins and candy bowls where everywhere, fake skeletons chained to the walls and (hopefully) fake blood stains on floors. It wasn't Demyx who greeted us at the door though as Riku appeared from the kitchen, grinning at the four of us.
"I feel like I missed the Disney memo." It was a dry comment, but if Sora's expression was anything to go by the pirate outfit Riku picked for himself looked just fine.
"Nonsense. It looks close enough to Will's costume from the first movie anyway." He grabbed his hand and immediately pulled him away. "Help me with the drums?"
And off they went.
I had my bass with me and I set it down to the side as the girls traipsed down the hall to Demyx's bathroom for make-up touch-ups even though it'd only been five minutes since we arrived.
That left me to my own devices. Demyx was probably in the kitchen with Axel if I had to guess by the sounds from the house. And speaking of sounds, I realized the first thing I should be doing is checking that Demyx's piano was still in-tune. The piano itself used to belong to his grandparents, but Demyx has never had the patience to learn to play.
Nevertheless, the piano was covered in dust which just added to the spooky atmosphere and I lifted the lid of the keys. Settling on the bench and letting my coattails hang over the edge, I pressed a few keys to test the notes. It was easy and comfortable, a sort of familiarity I could sink myself into and what started as a few notes soon became a litany of notes. It was maybe a sad sort of melody, gloomy and nostalgic and what Sora would have called "haunting."
In a way though, it was the one I understood the most.
I wasn't playing for very long before a shadow cast itself over my hands and a mouth hovered by my ear.
"And here I thought you were making the piano thing up." I was getting much better at not reacting when people sneaked up on me, but Axel was a little trickier. At least I didn't do something embarrassing like bang on the keys.
Oh. Wait.
"Where the hell did you suddenly appear from?" Picking up the notes was easy even if I'd botched the middle but Axel didn't seem to mind.
"I've been around helping Dem set up some stuff and getting dressed." That was about the point I bothered looking up, glancing at him for a moment. The black and red cape billowed around him dramatically and dark kohl smeared across the edges of his eyes. The suit was tailored to fit him perfectly and when he grinned upon appraisal there was a hint of prosthetic fangs sticking out.
Let's put it this way: I'd let him bite me anywhere he wanted.
"Nice." The grin somehow amplified itself once he caught sight of me and the facepaint.
"This is the most effort I've seen from you yet. Love the bat tie."
"Thanks." I wasn't sure why I felt a little sheepish but I ducked my head to look at the keys again. "I just really like Halloween."
"And it obviously likes you."
I had no idea what to say to that, and before I could even ask I heard Demyx yell from the kitchen. Affronted, Axel turned on his heel and the cape fluttered in my face before he disappeared. Sora and Riku were still setting everything up despite the fact that I could hear more than one sword innuendo, and Kairi and Selphie came tumbling out of the bathroom and barreled right into the kitchen to help. Before my eyes, the entire place transformed again with three large bowls of punch, a keg, at least ten kinds of chip with a monstrous tray of 7-layer dip, piles of cookies and bowls of candy and more.
The last bowl was barely set down when the doorbell rang, and that's about the time all of us sprung into action. There was Demyx in his Aquaman costume answering the door, greeting guests and ushering people in. There was Axel who was working the make-shift open bar. And there were the rest of my friends immediately thrown into the fray to mingle.
And then there was me, left alone to my own devices at the piano. It was almost instinct how I slipped into playing music from Nightmare Before Christmas but it set the tone well enough. I knew that we were waiting until later in the evening to play but I didn't mind the solo performance. It was my birthday, sort of, and I was in a place I loved doing what I loved doing despite the slight spike of nerves that came whenever people watched me for too long and I was under scrutiny. I didn't get a chance to look behind me to see what Axel was doing but it wasn't hard to pinpoint voices even above the noise of the crowd. A lot of our mutual friends and kids from our grade arrived, along with kids who graduated last year that were friends of Dem's. The piano was positioned enough I could keep an eye on most of the room, too. Olette immediately flocked toward Kairi and Selphie, her Red Riding Hood hood pulled over her eyes even when she blew me a kiss. Marluxia and Naminé were still by the doorway as Alice and the Mad Hatter, and though I couldn't hear what was happening Naminé didn't look too happy about something he'd said. Part of me wanted to go over there and jump in, but that would be a little too suspicious.
