The next day everything in the camp seemed to be coming back to normal as Jack, Kate and Sawyer returned. Well, Julie could actually do without that last one as he did nothing but bitch around at everybody who'd apparently taken his stuff and distributed among themselves. She still felt a hole in her heart as she thought of Desmond and what had happened to them. She wished to just go back to the place they'd once been in, but she didn't know how. She just couldn't accept Desmond believing that one of them would die. It was then that she actually heard him say her name and she looked up at him in surprise that he came over.
"Julie? Can I talk to you?" he asked gently, being careful with her, scared that she might actually turn him away and decide to never speak to him again.
"Desmond, I…" she started, not really knowing what to say, her voice quivering. If he was about to convince her that Charlie would indeed die, then she didn't want to hear it. Yet, the distance from him was killing her and she wasn't sure how long she would be able to stand it before coming over to him herself. This was the first person she'd truly gotten to know on the island, the one who'd opened her eyes to so many things, the one who'd helped her get over her past. Thanks to him, she started looking into the future even though they were still stranded. He was also the first one she felt something for since her heart had been crashed so painfully back in Australia. And yes, it seemed to be ruined now again, but how could she just turn him away? She missed him.
"Please. There is something I need to tell you," he said again, not giving up. "Just listen to me and then, if you still want me gone, I will never bother you again," he promised with such a devastating finality in his voice that it caused her to tremble in fear. She didn't want to let him go. Her mind was still angry at him and couldn't understand him, but her heart didn't care about any of that. Her heart wanted to listen to him. She could only pray he wouldn't make things worse by telling her whatever it was that he intended to.
"Does it have anything to do with Charlie?" she asked, deciding it would be best to get this out of the way.
"No. It has something to do with us," she received a surprising answer. Then she just released a sigh when thinking that maybe Desmond felt insecure about her being so close to Jack, but she didn't protest when the Scotsman sat right next to her on the sand.
"I never told you what happened after the implosion in the hatch," he then said and she actually looked at him because she didn't expect to hear that.
"You woke up in the jungle," she said when carefully avoiding the word 'naked' even though it was on her mind immediately.
"I thought so, too," Desmond admitted, "but recently, I began remembering places I was to when it happened."
"I don't understand," she admitted, her voice growing helpless. Was this another dose of crazy she wasn't ready to handle?
"I don't expect you to. Even I don't understand it fully, but… I just wanted to tell you that I was… I saw…" he stopped for a moment there, clearly thinking of how to say it right.
"I already think you're crazy, so just get over yourself and tell me," she encouraged him. The anticipation to hear it, the fear that it might actually destroy what they had left completely was causing her stress, so she would rather hear it right away than wait some more. "I promise I will listen to the very end," she added. She did owe him that, didn't she? Even if he went crazy, she owed him to listen. He'd fixed her, after all. He was the reason she was now surrounded with so many friends when just a few weeks ago she'd had none.
"I was in the past," Desmond finally revealed and rendered her speechless. So he'd seemed to be travelling though time, she tried to wrap her mind around it and decided to stop that altogether. It just wasn't possible and contradicted reason.
"I was in a small café and the name was…" he squinted his eyes like he was trying to remember a blurred memory. "Impressions, I believe," he finally said. "I was sitting inside whereas you and two other girls were close to the door. You were talking and laughing, probably about something that happened on campus. You seemed happy, although when I took a closer look at your face, you were sad beneath that façade, disappointed and hurt." He stopped for a moment and she still didn't say anything, just hugged herself as she listened. What he said actually stirred something in her head, but it was too blurry for her to decide what it was just yet. So she kept on listening.
"You were eating a dessert," Desmond continued, not aware of what was happening to her as he was too deeply immersed into his memory, trying to remember every detail. "It was chocolate and vanilla ice cream… at least it looked like that and there was some dressing and whipped cream. When you were all about to leave, you asked those girls to wait for you as you went further into the café to use the bathroom. I chose that moment to stand up and we kind of bumped into each other. I remember that you were wearing a green skirt and a black blouse rimmed with lace, there was also a necklace with a green stone hanging from your neck. When we ran into each other, the necklace landed on the floor and you didn't notice. I remember that you smiled to me apologetically and said that you were sorry. I picked up the necklace and called after you to return it. You were so happy that I noticed it fell. You said it was your favorite," Desmond finished his story and Julie just sat there, struck with something that seemed impossible, yet… she could remember it!
