Once Julie got up this morning, she had trouble spotting people she usually talked to or spent time with. The beach itself looked strangely abandoned like the population of the survivors had dwindled overnight. Where was everyone? She wondered. Out in the jungle hunting? Taking walks? Spending their time in the hatch? There was also one person she couldn't find, but it wasn't like she expected him to always be there. She was sure he had better things to do than just spending all his time with her. Still, she was a little bit worried when he'd told her the night before that he would prove something to himself. What could it possibly be? What was he planning? Surely nothing dangerous, she hoped.
"Hi, Claire," Julie finally spotted a person she actually knew and liked. In fact, she and Claire had been getting closer recently and Julie hoped they would become good friends. The young mother looked equally abandoned as she couldn't leave Aaron and venture out into the jungle like Kate, Jack and Sayid kept on doing. "Do you know where everybody is?" Julie asked after the initial greeting.
The blonde was just checking up on Aaron in his cradle. She then met Julie's eyes and smiled to her knowingly when informing, "If you're asking about Desmond, the last time I saw him he was going somewhere with Locke."
"I wasn't and don't you look at me like that," Julie said, taken aback. Claire just laughed in response.
"Come on, you and Desmond are practically our new Adam and Eve," the young mother didn't stop her teasing.
"The what?" Julie frowned when situating herself in the hammock Claire slept in.
"When we found the caves, there were two bodies in there. Somebody made a joke that those were our Adam and Eve, so when Jack and Kate got so close, we started calling them that. I still can't believe there's actually nothing going on between those two. The chemistry they share is so obvious!" Claire sighed and sat right next to Julie.
"Well, there's also nothing going on between me and Desmond," Julie made it clear.
"I think you would be great together and that you actually like him a little too much for him to just be a friend," Claire dared notice.
"Maybe," Julie just shrugged, seeing no point in lying to the woman. She trusted Claire by now and knew that she wouldn't just go off and tell everybody. Claire was very trustworthy and very nice, also easy going and cheerful, which was the reason Julie felt so drawn to her in the first place. "The truth is that I've had a pretty rough past when going after a guy that I wasn't supposed to be with. Needless to say, it didn't end well and now I'm overcautious. I actually promised myself never to make the first step again," Julie confessed.
"Well, they say when a boy really likes a girl, he'll eventually chase after her," Claire smiled to Julie and patted her arm. "So you don't have to worry. If he feels the same, he'll make a move. You don't really need to do anything but be his friend right now."
"So far no one's chasing after me," Julie pointed out, working hard to rid herself of all those romantic notions Claire tried to seed in her mind. Julie knew her friend meant well, but she'd rather not think too much of Desmond these days. "Now… Where is everybody?" Julie repeated her previous questions, proving to Claire that she'd really just asked that before to get a straight answer.
"Michael wanted to go get Walt back, so Jack, Kate, Sawyer and Hurley went with him," Claire notified, her expression betraying her own opinion. She didn't like that in the least.
"And Hurley went as well?" Julie made sure, sharing the blonde's belief that it wasn't the best plan Jack had ever come up with.
"I guess it's because of what happened to Libby," Claire explained. "He would hate to just sit around here, do nothing, whereas the rest had an opportunity to get their revenge."
"Oh…" Julie saw the reason behind Hugo's actions, but she still didn't understand why the rest had let him go with them. No offence to the guy, but wouldn't he slow them down if they had to run or react very fast?
"Yeah," Claire uttered when noticing the dubious look on Julie's face. "Then Sayid took Desmond's boat and sailed off with Sun and Jin. They're supposed to meet Jack's team on the other side of the island."
"If you ask me, the boat trip seems much safer and more pleasant than the trek through the woods," Julie voiced her opinion.
"Agreed." Claire nodded towards her once again, glad that they understood each other so well and shared their points of view.
They were silent for a moment and Julie found herself watching Aaron wiggling around in his cradle.