I stayed where I was, continuing my observations. It became clear why Selphie was Tinker Bell the moment I saw Tidus as Peter Pan, and even though Sora had a drink in one hand and he was sitting in Riku's lap he was using the other one to gesture emphatically about some story he was telling our friend Wakka.
I figured that sooner or later someone would tell me we were ready to perform. Until then, I played for as long as I was allowed.
The party started at eight, and about nine-thirty Demyx signaled for Sora and I to take our places. Which was good, actually, because I'd quit playing about half an hour prior to save my hands for later and the music that was playing wasn't exactly my favorite. My nerves were still there, a little wary about performing for a bunch of people when we haven't been on stage in so long, but it was going to come back to me. I had learned how to own my stage fright at this age and didn't bother hiding that it still made me nervous. It was better just to go with it than pretend I wasn't.
(And that was a lesson that was learned the hard way.)
Still, the crowd seemed to know a live band was about to play and I saw Tidus lower the stereo until it was silent. Strapping my bass to myself, I faced everyone head-on for the first time since the party started. Demyx stood beside me and Sora spun on his stool just once, softly tapping cymbals as he went.
"Hey." A basic greeting, a basic smile. It was easy to play the part if I didn't directly look anybody in the eye. "Didn't you guys have anything better to do tonight?"
The ripple of laughs and comments was reassuring, at least, and I saw Kairi give me a thumbs up from her place by the piano.
"No? Well lucky us. We are Title Pending, and I've gotta say….Tidus? The music you picked sucked. Ready for some real tunes?"
My banter needed work but it seemed to be working. Sora began tapping out another gentle beat as Demyx's fingers shifted on the frets.
"Go ahead and sing along if you know this one." It was the only warning we gave them before launching right into a Ramones cover. I'm not Joey Ramone by any stretch of the imagination, but I've played "I Wanna Be Sedated" enough times in my life I could probably sing it backwards, in six languages, and in my sleep.
Actually, most of the songs we played that night were things we'd worked on for ages. Covers and some original pieces and some freestyle. We had to wrap by ten to make sure we didn't get nailed for noise complaints but overall it seemed like a huge success. Everybody seemed to be having a good time, dancing and singing along. It was a perfect party atmosphere and maybe the best thing of all was that I found Axel couldn't take his eyes off of me as he leaned against a wall by Kairi. I didn't get a chance to look at him often but every time I got brave enough to try his gaze was focused solely on me.
It was weird. I wasn't even drunk, but somehow it felt intoxicating all at once.
At the end of the set I signed us off with a quip about going back to boring party beats, setting my bass to the side as the crowd dispersed to dance to the music by DJ Tidus, get snacks and mingle. I didn't even get a chance to say anything to my bandmates given that Sora turned to jump straight onto Riku's back to be carted off elsewhere ("for treasure!" was the last thing I heard) and Demyx found himself being lured away by-
"-whoa, hey!" Kairi smiled then, not even sorry about the fact her fingers were intertwined with Demyx's. "Where are you two going?"
"Don't worry about it!" Demyx was wearing the same smile. "We'll catch up with you later?"
Demyx maybe had something in mind, but when I looked back at Kairi I noticed she was pointedly staring at something over my shoulder. She slipped away unnoticed as I turned, finding myself staring up at Axel. He didn't say anything at first, and I'm not entirely sure what came over me next. Maybe it was the sudden confidence that came from playing a show despite how small it was, or maybe it was being drunk on atmosphere. It was hard to say, but as the seconds ticked by I finally spoke up.
"Like what you see?"
I expected him to maybe be taken aback or shocked. I expected some sort of reaction to direct flirting, but all he did was give me that same self-satisfied smirk I got used to seeing.
"You look like a Sex on the Beach kind of guy."
"I-what?"
Any sort of game I had disappeared right away and left me grappling for something to say. He laughed, hooking an arm around my shoulders and steering me back to the bar.