"How…" she started and then she just shook her head at the impossibility of it. There was also something else nagging at her brain, but she refused to admit it just yet. "No, you apparently saw me three years ago and remembered it. That's not a proof," she just said harshly, still being in denial.
"Really?" he looked at her closely, noticing the wrinkle forming on her forehead. "Think harder," he encouraged her.
And then it struck her.
"Impossible…" she exhaled and when she met his eyes again, he saw tears in them. "How… I mean… I was there with my friends and I wore exactly what you described, but… I never saw you nor did I bump into you. I went straight to the bathroom and it was there that I noticed the necklace had a broken clasp! Still… I can clearly remember a moment that is the same but different… I remember…" her voice was erratic now, eyes opened widely in disbelief at what she discovered in her own head. "I didn't pay any notice to men around me back then as I had my eyes set only on one," she continued. "Stupid silly me, but anyway... How can I remember bumping into a man who told me I lost my necklace and in the same time remember not doing it and losing it in the bathroom?" she gasped. "This is just not possible. It contradicts logic."
"It is possible," Desmond disagreed, "because I changed the memory you already had. I really saw the past. I really met you there, Julie."
"Then why didn't you tell me to stop chasing the man that could never make me happy? Why didn't you tell me never to go to Australia, so I wouldn't be on that plane?" she suddenly asked in bigger confusion than ever and met with his sad eyes. Just then she realized what she'd just said. It was like she didn't even care that the plane crash had allowed him to come into her life, him and many others.
"When I was there… I didn't… I didn't actually remember the island and everything connected to it," he answered her question anyway. "I just… I knew you. I had those flashes of you, but I wasn't sure from where. I felt like a crazy person and… probably I sound like one now. I just needed to see you then, to talk to you, even if briefly. I was so confused… I didn't really know what to do or how to act afterwards. I thought that maybe I should wait until you leave the bathroom, talk to you some more. I felt like I was meant to, like I needed to know who you were and why I kept seeing those flashes of you and me in my head…" his voice broke and then, after a moment of respite, he added, "Only once you disappeared in that bathroom, everything just went white and suddenly I was somewhere else." He squinted his eyes again, not able to make much sense of those memories. "There was an old woman and she told me that I had to go to the island. That I couldn't change anything even if I tried. That it was my fate to push that bloody button for three years and then…" he came to a sudden stop.
"And then what?" Julie prompted breathlessly, needing to hear the rest of it.
"Then meet you," he confessed when looking at her.
She was stunned as she lost herself in his eyes. She kept on waiting for him to say something more, so she could hear what she so desperately wanted to, but he didn't. Instead, he said, "Some things are just meant to happen to us. I wouldn't be able to keep you from this island even if I really wanted to. It was just beyond my power." He looked at the ocean, breaking the eye contact with her. "Charlie's death is also beyond my power," he then said in a slower and quieter voice like he was afraid she would just stand up and leave on hearing Charlie's name coming from of his mouth. When she actually didn't, he confessed, "I'm so lost, Julie. I don't know what to do. Shall I keep saving him? That woman told me that if I did that, then the person would die anyway, that he would slip in the shower, something would fall on him… I'm just… I don't know… Why do I have this knowledge if I can't do anything about it?" His voice grew desperate and he hid his face in his hands.
In this moment, Julie felt truly terrible for abandoning him where he'd clearly needed her the most. She so regretted turning her back on him, refusing to listen to him. How could she just do this to her friend, a man she had feelings for, the very moment he said something she didn't like? The moment he did something that scared her? She should've been there for him, trying to help him. Instead, she'd just turned her back on him, once again proving to herself that she wasn't as good a person as he believed her to be.
