"Hello, Connor."

"Oh, hi, Ms. Adams." As he looked up at her face, Connor realized something, "I forgot about yesterday!"

Ms. Adams smiled at the remark. "Oh, good. I was worried because you had full attendance yesterday, but hadn't shown up. I was concerned that something had happened."

Connor leant his shoulder against his cold locker and shook his head. "I was just forgetful. I'm so sorry."

Ms. Adams studied him, her dark eyes making Connor feel like she was seeing right through him. "Is there something you need to talk about? We can meet in my office during the lunch period if there is."

Connor nodded, relieved. "Yes, please!"

"Great. I'll see you then."

She smiled and Connor found himself smiling back. After she walked away, Connor stood dumbly in the hallway for a minute, wondering what to do with the rest of his recess. He slung his bag over his shoulder and decided to just go and sit in his English class. In just a few more minutes, the bell would go and he would have to be there anyway.

"Hello," Mrs. Saum greeted him as he walked through the door.

"Hey."

Mrs. Saum shuffled some of the papers on her desk around. "I just wanted to say that I've been very impressed with your responses to the novel thus far. You seem to understand To Kill A Mockingbird very well."

"Thanks. It's my favourite book," Connor confessed.

"It shows!" She smiled brightly at him. "I can't wait to see what you come up with for your final essay."

"Me either," Connor said under his breath. Every time he went to construct his essay, he realized that he was inadvertently copying something he'd read before. Louder he said, "I hope you'll like it."

"I'm sure I will."

Connor arranged his notebook on his desk and had just pulled his novel out of his bag when the bell rang.

(-.-)

Jude stood on the rickety stool in the apartment, wearing nothing but his last clean pair of boxer shorts. He stretched his arms above his head and threw a soaking wet pair of jeans over the rope the stretched from one of the far walls to the other and was situated ridiculously close to the ceiling. The jeans hanging, Jude jumped off the stool to slide it further to the left. He gathered more wet clothing into his arms and clambered back up to the stool, daydreaming about washers, dryers, and a life where he wouldn't have to wash clothing in the sink by hand.

The last of the laundry hung up to dry, Jude leapt from the stool again, except this time the ball of his foot stubbed itself against the seat of the stool, sending Jude and the stool crashing down the floor. Jude threw his hands out in front of him in order to catching himself. He landed heavily on his palms and knees, crying out as pain shot up his arms and throughout his legs. With a whimper, he twisted onto his butt so that he could inspect his injuries. He looked at his palms first which were, unsurprisingly, red. He rotated his wrists, and they were already feeling stiff. He then checked his legs. One knee he'd scraped badly enough that a few beads of blood had emerged. Jude made a face; he was definitely going to bruise. Feeling spiteful, Jude kicked out at the stool, like he could blame the incident entirely on the piece of furniture.

(-.-)

Connor knocked on Ms. Adam's office door and let himself in when she called. She had already started eating her lunch. She apologized to him, hand over her mouth, saying, "Sorry for the informality."

"We're going to be in the same boat," Connor said, and held up his lunch bag.

Ms. Adams laughed and cleared a space for Connor's lunch on the side of her desk. They ate in silence for a few moments before Ms. Adams asked, "So, what happened yesterday? It's not like you to be absent-minded."

"Dad and I fought yesterday. It was the same old deal of if I'm okay at home, but I just couldn't deal with it. I felt horrible all day and when the end of the day came, I just escaped. And, then, of course, he was mad because I didn't get home until, like, ten, and I turned off my phone to avoid him. Which, admittedly, was not smart because I just made him angrier. So, we argued again when I got home."

Ms. Adams took longer than necessary to chew her next bite, in Connor's opinion. Then, she asked, "Where did you escape to?"

"I went to see Jude."

"What did you do?"

"Hung out at the beach, got food, stuff."

"Did he help?"

Connor nodded. "He always does, even though he doesn't know the whole story. Just being around him makes me happier."