"You've avoided the keg the whole night but you kept looking at the bar. Not a fan of beer?"
He was right, but it's not like I was going to admit I kept looking at the bar because he was the one bartending.
"Not really." It was bitter and gross and I never really got used to the taste of it. On the other hand, fruity drinks were more my speed and I was a little afraid to ask how he knew that. Nodding to the current bartender he held up two fingers and somehow the guy knew what that meant because a few minutes later two red cups were pushed into Axel's hand. He gestured with his head, indicating that I follow him out to the back porch and away from the crowd.
It was cold out even with a full suit on. The temperature on the islands had dropped and even though we never stood a chance of getting snow or anything it was chilled enough to see my breath on occasion. On the other hand, it was private and secluded as Axel handed me one of the cups and flopped down on one of the steps gracefully. Sitting on the step below him, I knew I probably looked overly cautious as I sniffed the drink before taking a sip.
Turns out I was a Sex on the Beach kind of guy after all.
"It's kinda cute that you and Kairi match," he said suddenly and seemed to scrutinize me again. I wasn't sure what he was fishing for but I allowed myself to be examined anyway.
"Sometimes we do, sometimes we don't. She's kind of been my partner in crime forever. But like. Not romantically. A platonic partner."
There's was a chuckle from Axel as he took a long pull from his cup. "I believe it. She's told me enough about your friendship not to."
The idea of Kairi and Axel talking about me still felt foreign, but I had to pretend I wasn't freaking out about it. I can be a good actor when I have to be.
"You've talked about me that much?"
"You're one of the most complex subjects I've ever encountered." He didn't even give me a chance to interject though before he nodded up toward the sky. "Check it out. Clouds are parting."
All I could do was look.
For a while we sat out there nursing the drinks and staring at the stars and even though his words were a tiny bit slurred Axel was able to point out every single constellation in eyesight and tell the story attached to it. I don't know why astronomy was a turn-on but somehow it worked for him and it worked for me. As soon as my cup was empty I found myself nudging it against his elbow, waiting patiently for him to go refill it.
This happened at least twice, and it wasn't until about the third drink in that all of the vodka hit me. It was fuzzy and pleasant and everything still tasted like fruit juice even as I found myself leaning against Axel's legs and staring at the sky.
"...I'm glad you came."
"To what?"
"The party, dumbass."
I ignored the fact he was laughing at me. "Roxas, I live here. Where else am I gonna go?" He had a point, but instead of mentioning that I think I snorted and waved it off. The chill was still there but not nearly as bad. Being next to him and hearing the music from the house and having his entire attention was maybe the best kind of party.
"...you kept watching me." It was a little uncomfortable to bend back as far as I was, but it was important for me to be looking at him. It didn't seem to matter to either of us that my head was in his lap or that my make-up was smeared or that his fangs were starting to shift. He stared down at me, cradling my head even as he laughed under his breath.
"You're kind of the center of attention here. Was I supposed to look somewhere else?"
"...no. I kind of like when you look at me." Perhaps it's not something I would have said normally, but at least I had the guise of alcohol to hide behind if I needed to. (Either that or I was actually drunk, it was hard to say.) His fingers were running over the sides of my hair.
"You're very interesting to look at."
"...Axel, I-" I didn't even bother finishing the sentence, squirming to sit up a little taller. I'm not sure what I was trying to accomplish outside of making sure I had his full attention and that he didn't misunderstand me. He stayed still and watched curiously, hands shifting to help me sit up all the same. "I think I want…"
To kiss him. That much was clear to me suddenly because it didn't make sense. It didn't make sense to continue ignoring something I knew I wanted on a base level even if I didn't understand it. I didn't understand a lot of things about Axel or how I felt about him, but I was willing to try.
I didn't get the chance to express that though because the backdoor suddenly banged open as Sora sprinted outside. He grinned widely and I realized somewhere along the way he'd lost his pirate hat.