"I'm so sorry, Desmond," she said, her voice trembling. "I… I'm sorry I bailed the very moment you needed me. You were there for me through all my crap and you didn't leave once you heard about my past and I…" She shook her head, biting her lower lip and fighting tears. "I just turned my back on you the moment I thought there was something wrong with you. I shouldn't have given up like that. I should've been there. I should've believed in you just like you asked me to, even if I didn't believe what you were saying."
"Hey, it's ok." He turned to her. "I don't blame you. I did sound crazy."
"So what?" she asked, meeting his eyes but not seeing much as her vision was all blurry from her tears. "I still did something wrong and I am so, so sorry for that. How can I ever make it up to you? I'm an awful person just like I said I was."
In that moment, his arms were around her, pressing her form into his chest. She cried even harder as he hugged her because she didn't think she deserved it. He was so understanding and so amazing that her heart was about to burst from the affection she felt towards him.
"I'm sorry. I won't abandon you ever again," she promised with her face pressed against his neck, feeling the prickling of his beard against her skin. She could also feel his chest raising and falling way too fast as he held her.
"I understand and I forgive you even though there's nothing to forgive, really. I know I just leveled you with all that information about Charlie and death way too fast. I should've done it some other way. I was just so confused after what happened to me in the hatch."
"Exactly. And I knew that…"
"Hey, hey," Desmond's voice grew harsh as he pulled away and cupped her face, so she would look into his eyes. "It is done and forgotten, all right?" he made sure. "I don't want you to waste time on regret. If you think you made a mistake, then just learn from it and move on, got it?"
She nodded and her tears stopped flowing. He was right. There was no point in dwelling on the past, on things she couldn't possibly change and she should know it well. And then his thumbs wiped away her tears.
"There's just one thing I need you to do for me," she asked.
"Anything," he assured her, meeting Jack's eyes as he was just passing by not so far away from their spot. The doctor smiled at Desmond and the Scotsman couldn't do anything else but to reciprocate that smile. He should've known better. Jack wouldn't make a move on Julie behind his back.
Julie stood up and brushed the sand off of her clothes, then led Desmond towards her tent. Soon, she took her vanity bag out of it and opened it.
"Which one?" she asked him when showing him all her jewelry. She had quite a few necklaces and three of them were in various shades of green.
Desmond looked inside and the moment his eyes found what they were looking for, he grabbed it without hesitation. Julie was speechless as he really proved to her that their memories were real. He even showed her the exact spot the clasp had broken once.
"Did I restore your faith?" he asked when putting the necklace back into her vanity bag and closing it.
"Yes, you did," she assured him in a hoarse voice, too emotional for her own taste. "Thank you."
The moment Julie started believing in Desmond again, everything happened so fast that she had trouble wrapping her brain around it. It turned out that there was a boat near the island. A boat that was their ticket home and all they needed to do was to find a way to contact the people on it, so they would come and rescue them. The only things that stood in their way now were the jammed transmission and the message the French woman, Rousseau, had recorded sixteen years ago. It kept on playing in a loop, preventing all the other messages from being sent. If that wasn't enough, Juliet, the new addition to the team, who'd made her way to their camp shortly after Jack and the rest had, revealed that the others were coming again.
The survivors quickly divided themselves into three groups. One would go to the radio tower to stop Rousseau's message, one would stay on the beach with the dynamite ready to blow up the others and one, the smallest since it consisted only of Desmond and Charlie, would go to the underwater station called Pearl and deal with the blocked frequency.
Julie wanted to stay on the beach despite the upcoming threat. She wanted to be there when Desmond would come back and she refused to think that it might actually not happen. What she was dreadfully sure of was that Charlie was going to his death and somehow, it all made a terrifying sense to her now. Desmond couldn't understand why he had those flashes of Charlie dying. He also couldn't stop saving him despite the knowledge that there was nothing he could do for his friend in the end, but he couldn't let him die and stand watching either, he was too good a man for that. Maybe this was his purpose, Julie thought, to keep Charlie alive long enough for him to manage to swim into the Pearl. After all, Charlie was the only one who could hold his breath underwater for whole four minutes.