"Can I ask you something personal?" she suddenly blurted out, really desperate to hear the mother's side of things.
"Sure," Claire agreed with no reservations. "Just shoot. We're around the same age, so I guess we should stick together. I wish you came around much sooner, you know? Kate is great, there's no denying that, but she's always running after something and I'm always left behind since I can't possibly leave Aaron."
"Yeah, about all those days I stayed away… I was just…" Julie started to explain herself.
"You don't have to tell me anything. I understand that we all have our issues and after the crash it wasn't easy to adjust to this new reality."
"I was just… lost," Julie told her anyway. "I have no better way of expressing myself."
"I understand," the blonde assured her. "And don't you think I haven't noticed how you came around just in the same day Desmond did. He stirred something inside you, helped you, am I right?"
"I can't believe you're still pushing that!" Julie pretended to be offended, but her laugh told Claire that she was just playing with her. "Seriously, Claire, just stop. If something happens, then it happens, you don't have to play a matchmaker."
"But there's so little to do here to have fun," Claire complained.
"Well, then go find it somewhere else."
"All right," the blonde pretended to pout. "I'd had my share of wild days before I got pregnant, so it's just hard for me to be the perfect mother everybody here thinks I am."
"I heard that you wanted to give Aaron up for adoption," Julie dared say, coming back to what she wanted to talk about. "And I just wanted to ask… Claire, are you happy being a mom? I mean… I don't want to sound rude, because you obviously love him, but you've been through so much pain and hardship because of this baby," she followed quickly, trying to smooth things up.
"Well, all I can say to you is that it's all worth it," Claire answered when tugging her baby in, not insulted by Julie's questions at all. "I love him more than anything and he's the one person in this world who really belongs to me, at least until he grows up," she added and they laughed together. Still, Julie's expression grew serious again.
"I'm afraid of ever having kids," she suddenly confessed. "I hated them once and now… I just don't know. I've never really been around them until Aaron and…"
Claire reached out and touch her friend's hand. "When the time is right, you will be all right, Julie, I promise. I really wish I could say that when the right man comes into your life, you'll be ready, but look how well that one turned out for me."
They laughed again and Julie was glad for Claire's depreciating sense of humor. At least it didn't feel as bad as she thought it would to ask about all the things which had been nagging at her.
"It's true that babies change your whole world and your whole perspective and it's not about you anymore, you know? It's actually kind of scary," Claire went on, trying to explain as best as she could. "But still, the love you feel is completely unconditional and I think it's all worth it. You'll never feel something like this if you decide not to have a child. It's… I can't even describe it. It's not about me anymore, it has nothing to do with sex and desire that is so entangled into romantic love. It's just pure and ever-lasting, no matter what, which you can't say when it comes to relationships... Just take it from me, I was so sure I would give him up and once I gave birth to him on this island… nothing will ever take him away from me. Nothing. I will always be his mother and I will do anything in my power to protect him even if it kills me. That's just the way mothers are." She then smiled fondly at the little boy in the cradle.
Julie pondered over what she just heard for a moment and then said, "It's surprising, don't you think? The island, I mean. Despite it all, it did a lot of good to us. I don't want to sound crazy, but… I let go of all the pain of my past and realized all my mistakes. I managed to get past it somehow and find peace. And you know you want to keep your baby. If we hadn't crashed, maybe you wouldn't have."
Claire nodded in agreement.
"Yeah, there's something mysterious about this place and I think I knew it from the very beginning. Did you hear that Locke was on a wheelchair before the crash?"
"Really?" Julie got interested.
"The moment he landed on this island, he could walk again. No one can explain it. It's a miracle. Then I talked to Rose and she said she'd had cancer, the kind that would kill her within a year, and now she seems just fine."