Ms. Adams smiled, but there was something unhappy in the expression. "You haven't told him anything?"

"No."

"Don't you think you should?"

"No," Connor repeated. "I don't care if it's selfish. I can't."

"Do you remember," Ms. Adams asked, "back when we talked about the stages of grief?"

Connor nodded, guessing where she was going with this. "I'm not in some new, mutated form of denial. I understand the same things I did before; I wish the world was different in the exact same ways I did before. Nothing's different."

Ms. Adams's lips twisted awkwardly. "Are you sure nothing is different?"

"Except for the fact that I finally have a friend? No." Connor picked the crust off the remains of the sandwich, not looking at Ms. Adams.

"I don't mean to upset you."

"I'm not upset. I'm just so tired of having my life revolve around something that I can't control; something that I didn't ask for. I know I'm being selfish when it comes to Jude, but don't you understand why I can't tell him? Can't you see why I need him to treat me like a person instead of some kind of leper?"

"Of course, I see why." Ms. Adams moved from behind her desk to sit down next to him. "There is no shame in wanting to be, as you said, a person instead of a leper. I do understand why you wouldn't say anything to Jude. I spend every day here, same as you, and I see how students act in these halls – some think I don't, but I do. And I understand you, Connor. I'm just trying to get you to see the other sides of this too. It can be very easy to get trapped inside your own head."

"Jude's not like anyone I've ever met," Connor admitted, staring down at his hands, "but when I think about telling him, all I can picture is him treating me the same way everyone else does. It's not like they treat me badly, but it's just, like, different."

"Close your eyes," Ms. Adams directed, watching as Connor's lashes fluttered shut. "Now, I want you to picture Jude." Connor smiled as he did so, and Ms. Adams found herself grinning at how happy he was. She and Connor, during their meetings, were more inclined to discuss his problems, so she saw him upset more often than not. "Now, just keeping Jude in mind, no one else, tell me how he acts after you tell him everything he doesn't already know."

Connor hesitated. Jude clearly knew what it was like to live on the fringe; Jude was different, even among a community of misfits. Connor knew that. He also knew that he and Jude felt the same way about each other: they were friends; and even though they had wildly different life experiences, they were each other's one chance to feel a sense of belonging. Connor understood Jude and didn't treat him differently, even as he found out some of the more sordid details of Jude's background.

"He acts like Jude," Connor told Ms. Adams. Jude wouldn't baby him or treat him like the kids at school did. "But I'm still not going to tell him." Connor could tell that Ms. Adams was expecting something else. "I need to have this. This one friend. I'm not going to get to have this for long, you know. I'm not stupid. I know what's going to happen to me. I'm not going to be able to hide it for too long."

"Don't you think Jude will be mad when he finds out you've been lying to him?"

It was a fair question but Connor was going to play his secrets close to his chest. It wasn't really lying to Jude, after all. If Jude ever happened to ask the right questions, Connor could imagine telling him the truth. He doubted Jude would ever ask and that knowledge made him feel safe too.

"Jude's last name is Smith," Connor whispered.

"What was that?"

"Nothing," Connor said, but he knew Jude would understand.

Jude clearly knew secrets.

(-.-)

"You seem excited to go to the Centre," Callie said.

Jude stopped cold on the floor. He'd been trying not to be obvious about how excited he was to get to the Centre and see Connor again. Realizing that he liked someone was like opening a flood for him, or so it seemed. Jude couldn't remember ever liking someone in quite the way he had a crush on Connor before. He was on his toes, just wanting to be in Connor's presence, because it was going to make him happy.

"Um, it's one of the tutors there," Jude said. "They've finally been able to find a book I like. You know that doesn't happen for me."

"Is it the friend?"

"No, he's my age. He tutors younger kids, you know that." Jude bit down on his tongue, relieved when Callie's face started to clear. Jude searched his memory for a detail about any of the other tutors. "My tutor's a girl named Mariana."

