"I know sweetie." She said with a smile.
He looked her up and down concern and admiration still etched on his face. He kissed her forehead and then her lips.
"I love you,River song."
"As do I sweetie, as do I."
She walked away from his grasp and headed to the showers because you see that was the problem. She loved him and the guilt consumed her. She turned on the water and watched it hit the floor of the shower trying to capture her thoughts, but all she could hear was the voice whispering murderer in her head. She grabbed her blade from underneath the sink and dragged it across her forearm repeatedly til it was a bright crimson color. The pain dulled her thoughts and a familiar numbness set in. She ran the water over her body until the water ran clear enough then she got dressed and headed into the room she shared with the doctor. She flinched slightly at the sound of a voice in the room.
"River, are you alright?"
"Yeah, sweetie fine."
He looked down and swallowed he wasn't buying it and she knew it.
"Come here." He said softly, it wasn't a command more of a plea.
She walked over to him, he took out his screwdriver and scanned her.
"Are you still hearing them?"
"No.'
"Good. What did they say to you?"
"Nothing."
"Why do you always do that?!" He was shouting now. Not in anger but in frustration and love.
"Same reason you do." She said back. HE sighed but this wasn't about him. She was hurting and he wanted to help but she was stubborn and wouldn't let him.
"Let me help you."
"I'm fine." She turned to walk away from him but he grabbed her arm, she tried to hold back the hiss of pain but failed.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing. You just scared me." She whispered it was a weak lie she knew it and not one he would buy.
"Are you hurt?"
"No. Please doctor just leave it. Please sweetie." She whispered yet again tears threatening to fall. She started to drift away from him but he stopped her in her tracks.
"Melody pond tell me what is wrong now!"
She looked back at him and with the straightest face she could manage said, "spoilers."
"No not this time. You don't get to say that and walk away because you don't want to talk about something. Show me your arm, talk to me something. Don't shut me out melody please." He sound angry and hurt and this time she couldn't walk away. She couldn't leave like this. She turned back to face him and he reached up and caressed her cheeks wiping away the tears that fell. He grabbed her arm and pulled up her sleeve scrawled on her arm in jagged cuts of differing depth and thickness was a single word: murderer.