Even though Hurley made it back to the camp, he didn't bring good news. Jack, Kate and Sawyer had been abducted by the others because Michael had betrayed them. Michael was the person responsible for the shooting in the hatch and freeing the prisoner as well. Now, he apparently sold his friends so he and his son could come back home. Julie was worried about those three who'd been taken, especially about Jack since she'd managed to get to know him well enough when she'd sprained her ankle. What was going to happen to them? She wondered.
Right the next day in the morning, Locke had given a beautiful speech about how they would get them all back, but what he could really know? Julie thought. He couldn't be sure they would succeed and he couldn't know how many others were out there. Would they even win if they went against them?
Having heard enough, Julie ventured off to talk to Claire and found Desmond putting up a strange construction right next to the mother's tent. Julie came closer and frowned, trying to decide what it was supposed to be. She wasn't sure if she should ask since Desmond was very sensible about certain topics lately and refused to tell her nearly anything. She could feel that he kept her in the dark and was worried that they were growing apart, even despite their previous conversation about Aaron. In fact, she also started worrying that something serious had happened to Desmond during the hatch implosion and that he might be losing his mind.
"Are you into some new kind of art?" Charlie finally asked as he was with Claire and the baby.
"It's just an experiment, brother," Desmond answered in a friendly voice and then made his way to the food tent to join Hurley. Hugo seemed to be very interested in the strange thing raising from the ground as well.
Julie made the few remaining steps that separated her from Claire and Aaron and she looked at Desmond with curiosity, still trying to decide whether she should just go over there and ask him straight what it was that he was doing. The moment their eyes locked, the lightening stroke the exact spot where Desmond had built the metallic thingy. Julie just stared at it, wide-eyed and in a slight shock. She didn't seem to be the only one. And then, the realization came over her - Desmond had built a lightening conductor and it worked as the strength of the lightening was neutralized just like the hatch had been. The question, yet, was how did he know that the weather would change so drastically? How did he know it would strike that exact spot? Why had he wanted to fix Claire's roof the day before? To get her and the baby away from there and if that hadn't worked, he'd come up with another idea?
Only when Julie shifted her eyes back to Desmond, he was already gone.
She had enough. She'd been doing just fine before. She'd managed even though she'd been so close to her breaking point. There was nothing she could actually do about being stranded on the island so there was truly no point in sulking.
But now Julie had truly enough, coming dangerously close to losing it completely.
With every day passing by, she'd been worrying more and more about Jack and the others. Locke wasn't really doing anything productive to get them back, so she knew right away that the whole speech was bogus just to ease up the rest. Maybe he'd been serious at the moment, but he really couldn't do anything for Jack and the rest without endangering the lives of the survivors. He couldn't just drag them all across the jungle to attack the others. First, there were too many women and even a few men who wouldn't do well in a confrontation like that and Claire had just had her baby. Besides, if everyone who was strong enough ventured off, who would stay to protect the rest? Risking everything to save the lives of three people just wasn't worth it, especially when those people had gone on their own free will. Still, Julie was worried and she wished she could know what was happening to them. That was the reason to why she set on a trip with a couple of survivors to a station called Pearl. She need a distraction from her all-consuming thoughts, something to take her mind off them. Also, Desmond was going, too, (by the way, why wouldn't he just button up completely that pretty blue shirt?! The sight of his slightly exposed chest made it difficult for her to focus. She did notice that his muscles were nice, gained from the hard work on the island rather than from the endless workout in the gym like her ex).
Everything seemed to be going all right and they reached the Pearl station with no surprises along the way. The situation, yet, changed when they were force to leave it. Mr. Eko went outside first and then Julie followed since the air inside the newly discovered bunker was stuffy; also, the couple that had gone along for the ride, started arguing, which made the decision to leave that much easier. As soon as Julie stepped outside, breathing the still hot and humid but at least clear air deep into her lungs, she found herself being an accidental witness to Mr. Eko's death. It was truly the very first time she saw the black smoke the survivors talked about and she once again found herself frozen and terrified of what she was seeing. It wasn't even the worst part. What was actually worse was the fact that there was truly nothing she could do to help. Mr. Eko was mysteriously caught by the strange black force, then raised up into the air and smashed against trees and ground so fast and with such precision that it caused Julie to just stand still with her eyes widely opened and feel so devastatingly helpless. She didn't know the guy well, but he always seemed very nice and kind to everyone. She also never saw him losing his patience. Why bad things happened to all the good people on the island? She wondered. Her scream attracted the others, but obviously it was too late to help Eko. His back, brain… maybe everything, was by now probably destroyed, smashed as the smoke abandoned his body and disappeared.
