another update cause i'm sick and cant sleep so here you go guys

i hope you like it i took a different direction

TW: self harm.

I kept running until my legs could no longer carry my body. Why? Why had this happened? I just needed a break I hadn't wanted to lose everything, and I didn't want to lose Arthur. Everything just got to complicated to fast for me to handle. I couldn't stop him from asking what was wrong, I couldn't stop him from being the clotpole that he was and I couldn't stop the love that I felt for him. I also, couldn't stop the kiss, as much as I should have, I wanted it, needed it. A purpose for my destiny lets call it. Here I am, though, ruining everything. Crying so hard I've forgotten how to breathe. Once I had finally calmed down there was an eeire stillness that had taken over the woods. I could feel nothing and I almost couldn't remember why I was sitting there. That was the problem though, I could remember. I reached into my boot and pulled out the one single comfort I had always had, the dagger Arthur had given to me on our first hunting trip.

I took the blade and ran it across my arm a few times until the pain had seemed to wash away that morning. I sat there motionless until evening had struck at last. Though, I didn't sleep. I sat there shivering in the darkness. The darkness, where I belonged.

I needed to find him, I didn't mean for it to blow up like that. I just wanted him to talk to me. I wanted to give him a way out if that's what he needed but Merlin is stubborn and doesn't cave easy. I was scared. Scared because, the one and only friend i'd ever had was slipping so far and I couldn't do anything. It wasn't his shortcomings I was angered at, it was my own.

I'd been riding all day and I could find no trace of him. I decided it was getting too dark and too cold to travel on. It would do me no good to try to find him, if when I did, I died from freezing. I ran the conversation through my mind over and over. I would find out what he was hiding. Arthur finally drifted into an exhausted nightmare filled sleep. Though, that nightmare was not his alone.

Merlin twitched and screamed all night through a nightmare he couldn't wake himself out of. Arthur was chained next to him in a dungeon and all he could hear was screaming, not Arthur's but his own, along with everyone who has ever died for him. Then a figure all too familiar walked in, Morgana.

"Ah brother, I've missed you so much."

"What are you doing to him?"

"I figure he's the only way to get you to give me what I want."

"What do you want?"

"Ah what I've always wanted, dear brother, the throne."

"Arthur, this is a lie! It's not real, I'm fine." Merlin yelled from within the room.

"What do you know? You're just a servant."

"No Morgana, I am so much more."

"E-Emrys."

Arthur's body jerked him free of the nightmare, he awoke.

"Emrys?" he whispered.