Desmond didn't know what happened. He got up and went to work this morning, kissing Julie goodbye on his way. Julie who was beaming with happiness. Julie who had recently admitted that she wanted a child, after all, and what was more, she wanted a child with him. He couldn't be happier. Of course, he still had nightmares from time to time, but no one's life was perfect and he was content and happy with what he did have. He wasn't greedy, he wouldn't ask for more. This morning Julie sent him off to work with a happy smile on her face and then started doing some research about all the methods of childbirth. And then Desmond came home from work and saw her in a completely different state. For a brief moment, he started wondering if she wasn't pregnant already, then he would have the perfect explanation to why she was crying.
"Julie?" he asked when closing the front door behind him and getting to her immediately as she was sitting on the couch in their living room. "Julie, what's wrong? What happened?" For a moment there, he started panicking. Did she have some bad news she needed to relay to him? Maybe they couldn't have children. Maybe she couldn't. Or maybe the publishing house she'd sent her book to, rejected her? "Julie, honey, tell me what's wrong," Desmond pleaded when she didn't say anything. He then put his arms around her and she sobbed quietly with her face pressed against his chest.
"It's… It's Jack," she finally said when pulling away and wiping tears from her face. "And Kate, in fact," she added before Desmond reached some terrible conclusions like Jack possibly being dead. "And… Locke," Julie finally added. That did it for Desmond. He just sat there, trying to understand what she was telling him.
"Locke?" he frowned. "But we left him behind…"
"The moment you left for work, Kate called to tell me that she and Jack wouldn't be coming over this Saturday," Julie started explaining and Desmond just listened patiently. "They broke up, Des," she finally confessed. "And that's now even the worst part. Jack… Jack started using."
"You mean he's a drug addict?" Desmond made sure, having trouble picturing Jack and drugs together.
"Kate said he had a problem with pills and recently…" Julie's voice broke as she tried to say it. "Jack claims that we should've never left the island," she finally got it out.
Desmond's expression changed. He was no longer worried about Jack, he didn't even feel sorry for the man. "How dare he say things like that?" he just asked Julie.
"It's been bad for quite some time now," Julie explained. "The last two weeks Jack and Kate cancelled on us, saying they were sick, but the truth is… Jack's been doing pretty bad. Kate mentioned that he kept flying, boarding planes, hoping that one of them would actually crash."
Desmond's fists clenched and he did his best to control himself. He usually wasn't a violent man, but the island, when not counting Julie, had been a living nightmare for him for almost four years and once he heard Jack was so desperate to go back there, so desperate that he'd actually destroyed the relationship he'd been building so far with Kate, that he'd actually left her and Aaron… It struck a chord with Desmond. Shephard had everything a man could dream of and he couldn't even appreciate it.
"The situation only got worse when Locke came back," Julie finally said and Desmond looked at her in shock.
"Did you just…?" he started.
"Yes, he is back. Only he. He actually visited me today," she confessed.
"Why didn't you call me? I would've come home! I would've been here for you!" Desmond raised his voice.
"Actually, I was glad you weren't here," Julie admitted. "What he said… Desmond, you wouldn't want to hear him say it. I'm glad I spared you."
"Well, then tell me what happened exactly," he pleaded, knowing that his wife wasn't the one he should be angry with.
Few hours ago
"Are you sure you don't want me to come over, Kate?" Julie asked her friend on the phone. "I can get there in ten minutes."
"No, I really need to be alone right now. But thanks anyway. If I need you, I'll call you, I promise. Just be careful, ok? Locke is out there, trying to convince us to go back."
"He won't succeed," Julie assured Kate with determination in her voice. "No one with common sense would ever come back."
"Well, then maybe he'll be lucky to convince Hugo," Kate sighed and in that moment there was a knock at Julie's door.
"Something tells me he's already here. Locke, I mean," Julie notified Kate. "I've got to go. I don't want him to come back once Desmond's home."
"Sure. Can you handle him?"
"Of course, I can. Bye."
Julie knew what was coming, yet she couldn't help being surprised when she actually opened the door to reveal John Locke standing there.
"Julie, how nice to see you again," he said in his usual polite tone. "May I come in?"
She just nodded, too stunned when actually seeing him and then she made a step aside, so he could come in.
"What are you doing here?" she finally asked. "How did you even get out?"
"I found a way. Ben managed to move the island, so I used the same passage to leave," Locked informed.
"Why didn't you take the rest with you?" Julie followed with another question and then realized that she wasn't being polite when not offering him a seat, so she gestured towards the couch in the living room. "You want something to drink?"
