a little switch in view. again, disclaimer on lucus' personality since i have never seen the play. he is described as normal with a weird side on the AF-wiki so... liberties taken but i think you'll like them.

LUCUS

Yeah, I know Adam doesn't want me to talk to his sister but she's super hot and she was going to go at me like a dominatrix? Yeah, count me in on that mess. I drive up to the Addams' residence and the gate opens on its own. I don't really pay any attention to it as I park my car next to an old Model T and a hearse right next to it. I get out as thunder rumbles across the sky and I look up.

"Great night for a werewolf attack…"

"Indeed."

I jump and turn, finding a really hot MILF looking at me with eyes that seem to have a halo all their own.

"H-hello… um, I'm Lucus Beineke. I work with your son at the hospital."

"That's a shame."

"That I work with Adam?"

"That you work at a hospital… unless it's the morgue?"

"Uh, no, I'm a surgeon like him."

"I see. What brings you to our home this lovely night?"

"I was wondering if I could maybe talk to your daughter. I met her a couple of times but I don't think we've gotten to know each other as well as I would like."

The lady smiles sweetly at me and turns slowly, waving her perfectly manicured red nails for me to follow her. She moves surprisingly fast for such a tight dress and I practically gallop after her.

"You are friends with Pubert, I assume."

"Pubert?"

"My son."

"Uh… Adam?"

"I believe that's what he calls himself. His real name is Pubert."

I make a face. "I can understand the name change… that's revolting."

"Befitting, isn't it?" she says in a delightful manner.

I haven't figured out if she's idiotic or just a really sweet Gothic MILF.

"Yeah, I'm friends with him though. We went to school together and we ended up in the same hospital together."

"Does he seem happy?"

"I think content would be the word. Can anyone be truly happy?"

"I guess that is a question to ponder. We all want so much in this life… luckily, there is the next."

I nod my head, still confused. We end up at the end of the staircase and she holds her hand out.

"Wait here please. I will retrieve her."

She makes her way up the stairs and I look around. It's like a creepy museum that no one goes to that talks about nothing essential. I heard something rolling and turn to see a skate roll by the entrance to the next room. I blink a little and then I see it come by again, doing little tricks. That's when I realize that there is a dismembered hand doing skateboard tricks on a skate like it's at a skate park. It does a couple more tricks and then jumps off the skate, galloping towards me. I watch it pass by when it stops and turns to me. I just stare and I feel like it's staring at me too.

"Thing, staring is rude."

Thing (the hand, I assume) bobs up and down and then gallops away again. I turn to see Wednesday coming down the stairs with her hair in long braids on either side of her head and a short black dress on.

"Mother said you wanted me?"

"Yeah… so… uh… I wanted to know if you'd like to hang out with me sometime? You know, catch a movie, eat some dinner…"

"Are you asking me out on a date?"

"Yeeeesss?" I say, unsure since she's not making any other facial expression.

"You're not my type."

"Dashingly handsome?"

"Breathing."

Ouch… ego bruise…

"Okay, let me start over: my name is Lucus and I work with your brother at the hospital."

"The top of your head is familiar. I think I've tried to kill you before."

"We can go with that… Look, I think you're pretty and I would like to get to know you a little better. I even brought a peace offering."

I reach in my back pocket and pull out the handcuffs that are there. Wednesday lifts her eyebrow at me.

"Your brother pulled us prematurely from what seemed like a wonderful world of fun. I heard a riding crop was going to be involved?"

"That's true."

"So, I thought that maybe we could try again. He doesn't know I'm here so I mean… all's fair."

Wednesday walks down the stairs and stands on the step that is level with my eyes. She takes the handcuffs with her finger and lets one of them drop as she holds it up.

"These are child's play. I used to use these on Pugsley when we were six."

"Well, I mean, I'm game for anything."

Wednesday twirls the cuffs on her finger as she descends the stairs some more.

"As flattering as it is, I'm not going to be your personal dominatrix. Anyone can torture a person. Is that all you see me as?"

"Well, that's why I asked about a date… I mean, I love that you're into that sort of thing and I am too, but I really would like to get to know you better. The real Wednesday."

She laughs and I feel a shiver of pleasure run down my spine.

"You want to get to know me better? That's an idiotic idea."

"How is that?"

"You're as normal as they come. Sure you have a small side of you that wouldn't mind being put into line, but you're not worth my time. I have spells to cast, people to shoot, and crickets to release."

"Crickets?"

"Yes. There is an assisted living facility with my name on it just waiting to be serenaded by the sweet sound of crickets."

I blink at that but shake my head as she tries to walk past me.

"Wait, wait… Seriously-" She whirls around and before I know it, I am handcuffed to the banister of the stairwell. "Seriously?"

She pulls me down to her level and looks me right in the eyes.