"What's wrong with this island?!" Julie yelled when looking at the dead and battered body. It was just lying there like a rag doll. "What keeps hunting us down and killing us?! I've had enough! I just want to go home!" she wined, knowing that she was being extremely childish at the moment, but she couldn't help it. It was just too much. Her whole life she'd been safe. She'd had an apartment, a safe place to live in. She'd finished college. Even when she'd flied to Australia, she'd still felt that safety and comfort of the modern world. Even when she'd gotten her heart broken, she'd felt that safety. And then the plane had crashed and she couldn't feel it anymore. She knew that planes sometimes crashed, but the odds were nearly impossible for her to be in one, especially when she didn't fly at all. Yet, it'd still happened to her. She'd survived a plane crash. In fact, it should've been a miracle, but instead, it'd transformed into a completely new nightmare that seemed to be even worse than the crash itself. This one was going on endlessly and no one could stop it. This one was still there while she was sleeping and while she was awake. Something on this island was dangerous. Something that clearly was supernatural, out of this word, even if they all refused to believe it. How else could any of them explain the black smoke and the weird sounds it carried?
"Why did I have to get on that stupid plane?!" Julie went on, truly being hysterical now, her mind refusing to admit what was happening, refusing to accept this as a reality. She must've been sleeping! She would wake up soon and she would find herself in her own bed in the small and cramped apartment she'd lived in back in America. "I should've known not to accept anything that that man bought me! I just wanna go home!" she repeated, feeling like an insolent child when shaking and crying her eyes out. Both Sayid and Locke just stood there, rendered speechless, not really knowing what to do in such a situation. Then, there was the couple she didn't know that had decided to come along. It looked like the girl made a step towards Julie, probably with the intention to go to her and comfort her, but then she didn't have to because Desmond was suddenly right there by Julie's side. Desmond was taking her into his arms as she sobbed and he nearly made her feel safe again. Only then she realized that his shirt was wet and it wasn't because her tears were soaking it. It was perspiration, which meant excessive humidity, which meant that it wasn't home. They were on the bloody island and she would never be safe there. Not really. Safety was just an illusion in such a place.
"You're safe," Desmond chose that exact moment to whisper into her ear, which only made the situation worse because she knew he was lying to her. "You'll be ok," he assured her in a soft whisper only she could hear.
"You can't possibly know that!" she said in anger and pulled away from his embrace. "Eko said we would be next! I heard him! I'm not safe! None of us is! You won't help me if the smoke comes for me! You won't be able to stop it!"
"Locke has a theory that it lets those with pure hearts go and the only thing you've done wrong, Julie, was falling for the wrong guy. And still, he was the one to hurt you," Desmond said, his voice persistent as he tried to make her understand.
"You don't know what I did," she said bitterly, shaking her head frantically. "You just don't know me that well! There was so much hate in my life once! Hate for people, for kids, for everyone! And I was so egoistical! I didn't care about others' suffering! All I cared about was myself and my own comfort!" she screamed it out for all of them to hear.
"You're not that person anymore," Desmond calmly answered. "We all make mistakes sometimes."
"But it's whom I used to be and you can't just wipe that clean," she argued with him, still crying.
"You can," he disagreed again, his eyes desperate for her to get better, to listen to him. "You did exactly that when you decided to change."
She shook her head again, couldn't believe that he didn't understand. Just because someone learnt from their mistakes, it didn't mean what they'd done was erased. They'd still hurt some people, they'd still been rude to them and caused them to feel bad. Something like that didn't just go away. So what that she'd gotten hurt by the man she'd thought she'd loved? So what that she was here, on the island now? She'd still done so many bad things. She was better because of what she'd learnt from them, but it didn't mean she was safe. No one was safe anymore. Maybe not ever. With that thought she just turned away and started off towards the beach.