"There you are!" His voice was a little louder than usual and he leaned forward to grab my hand and Axel's. Sora's...what one would call a very affectionate and happy drunk. It's his usual personality amped up by a lot and while normally I think it's funny I couldn't help but think about how this was just another attempt at everyone around me trying to ruin my life in brand new ways. "Come inside! A bunch of us are gonna play a game and you have to come because Kairi said so."
"What game, Captain?" Axel gave me a curious, bemused look before he got up and hauled me with him.
"Suck and Blow." It was matter of fact despite the fact Sora waggled his eyebrows. "It'll be fun, we're changing up some of the rules and we're playing in Demyx's room. Coming?"
I had just enough comprehension left in my booze-addled brain to realize that Kairi was the worst person I knew and I was going to kill her as soon as I could feel my fingers again.
Suck and Blow's not the worst game we could have played, but simultaneously knowing she purposefully sent Sora to come get me and Axel to play it felt like a personal attack. Keeping an arm around my shoulders, Axel began to follow Sora back into the house and led me along. A lot of the guests had left by then and a glance at the clock told me it was somewhere around 1am. I had to wonder, again, how I lost so much time with Axel even as he kept me close to his side.
"Explain this to me. What's Suck and Blow?"
"It's a game!" Captain Obvious seemed very proud of himself as he marched back to Demyx's room. "You have a card that you have to pass around with your mouth. If you mess up, you kiss the person you're passing to and you have to drink."
Entering Demyx's room, I found the usual crowd was seated on the floor plus some stragglers.
...normally the idea of playing didn't wig me out, but now that I would be playing with someone I actually liked the stakes felt a little higher. Or maybe I was being paranoid. I wanted to stay by Axel's side and continue leeching bodyheat from him (and seriously, somehow Demyx's house felt like it'd dropped a few degrees), but the panic switch was flipped and I stumbled over to Kairi and immediately squeezed my way between her and Selphie.
"Roxas what are you doing?" Kairi sounded a little exasperated, but all I could do was smirk at her. Take that, evil temptress. She wasn't going to win this one. Axel didn't seem perturbed and dropped onto the floor next to Demyx instead.
Riku had a few bottles of booze in front of him along with several shot glasses and a pile of cards. "Alright, alright. Name of the game's Suck and Blow. Most of you have played, some of you haven't. Pick your poison and Sora and I will demonstrate." He stopped talking long enough to place the king of hearts to his lips, suctioning the card before pressing it to Sora. Blowing on it as Sora tilted his head the card was transferred successfully until Sora dropped it, mouth clumsily hitting Riku's.
"And that's the game!"
"So how do you win?" Axel was watching all of us and all I could do was lean against Kairi's shoulder.
"Does anyone really win at Suck and Blow?" Selphie drawled out instead, reaching for a bottle of rum to uncap. "Let's start!"
For the most part the game was a blur. It was fun enough because these were my friends but simultaneously I knew I was pouting because I couldn't kiss Axel for real. Even worse, I knew that Kairi knew I was pouting and was pointedly prodding me in the side to tell me it was my own fault. But looking at him playing along and watching as he and Demyx completely messed up, I realized maybe I'd made the right choice.
I refused to let my first kiss with him be because of a game like this. Or because I was drunk.
It was a little easier to stick to that decision, too, when I noticed Axel was back to watching me. Somehow that still felt like a win.
The problem with letting Riku be the dealer was that Riku also knows all of the best games to get all of us completely fucked up. Normally he's the responsible one, but earlier when he started shuffling for Kings he'd said something about how he didn't feel like being the role model for the night and he just wanted to have fun. It didn't stop him from monitoring Sora though and making sure he was drinking water but at least he tried.
...I wish I could say I remember what happened next, but most of the details are a little fuzzy. We played Kings and Ride the Bus and we were going to start with Never Have I Ever until Sora tapped out, mumbling something to Riku. It was late by then and all of us that were left were either spending the night or had DDs to take us home. The house was quieter and a slower playlist echoed through the living room. Demyx had sobered up enough to start the clean-up process, trashing a bunch of cups and moving things around so people could change and go to bed. It was the seven of us once again and I looked around the room as Demyx went to work.
