hey sorry this kinda stops at a cliff hanger but I wanted to post a little more while I could.
ARTHUR'S POV
The ride out on this hunt is uncharacteristically quiet and the air around me feels wrong. I could actually come home with something now that Merlin isn't scaring everything away, but even that thought isn't satisfying. I have to get him to say something, anything.
"You're awfully quiet."
I couldn't help but notice again how my manservant jumped at the sound of my voice breaking the still air.
"Nothing to say, you want me quiet any other time."
"True Merlin, but I like having the satisfaction of telling you to shut up."
"Sorry to disappoint, sire." he replied with condescension.
I really didn't have a response as the ice within his voice and features surprised me. This wasn't working. I didn't try again though, I figure the best time to get him to talk is when we are camped for the night. He can't really avoid me there. A few hours later, we came to a clearing that would be safe enough to camp for the night.
"We'll set up camp here."
"Yes, sire." he replied and almost as if it was as automatic as breathing set up the camp. Silently. Dangerously silent.
MERLIN'S POV
I hate hunts, it really is utterly boring. Though, I can't find the energy to complain about them. It was out here in these woods that magic seemed the most in touch. It was silent, serene, but you see it was my magic that was already killing me. I didn't want to be in touch with it. I wanted to be out of my sin. To crawl out of it and find someone else's, someone with less responsibility. Arthur says something, and I jump as if the voice filling the air was an arrow coming at me. I reply but I barely registered the statement. I don't care. I'm just so tired. The more he tries to talk to me the angrier I become. I'm sorry I'm not good enough Arthur but I really don't know what you want. How can I save you anymore? I can't even blink without fear.
That night I lie down beside the fire but it's warmth is taunting me. Every time I close my eyes, it's burning me.
"Please. Stop. Please." I whisper at the ground. Tears swelling in my eyes.
I flinch as fire burns down on Camelot. I collapse near some open flames. This is my fault my doing!
"What are you doing?! Can't you see you're killing innocent women and children."
"Arthur, watch out!" I scream as a new wave of fire hits the ground. He didn't hear me, he wasn't moving! I started sprinting toward him what if I didn't make it? I jumped on him and felt a searing pain through my arm as it hit the descending fire.
"Merlin. Merlin. Hey."
My eye lids fluttered as I looked up and saw Arthur shaking me. My vision was blurry as my eyes were welled up with tears. I looked around trying to avoid eye contact with Arthur.
"Are you okay?" he asked with concern in his voice I had only heard when it concerned the knights.
"m'fine." I said still avoiding eye contact.
"I think you burned your arm. You were thrashing quite a bit and screaming...quite like a girl I might add." he said trying to lighten the situation.
I didn't move I was frozen. Trapped, in the darkest of places. The demons that hide in my mind.