"Julie, you can't go back alone!" Desmond called after her, trying to stop her in concern for her safety.
"See? Not safe at all!" she shouted back, but did not stop. She couldn't stay there any longer. They kept losing people and she didn't know how long she would hold on before giving up completely. What if she was next? What if Desmond was? Or Aaron? Or Claire? She wouldn't survive that. She'd already gotten through losing Shannon, Libby, Jack, Kate and hell, even Sawyer! She might not like him all that much, but he was a human being and he'd been through hell just like she'd had. He'd survived the plane crash just to be abducted and who knew if he was still alive anyway?
Desmond caught up with Julie, not letting her go alone. Still, she didn't say a word to him all the way back. He might as well not be there at all. She chose to just stop thinking, stop worrying, going completely numb, turning off her brain. Numb was good for a change.
In that very moment, Desmond promised himself to do anything in his power to get her out of this hellhole, even if he would have to pay with his own life for that. She wanted to go home and he would make sure she'd get there.
Once they reached the camp, Julie retreated to the shore and just sat down there alone like she'd used to do before she even met Desmond. It was getting dark fast and she knew she should go to her tent and try to maybe fall asleep. After all, it was a tiring day. Still, she couldn't bring herself to move. She wasn't sure she would even be able to close her eyes and drift off. Not after what she'd seen that day.
The night was a rather cold one and she shivered, hugging herself. Suddenly, there was a blanket being wrapped around her and Desmond joined her.
"I think I'm truly hysteric now, Des," she finally spoke to him as he remained quiet, being just this strong presence next to her, offering her support. "I don't know how I can keep doing this," she went on. Maybe he refused to speak because he was afraid she would start screaming at him again and tell him to leave her alone. "I'm not sure for how long I can stay on this island and not go crazy," she confessed.
"You're not crazy," he finally said, his voice confident.
"Really?" she asked bitterly as she looked at him. "I'm completely numb, then I'm screaming, laughing and finally, I'm crying. It's hysteria, Desmond. I'm losing it."
"I'm here," he simply said, meeting her eyes and looking at her warmly. "You're not alone anymore. You have me to hold on to, Julie, I promise." He put his arm around her and brought her closer to his side, trying to give her his strength, to share his warm and his faith though touch. "Something tells me that you will get out of this island and you will be happy," he then added with just as equal confidence.
"You can't possibly know that," she sighed, "unless," she continued, frowning on the memory of the lightening conductor. "Does it have something to do with the fact that you seemed to predict the lightening strike? You made that hole in Claire's roof up to get her out of there, didn't you?" she asked, curious about that one. In the same time, she snuggled closer into his body, seeking the warm comfort he offered and then resting her head on his shoulder.
"Maybe," she got an ambiguous answer.
"Desmond," her voice grew serious, "when are you going to be honest with me?"
"When you'll be able to handle it," he simply said and she actually understood. She didn't want to push him now. She didn't think she was emotionally and psychically ready to hear whatever he had to say to her. She'd seen enough bizarre and unexplained on this island to know that it would be huge and life altering. She just wanted to stay in her comfortable position for now, just sit there with him, feeling his body so close to her, feeling connected to him.
The truth was that Desmond didn't really know if she would get home, but he would make sure that happened just the same. He would do anything for her, even for the cost of his own life. She didn't belong to the island, to the wilderness and danger. She belonged somewhere safe. She deserved a home, a family, a man to take care of her, to love her completely. He wasn't sure what would happen to him once this was all over, so he didn't dare in his wildest dream to see himself as said man.