"No, thanks, I'm fine," Locke answered and took the offered seat. "The truth is, Julie…"
"Save it," she cut in immediately. "Kate just called and she told me everything. She told me how you're visiting everyone who got out and how you're asking them to come back to the island with you. Well, I'll save you the trouble of asking and I'll just say no."
"They need our help," Locke was still persistent. "Ever since you left, ever since Ben moved the island…" He just shook his head. "They don't have much time, Julie. The island is unstable and they will eventually die if you all don't come back."
"Can you even hear yourself?" Julie asked. "You come here and sell me this crap and you expect that I'll just come back with you?! No, no way! I will not! Forget it! Ever since my trip to Sydney, I'd been through hell and when I finally got out of that freaking island, I found peace. I am happy here, John. In fact, Desmond and I got married and we want to start a family. This is not the time to try to convince us to go back."
"I'm happy for you, I really am," John said. "But what about those who stayed behind? What about Claire, Julie? Are you really going to start a family while you took her son away from her?"
"How dare you?!" Julie raised her voice. "You have no right to talk to me this way! I tried to save Aaron and even though I didn't manage to get Claire out, I'm happy that her son is safe! He wouldn't be on the island!"
"At least he would've been with his mother!" Locke lost his patience. "And where is he now?! Being raised by an ex convict?!"
"You can leave now," Julie said, her voice hardening. "And never go back."
"You may want me gone, but I'm telling you, you will eventually come back. You all will," Locke seemed very sure of his words and then he just stood up, directing himself towards the door.
"Have you seen her?" Julie suddenly asked when he was about to leave.
"Who?" he wanted to know when turning to her one last time.
"Claire."
"No, I haven't, but that doesn't change the fact that she needs you, Julie. They all need us." After having said that, he finally left.
Now
"That bastard!" Desmond cursed.
"If you ever decide to come back," Julie suddenly said, "I won't survive that, Des. I can't lose you. I won't." She met her husband's eyes and he saw fear in hers.
"Why would I ever do that?" he just asked when shaking his head.
"For Claire," Julie said. "You were there when Charlie died. Maybe you think you owe it to him to come back for her, to make sure she and Aaron are both safe here. But I can't let you do this, Desmond. I'm sorry. I know how terrible it sounds. I know that it makes me an egoist, but I don't care anymore."
"Julie," Desmond said her name softly and then cupped her face, looking her deeply in the eye. "I will never go back there. Even if I wanted to, which I don't, you might be pregnant right now and I would never leave you like this. Besides, we all know what happens to women who give birth on the island. Maybe Claire survived, but the others did something to help her."
"You didn't hear him, Des," Julie just said when looking down. "You didn't hear Locke. He was so sure we would all come back. His faith actually scared me."
"That was just his tactic. No one is stupid enough to fall for it, so he keeps intimidating us all. Don't worry, there is not a force on this Earth that would ever make us go back."
"Are you sure?" Julie just asked.
"Absolutely." He kissed her then and once breaking the kiss, he pulled her into a hug. "Everything will be all right. We still have our free will and we will not go back. I promise."
In the end, they didn't say yes to Locke, but then they heard the terrible news. Locke apparently committed suicide in desperation. Desmond assured Julie that the old man did it to maybe guilt them into going back, but they wouldn't let him manipulate them like that and she agreed. What was most important to her at the moment, besides her husband and her book which was finally accepted by one of the publishers, was Jack's mental health. Julie decided to meet with him, to try to help him, but she just couldn't. It pained her to see him in such a terrible state. His eyes were bloodshot, probably from the abuse of drugs and the constant redeye flights he was taking to all different countries all over the world. He'd grown a beard and actually reminded Julie of a lunatic now and not the sane and confident doctor she'd used to know. Maybe his inability to let go finally caught up with him. Maybe guilt of leaving the rest behind was eating away at him. Or maybe Desmond was right when telling Julie that Jack couldn't function properly without having something to fix. Right now, it was bringing back those who'd been left behind on the island.
"Jack, you can't save everyone and quite frankly, now the person who needs saving the most is you," Julie tried talking some sense into him one more time.
"I don't expect you to come back, Julie," he said, "I understand why you refuse to, but don't you tell me what I should be doing. I need to come back. I have to! It's the right thing to do!"
"Is it?" Julie then asked. "Or maybe it's about saving that one person? Jack, I'm sorry that you found out that Claire was your sister when you couldn't help her anymore, but trying to get back to the island won't change that fact."
"I know what I have to do and if you're not onboard with this, then don't stand in my way!" Jack raised his voice and actually left the café they were sitting in.