Connor had definitely called a girl there Mariana.

"Good, good. I'm glad you actually seem to start learning something."

"You've never given me a choice," Jude said.

"Okay, don't miss your bus. I won't be home tonight."

"Will you be home tomorrow?"

Callie nodded. "And then no more trips until the long one I've told you about."

"Over Halloween," Jude said. "I remember."

"You stay inside on Halloween," Callie said. "It's not a safe night."

"Yeah, yeah," Jude said. "Don't lecture me, Callie. I've heard it all before."

Callie rolled her eyes. "Go. Don't you dare be late."

Jude pranced out to the transit stop, trying not to be excited. He kept flicking the underside of his wrist, trying to distract himself from thinking about Connor's eyes but Connor's eyes were the only thing on his mind. He was going to be early to the Centre but that wasn't going to be a problem. He could play solitaire and think about Connor being a preppy tutor that he'd never be able to talk to. A smile toyed with the edges of Jude's lips. How had that just been such a short time ago? Now, he was thinking about how to be normal when he went to spent the weekend with Connor.

Jude hopped off the bus and headed to the Centre. There were two people talking outside the Centre and Jude realized that it was Connor and, ironically, Mariana. He approached a lot more slowly, wondering if he should hang back and let them finish their conversation but, as if Connor knew Jude was standing there, he looked up. He gestured Jude forward and Jude wondered what was wrong with him. He couldn't even pretend to look like he was annoyed as he headed over to Connor's side.

"Hey. This is Mariana. She's Ms. Adams' daughter. Mariana, this is Jude."

"Hi," Jude said, wondering just how he had gotten to the point that so many people knew his name. Connor was probably going to be his undoing.

"Hi!" Mariana chirped.

"We'll see you later, Mariana. We've got somewhere to be."

Jude managed a wave to the girl before he padded off with Connor.

"Did tutoring end early?" Jude asked.

"Sort of. Only Mary showed up and she spent most of her time shoving pencils up her nose. She didn't bring a lot of work so I sent her off."

"Mary's the one you don't like."

"I don't dislike either of them. Hey, I didn't eat a lot of food today. Do you mind of we go grab real food instead of the cinnamon bun?"

"Sure," Jude said, watching Connor's hand swing near his own. He jabbed his fingernails into his palm – bad Jude. "Where do you want to go?"

"Mmm," Connor mused. "Oh, tacos? I'm having a craving."

"Sure," Jude said. "Wherever you want."

"Except for burgers and fries, right?" Connor asked.

It made Jude feel like glowing that he had remembered and then he jabbed at himself again. "Yeah. I eat it too often. Don't want to have it when I don't have to."

"Hmm."

Jude wondered what the sound meant but he didn't have time to ask because Connor was pushing him onto a bus.

"How far are we going for tacos?" Jude asked instead.

"I know a place," Connor said. "It's really good. You'll love it."

Jude took the bus seat next to Connor, leaning his knee against his friend's. "You can't buy me tacos too. You spend enough money on me."

"It's Dad's money," Connor said. "Come on. He yells at me and then he spoils me. At least help me with that."

"You're hard to say no to," Jude confessed. "Also, is the yelling bad?"

"Define bad," Connor said. "I mean, it's loud and it's often but Dad loves me and he's not abusive or anything. I don't know what you want me to say."

"Why's he yell?"

Connor paused and looked out the window and Jude wondered if he had finally asked one question too many. Then, Connor looked back at him.

"He's always wanted a different kid that I am. We're both still trying to deal with that."

"Sorry."

"It's okay, you didn't mean anything by it." Connor pressed the button for the next stop. "Are you going to read to me while we eat?"

"Not with tacos. I'll destroy your book."

"I've got a lot of copies."

"You've said that," Jude said, following Connor off the bus. "How many?"

"I don't actually know. I'll let you count when you come over. Uh, are you coming over?"