"That's… truly interesting… and scary, actually." Julie bit her lower lip. She really wanted to know why those things kept happening to them and what was causing them. Was it something special on this island? Something in the water? But no, that didn't make any sense since Locke hadn't had the time to drink any the moment they'd crashed. So what, then? The air they were breathing? Some healing power of the plants? What other explanation could there really be? And why Desmond, even though trying to get out, had crashed back on it again? He'd told her that he hadn't really had any reason to get out with nothing awaiting him back in his home country, but still... Something had pulled him back to the island. Something hadn't let them all leave so far and they'd tried with the raft, hadn't they? Also, the help wasn't coming. Was something just keeping it from getting to them? Why?
"Do you want to hold him?" Claire asked, her voice reaching Julie like through a very thick wall. "Julie?" she said her name. "Hey, are you all right? I hope I haven't freaked you out too much when telling you all those things about the island."
"Oh, no, you haven't." Julie shook her head, bringing herself back to reality. "I was just thinking about this place, but I can't figure out anything that could be remotely plausible."
Claire smiled at her sympathetically. "Yeah, I can relate."
"It's especially hard for me because I just graduated college and so far, I was always able to find the answer to my every question."
"Well, welcome to the real world. You'll not always be able to find the answer to life, Julie."
"Yes, I know, I've learnt that the hard way, trust me." Ever since Julie had graduated, she'd thought she'd known it all. She'd been convinced that she'd even known what the future held for her. Only she'd been so, so wrong. Sometimes she couldn't truly believe how naive she'd been once.
"Before you zoned out I was asking whether you wanted to hold Aaron," Claire informed her.
"Oh, I don't know…" Julie hesitated when looking at the baby. She seemed to be more scared of him than Aaron could ever be of her. In fact, the boy was curious when his eyes settled on her. "What if I hurt him or hold him wrong? What if I break him?" Julie asked, feeling panic washing over her.
"Nonsense! You couldn't possibly hurt him. I know that. I trust you," Claire assured her and then she just stood up and picked her son up from the cradle. "Here, just try it. It'll be fine, I promise."
Julie finally yielded, figuring that she could as well give it a try. She reminded herself Desmond's words when he'd told her that there was no point in fear. Why would she be afraid of something so natural as holding a baby? She stood up as well and gently took Aaron from Claire, surprised that holding him the right way wasn't hard at all. He was so small and seemed so fragile as she took him that she was scared to even breath. Her eyes met his blues which looked at her with curiosity, the little hands reaching out to her. In that moment, Julie found herself smiling and a pretty strange feeling washed over her. This little boy was completely and utterly dependant on his mother. He wouldn't survive without somebody taking care of him and that was just scary. Julie could nearly understand Claire's need to protect him and to be with him every hour of the day. Still, these parts didn't seem as terrifying to Julie as some others she was particularly afraid of.
The moment Julie was holding Aaron for the very first time, marveling at the feel of the small baby in her arms, Desmond inserted the failsafe key and turned it.
"I love yo…" he started, but he never finished, interrupted by the overwhelming whiteness and noise that enveloped him completely.
In one moment everything just went white, accompanied by a shrilling, defeating noise that seemed to vibrate from somewhere within the island, affecting everything and everyone around. Julie could feel the ground shaking beneath her feet and she experienced a headache at the ringing in her ears. She couldn't really decide if it was because she heard the strange noise or it was some kind of an impulse that was messing with her body and senses. Still, she didn't care about herself at the moment. She was terrified to realize that she was still holding Aaron in her arms. Aaron, the small, helpless child who couldn't do anything to protect himself and therefore, he needed to be given that protection. There was no time to hand him over to Claire, so Julie just acted purely on instinct when covering the small body with her own, trying to shield him from the noise and the vibrations, praying for it all to stop soon before her body would give up and she would be forced to drop the baby. No, something deep within her screamed, steadying her, making sure she was strong enough to hold on just so she could protect the baby.