Julie was close to crying. It pained her to see Jack like this. It hurt her not to be able to help him. He was one of her best friends, if not the best. As she thought of it, he might be number three on her list of all the people she cared about the most as he was there right behind Desmond and Aaron.
"I'm sorry you couldn't help him," Desmond told her once she came back home. He gathered all he needed to know from his wife's expression. Then Julie spotted Kate sitting in their living room.
"Kate, how are you? What are you doing here?" She was glad to see the woman, but then again, Kate had refused to come for weeks now, claiming to be busy with other things, so there had to be a valid reason for her to be there.
"Julie, I'm coming back to the island," Kate just informed, rendering Julie speechless. She looked at Desmond with a silent question and he just said, "I tried," when spreading his arms. Julie understood then that the fight was over. She would not convince Kate to stay.
"Kate, don't," she said harshly when she saw her friend opening her mouth. "Don't you dare try to convince us to go with you! I thought you'd be on our side! Do you have any idea what the memory of the island still does to us?" Julie followed, getting more and more angry with every second. "Desmond still wakes up at nights, wanting to push the damned button! There's nothing you can say that will convince us! Nothing. Not even Claire."
"Julie, I…" Kate tried again, but Julie kept on interrupting.
"No! Do you even realize that we've decided to try for a baby?!" she then asked when shifting her eyes to her husband. "We wanted to tell you once you and Jack would come see us, but… well, there never was a chance, was there? I might be pregnant right now and you can't ask us to go back! Not even for Claire!"
"Julie, honey," this time it was Desmond who cut in and she let him, breathing heavily. He stood behind her when placing his hands on her shoulders. "Kate didn't ask me to go back," he explained.
"What?" Now Julie was surprised as she looked back at the brunette. "Then what is it that you want?"
"I just came here to tell you that I'm going and that I gave Aaron to Claire's mother," Kate finally explained.
"Oh," escaped Julie's mouth and she felt like an idiot.
"As much as I disagree with all that Locke said," Kate started again, "I think it's actually the right thing to do to try get Claire back and reunite her with her son. I'm not Aaron's biological mother and he needs her. There is a way back to the island and I'm going to take it just because I owe it to Claire. Julie, I understand why you don't want to go back. You have too much to lose, especially when you want a baby yourself. But I don't. I've already lost everything."
"Jack will come around," Julie said, trying to make Kate feel better.
"Really? Somehow I find it hard to believe. Besides, he's going back, too and that's another reason for me to go. I need to be there with him," Kate said and then added, "just don't tell him that."
"Locke said we all needed to go back. Every one of us," Julie pointed out in confusion.
"Locke was an old fool," Kate just said. "I will make sure to save Claire. And you have a valid reason to stay right here. There really isn't anything that you can do on the island. I'm sorry for the misunderstanding."
"It's all right," Julie smiled to her sadly. "I'm sorry for snapping at you. What about the rest? Who wants to go back as well?" she asked out of curiosity.
"Well, there's Jack as I already said. He actually wishes he never got on that boat," Kate's voice grew bitter. "He said he destroyed everything, including us."
"Kate, he still loves you. Maybe you should give him some time. I'm sure you two can find a way back to each other," Julie tried comforting her friend.
"I don't know." Kate shrugged and finished her coffee, then she stood up. "For now, Claire is my only priority. Sun is going back for sure," she then added in answer to Julie's previous question.
"I'm not surprised," Julie admitted. "After all, her husband was left behind."
"I'm not sure about Hugo and Sayid, though. Did you hear that Sayid's wife died?"
"We did. It was just awful," Julie nodded. "We called him to pay our respect and we actually wanted to go to the funeral, but it was all the way in Iraq and I wasn't so eager to fly."
"Yeah," Desmond agreed with his wife when stroking her shoulders with his fingers.
"All right, then. I need to go now. I'll back as soon as I can. I hope we'll find a way out of the island again."
"See you in another life, sista," Desmond said his goodbye and gave Kate a hug. Then Kate hugged Julie and finally left.
"God, I hope they'll get there and back all right," Julie said with a heavy sigh. It was so hard for her to let go of her friends. It was hard to be the one staying behind, but it wasn't as though she had a choice. She couldn't go back. She didn't know if her sanity would survive that.
The long day, yet, wasn't over as it was close to midnight when somebody started pounding on Julie and Desmond's front door.
"Jesus, who is it?" Julie asked when getting out of bed and putting her robe on.