"You seem to think that I am like those other girls in the world who have a 'phase' or a 'fantasy', but I'm not like those petty women out there. You don't know the real Pubert so you wouldn't know a real Addams. Handcuffs and riding crops are child's play and past times. If you are trying to do something as stupid as woo me… well… I suggest you get some better advice. My brother will soon be going through a few issues himself and will be of no help to you." She lets me go. "The only one remotely close to understanding and helping you is Joel Glicker."

"Who is he?" I ask as she walks away.

"My ex."

I frown at the mention of an ex but if I have to ask this Joel guy how to woo this dark beauty… after I somehow get out of these handcuffs. Good thing I got the key in my… pock… et… Ah shit… They're in my other pants. I sigh and sit on a step, waiting for someone to pass by.

"Excuse me, good sir!" I yell about an hour later.

A bald guy wearing a brown robe looking thing turns to look at me and I jump.

"You talking to me?"

"Yeah. Hey, I'm Lucus-"

"You're the kid who was here the other day…"

"Yeah, well, I'm not a kid but-"

"I recognize the top of that head anywhere."

I blink. What was with everyone and the top of my head? I shake my head.

"Yes, my head is amazing. Either way, could you please help me get out of these handcuffs? I seem to have misplaced the key."

The bald guy looks at my hand in a weird way and then looks at me with a weird grin.

"You didn't try gnawing it off?"

I would think he was crazy but he's completely serious. I think I may have stepped into a realm I don't need to be in. I just go with it.

"I would but I've been on an arm diet. I only eat legs…"

"Oh!" he says, making a tsking noise. "Well why didn't you say so? I've had to go on an arm diet myself! Sometimes they're just too tough, aren't they?"

"Y-yeah… yeah… swinging them around when you walk is so annoyingly bulky… I think…"

"Lemme get Thing and we'll get ya out of here no problem."

He walks off and I sigh, not knowing whether or not he'll come back when I see that really pretty Gothic MILF from this morning.

"Hey, um…"

She blinks at me and then smiles sweetly.

"Let me guess, Wednesday's doing?"

"Yeah… how'd you know?"

"She has an affinity for things that capture. Traps, nets, handcuffs, bear traps and the like… She must have an interest in you."

"Well, I kind of brought the handcuffs… Wait, are you her mother?"

"I am Mrs. Addams."

I look at her up and down. "Damn, ma'am… May I say you have a rocking body?"

"Thank you. My husband keeps me in excellent condition."

"You do a lot of exercising?"

"Oh no, formaldehyde does wonders for the complexion."

And… what the hell?

"Tish…"

This guy who looks like he should be in The Legend of Zorro comes behind Mrs. Addams and even though he looks like a Spanish Casanova, I see bits of Adam in there and realize that these really svelte and creepy people are his parents. Damn, that formaldehyde really does do wonders; these people don't look a day over thirty.

"Who is this?"

"This is Wednesday's toy from the other day. Remember when Pubert came to rescue him?"

"Oh yes, hello, good chap!" he says, holding out his hand.

I shake it and then realize he's carrying around a fencing epee… for some reason…

"I see that you fence?"

He looks down at the epee and smiles.

"Yes, I do. Do you?"

"I've thought about it…"

"Wonderful sport. If you ever learn you'll have to come and duel sometime. Thing and I have quite the matches but sometimes it's so hard to fight against a dismembered hand. Nothing to get points with, you see."

"That… seems difficult."

"I was just telling- oh, your name?"

"It's Lucus."

"Lucus, dear, that it seems he's caught the eye of our lovely daughter. You see?"

She displays the handcuffs and Mr. Addams smiles brightly.

"Excellent! It's good to see she's back to her old self. Ever since Joel left her she's been quite odd as of late… dusting the house, taking the thorns off of roses, even watering the plants!"

"It was a ghastly time." Mrs. Addams says, looking at me with a tragic expression.

I nod in sympathy.

"I do hope you'll be able to cheer her up…"

"I'd like to, I really would, but I'm still stuck here…"

"Nonsense! Just gnaw your way through."

I blink. "As I told the bald man before, I'm on an arm diet."

Mrs. Addams looks at me with sympathy. "The arms do have so much to give. Gomez, help him out just this once."

Gomez nods and takes out the epee. "Engarde, passer les menottes!" he yells and then holds the epee up high.

I yell but feel the chain break and I am free of the banister. I open my eye and smile, shaking my wrist.

"Hey, thanks!"

"Of course."

"I have to go but it was nice meeting you, Mr. and Mrs. Addams. Great house."

"You're welcome any time, dead or alive." Mrs. Addams says.

I give a thumbs up and hurry out of the house. I'm going to need to get a hold of that Joel guy…

i think so too my friend. you're kind of getting the hang of it but you can't fool wednesday. she's a special girl!