And then, as suddenly as it started, it stopped, leaving them all temporary dazed, not hearing anything but the constant ringing in their ears, waiting for the deftness to subside. Julie just stood there, Aaron pressed into her chest, her arms around him. She slowly took a deep breath, then released it, made sure she was still standing, that her heart was still beating and that she was still alive. Just then she was able to open her eyes and took in her surroundings. Nothing seemed changed. They were still on the beach on the God forsaken island. The camp looked like it always did. So what the hell just happened? Julie wanted to know.
Claire got to her, reaching her shaky hands for the baby, making sure Aaron was all right.
"He's fine. He's ok," Julie assured her, but she wasn't sure that the blonde could even hear her at the moment. Claire was just as preoccupied with making sure Aaron was all right as Julie had been a moment before, doing her best to protect him. Then, eventually, Claire relaxed when hugging her child, seeing that he was all right. She schooled herself and nodded at Julie, voicing a silent thank-you with her mouth.
In that moment, Julie felt like there was something wrong. She could hear something suspicious, like a whooshing sound just above her, something flying…
"Claire, watch out!" she screamed and pushed her friend away as hard as she could the moment she realized that there was something about to land in the sand. As Claire stumbled and tried hard to regain her balance with Aaron still in her arms, the thing buried itself with a dull thud just in the exact spot the mother and child had stood a moment before. Both Julie and Claire exchanged terrified looks as they realized how close Claire and Aaron had just been to dying.
"Oh, my God, Julie," Claire finally exhaled. "Thank you… Thank you so much… You saved us both today."
Only Julie wasn't listening to Claire anymore. She was too preoccupied with examining the piece of metal that had just fell from the sky. It was the hatch lid with the red letters painted on, forming the word "quarantine".
Somebody started screaming, a shrilling and full of terror noise and then Julie realized with horrification that it was coming from her own mouth. She forced herself to stop, paralyzed in fear.
Charlie ran out of the jungle, clearly attracted by the scream he must've thought came from Claire.
"What happened?!" Both Julie and Claire got to him the moment they spotted him.
"What happened to the hatch?!" Julie followed with another question, trying hard not to panic, but it was getting harder and harder every time somebody on the island seemed to be in danger.
"Nothing happened," Charlie said dully, looking at everyone blindly. "We're ok. Everything's ok." He still seemed to be in a slight shock, which then only elevated when he spotted the hatch door.
"Charlie, calm down and tell us," Julie wasn't letting it go. "What happened to the hatch?" she repeated persistently.
"It… It just imploded. There's no hatch anymore," Charlie finally complied with his eyes still widely opened. "I don't know how… I mean… Locke and Desmond… and it imploded…" He just spread his hands helplessly.
Julie felt like the ground disappeared from under her feet. Her worst fears were just coming true. How could she be getting through this once again when only a few days ago she'd been so scared Desmond might've gotten shot? And now the hatch? What was he even thinking? Had he tried to destroy or neutralize the magnet, so he could finally let go of the place that had taken three years of his life and nearly driven him completely mad in the process? Had he wanted to prove that he could do it just so he could think of himself to be brave? Had he even thought of her when making this decision?
"Julie!" Claire called after her when she just turned in the direction of the jungle and marched towards it purposefully. The young mother wanted to follow her friend to make sure she was all right, but Charlie stopped her.
"She'll be fine. It's all over. Just let her go," he said when placing his hand on her arm.
Claire just nodded, reluctant to leave Aaron with Charlie who still seemed to be a little out of it.
Desmond opened his eyes, looking around with his pupils dilated. He felt confused for a moment there, had no idea where he was and what had happened to him. He'd been… What had happened to him exactly in the last few hours? He started wondering. Why was he on the island again? He closed his eyes, wincing as he tried to make sense of all those strange memories and thoughts bombarding his head. The last thing he should remember was turning the key in the hatch, yet… He blinked a few times, took in his surroundings. It was definitely the island.
Eventually, he heaved himself up and looked around, spotting the hole in the ground that had used to be the bunker and in the same time realizing that he was naked. What had happened to his clothes? Why would he lose them and not his body? Why was he still alive?