"Stay here. I'm going to check it out," Desmond offered when getting out of bed as well and dressing up quickly before making a dash to the hall.
Julie couldn't listen to him, though. She was worried, so she just followed her husband.
She stilled when she spotted Jack standing in their front door, murmuring something to Desmond frantically.
"Jack?" she asked when squinting her eyes and finally coming closer until she stood right next to her husband.
"Julie! Julie, we all need to go back!" Jack said urgently when suddenly jumping to her and grabbing her arms. "We need to do it together!" he insisted, actually scaring her.
"Take your hands off of her!" Desmond raised his voice and dragged Jack away from Julie. "How dare you come here stoned? What happened to you, Jack? You need help!" he hissed.
"But we need to go back! We shouldn't have left them there!" Jack continued.
"I don't want to hear it. In fact, I don't want to see you like this ever again!" Desmond pushed Jack, so he would leave.
"You're a coward, Desmond! You've always been one! You're just afraid to go back!" Jack made the terrible mistake of saying that and Julie actually covered her mouth with her hands, knowing how much those words must've hurt Desmond.
"Get out," Desmond just said in a harsh voice and closed the door behind Jack.
"Honey, I'm so sorry," Julie said when getting to him and wrapping her arms around him. "I'm so sorry. You know he didn't mean that. This wasn't the Jack we all know."
"I know," Desmond admitted when hugging his wife tightly. "I know," he repeated when running his hand through her hair and enjoying holding her so close to his body.
Soon enough, Julie started crying and it pained Desmond to see her like that. He hated Jack in that moment. He hated the man for causing his wife this distress. He knew she always had a soft spot for the doctor and that they'd gotten very close on the island. Desmond also knew that there never was, nor could ever be anything romantic between Julie and Jack, so he didn't feel threatened as she cried for the doctor. He only felt sorry that she got hurt.
The next day was hard on the Humes as well, but they forced themselves to get up and get through it like nothing happened. They couldn't just sit around and worry about his friends since this would only cause them the additional stress and would eventually destroy them emotionally. The trick was to keep themselves busy so they wouldn't have to think too much. That was why Julie told Desmond it was ok to go to work. He was needed there anyway, especially with Sun leaving for the island. And then Julie decided to get some shopping done and maybe cook something both she and Desmond liked for dinner. She needed to keep herself busy, she repeated in her mind. Her book was ready and waiting for its publication, so there was no work to be done. Technically, she could start writing a new one, but she just wasn't in the mood. Manual work seemed like a better option than mental at the moment.
Only once Julie opened the front door to get out of the house, she came to a sudden stop, looking at the man standing there with horrification in her eyes.
"Hello, Julie," said Benjamin Linus when idly holding a gun in his hand. A gun pointed at her. At the sight of it, she felt cold dread all over and she just couldn't move. Was he there to kill her?
"What do you want from me?" she asked in a shaky voice. Suddenly, she wished she'd told Desmond to stay with her today, but then again, would Ben kill him as well? Wouldn't it be better only for Julie to die?
"Oh, I think you already know what I want," Ben just said. "Relax, I'm not going to shoot you."
"What do you want?!" she repeated, raising her voice.
"I just want to go back to the island," Ben informed. "Isn't it obvious? You see, the more things are similar to the first time around, the more likely I am to succeed. I need you on that plane, Julie."
She nearly laughed straight into his face, feeling the adrenaline pumping in her veins, giving her the necessary courage to say what she needed to. "Then you'll have to drag my dead body there because I'm not going anywhere with you. I'd rather you shoot me."
"That won't be necessary," Ben just said with the same never fading smile. Julie was actually scared of what he had in mind. If he was that confident, it meant that he had an ace in the hole. "You see, I said things need to be as much similar to the first time around as possible, so this means I need you brokenhearted."
"Don't you dare hurt Desmond!" Julie found herself yelling, rage swelling up inside her. "Don't you dare!"
"Oh, I won't hurt him as long as you'll do exactly what I ask," Ben informed her proudly and then she saw that his plan was truly spotless. "See this?" He raised his smartphone high enough for her to see the screen clearly. "I have people watching your husband. He's arriving at his workplace right now. If you don't do what I say, he dies."
Julie sucked in a breath when it all dawned on her. She truly had no choice in the matter. She could say yes and come back to the island, making sure Desmond was safe and she could say no and sentence him to death. In both case scenarios she would lose him. Only in one he would stay alive. The choice was obvious no matter how much it actually hurt. She had to go back.
"I believe you'll need your passport. I wouldn't bother with packing a big bag since you might not even find it on the island," Ben said when lowering his gun. "Do we have an agreement?"