"Desmond!" Julie called to him when he was ready to leave. She needed to say her goodbye, she couldn't just let him go like that. What if she never saw him again? The very thought caused her heart to ache and yearn for the Scotsman. She refused to accept that their story might end here. There had to be more. They needed to have some future ahead of them, especially now when they were so close to getting out of the island. "I…" she started when she finally reached him. She couldn't believe he would just go without talking to her first and now she was the one who couldn't seem to find the right words to say. "I can't lose you. Please, be careful," she finally told him even though it wasn't what she truly wanted him to know. She still couldn't bring herself to make the first move, even in such a final moment. She was too insecure for that.
Only then, Desmond looked at her with such a yearning in his eyes that she could just stand there, staring into his brown pupils, forgetting how to breath properly. And then he was suddenly leaning towards her and she could feel his lips pressing against hers, sending sparks dancing around her body, making her forget that she was just saying goodbye, maybe even her final one. The kiss came as a surprise to her, but she gave in to it, forgetting who they were or where they were. She realized in that very moment that she'd been waiting for this possibly ever since she'd gotten to know Desmond. He was the right man for her, she was sure of it now. In fact, she'd never before in her life was so sure of something. Not even when she'd convinced herself that she and her former professor belonged together. They didn't, never really had. Desmond was the one. Desmond and no one else. The kiss only proved it to her. It felt so right and so natural. She was right to wait. She was right not to push. Because when it was right, one had faith and there was nothing they had to do in order to make it happen. Julie finally knew the difference between a real thing and illusion. Even if the kiss was small and gentle, she could feel it all. She actually felt more in this kiss than she'd ever felt in much heated moments with the man she'd previously been with and that had to stand for something. Everything she was supposed to feel, she felt when in Desmond's arms.
Then he was pulling away and she didn't want to let go of him. He was safe with her on the beach and he wouldn't be safe out there, deep in the ocean in that God forsaken station. Only then, he didn't loosen his hold on her as he rested his forehead against hers and when looking her deeply in the eye, he confessed, "I crashed on this island twice for a reason. And that reason is you." Once that was said, he finally made a step backwards, his eyes set on her so intensely that there was truly no need for him to say anything else. She already knew. She could see it in his eyes. He was just about to turn around to get to the boat when she grasped his hand.
"Desmond…" she said his name, not ready to let him go now once he finally made the move she'd been waiting for for so long.
"I'll come back to you, I promise," he just said, emphasizing his words so much that she had no other choice but to believe him. He finally made his way to the boat by which stood Charlie, smiling at them, though sadly. Did he know? Julie wondered. Did he know that he was going down there to die? She was overwhelmed by all the feelings inside her. She felt so much for Desmond, she wanted him so badly to come back to her, yet she knew that wasn't guaranteed. And then, there was Charlie. Would Julie be even able to look Claire in the eye now that she knew the terrible fate awaiting her boyfriend?
She would stay on the beach and wait for Desmond, she decided right then and there. No matter what the danger was, she would find a way to wait there for him because he was going back. She couldn't accept anything else. He was going to get back to her and they would get their happy ending. Together.
She wished she could've stopped him, but in the same time she knew better than to even try. Nearly all his life, Desmond had believed himself to be the coward Penny's father was so sure he was. Julie knew that he wouldn't leave Charlie when the guy needed him the most. He wouldn't go down that cowardly path again. He would be brave. He would be a hero. Only she also knew that he couldn't be sure that he would be back. What he was about to do was dangerous, but she still couldn't stop him. He needed to be there for Charlie. He wouldn't abandon him at such a moment and she wouldn't dare asking him to.
