Instead of spawning lovely legendary items, a Presents! package spawned defaults? After this horrifying experience, our friend and fellow sugar addict Zoey sits down with us here at 9 Pump Damage Radio Station to share her story.

Omega: Gooooooood afternoon Fortnite! I'm your host Omega here on your daily serving of '9 Pump Damage'. Here today with us is a special guest named Zoey, uh... what's your last name?

Zoey: It's SugarBerryCutieKiller666_69.

Omega: Ah, yes. Sugar- sugarberry- ugh, I'm not going to attempt that. A unique last name for a unique girl. I'm happy you're here with us today, Zoey.

Zoey: I'm happy as well! I love candy.

Omega: Yes... I guess. Well, Zoey, introduce yourself!

Hoya there. My name's Zoey SugarBerryCutieKiller666_69. All of you never knew my last name until now. Most of you didn't even know I'm actually just twelve! Some of you don't even know I've gone into three sugar comas since I was born because I love to overdose on giant marshmallows. A few of you don't even know I also convinced my mom to let me dye my hair bright green after I got my first Victory Royale. But none of you know my drug addiction. Just kidding! I only get high on sugar and some occasional white substance... sorry mom! I'm kidding!"

*scolding ensues in background and a door is slammed*

Zoey: Sorry guys. My mom didn't know it was a joke. She's in the talk room with me but behind the sound barrier. Go away mom!

Omega: Umm... okay! Why don't you get right to it, Zoey?

Zoey: It was a fine day in solos. *Smack smack* Perfect for sugarplum picking and roller blading. I landed Salty Springs, you see-

Omega: Do you mind eating that lollipop later?

Zoey: *smack smack* Aight, fine. I hunkered through a couple houses; pickaxing through walls, ceilings, and bodies with my cherry/green apple swirl lollipop pickaxe I named Sugarpick. I popped a chest on the attic of my third house and lo and behold- um, want some butterscotch?

Omega: Err, sure.

Zoey: They're my favorites!

Omega: So what happened when you popped the chest?

Zoey: Mfmghmdmmfm! Sorry. That butterscotch was too good to resist! Anyway, I found a gallant Presents! package inside. I chucked it out the window and began to hack it open. And when I cleaved through the red wrapping papered wall in anticipation of a suppressed gold SCAR or a Chug- I nearly *BEEP*ed myself!

Omega: Watch your profanity, I'm going to have to censor that!

Zoey: Sorry, heh heh. My mom encourages my sugarmouth. MOM, I SAID GO AWAY!

Omega: So what did you find?

Zoey: Defaults! Five of them! They spilt out and began to charge at me with their swinging pickaxes. Thankfully they didn't know how to build ramps but zaaaaaammmmmm I was terrified. I screamed to the high candyland!

Omega: Oh my goodness. That sounds horrific!

Zoey: And it wasn't only me. Around the whole map, angry defaults sprang from each Presents! to torment all players! All around me I could hear the clacking of default pickaxes and the surprised screams of skinned players.

Omega: What. An. Adventure. We'll be right back, guys and girls, after this commercial break.

News Break: BREAKING NEWS! Sun Strider begins a scandalous relationship with Sun Tan Specialist after recent split from Drift! Jonesy and Karen fight over who's going to keep the llamas after their messy divorce! Raptor dies in Tilted after being rammed over by a shopping cart!

Zoey: Mfffmmfmgmmgmmfmm!

Omega: How much *BEEP*ing candy do you have there?

Producer: Cut, cut! Omega! No potty mouth.

Omega: Oh me my! I didn't realize we were back on air.

Zoey: To answer your question; I have gummy llamas, slurp gummies, chocolate ATKs, chug jug mini sodas- just two cans, gingerbread man backbling imitations, supply drop flavored cotton candy, and edible Teknique spray paint! That's just half my backpack.

Omega: Wow, that's-

Producer: Hold it! I could use some candy right now.

Zoey: Sure! Here's an ATK.

Producer: Blech! Tastes like coffee grounds.

Zoey: Thank you! Coffee grounds are delicious, aren't they?

Omega: Back to the story. Did anything else happen?

Zoey: Well, once I realized Presents! were spawning defaults and not weapons, I started leaving them for other players and watched as they died a horrific death! I'm just glad they didn't spawn flocks of Calamitys! Man, those girls are smart.

Omega: How did the battle end?

Zoey: I was placed fourth, but it was a fair battle. The defaults were easy to rid of.

Omega: Good.

Zoey: Can I go back to munching my gummies now?

Omega: Hold on. What's that in your backpack? That plastic bag full of some white powder. That's not candy!

Zoey: It's s-sugar!

Omega: You're turning red as a candy apple. Let me see.

Zoey: Hey!

Omega: Cocaine! I'm letting your mom know.

Zoey: SCREEEEEEEEE!

Producer: Zoey, lay off poor Omega! Stop punching him!

Zoey: SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Producer: Okay! That's it for today's episode of 9 Pump Damage. Zoey, *BEEP* off!

Omega: Watch- oww! Your- oww! Mouth- owwwwwww!

*banging ensues from door*

Zoey's mother: ZOEY SUGARBERRYCUTIEKILLER666_69! YOU COME HERE RIGHT THIS INSTANT!

[9 Pump Damage Radio Station has gone off air]

I don't really know what this is! It really has no relevancy to the first and second chapter, it just came to me one day and it spilled from my mind to the screen like water. Let me know if you guys want more interviews like this and please review.