To his astonishment, Julie actually feel asleep when snuggling up to him. He could see now how her face slowly relaxed, all the worry and turmoil of the passing day gone, calmness setting over her. She seemed so fragile and delicate as he held her, yet he knew she was exceptionally strong. He sat there for a moment, cherishing the time he got to spend with her and then, he gently picked her up and carried her to her tent. She didn't wake up, which only told him how exhausted she truly was. He stood there for a moment, in the darkness of her tent, the only light coming from the moon and the stars above them as it crept inside through the crack he made. He had to leave eventually, he schooled himself, resisting the nagging urge of just lying down next to her and holding her in his arms for the whole night. Instead, he left, keeping his guard outside. The small distance keeping him from her almost causing a physical pain in his chest. He really had it bad…
If Julie thought she would be able to get some respite the next day, she was wrong. She barely woke up and was just eating breakfast when Desmond dashed out of the jungle, ignoring her completely and running straight towards the ocean. Without coming to a stop, he just threw himself into the water.
Julie, followed by Charlie and Hugo, ran to the shore, scared for Desmond. She was still worried that he might've been a little unstable after what had happened in the hatch, so she had a brief moment of panic that he was possessed and would drown himself. And then she heard it. Screams. A woman was screaming.
"Claire?" Charlie said in disbelief, frowning and putting his hand to his forehead to see clearer in the blinding sunlight.
Julie gasped as she took in Desmond carrying unconscious Claire out of the ocean and she could only stand there, completely frozen once again, as he tried to revive her. Eventually, Claire came to, sputtering water and looking around in confusion.
"It's ok. You're ok," Desmond assured her as he was the closest one to her at the moment. "You were drowning, but I heard your screams and saved you," he informed.
"How did you hear her?" Charlie asked suspiciously. "You were out in the jungle and I couldn't hear her from the beach, man."
"Well, I guess I have a good hearing." Desmond shrugged it off and made sure Claire got safely to her tent.
"Good hearing my ass," Charlie murmured under his breath and followed them, still scared for Claire.
Julie was standing still for a moment, thinking hard about something. There was something there, at the back of her mind, trying to find its way to the surface. She was so close to figuring it out, so… And then Hurley said, "Dude can see the future." And everything crystallized in her head. She'd seen enough proof, hadn't she? Yet, it was so hard to believe. How could Desmond just wake up after the hatch implosion and find himself able to foresee things? Only how else could she explain the lightening strike? And now the drowning? And he'd tried to tell her what had happened to him the night before, but she'd still been shaky after seeing the black smoke murdering Mr. Eko.
Julie decided she needed to know the truth now, whatever it might be. She decided she was done grasping at straws. She was ready to talk to Desmond. Only when she made her way to him and Charlie to whom he was talking to, she heard something that she couldn't actually accept. Desmond just told Charlie he would die and so far, the Scotsman had apparently been doing everything to prevent it, to save his life, but nothing seemed to be working.
"It's wasn't Claire, Charlie," he informed as Charlie could only shake his head at him. "It was you. You were the one who died in the lightening strike and just this morning, you jumped to the ocean when you saw Claire drowning and you drowned in the process."
"No, no." Charlie kept on shaking his head. "You're crazy! You're nuts!"
"Charlie…" Desmond tried one more time when making a step towards the guy.
"No! Get away from me, freak!" Charlie pushed him away and left.
Desmond only sighed heavily, putting his hand to his forehead and closing his eyes. That was the moment Julie decided to announce her presence.
"What is wrong with you?!" she confronted him when standing right in front of him. "You can't just predict someone's death! You can't walk around, telling people they're going to die!" She was so angry with him and just couldn't understand him at the moment. She hadn't thought it would ever happen, but it was happening right now. She felt like she was looking into a stranger's face.
"I don't tell people. I just told one person," Desmond said in a calm voice when meeting her eyes. "And I happen to be right, Julie. I told you, you weren't ready to handle it and I was right about that, too," he added sadly.
"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?!" she rebuffed. "Who are you, really?"
"Why won't you believe me if you've seen the evidence yourself?" he wanted to know, his voice growing angry as well.
"I used to believe the impossible and I still do," Julie finally said in a much calmer tone when closing her eyes for a moment and taking a deep breath. She was tired with all those revelations, but she went on anyway. "I believe that there is a certain person destined for us, Desmond. The so-called one and that we can eventually find that person. I believe that we have certain gifts, talents and we need to use them and they determine our future. I also believe some things are just meant to happen to us, but I do not believe that someone can predict someone else's death. Centuries ago, people were dying like flies because there was no medicine and look at us now. We can sometimes cure even the most helpless cases."
