Chapter 12
"Come on, Jyn, it'll be fun!"
Jyn glared sourly at Leia as she hovered at the entrance to her bedroom. Cassian had made the error of announcing their "babymoon" to Leia, which had prompted Jyn's two closest friends to insist on another shopping trip.
"I think that you and I have two very different definitions of 'fun'," Jyn grumbled irritably.
"What are you going to go swimming in? You LOVE to swim at the beach. You at least need a swimsuit!" enthused Bodhi.
Shifting her glare to him, and feeling only the slightest hint of remorse at Bodhi's sudden recoil, Jyn hissed, "Well, if I go out on the beach in my current state, then someone will probably call the Coast Guard to report a beached whale."
Leia rolled her eyes, "You're at a very healthy pregnancy weight."
Jyn retorted, "Well it doesn't feel like it when I've gained 30 pounds in the past seven months."
Bodhi sat down on the edge of the bed and took Jyn's hand in his own. His voice softened. "Don't think about your size- just think about how much fun you'll have with Cassian. Don't let a little weight gain force you to miss out on the things you love."
Jyn flopped back on the bed, feeling defeated. "Okay, let's go. But no more than two hours- my feet are swollen today."
Leia visibly deflated, but nodded with reluctant acquiescence.
Jyn couldn't help but smirk at her friends' disappointment. Sometimes, compromise meant making two people unhappy. Reaching out her hands to Bodhi, she heaved out a gust of air as her friend helped her get back off the bed. Waddling out the door of her bedroom, she called out, "Time starts now!" She grinned at Leia's indignant squeal from behind her.
Jyn closed her eyes as she leaned against the headrest in the passenger seat of Bodhi's Honda Civic. She felt drained, physically and emotionally. Her friends seemed to sense her distress. From behind her, Leia was giving her a scalp massage, and Bodhi had given her shoulder a tentative squeeze as he slid into the driver's seat.
Jyn inhaled deeply through her nostrils, the sun-stale air of the vehicle expanding down into her lungs. She was glad that her friends could sense her frustration, but she was equally chagrined that they didn't seem to understand why.
When they walked into the maternity section, Leia quickly selected a little black bikini. In the dressing room mirror, Jyn catalogued every stretch mark, the hideous black line running up to her belly button, her swollen ankles and feet. The way her thighs had softened. The loss of definition in her calves. Bodhi and Leia both reassured her that she looked fantastic in the ensemble, but she had ultimately opted for a more modest one-piece. If the store had carried a full body option, she would have chosen that.
Jyn had never been one to be consumed by vanity. Even now, it wasn't her looks that bothered her so much. Rather, it was the loss of functionality in her body. She had always worked out because she took pride in her physical prowess. She enjoyed the sheer, raw power of feeling her muscles in motion as she exercised.
In pregnancy, Jyn felt weak, vulnerable. Gone was the scrappy child who had fought boys on the playground when they teased her for her tangled hair and tattered clothing. She could no longer see the determined young woman who won every cross-country race in college, and took pride in beating any opponent in muay thai. Her body had become a physical manifestation of what she feared most- vulnerability.
It was these swirling thoughts that continued to plague her throughout the afternoon. She tried her usual cures- Monty Python, ice cream, a slow walk up and down the block- but nothing seemed to quell her worries.
When she heard the door slam and Cassian's quick call of her name, she buried herself further under the blanket. As Cassian padded into the living room, she heard him snicker. She slid the blanket down her face just enough to shoot a deathly glare in his direction.
He threw his hands up in protest. "You looked very cute!"
Heaving out a groan of frustration, Jyn threw a pillow at him. Cassian barely ducked out of the way in time to avoid the soft projectile. "You are not helping," she ground out with irritation.
He watched her quizzically, picking the pillow up off the floor and brushing it off. "I wasn't aware there was a situation to be helped."
Jyn wrapped the blanket around herself more tightly, focusing her gaze on a fraying thread on the couch cushion. Tugging the thread between her fingers, she tensed when Cassian sat beside her.
"What's going on, Jyn?" he inquired.
Grinding her teeth, she got up and walked to the kitchen. As she reached for a pint of Ben and Jerry's in the freezer, she briefly considered that eating ice cream all the time would usher in more pounds of unwanted weight. This thought was enough to push her into a fit of tears.