You're special, Desmond. You're destined to do this, a voice, a memory (?) appeared in his head and he pressed his hands to his temples as pain invaded them. Only as soon as it all started, it stopped and he knew exactly where he was and what time it was. He did it, he realized. He'd proven to himself that he was capable of sacrifice, of risk, of becoming the hero people needed. He'd been brave for a change and he'd set everyone on the island free of the button. He was still alive and the implosion didn't seem to hurt anyone, so it was a huge success.
"… Julie," he said her name, remembering something important, a knowing smile forming on his face.
Julie finally reached the hatch - or what was left from it - she realized as she covered her mouth with her hands, taking in the destruction all around her. There was no hatch, she was simply staring at a messy hole in the ground, filled with bent and twisted objects that had used to be… furniture? She wondered. Metal shelves? If this had happened to the objects, what could have possibly happened to Desmond? She wondered, her body trembling with fear by now. She might actually never see him again, never talk to him. She might never see his eyes looking so deeply into hers. She might never get to see him smile or never get to touch him. She might never tell him… She swallowed over the lump forming in her throat. It still hadn't sunk in that he might actually be gone. She'd been protecting herself, raising walls around her heart and kept waiting for somebody else to make the first move… Oh, who was she kidding?! She'd been waiting for him maybe from the first moment she'd talked to him and now she felt like she'd wasted so much precious time. Again.
"Desmond?" she asked in a voice that was too quiet for anyone to hear. She just needed to believe he was all right. She couldn't accept the horrible truth. She wouldn't. If she did, then she would break down completely and she wanted to delay that moment for as long as possible. She wanted to feel hopeful when she still could. "Desmond!" she finally raised her voice and suddenly, she did hear something. She froze, trying to figure out whether it was just her imagination or it happened for real. Only she did hear it again! The hope that surged straight into her heart left her breathless, her spirit elated. He was alive! She didn't know how it was possible, but he was somewhere out there, calling her name and he was all right!
"Desmond?!" She finally moved, running towards the source of his voice, still having trouble believing that she might be so lucky to get another chance. "Desmond, what happened?! Are you all right?!" she called him when spotting something moving in the bushes. She ran there and then came to a sudden stop. "Wow!" Julie exclaimed and quickly looked away, raising her hand to cover her eyes. "You're naked!"
He looked down on himself like he just now realized that he should've put something on first and then reacted to her calling him. For the lack of a better option, he hid behind a tree.
"Julie, I did it!" he exclaimed in exaltation, eager to share the news with her right away. "You were right! I can do something right! I actually did something brave for a change!"
"And you're running naked in the jungle to celebrate?" Julie asked, clearly teasing him. It was either that or… she didn't really know. The whole situation was completely bizarre. One moment she'd been scared out of her mind because she'd thought he might've been dead and now, that she witnessed him actually being alive and well, she walked in on him being naked. What was that all about? And why she couldn't force her face to stop burning?! Then, out of the sudden, she burst out laughing and just couldn't stop. The whole situation seemed so comical to her at the moment and she didn't really want to cry.
"Sorry," she apologized, barely able to speak as she was still laughing. "I think I'm in some kind of hysteria right now," she admitted, finally forcing herself to calm down and even out her breathing. "I was with just spending time with Claire when the blinding light came and the hatch door almost crashed her and Aaron! Then I was screaming, frantically looking for you again, mind you! And now… Now I'm just laughing because I can't cry about my life anymore!" She stopped talking, breathing the air into her lungs deeply. "So, can you tell me what happened?" she asked, looking at Desmond's face and avoiding lowering her eyes. He was behind a tree, but even though all the important parts of him were covered, she was pretty sure she would be able to trace the outline of his hipbone down his leg and… Focus, girl, she told herself, shifting her sight to the bushes around them like she suddenly spotted something of a great interest there.