"It doesn't prove anything," Desmond argued. "If someone is meant to…" he tried to continue, but she stopped him, raising her hand.
"I wrote to a few fortune tellers in my life," Julie confessed, "and guess, what? None of them was right. They just kept telling me what I wanted to hear at the moment. They had a certain gift, I give them that, because they never actually saw me or talked to me live and yet, they knew what I wanted, what I was planning to do, but this has nothing to do with foretelling the future. It's reading the person's aura at the very moment, in the present."
"Still, I…" Desmond tried again, be she kept on talking.
"I believe we make our own luck. And also, I believe that faith can move mountains. If you believe something bad is going to happen, it happens. The other way around is more tricky and requires more faith, but it can happen, too. I know, I did that one already, although I never saw the consequences. You need to remember the consequences, Desmond!" she reminded him urgently.
"Then believe in me!" he asked in desperation, his face conveying too many emotions at once. "Have faith in me!" he tried one more time, nearly begging her now.
"No, Desmond." Julie just shook her head even though it pained her to see him like this. "I can't. You believe that someone will die and I will not help you make that happen."
"Julie, just please…"
"Stay away from me, all right?" she asked although it truly hurt her, too, maybe just as much as it hurt him. Even though they weren't a couple, it seemed final like a breakup and Julie, for the second time in her life, felt like her heart was breaking, like she'd once again invested herself emotionally in the wrong person. A person she'd thought was different than what she saw right now.
The next few days weren't easy for Julie. She slept, she woke up, ate, did some exercising, talked to Claire and some others survivors and then she went back to sleep. Everybody noticed the visible strain in her relationship with Desmond, but no one dared say anything. In fact, she didn't even see the man that often. He was always somewhere out in the jungle, either with Charlie or Locke, hunting or doing God knew what. When she did get to see him, she only got brief glimpses of him, keeping her eyes off of him completely. She wasn't ready to face him again, to ask if he'd come to his senses. She wasn't ready to let go, yet in the same time she felt like she'd already done that. Her heart felt broken, but she refused to think about it or feel it. Instead, she was doing whatever she could to help around the camp only to keep herself busy. Claire was the closest friend she had at the moment and luckily for her, the blonde also refused to ask any questions about Desmond. Maybe she felt that Julie wasn't ready to talk about it and knew that once that changed, she would be the first person Julie would turn to. Only talking honestly to Claire would mean revealing what Desmond had told Julie about Charlie and that wasn't a good idea in Julie's opinion at all. The more days passed by, the more depressed and restless she seemed to become. The truth was, she missed Desmond. She missed his presence, his laugh, the way his eyes always looked into hers. She simply missed being around him, feeling his closeness. Yet, how could they ever go back to what they'd had if she lost her faith in him completely? What he was asking her was impossible to believe and understand. She couldn't just accept that he not only could predict the future, but also someone's death. Especially when that someone was her best female friend's boyfriend. No, she wouldn't believe that Charlie was meant to die. It wasn't Final Destination, it was reality and real life didn't work that way.
Finally, one afternoon, everything changed.
It happened when Julie, Claire and Rose were talking when preparing dinner and heard some excited voices and cheers, followed by, "I can't believe it!" coming from Sun.
Once Julie looked in the direction everybody seemed to turn to, she gasped on seeing Jack along with Kate and Sawyer, coming out of the jungle. There was already a crowd of people around them, welcoming them with hugs. Julie found herself smiling brightly for the first time in days. They would be all right again, she thought and felt peace washing over her. Jack was back. Their doctor, their leader. They would be all right now when they had someone who knew what he was actually doing. What was more, he survived the captivity of others. He could provide them with much needed information.
Claire was already walking towards the newcomers and Rose just set off in that direction, so Julie finally made a step, too. Claire was just hugging Kate, Rose was welcoming everyone she encountered and then Julie, when avoiding going straight into Sawyer's arms, spotted Jack right next to him. He just let Sun go, his face tired but illuminated with a smile.