The couch would fit one of us. There was enough floor space for a few of us. Axel and Demyx had bedrooms. And somehow I found myself trying to count out everything and found it a little distressing that I couldn't figure out how to move the table we were using as a bar.
More distressing was that Sora had gone weirdly quiet and was clinging to Riku and while I wasn't sure what to do Axel approached me and draped an arm around me again.
"You...should come with me." If the words didn't do it, the tone did and I kind of hated the way I shivered.
"I'm worried about Sora."
"He'll be fine. He's got Riku and you aren't looking so hot yourself." I wasn't sure what he meant and in the end I followed him back to his room. I didn't know how or why my backpack was already in Axel's room and the room was starting to spin as I stepped through the threshold.
"Roxas." I heard him call my name, but it didn't matter. It was dark but that didn't matter either as I shuffled my way toward where I knew the guest bed was, immediately crawling up onto the mattress and laying down. "Roxas, come on. You need to at least take the make-up off."
"Later." Laying down was maybe even worse as the world spun faster. There was a scoff and my first thought was that I had to prove I could actually hold my liquor. The last thing I needed was for Axel to think I was some stupid little kid instead. The door opened and closed again, Axel's footsteps light as he puttered around his room.
"Sit up for a sec." I didn't really have a choice as his hands grabbed my shoulders again, forcing me upright before one hand held me steady and the other maneuvered what felt like a warm, wet washcloth over my face. The moves were slow and deliberate and it was obvious to me that Axel wasn't the most sober person either.
"That was my eye!"
"Well quit squirming and I won't poke you in the eye. You're not sleeping here and smearing this shit all over my pillow."
"It doesn't smear." Only half of that sentence registered to me. Either that or I was too tired to have yet another freak-out about being close to Axel. Up-close he smelled like a weird mixture of shampoo and fruit and maybe a hint of chocolate which wasn't the worst thing to happen. Eventually Axel gave up and a sad plop of the washcloth hitting the carpet was heard.
"Don't sleep in your suit either, kid. Pajamas. Where are they?"
"Not a kid, Ax." It was grumbled but sitting up gave me enough of a second wind to fall off of the bed and crawl across the floor to my bag. "Close your eyes."
"What?"
"Close your eyes so I can change."
"Roxas it is pitch dark in my room."
"Do it or I'm not staying here."
Trust me, no one was more surprised than I was that something like that worked.
Trying to get out of a suit while mostly drunk and in the dark and hyperaware of your crush somewhere behind you is, to say the least, a really bad idea. And hard. Insanely hard. I found myself fumbling with the sleeves of my blazer and yanking on the tie but eventually I was in cut-offs and a t-shirt before making my "triumphant" return to Axel's bed.
Triumphant, in the sense, that I only tripped twice in the span of five feet.
"You can stop laughing at me any time, thanks."
"Beauty and grace. I like that in a boy." He was still laughing as he pulled on my arm to get situated on the mattress. The guest bed was a full mattress so it was a little roomier, but with how worn it was anyone who lays on it always rolls to the middle. I felt myself roll toward the dip and toward Axel and I did absolutely nothing to stop it. My eyes shut again even while turning to bury my face into a pillow.
"Shuuuut uppp...how can you be so mean to me after all this time? I thought you liked me by now."
There was a pause. "I do like you. That's why this is hilarious."
I'm sure there was something layered in that phrase but I couldn't puzzle out what it was. The world was rocking, Axel was warm, and my head was starting to throb even as I let darkness claim me.
"If I wake up hungover this is your fault. Gonna make it up to me?"
"...sure, Rox. Tomorrow morning." A blanket was tugged up over my shoulders and he settled next to me. "Just go to sleep."
He didn't have to say it twice and I didn't want to think about the fact it was three in the morning as Axel's fingers ran through my hair and I continued inhaling a scent that was quickly putting me to sleep. The only thing I had left on my mind was that Axel's arms were just long enough to hook over my hips and the fingers in my hair were helping the pressure in my head.
...it was nice, admittedly. I just didn't know what to do about that.
Overall? I came to the conclusion that I still loved Halloween, and I was sad to see October go, but I had a feeling November was about to get weird.