"Locke destroyed the computer," Desmond started explaining. "I told him not to do it. I had this failsafe key that could possibly free us from the button when neutralizing the magnet, but I couldn't be sure that it wouldn't cause any damage. After all, we could've all died. I thought we should just talk about it first, check the box the key went into, just to be on the safe side. Well, the usual patient Locke decided he was betting on fate this time and… you can figure out the rest."
"Great, that's… just great… yeah… terrific," Julie said and nodded, looking everywhere but at Desmond. She did hear every word he just said, but she was embarrassed that her face was still blushed and she couldn't understand what had pushed her to ask him all of that now when he was standing there being completely naked.
"Julie, do you think you could bring me some clothes? At least some pants?" he finally asked sheepishly.
"That won't be enough," she murmured under her breath when she finally turned away to walk back to the camp with relief washing over her. All that tension she refused to name at the moment got to her head and prevented her from thinking clearly. She felt like she needed air and it didn't even occur to her that she did have it since she was outside.
"What was that?" Desmond asked when not hearing her clearly.
"Right away!" she corrected herself in a voice that didn't seem to truly belong to her. When she made a few steps in the direction of the beach, she could finally breathe normally, thankful that she wasn't in that awkward naked situation any longer. What was it with them walking on each other naked, anyway? She'd had a towel wrapped around herself when he'd done that, but still… Julie just shook her head, feeling like laughing again. Yeah, definitely some strange kind of hysteria, she decided.
"Charlie," she said when making her way to him and Claire as soon as she spotted them. "Can you do me a favor?" she asked when eventually standing right next to them.
"Sure, what is it? Have you found Desmond?" Charlie asked, looking like he was back to normal. The shock must've worn off by now.
"Yes and he needs… he needs pants and a shirt. Yes, definitely bring a shirt, too," Julie said and once she did so, both Charlie and Claire looked at her like she was crazy.
"He, what?" Charlie made sure he heard it right.
"When the hatch imploded, Desmond suddenly found himself lying naked in the jungle. He saved us all and he survived. We just don't know what happened to his clothes," Julie followed with an explanation. "So, can you bring him some?"
"Oh, yeah, sure," Charlie shrugged. "I guess even more wacky stuff happened on this island. Like polar bears," he added when retreating.
"So," Claire started, elevating her eyebrows, "did you take a good look?"
Julie didn't have to ask what the blonde was talking about. The image of Desmond's naked body, even if she'd looked away way too fast to see all the details, haunted her mind.
"No, not really," she said, shaking her head and feeling her cheeks turning red once again. "I was too embarrassed."
"But you liked what you saw. I can tell from the look on your face." Claire laughed cheerfully, looking at her friend like she wanted to tell her 'I told you so!'.
"I did, damn it!" Julie admitted. "No point in lying or denying it any longer." She sighed heavily and sat in the hammock, watching Aaron's sleeping form in his cradle. "How is he, by the way? All right?" She gestured towards the boy.
"I won't pretend that I don't see what you're doing." Claire raised a finger at Julie. "You're trying to change the subject, but it's fine. I get that you must feel mortified right now. And to answer your question, yes, Aaron is fine, all thanks to you. I'm really grateful, Julie. You saved both our lives today. In fact, you protected Aaron twice. I don't know how I will ever repay you." Claire took Julie's hand and squeezed gently. "Thank you." She repeated when looking her in the eye.
"Don't mention it. It was the right thing to do. And you don't have to do anything for me, just you being here is enough." Julie sent her a smile. "I never really had a friend in my life and, despite the misery the plane crash brought me, thanks to landing on this island I found people whom I actually like and care about," she confessed when evoking the faces of Desmond, Jack and Hurley in her mind and now she could also add Claire and Aaron.
"Well, I'm here for you," Claire assured her, pulling her arm around Julie and giving her a hug. "And I'm not going anywhere even though there's truly no place I could go…" she added, her voice trailing off and they both laughed. Yes, finding humor in tragedy was the best medication for pain, Julie decided, truly tired with crying and worrying.
