sorry for the long time between. also, to be clear, I have not seen the addams family play so i do not know how a certain someone acts. but since this is an AU all the way around, maybe it won't matter?

"Hey, uh, Adam? There's a Gothic chick in your office."

I looked at my friend and fellow surgeon, Luke Beineke, as he thumbed towards my office. It's been two years since I left home to be a surgeon and I've made a pretty good name for myself. People want me to perform their surgeries all the time, even bypassing other surgeons and getting on a waiting list just so that I can take a literal stab at them. It's nice to be appreciated for something I'm good at…

I put the clipboard on the hook near the nurse's station and put the stethoscope around my neck and head off to my office. By the description, it's either my mother or my sister. Most likely Wednesday… I get up to my office and see Lucus looking in.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"She's hot. Who is she?"

I look in and frown, elbowing him. "That's my sister."

"I'm liking the Goth look. If she wants to have fun with a real man-"

"Look, there are three things about you that she won't like off the bat: one, you're blonde, two, you're normal, and three, you're on two legs."

"On two legs?"

"Don't worry about it. Get back to work."

Lucus shrugged and walked off.

I opened the door as Wednesday looked over, holding the skull I had on my desk.

"Quaint; who's skull is this?"

"It's not real, just a decoration."

"Shame." She put it down. "Knowing the name of those you behead makes for better stories."

"I don't exactly have story time in this office and I don't decapitate people. What brings you by?"

Wednesday pointed at my desk calendar with her black painted fingernail.

"You were ejected from Mother's vagina today."

I frowned. "Saying that it's my birthday will suffice."

"The flair is gone if you say it like that. I hate that about you."

"I hate you too."

Wednesday looked at me and a ghost of smile crossed her lips.

"Why, Pubert, I almost liked you for a second."

"We wouldn't want that… Anyway, I told you that I changed my birthday and my name isn't Pubert anymore."

Wednesday looked at a resin ball that had a stag beetle in it and crossed her legs on the edge of the desk, her black skirt rising and showing off her fishnets on her thighs. I tsked and pulled her leg down, making her stand up.

"Would you not act like a vixen in my office? People are going to start up rumors. Don't you have things to do with your life like killing a puppy or electrocuting the dolphins?"

"Although both sound delightfully fun, I'm here on behalf of Father."

"Father? What does he want?" I asked, crossing my arms.

"He said that he wanted to see you since something has occurred."

"And that would be?"

"Uncle Fester is coming home."

I made a face and leaned on my desk.

"Uncle Fester? I never met him."

"Of course you didn't, he left while you were a baby. We believe he's the one who caused all of… this…" she said, motioning around the room and then back at me.

"What do you mean?"

"For someone smart, you seem to lose brain cells at an alarming rate whenever questions are asked."

"Only when it comes to this family. I swear I've never been around a family that was so cryptic no matter what."

"Sadly you've been around other families."

"And I've also never been around a family who likes the macabre and are crazy like ours. I don't understand you guys at all and somehow I'm the weird one."

"Hopefully with Uncle Fester's return, you'll eventually understand."

"Nothing is wrong with me!"

Wednesday touched my face. "And that's a shame."

She began to leave but threw something to me. I fumbled to catch it.

"Happy birthday, Pubert."

I frowned at her as I opened the box. I frowned again and looked at the Chinese finger trap that was placed neatly inside. I sighed and took it out, putting it on the desk.

"Hey, hey, Adam! Wait up!"

I waited for Lucus as he caught up with me in the elevator. We started going down and he turned to me.

"Hey, is your sister single?"

"Lucus, I'm telling you that she's not your type and you're definitely not her type."

"I can roll with the Gothic look."

"It's not just a look, it's a way of life. My family is not like any other family you will ever meet. I mean, even I don't understand them half the time."

"She seems interesting. What does she like?"

"Just because you're cute doesn't mean she'll like you. Besides, I think she's still going out with Joel… I could be wrong. I don't keep up with them much."

"Why not?"

"Because they believe that I'm the weird one."

Lucus laughed. "Really?"

"Yeah, so that should show you how demented they are."

"I still would like to meet up with her. Come on, clue me in."

I sighed. "If it's creepy, spooky, macabre, or anything dark, she'll like it. Don't even think about trying the whole flower and chocolates thing. I mean, she might like black roses or something but…"

"Gotcha, gotcha…" he said, putting his hand to his chin.

I made a face at him. "You're really considering this?"

"Uh, yeah. Your sister is hot."

"She's also nine years older than me."

"I'm three years older than you, so that makes her five years older than me, which isn't that big of a gap. Besides, we look around the same age."

"Do whatever you want, I guess."

"How's it going with that girl you were talking with the other day? What was her name?"

"Melissa? I think it went pretty well. I haven't called her for a second date or anything but… I might."

"Really? She seemed really clingy to me. I don't think it would be a good idea."

"You think?"

"Have I steered you wrong since you came to the big city?"

"No, I guess not."

"Then for my free advice, let me get a crack at your sister."

"Are you still on that?"

"Just give me her phone number or her address or something."

"She would probably kill me if I gave you her phone number but I guess I can give you her address. I mean, if you get past Lurch then all's to you." I said, writing my old address down.

Funny how I could still remember it after all this time.

"What do you mean lurch?"

"He's our… uh… well, butler I guess would be the gentle way of putting it. I'm not quite sure what he is."

Lucus gave me a weird look but took the receipt that I had written the address on and put it in his back pocket. We got to the garage that held our cars and parted ways.

The next day as I was going through my consultations for the day my phone rang. I reached into my pocket and answered it without really looking.

"Dr. Bert."

"Your name is Addams."

"Wednesday."

"I was using this blonde haired salesman for target practice with my crossbow when he shouted the most peculiar thing."

"That you were crazy?"

"That's nothing new and frankly the lower form of compliment. No, he said that he was friends with an Adam Bert from the hospital and that he had seen me in their office. I didn't know what he was talking about, of course, but he mentioned what I had on yesterday in impeccable detail. I only stopped by your place and the hardware store and there was no one looking like him in the latter. He said his name was Lucus?"

"He actually- Wait, where is he?"

"The basement. We had some extra chains hanging around and I had just bought some rope, so he was a good test subject in my new knots."

"Well no wonder he's not here. Let him go."

"Do you know him?"

"Yes! He's my colleague!"

"I see. Well, I guess it will have to wear off first."

"What will have to wear off? Wednesday?! WEDNESDAY!"

The phone went dead and I cursed under my breath. I hope Lucus was alright. If I didn't have five consultations today I would cancel them. I prayed Wednesday was in a good mood.

so it looks like wenz has a hold of lucus for a time. to reiterate, I have not seen the play but from what I read of lucus' description, he seems like a normal bloke with a dark side to him. i will try to make sure that i make him different from joel. so yes, he will be a regular in the story.