"I am. It's all good. Why do you own so many copies of one book?"

Connor stuck his hands in his pockets. "You're going to laugh at me."

"You're teaching me how to read." Jude nudged his shoulder against Connor's, feeling his skin tingle even through his sweater. "How could I laugh at you?"

"All right," Connor agreed, "that's fair. To Kill A Mockingbird is my mom's favourite book, did I ever tell you that?"

Jude shook his head.

"Well, it is. She bought me my own copy of the book for my twelfth birthday. The one she had was really old, she'd had the same one since, like, high school and she didn't want me to destroy it. I read it and I liked it. She died the year after and so I read her copy, trying to imagine what she was really feeling all the times she read it and I realized that there was something new to experience every time I read the book and so I started picking up used copies every time I saw one, because I wanted to know what other people had experienced reading it. The used part is important."

"That's … kind of deep," Jude said.

"And kind of crazy, right?" Connor added.

"I wasn't going to say it."

Connor grabbed the door of the taco place and held it open. "You were thinking it though."

"I admit nothing."

"Of course, of course, Mr. Smith."

Jude groaned. "I really should not have told you that."

"What?" Connor said. "I'm trustworthy."

"It's not about you."

"Thanks, I think," Connor drawled.

Jude felt like he should apologize but he fought against the feeling, crossing his arms over his chest.

"What do you want?"

"Seriously, don't worry about it."

"I'm buying too much food anyway. You might as well pick something you want."

"Thanks, Connor."

It still took a little bit of prodded from his friend before Jude stepped up to the counter, mumbling his order. He picked the cheapest thing on the menu. He didn't want to be seen as a burden by Connor, no matter what happened between them. He skipped away from the register before he could see what his simple meal of tacos was going to cost Connor and went to find a spot for the two of them near the back. Even though he'd told Connor he wasn't going to try to read to him while eating, Jude still fished the novel they were trying to work through out of his bag and put it to the side of the table. Connor liked him to read and Jude knew that he owed Connor. If Connor wanted him to read, then read Jude would.

He straightened up as Connor slid the tray of fast food onto the table, pulling himself onto one of the tall stools. Connor picked up one of the tacos immediately, stretching his mouth around it.

"What did you do before the Centre, today?"

Jude was grateful for the mouth full of food as he tried to figure out exactly what to say. "Um, I was just at home."

"What's home like for you?" Connor asked and Jude knew that he was genuine in his question but he had no idea what to say.

"Um, lonely, I guess. My, um, my guardian works a lot and so I'm by myself a lot. It's another reason that I hang out at the Centre."

"What are the others?"

"It's not a safe neighbour either," Jude said. "I'm dangerous, you know."

At the least, it made Connor smirk. "I'm not scared of you."

"I didn't say you should be," Jude said. "But you're hanging around me. That can be kind of dangerous."

"Dangerous, how?" Connor asked, and even though Jude had somehow known that he was inviting the conversation in, he still hated the question.

"We're fine, over here," Jude said. "Don't worry."

"What? Does your guardian not like you having friends or something?" Connor asked, his tone teasing.

Jude just took another bite of his taco. Callie had never expressly forbidden him from having friends but it had always been implied that he couldn't allow anyone to get too close. There were secrets that he would never be allowed to tell and Jude knew that. He didn't let himself get close to people because he knew it would be easier. He didn't like lying; he accepted the necessity. Looking at Connor now, Jude knew that he'd been making the right decisions for the past several years. It was incredibly hard to lie to Connor – so hard it was scary. The way that he so seriously listened to everything that Jude said made Jude just want to tell him everything. He didn't know if he'd ever want to know someone so completely before, either. He knew they couldn't get close. There was a list of reasons as long as he was tall that he shouldn't let himself get close to Connor Stevens but Jude knew that had already been shot in the foot.

"I don't usually like having friends," Jude confessed.

"I'm honoured," Connor snorted.

