AN: Hello. First of all I'm terribly sorry for taking six weeks to update, instead of three. I have no apology to offer, except that I genuinely forgot to update, though I don't really know why, since, even though uni is being very demanding, I still found time to remember updating How To Become a Dragon Chief. Also, this chapter is rather short because I have not written the next one, and didn't want to wait until it could be my usual 5K words chapter to post. Uni big tests are coming soon, and they'll cover the whole year so I cannot guarantee that I'll be updating How To Let It Go by the second week of November. I haven't forgotten this story, and I have so many ideas for it, and even stretches written for it that just need linking, or some progression done, so don't think that this story is on hiatus. I know many stories in this small crossover fandom take forever to be updated, and many are left without being finished, so bear with me, please. I'll try to ease the wait, but I can't promise anything. I hope you all understand. I love you guys.
So... here are the review responses:
Vahn N. Chrome: If you thought last chapter was sad, you'll have an emotional breakdown with this one
the core of justice: I think I've seen your name somewhere. Aren't you cowriting a HTTYD fanfic with, I think it's NightShade his name, or something like that? Regarding your question she'll reveal him in due time, that may take a little while, and yes, as I said in my summary, this fic will eventually veer into the movie events, with its own twist, of course, and even continue a little after it
The-real-dragon-rider: Don't worr. I have planned a whole arc where the interactions between Hiccup, Toothless and WIndwalker will have an important part. Not to mention that they'll start appearing more in the story as it progresses. I can only ask you to be patient
Kilo8: You're welcome :) Your suggestion did sound very interesting, so I don't see why I wouldn't use it. And thank you for being patient, and understanding
SpicedGold: Try to keep it under 15, I'm not really writing sensual stuff :P And yes, they are, indeed becoming closer. And, as you have seen by the stretches I've sent you, they will keep growing closer, and trusting more each other
Noctus Fury: So long my friend, I forgot this is the only way that we have to talk. I seriously need your email if we are to have a better way to communicate. You can always find mine on my profile. Anyway, regarding your review, I will totally keep her parents on the scene. As you may have noticed they are, indeed, marked as the main characters of this story. As a matter of fact, this chapter heavily relies on a daughter-mother scene that I think that you will very much like. And, about his reaction, I can tell you that it'll be... different, so don't put much expectation in what you told me. Besides, her nightmare will be a recurring theme throughout the story, so while Hiccup will be present sometimes, he won't really heal them. And about Astrid? She's not gone. She still remembers his promise.
Without further ado:
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They spoke quite more, with Elsa hinting some subjects, and Hiccup answering which ones picked up his interest the most, since every suggestion Elsa gave peaked his interest. This way Elsa could have a starting point on what books to bring on the following days, instead of trying to bring the whole library.
After she had a list written in one of Hiccup's paper, Elsa decided to leave. "Well, I think I'll be going already…" she said.
Hiccup gave her a confused look. "Already going? You usually stay more here." His face quickly turned into one of concern. "Are you feeling ill or uneasy? Or was something I spoke?" he asked.
Elsa smiled at her friend's concern. 'Friend..? Well, I guess I could say he is my friend, not like how Anna and I were, or her and Marie, but a friend nonetheless' she mentally discussed when the word friend came up. She gave him a reassuring smile. "It's okay. I'm alright, and you didn't say anything wrong." Her smile soon turned in a smirk. "I guess someone here likes my presence," she teased.
Hiccup, obviously, blushed hard at the teasing and stuttered incomprehensible words as a futile response. Elsa giggled a little at his antic, before raising her hand, thus ending Hiccup's panic. "I was just joking," she said smiling.
Hiccup's blushing face soon turned into a pout. "Glad to know my distress makes you happy, Your Highness," he said sardonically, although in a playful voice, as usual. Elsa just shook her head, smiling, while Hiccup's pout soon turned into another smile.
"But, seriously. I'm going because I'm feeling rather tired today," she explained. While not entirely a lie, she was mainly going earlier so she could sneak into the library and grab some books about the subjects he agreed that would mostly interest him. It would keep him occupied while she wasn't visiting him, not to mention that it would also give her subjects to talk about.