In the end, Julie didn't find a way to stay at the beach, after all. Jack understood her worry when it came to Desmond and the want to wait for him to come back, but he was still unyielding. He told her that Desmond would want her to be safe so he wouldn't have to worry about her getting herself killed. There was a lot of dynamite on the beach and those who stayed behind had guns. They were prepared to fight the others till the last one was dead, even if it meant risking their own lives. Julie knew that there was no place for her there, she knew that it would be dangerous, but she still wanted to stay. She couldn't argue with Jack any longer, though, she knew that he cared about her safety as well and she didn't want to cause him any more trouble as he already had too much on his mind. Also, the look Kate and Claire sent her way rendered her silent and she just marched with them into the jungle. If she stayed, Claire would not only worry about Charlie, but about her as well. And Charlie would probably not get back, Julie reminded herself with ache in her chest. Still, there was something that kept nagging at her, as though she was needed back on the beach, as she was supposed to stay. She didn't understand that feeling and all she could do was to ignore it for now.
"Don't worry, Desmond will be all right," Claire tried to comfort Julie when falling into step with her and it only made her feel worse. She wanted so badly to say the same thing about Charlie to her friend, but she just couldn't. It would only be cruel. Instead, she asked something else, something that had been bothering her for quite some time, "What if it all happened for a reason?"
"What do you mean?" Claire frowned, not following her friend's line of thoughts.
"Before he went with Charlie, Desmond told me that he crashed on this island so he could meet me," Julie cleared it out. "So, what if all of it happened for a reason? What if everything has led us here?" After everything Julie had seen and experienced, she was finally willing to admit that maybe, just maybe, there were such things as destiny and fate. The old lady, Desmond had talked to after the hatch implosion, was just another proof to that. If it happened in the past, how the lady had known it all?
"That was very romantic of him and I think it's actually true," Claire admitted, having thought about Julie's words.
"It's just…" Julie stopped for a moment, "I always saw life as a chaos that I had to make some sense of. I wanted to plan it till the last detail in order to avoid the mess, but then the mess caught up with me anyway. Maybe I was meant to go after the wrong guy under the illusion that I was in love with him and through him, meet Desmond? Maybe you're here because you were meant to keep Aaron and meet Charlie? He's so strong, Claire. He's dealt with a drug problem, partially thanks to you." Only why did he have to die now? Julie wondered, but she didn't say it out loud for obvious reasons. Was Charlie's purpose to just die in that station? Why? Was it one way trip to just unblock the frequency, so they could all leave the island? Was he meant to die so Claire and her baby could live? So Aaron would have the opportunity to be raised in a modern world, with the care he deserved? There were no hospitals on the island, nothing that could help the little boy if he really got sick and Jack could only do so much. Also, he wouldn't have friends his age on the island, nor he would be able to go to school to get a proper education. Had Charlie agreed to go with Desmond so he could provide all of that for Claire?
"I don't know," Claire admitted, her face troubled. "I never really believed in fate much, but then… I saw a psychic when I found out I was pregnant and believe it or not, he told me that I absolutely must keep the baby. Then, when I still wanted to give Aaron for adoption, he called me in the middle of the night and told me to board the Oceanic 815. He told me there was a couple in America who could take care of my baby. When we crashed, I figured he knew what would happen," she confessed.
Julie went silent for a moment, processing what she just learnt. She was only more sure now that it was fate. And Desmond was the one who restored her faith in it. Maybe that was why they needed each other so much? They completed each other, were right for each other. Maybe that was the big secret, Julie wondered, that love wasn't something you could plan, it was something that came unexpected and usually uninvited and when you realized it, it was already too late. It was never a choice that she'd made when going after her former professor. It was fate, yet if she hadn't done all that before, she wouldn't have landed up on the island. Yes, it was tricky and it seemed that no matter what one did, no matter how hard they tried to take full control of their lives, they never truly had it. Most of it was fate and all people could do was their best and then, they were left wishing that it would just work out.
The further from the camp they were getting, the more anxious Julie was growing. Those feelings that had been nagging at her ever since she'd left the beach, only elevated. She felt like she should come back and she didn't understand why. She seriously started to get worried and soon enough, she found herself at the very end of the marching group,seeing people just passing by her, anxious to get to the tower. Jack was at the front, so there was a great chance that he would simply overlook her retreating and making her way back. Still, she was scared to even try. Then she actually wondered what Desmond would do. He would come back since he had great faith that things like that, feelings like that, did not come from nowhere.