"Julie," he said her name when he spotted her, the smile still in place.
"Jack, I'm so happy you're back!" she told him, falling into his open arms and hugging him tightly. "Are you all right?" she asked straight into his ear.
"Yeah, yes, I'm fine," he assured her when letting go off her. "All in one piece."
When Julie took her eyes off Jack and said hi to Kate, she actually spotted Desmond standing in the distance, watching them. She shook her head, refusing to be worried by him now.
That night on the beach everyone seemed to be celebrating. They had a big fire and they were talking and laughing. At least it seemed like everyone was having fun, Julie figured when sitting all by herself near the fire, just staring into the flames.
"Are you ok?" she heard Jack's voice as he came over to her.
She raised her head to look up at him and just shrugged when not actually speaking.
"Do you mind?" He pointed the place right next to her and soon, he was sitting there, also looking at the flames. "So… what happened?" he prompted.
"Nothing," she answered. "Well, the hatch imploded, but I guess you already know that."
"That's not what I'm asking. I want to know what happened to you. You and Desmond had been nearly inseparable before I set off to find the others. Now…" his stopped for a moment, then finally finished, "now he seemed to be eying you all night whereas you're just sitting here, refusing to even look at him… Actually, now he's eying me suspiciously," Jack added and Julie laughed. "So what's that all about?"
"It's… complicated," was all she managed to say when she finally met the doctor's eyes. "Can we not talk about me? You've just come back. Jack, how was it? Are you really all right?" she made sure.
"Well," Jack actually sighed, "for a while, I was a prisoner, but then I found out they only took me, so I would perform an operation on their leader. On the guy we had locked in the hatch, actually. His real name's Benjamin Linus," he explained. "He had a spine tumor."
"Had?" Julie picked up on that. "So you did it? Or did he die?" Still, if Jack was here right now, safe and sound, the first option was more likely. They wouldn't just let him go if he failed to perform the operation, would they?"
"Yeah, I did it," he nodded with an ambiguous expression on his face. "I had no other choice. They kept Kate and Sawyer as leverage and she… she asked me to. She didn't want Sawyer to die," Jack's voice actually grew bitter.
"Wait…" Julie frowned. "Do you mean… Kate and… Sawyer?" she asked slowly, making sure she heard it right. Jack only nodded in response.
"Yeah, at least it looked that way," he confirmed.
"I'm sorry," Julie said, really meaning it. "I know you liked her."
"Yeah, well…" Jack forced a smile to his face to cover his disappointment, "sometimes life works in ways you can't predict."
"Tell me about it," Julie sighed, finally looking in the direction of Desmond. She could feel his eyes on her ever since Jack had come back. Why? Was Desmond actually jealous? Did he think she would find consolation in Jack's arms just to spite him? She wasn't like this, Julie thought sadly, and Desmond should know that about her. She'd gotten hurt the second time in her life, which actually meant that every single time she felt something for a guy, she was wrong to want to be in a relationship with him.
"Hey, cheer up," she heard Jack's voice getting to her like through a thick wall. She was too far gone in her own thoughts. She took her eyes away from the place Desmond had been standing a moment before as he was now gone and she shook her head.
"Sorry."
"You don't have to apologize, Julie," Jack assured her, looking at her like he understood what she was going through. "I don't know what happened between you two, but are you sure it's irreparable?"
"I don't know," she admitted, hugging herself despite the warmth coming off of the fire. "I thought I knew him and then… ever since he caused the implosion of the hatch, he seems different and I'm not sure I know him anymore…"
"People change when going through some really tough stuff," Jack tried to find an explanation for Desmond's behavior. "Maybe you can find a way to get through to him again? If not, then I'm sorry."
For a moment there, Julie contemplated just telling Jack about what was going on, but in the end, she decided against it. Jack wasn't a man of faith at all. All that mattered to him was what he could touch and explain, possibly fix as he seemed to have that complex. He would react even worse to Desmond's 'news' than Julie had. And she still cared about Desmond enough to spare him the public embarrassment that would ensue. She knew Jack wouldn't let it go, that he would try to help his Scottish friend somehow, maybe even deciding that this help would need to be psychiatric.