Cassian wasn't far behind her. As soon as she started crying, he walked over and wrapped his arms around her. Tired of being contrary, Jyn let herself relax into his embrace. As her crying subsided, she finally spoke.
"I feel so weak and vulnerable now. I don't like how my body looks or feels."
Cassian stroked her hair out of her eyes, and pressed his lips to her forehead. "Jyn, you look more beautiful than ever."
Jyn hissed at his words, and pushed away from him with a palm planted against his chest. "Why doesn't anyone understand what I mean?"
Hurt flashed in Cassian's eyes, and then he snapped, "Well, I can't understand what you mean if you never tell me!"
Another white-hot bolt of rage shot up from her stomach, and Jyn briefly clenched his shirt in her fist. As if sensing her anger, one of the babies shot out a firm kick at what felt like her kidney. Gasping in, she grabbed at her side. Cassian's face immediately morphed to worry, but Jyn waved off his concern. Taking in a deep breath, she finally mumbled, "I feel physically weak. It's not about beauty for me. It's about being able to take care of myself, protect myself."
Heaving out a heavy sigh, Cassian leaned back against the kitchen island. He was quiet, and Jyn's anxiety grew by the minute. Finally, he said, "You are as far from weak right now as you could possibly be."
Jyn snorted. Gesturing to her rounded abdomen, she clipped out, "Have you seen my body lately? I look like a Teletubby!"
Cassian rolled his eyes at her exaggeration. "You are growing not one, but two infants inside of you. You're carrying around an extra thirty pounds of weight every day. In a few months, you're going to give birth to two babies using the raw power of your muscles. I know that I couldn't do that. You are the strongest person I know."
Jyn snickered, "It's not like I've been given much choice in the matter." At Cassian's reproachful stare, she sobered up.
"I'm just not used to being unable to do all the physical activities I love. I feel too unbalanced to go for runs, I can never catch my breath when I try to power-walk, and it's pretty much impossible to do a good core workout with a belly like this in the way."
Cassian nodded, acknowledging her concerns. "Why don't we do prenatal yoga together? Just you and me, here at home? Leia did say that it helps a lot of her patients prepare for giving birth. We could find some videos on the internet."
Jyn rolled her eyes. "Yoga just seems so boring."
Cassian cocked an eyebrow. "What if I stand in front of you so you can look at my butt?"
She smirked. "Well, that sounds like it could be interesting…"
Wrapping his arms around Jyn, Cassian kissed her on the forehead again. "C'mon, let's go to bed. We'll do our first yoga session in the morning. For now, I just want to ravish you."
"I need to do a bathroom stop."
Cassian sighed heavily. "We just stopped an hour ago!"
Jyn growled, "Well, once you have two infants dancing the tarantella on your bladder, you can let me know how well you can control it."
Pursing his lips, Cassian grumbled, "Point taken." Putting on his turn signal, he exited back off the highway, pulling into the nearest gas station. He and Jyn had been driving for three and a half hours, and had done three bathroom breaks thus far. Suddenly, the travel restrictions for pregnant women made more sense to him. He suspected they may be as much for the partner's sanity as the woman's comfort.
Jyn was just beginning her third trimester, and with its arrival had come the expected restlessness and insomnia. Unfortunately, her insomnia extended over to him. Jyn would wake him up periodically throughout the night. Sometimes she wanted to have sex, sometimes she wanted him to turn the thermostat up or down, and sometimes she just wanted him to help her shift into a comfortable position. The first few nights had been tolerable, but now the exhaustion was beginning to set in.
As Jyn returned to the vehicle, Cassian smiled at her and clasped her hand in his free one. They only had an hour until they arrived in Charleston, and he was starting to get very excited at the prospect of this vacation.
Cassian didn't typically take vacations. He was tirelessly devoted to his job, always working later, publishing more papers, and being at the ready for surgery sign outs. The last time he had taken any sort of vacation was five years previously, after he completed his pediatric pathology fellowship. His residents that had completed their boards convinced him to go with them on a celebratory bender in New Orleans. He remembered very little of that vacation- unfortunately, his bank account remembered it vividly.
He was brought back to attention by Jyn poking at his shoulder. "You Sexy Thing" by Hot Chocolate was playing from her phone, and when he turned to look at her, he was treated to Jyn attempting to seduce him through a dance featuring exaggerated eyebrow waggles, suggestive tongue movements, and overtly sexual gyrations. Breaking out into a grin, Cassian tangled the fingers of his free hand into her hair, and pulled her to him to plant a kiss on her head.