"You should be." No one should have a face that looked like Connor's. It wasn't fair to Jude to have to avoid staring at him all the time. "I mean that, though. I don't remember the last time I had an actual friend."

"Me either," Connor said.

"You go to school and stuff. You have to have real friends."

"I don't," Connor said. "Really. I'm kind of a freak at my school."

It was hard to imagine Connor being a freak. Jude was a freak. Connor was attractive; he had been an athlete. He was friendly and sweet. Jude couldn't imagine a world where Connor wasn't popular and well-liked.

"Why?"

"Um, after my mom died, I went through a really rough period and I … Um, I pushed my friends away and stuff and stopped playing sports and they saw me go through that kind of stuff and they didn't know what to do or how to talk to me so they stopped. And things have never been the same since."

"I'm sorry," Jude said, unsure of what else to do. He felt the impulse to reach out and take Connor's hand, just for comfort, but, instead, he folded his hands together in his lap. Boys didn't do that. Not with other boys.

"It's okay. I have a friend now and he's pretty great."

Jude laughed and glanced up at Connor's face, open and honest. Jude was glad that he was the only one keeping secrets. He hated the thought of Connor lying to him, even though he knew that it was hypocritical. "I think I know how you feel."

"So, when you come over next weekend, was there something you wanted to do?"

"I thought you said we were going to watch those Harry Potter movies."

"We should," Connor said. "I think everyone should see them at least once. I really like them, anyway. We don't have to, though. Also, you might want to read the books first."

"I'm not even halfway through this one!" Jude protested, wiping his fingers on a napkin before propping up the novel. "And you want me to read a series?"

"It's only seven books."

Jude rolled his eyes.

"I plan on us being friends long enough that I can see you through a series."

"You don't know what's going to happen," Jude said cynically, trying to disguise how happy he felt. After only knowing each other for less than two months, Connor thought they were going to be friends for a long time.

"No, no one does, but, you know, I mean it."

"Of course," Jude said. "Why would you say something you didn't mean?"

"You're strange," was all that Connor said in response.

"Maybe," Jude said, trying not to bristle at the words. Connor didn't mean it in the way that Jude was taking it. "You're the one who's hanging out with me."

"Didn't say I didn't like it."

Jude wished Connor was looking at him. He wanted to be able to search in his new friend's eyes and be able to double check that Connor did mean that Connor liked him as a friend. He knew it to be true. He should just consider himself lucky that he had a friend at all and he was trying too, he really did, but he had a crush on Connor Stevens and – metaphorically and literally – Jude knew that was going to end up crushing him. And despite staring at Connor, Connor just picked up some of the lettuce that had fallen out of his taco to stuff it back in and then finish off his food. Jude made himself look away when he thought that Connor was going to look up at him. He wasn't sure how perceptive Connor truly was.

"Are you going to read to me now?" Connor asked.

"Sure," Jude said, wiping his fingers on a napkin.

"Come sit next to me," Connor said. "It'll be easier and I know you don't like reading loudly."

Connor knew that about him. It was something else that no one else knew. As Jude slid over to sit next to his friend, he tried to keep his smile off his face. What would Connor think of that, after all? But Connor didn't seem to overthink things the way that Jude did. He leant on his elbow, close to Jude, organizing Jude's sticky notes, small dictionary, and pens and other items in front of him. Jude ran his finger along the page, landing at the place he'd left on. He felt like his mouth was full of marbles as he struggled to string words together, but still, he began.

Connor wanted him to read.

So, on tumblr I'm: we are all of legend now (with dashes between every word). If you want to find my replies to anon reviews, add backslash tagged backslash anon dash replies. If you want to see anything I post about The Island Of Misfit Toys, go to my tumblr URL and add backslash tagged backslash the dash island dash of dash misfit dash toys. Punctuation is spelled out due to Fanfiction's restrictions. If you're having any trouble accessing the tumblr content please send me a pm and I can format it for you in a different way.

~TLL~