In that moment, Julie noticed Hurley slowing down gradually until he was the one in the end. No one seemed to be paying any attention to him staying behind. There was a possibility that he had trouble with keeping up as he was so heavy, but somehow Julie could feel that it wasn't the case. He was planning something. The others would simply think he would catch up eventually, but she was pretty sure he wouldn't.
"Hugo, what are you doing?" she finally asked him when getting to him after she'd made a show of staying behind in order to tie up her shoe.
"You want to come back to Desmond, don't you?" he just asked and she nodded, waiting in anticipation to hear his plan. Then she decided that she would expect almost anything but what he actually told her. It was both crazy and brilliant in the same time, although she could do without the first part. Hugo cheerfully informed her about the old Dharma car he'd found in the jungle and managed to fix. Julie didn't think she would be driving in a car while being on the island, but she was willing to try about anything in order to get back to the beach as fast as she could.
Once it actually happened and Hugo directed the vehicle that way, she realized that she was right to trust her guts. Desmond would be so proud of her, crossed her mind as apparently, she and Hurley showed up just in time to save the day. The three men they left behind: Sayid, Bernard and Jin, were captured by the others, tied up and soon to be executed. The last load of dynamite hadn't blown up and therefore, they didn't manage to kill all the attackers. Right now, Hugo was driving straight at them, not even trying to slow down. As a result, Julie needed to cover her eyes with her hands, refusing to see anyone, even if it was one of the others ran over by the car. She just felt and heard the dull, sickening thud as the body collided with the vehicle and then, they finally came to a stop.
Julie opened her eyes and peaked outside, noticing right away that the guy they'd run over must've dropped his gun since it was lying so conveniently close to her. She didn't even think about it as she jumped out of the car and grabbed it, aiming it at the one man who still stood by the rest of the survivors, mouth agape.
"Julie, shoot!" Sayid yelled to her, but she just couldn't seem to pull the trigger. She couldn't take a life even if the guy deserved it. She didn't have it in her and her hand started shaking, so she held the gun with both of them to steady her grip. Still, it all seemed futile since Sayid, seeing that she wouldn't kill the man, just used his distraction to grab him with his feet and… he broke his neck with his thighs. Julie froze in shock as the scene just played right in front of her, her brain barely registering it. She'd seen Mr. Eko being thrown into the air by the black smoke, but this was worse. It was worse because there wasn't anything supernatural in this. Sayid just used his lethal skills to take a life. And she knew she shouldn't be surprised since he'd tortured a lot of people in his life and could as well kill someone without even using his hands. Then she discovered she was scared of him and didn't really want to be alone with him ever again even though her brain was telling her that he wouldn't hurt her because he was one of her own people.
Suddenly, the gun was taken from her hands and she turned around to look straight at Sawyer. Apparently, he and Juliet had gotten the same idea Julie and Hurley had and strayed from the other survivors, rather being on the beach.
"You ok?" Sawyer asked her as he noticed how terrified she truly was. It came as a surprise to her to hear him sounding so serious instead of catching a joke escaping his lips, so she must've looked really bad, she figured. She just nodded in response, not really able to say anything at the moment and then she heard Jack's voice on the walkie-talkie that Hurley got.
"Hey, it turns out that Charlie is a hero!" Hurley called to them after talking to Jack. "The help's on the way!" he informed.
Another surprise, Julie registered with her already tortured brain and heart. What she just heard meant that Charlie had managed to unblock the signal and Jack had contacted the boat. Only was Charlie still alive? And most importantly - even though Julie hated it, she couldn't help but think - was Desmond all right? Would he come back to her? Or was he lost just like Charlie? Was it possible that Desmond had known about his imminent death as well, but refused to tell her? No, something told Julie. Desmond was many things, but she didn't believe he could just lie straight into her face. He'd promised her that he would be back and he would keep that promise. If he hadn't thought he would survive, he wouldn't have given her false hope. Desmond would never be that cruel.
With that in her mind, Julie simply picked a spot on the beach and sat down, staring into the ocean, waiting.