The next hour slid by in a blur, and soon they were pulling into the garage of the home that Cassian had booked for the week. As soon as the door to the house was unlocked, Jyn burst through the door like an angry wildebeest, frantically searching for the bathroom. Cassian dutifully carried their bags inside- fortunately, they were both light packers.
Once Jyn was done in the restroom, Cassian slipped in to freshen up. When he came back out, he found Jyn sprawled out across the couch in an olive green bra with a matching set of panties. Unfortunately, the long ride in the car seemed to have exhausted her. She was fast asleep, loose tendrils of hair lazily drifting down her cheek, and hands comfortably settled over her abdomen. Her lips were slightly parted, and Cassian smiled at how peaceful she looked- probably the only time that adjective could be used to describe Jyn. Smiling softly, he grabbed a blanket from the end of the couch and pulled it over her. Then he crept off to the bedroom to take a nap of his own.
When Cassian woke up, it was still light outside, but there was now a warm weight pressed up against his body. Gently rolling over, he saw that Jyn had climbed into bed with him and fallen back asleep. He checked his watch. It was 3:30- they had slept almost three hours. He felt a brief pang of guilt, but quickly smothered it. He and Jyn were here to relax and enjoy the time together in peace, but old habits die hard, and the workaholic in him yearned to go to his computer, log into Epic, and look through patient records.
As if she could hear his thoughts, Jyn stirred from her slumber. Reaching out, she wrapped a bare arm around his waist and tugged him closer to her body. Tipping her face up, she gratefully accepted a deep kiss from Cassian. She quietly moaned as his lips drifted across her jaw and down her neck. Slipping his fingers into the cups of her bra, he played gently with her nipples, alternating between tugs and flicks that had her arching into his touch. She pulled at the hem of his shirt, helping him to slip it over his head, but when Cassian made a trail with his lips down her abdomen, Jyn stopped him.
"I want you inside me," she murmured, stroking his cheek with her thumb.
Jyn shifted so that her back was pressed to his chest. As Cassian gently slid into her, she reached back and gripped his thigh.
While Cassian usually preferred watching Jyn's face when they had sex, there was something undeniably intimate about the way their bodies were pressed together in this position. When Jyn gasped and begged for him to move deeper, he helped her drape her leg back across his thigh so that she opened wider to him. Her resulting moans nearly made him come apart. Face pressed into her neck, he lightly nipped at her earlobe, and inhaled the scent of her hair deeply. He smoothed his hand along the inside of her thigh, gently massaging it. He bit his lip as he felt her responding clench. Sliding his hand further upward, his fingers played with her clit lazily. Sharp pants slipped from Jyn's lips, and he shifted his hips more quickly in response. He moaned lowly, savoring the soft clutch of her around him. He moved his fingers more quickly against her clit as he felt the telltale flutter of her walls. Her body tensed and arched against him in response.
"I want to come for you," she gasped, higher and more needy than usual.
Growling, Cassian suddenly pulled out of her; an indignant whine slipped from Jyn's lips in response. Grasping Jyn's hips, he shifted her onto her knees and quickly pushed back in. Slipping his hand back between her legs, he pressed more insistently against her clit. Draping his body over her back and shoulders, he took the shell of her ear in his teeth.
"Quiero que te corras," he demanded, thrusting more insistently.
Spreading his thighs apart to balance himself, he ran his fingers through Jyn's hair- then roughly clutched it in his fist, pulling her head back in a way that he knew would drive her crazy.
"Fuck, Cassian," she cried out.
"Let go," he murmured back to her, rubbing tight circles against her clit as he felt her thighs shake against his.
In that moment, her torso pitched forward and he felt her clench tightly around him. He was blinded with pleasure at the sensation, distantly hearing her moaning his name. Bucking against her, he began to let go, but the next words out of Jyn's mouth made his heart stop.
"I love you," she gasped out.
Cassian was vaguely aware of the rolling waves of his orgasm, the feeling of Jyn contracting around him, but his physical pleasure was nothing compared to the happiness that engulfed him. As the intensity subsided and a languid relaxation flowed through every muscle fiber, Cassian slid his hands forward along Jyn's rounded belly. Feeling a little foot kick in response to his touch, he pushed his chest flush with Jyn's back, inhaling the lemony scent of her shampoo and grinning into her neck. Jyn hummed with content, and laced her fingers with Cassian's as he rolled them onto their sides.