Soon enough, Charlie and Desmond emerged from the jungle and luckily for Julie, Desmond did wear a pair of pants and a shirt. Then he purposefully made his way to her and Claire. Julie's heartbeat fastened up again as she discovered that she didn't know how to act around him anymore. Then she was just confused when he actually addressed Claire. "Would you mind if I repaired the hole in your roof?" he asked the last question any one of them expected to hear and they all sent him a strange look.
"My roof is fine," Claire said when frowning. "But thanks anyway?" It sounded more like a question than a statement and Julie wasn't really surprised. Desmond's behavior was definitely bizarre at the moment. She also noticed the imperceptible frown on his face and then she spotted him biting his lip like he was thinking hard on some solution. A solution to what? What was it with the roof that bothered him so much?
"Desmond, are you all right?" she asked him when jumping to her feet and getting to him just in the moment he turned around with the intention to walk away. She momentarily forgot about her own awkwardness around him, the feeling replaced by genuine worry. Maybe things between them hadn't changed so drastically as she'd previously thought, after all. Maybe they could still be friends and act normal around each other?
"Yeah," was all he said to her.
"What was that all about?" she prompted when falling into step with him.
"Nothing. I was just trying to be helpful," he said, clearly brushing her off.
"Hey, don't do this to me," Julie protested and grabbed his arm, forcing him to stop and just look at her. "You're shutting me out. Why?"
"I'm not… It's just…" he started, then stopped when he couldn't find the right words to say to her. Eventually, he made the few remaining steps towards the shore and picked up some pebbles to throw them back into the ocean.
"I can see that something bothers you." Julie tried again when standing right next to him. She hugged herself, feeling some distance between them, something that hadn't been there before. She couldn't understand it. Was it because of the way she'd found him in the jungle? Still, she was reluctant to talk about it. Reluctant to talk about the way she felt and how confused she actually was in his presence.
"I survived something nearly impossible to get out of," he finally spoke, his voice softening, honesty coming back to it as he threw the last pebble into the water and faced her. "And I can't explain why I woke up in the jungle next to the hatch when I'd been inside it, causing the implosion. Why didn't I die?"
"But that's a good thing, isn't it? You didn't die. You're still here," she said. "Besides, weird things happen on this island all the time." Julie remembered what Charlie had said before. She was silent for a moment, accepting that Desmond either wasn't ready to talk about what had happened to him or he just didn't want to tell her. Or maybe there was simply nothing to say since he didn't know anything. Julie could live with that, could accept his reluctance to share that information with her, but she would not let him keep her distance from her. She needed him in her life, she was sure of that now and would fight to keep him there, to keep them close. Even if all they would ever going to be was friends. "Just before the implosion…" she started, "I held Aaron for first time," she confessed. She needed to tell him that. He seemed to be the only person who could understand her where it came to the subject of kids since he'd known her better than anyone else on the island. "I'd never really held a baby in my arms before."
"How did it feel?" was all he asked when studying her face.
"I don't really know…" She shrugged, shifting her eyes towards the ocean. "He was so tiny and I realized how dependant he was on others, on us… Anyway, the point is that… when I was holding him, the hatch imploded. There was that blinding light and the almost unbearable to the ears sound and those vibrations..." She nearly shivered at the memory. "And you know what I did?" She turned back to Desmond, finding the understanding there again, the bond that had been established between them still strong. She could see it all in his eyes. He cared and it was all that mattered to her at the moment.
"Tell me," he encouraged her in a low voice, but he seemed to already know.
"I protected him, Desmond. All that mattered was protecting his life, not mine," she confessed in awe.
"I knew you had it in you," he just said when placing his hands on her shoulders and squeezing gently. Julie smiled in response and for a moment there, all that mattered was the warm touch of his hands on her, the depth of his gaze, just the presence of him alive and well. Once again she'd come so close to losing him that she didn't want that anymore.
"What do you say that we'll go eat something? It's been a long and exhausting day," he eventually suggested and she just nodded, smiling to him.