Julie clenched her teeth to stop the tears from flowing.
"And don't you dare leaving a note," Ben just informed her when walking into the house after her.
It was truly the end of her happy life with Desmond, she realized as she went to their bedroom to grab her passport, Ben following her every step.
The moment Julie stepped into the plane, she was met with shocked glances. Ben had chosen the very last moment to board and once they got inside, the door was sealed and they were ready to take off.
Julie was actually surprised with the results Ben had managed to reach. She spotted Hurley, Sayid, Sun, Kate… Jack. She met the eyes of the latter and saw the confusion there. He was probably wondering what she was doing there and where Desmond was. Then she actually saw fear in Kate's eyes as the woman spotted that Julie had been crying. Could it be that something had happened to her husband?
Julie didn't have the energy to talk to them all, she just couldn't seem to speak at the moment, her throat being too constricted. Still, she didn't want to be alone in that moment either, but she'd rather be than sit with Ben. In the end, she took the free seat right next to Jack. Despite the episode which had taken place the night before, she couldn't imagine herself being in the company of anyone else. Well, being next to Desmond would be a better solution, but as much as it pained her that he would be forced to come back home and see her gone when not even knowing where she was, she preferred that outcome rather than him coming back to the island which nearly destroyed his sanity in the first place.
The flight attendant asked them all to buckle up their seatbelts, so they did that and then Jack finally spoke, "Julie, I…"
"Don't apologize," she said, her voice strained as she was still doing her best not to cry. "It's all right, Jack. I forgive you for last night."
"What I did was terrible and I am so sorry," he said it anyway. "I'm sorry for saying all those awful things to you and… to Desmond. Just please, tell me that is not why you're here right now."
"No," she said to his relief when meeting his eyes. He'd shaven, she realized, and he didn't seem to be high anymore, which was a good sign. "Ben showed up in my doorstep and threatened to kill Desmond if I didn't go back to the island," she finally explained.
Jack's eyes softened as he realized the pain she must've been in.
"I'm sorry," he repeated. "I want you to know that I had nothing to do with it."
"I know you didn't. You might've said some pretty awful stuff under the influence, but I know you would never actually take us back to the island by force," Julie assured him.
The plane was finally in the air and they hit a turbulence which caused her to reach out and grab Jack's hand. "Sorry," she said when letting go of him a moment later. "I'm just so scared. This plane is going to crash and I…" She shook her head, closed her eyes and sunk into her seat. "I can't…"
"Hey, it's going to be all right," Jack assured her. "You're going to be all right. We won't die this time either, just trust me. We'll get back, but physically we'll be fine."
Julie just nodded, doing her best to calm down. Still, her nerves were on the edge and she was panicking.
"He didn't even let me leave a note," she finally said after some time spent in total silence. "Desmond doesn't even know… and it's all because apparently, I'm supposed to go back brokenhearted. What's that all about?" she asked Jack.
"We needed to reenact the previous circumstances," Jack started explaining. "For example, I no longer travel with my father's dead body, but there's still a coffin on this plane. John is inside. I saw Sayid being brought onboard in handcuffs and it's kind of like Kate the first time around."
"So I was completely broken then and I needed to be this time, too," Julie said. "This plan is just so fucking brilliant!" There was obvious sarcasm in her voice. "When does it end, Jack? Why can't we just have a normal life?"
"Our lives were never normal," he simply said. "Not after the island anyway. And leaving them all behind wasn't the right thing to do either."
She didn't say anything to that because she simply lacked energy. She was just so tired. She'd spent all the time since they'd come back, praying that she would always be safe among civilization, that she would never be haunted by the island again and yet, now she was being brought back to it and she was being brought back there by force. She just felt so frustrated that the choice had been made for her, so frustrated that she couldn't do anything about it. They said you always had a choice and that was true, but making that choice was either easy or hard. She would never be able to sentence Desmond to death so she could stay safe in LA. That wouldn't even be a life for her. Then again, coming back to the island meant that Desmond would be suffering and that maybe he would always be suffering because he lost her. Maybe if she was strong enough, she would let him die, so he didn't have to go through that again.
In the end, Julie told herself that she needed to have hope. She would believe with all her might that one day she would get back to her husband. It would be the one thing that she would always hold on to. To hope. After all, their intention was to help those who'd stayed behind, to bring back Claire and Jin. And Julie could do it. She would be strong for her husband so she could come back to him.
Jack turned to her again in that moment and he was just saying something, only somehow, she didn't hear a word. There was this blinding light and everything went white.