They laid there in silence for a few moments, Cassian lightly running his fingertips along her taut stomach, both of them laughing at the responding kicks that followed his touches. Finally, Cassian broke the silence.
"I love you, too," he murmured in her ear, kissing the spot right below her earlobe after speaking.
Jyn's breath caught in her throat. Rolling over to face Cassian, she whispered, "I haven't said that in a long time. Never to anyone like…"
When her speech faltered, Cassian cleared his throat. Running his fingers along the edge of her jaw, he murmured, "The same for me."
Jyn tipped her face up towards Cassian, and he swooped in to gently catch her lips in his. Jyn's stomach grumbled, and Cassian couldn't help the snicker that escaped. Jyn pulled back and pursed her lips, eyes squinting into a glare. Unfortunately for her, her fierce glance had the exact opposite of the intended effect- Cassian burst into outright laughter. Pressing a swift kiss to her forehead, he rolled out of the bed.
Padding softly to the kitchen, he began to sift through the grocery bags that he had brought in earlier. He methodically set aside tomatillos, onions, garlic, tortillas, and cotija, instinctively going through the motions of preparing chilaquiles. As he set the tomatillos in a skillet to simmer, he basked in the warmth of Jyn's words. A pleasurable shiver ran down his spine as the memories from moments earlier replayed in his mind. Humming softly, he heated a little bit of oil in a skillet. Swaying gently, feeling totally relaxed, he barely detected Jyn quietly approaching.
"Nice ass," she murmured, sliding her hand down the sharp planes of his shoulders.
Grinning softly, he said, "I'm making your favorite."
He felt Jyn tucking her head up under his arm to peek around his side; he laughed when Jyn groaned with delight. Turning around, he asked, "Would you like to watch?"
Picking Jyn up, Cassian helped her settle herself onto the countertop next to the stove.
Jyn wiggled, the cold granite counter feeling a little too cool under her bottom. She observed with interest as Cassian walked to the sink and turned on the faucet. When he dipped his long, slender fingers into the running stream of water, Jyn bit her lip. Cassian nimbly spun around, and flicked the water off his fingers and into the frying pan. When the droplets sizzled and popped off the oil in the pan, he quickly grabbed a slice of tortilla, and set it into the hot oil.
The scent of the tortilla gently frying made Jyn's mouth water. After a few moments of listening to the tortillas sizzle, she asked "Where'd you learn to make these?"
Running her fingers through her hair, she shyly watched him, unsure if she may have elicited painful memories of his family. Feeling the warmth of his fingers tangling with hers, Cassian's voice emerged in a quiet rumble.
"I learned when I was working in an…. I'm not entirely sure of the English word, we called them ambulantes, in Chiapas. An old man hired me to help him prepare tamales and chilaquiles every morning. I'd get up at 4 every morning before school and help make them. One of the women who also worked for him taught me the water trick to make sure the oil was hot enough for frying tortillas."
Turning back to the pan, he quickly flipped the slice over in the hot oil. Jyn sat contentedly on the counter watching him work, her excitement growing as the pile of fried tortilla slices grew higher and higher on the plate. When he presented the final product, delicious slices of tortilla doused in a flavorful salsa, she scarfed it down with unbridled enthusiasm.
As Jyn obscenely licked the final traces of salsa from her plate, Cassian watched with amusement. Breaking the held silence, he said, "I thought we could go out to the ocean and watch the sunset?"
Jyn's eyes lit up like a child at Christmas. He contained his laughter as she waddled rapidly towards the bedroom where their suitcases were.
After they were both suited up, they walked out towards the shore. Once Jyn reached the waterline, she waded in just deep enough to soak her feet and ankles. Following her out, Cassian called, "How's the water?"
Looking at him over her shoulder, Jyn gave him a dazzlingly carefree smile, and yelled back, "It feels amazing, Cassian. Hurry up!"
Coming up behind Jyn, he wrapped his arms around her, settling his palms against her belly. As the sun settled towards the horizon, he murmured in her ear, "I love you so much. You are so beautiful."
Jyn squeezed his hands in hers, and whispered back, "I love you too. Thank you. For everything."
And with the sunset bathing them in golden-pink light, Cassian didn't think he had ever felt so at peace.