Talking, after all, became a quite difficult task for her to perform because of her isolation.
Hiccup sighed, for some reason he believed there was another motive besides this one. But, due to respect for her, he didn't voice it out. "It's okay; I guess Toothless will want to be flying in this lovely night." He patted the dragon before pointing out to the broken window, where a clear night could be seen.
Toothless jumped happily after hearing the word 'fly' spoken by Hiccup. He started nudging his rider while Hiccup was laughing, teasing his dragon. "Oh, you want to go flying don't you?" he teased. When Toothless' nudges increased, he teased again. "We will, just be patient big baby." Toothless stopped the nudges to look at Hiccup with indignation.
Elsa still stood sitting there, already getting used to sitting on the floor, watching dragon and rider act like brothers. It reminded her of how she liked to tease Anna when she was being chased by her around the castle corridors before the isolation…
Unfortunately, her smile vanished when those memories came back. With a sad sigh, she stood up and bid Hiccup goodnight, which happily replied and was too distracted with Toothless to notice her mood change.
007
Once she arrived at her room, she closed the hidden door and silently left through her door. She silently walked to the library. When she was approaching it, she heard music coming from one of the halls.
When she got closer to the hall, she recognized the sound coming from a piano. Wondering who would be playing this hour of the night, she silently entered the room. There she found her mother playing the piano. She remembered hearing her mother play before the isolation, when she and Anna would sit near the piano and hear her.
Although it had been years since she heard her mother play, as it had been only a handful of times she left the room in the last seven years, she recognized the song as one of her mother's favorites. She noticed how the Queen was too focused playing to hear Elsa small steps in the giant lonely hall.
She silently strode through the room and sat on one of the chairs. Had the Queen been slightly less focused, she would have noticed. Successfully sitting in silence, Elsa stood there, hearing her mother play. How long she didn't know, but she didn't care anyway…
007
Idun had gone to play the piano once her husband was asleep. She found out Elsa was, again, not in her room. She deduced that she was visiting the tower. A part of her urged to follow Elsa and find out what made her daughter mood get better these last few weeks. She resisted the urge to do so; afraid that doing so would break the little contact she had won with Elsa these days, not to mention her trust.
The thought that Elsa was hiding something for more than two weeks had been unbearable that night, and she had not wanted to wake Agdar to trouble him with this. Because of these reasons, she resorted to go play the piano, since most of the times the music cleared her mind of everything.
And that's how both were in this situation. Where Idun was playing the piano to ease her mind, unbeknown that the source of all her worries was sitting there hearing the beautiful song travelling through the lonely hall. A candlestick holding five lit candles, on top of the piano, was the only source of light. It had been enough so Elsa could go to the chair without bumping into anything, and for Idun to play the piano.
The piano itself was nothing uncommon. It was a grand piano, brown with golden lines running across the boards. The sides held paintings that resembled the tapestries found in the castle, showing that it was specifically ordered for the Royal family of Arendelle. It had been, after all, a gift from Agdar to Idun when he learned of her love for the instrument after they had married.
Minutes passed with both enwrapped by the songs. Elsa closed her eyes while hearing; only opening when the song was finished, so she could know whether her mother had stopped playing altogether or simply paused before beginning a new song. After all, Idun needed a few seconds to fully remember a new song and begin it.
When Idun finally finished playing, to her dismay, all that was troubling her came back. With all of that back inside her mind, a lone tear drifted off from her eyes, travelling through her cheek, and finally dropping from it and landing on her right hand. Seeing her mother's distress, Elsa decided to acknowledge her presence.
"It was beautiful mother," she said in the softest tone possible to not startle her mother. She did so anyway, as Idun jumped from her seat when she heard her daughter's voice. Whenever if her surprised was because someone was there with her, or because it was Elsa that there, Idun couldn't know.
"E-Elsa?" she asked, stammering in an un-Queenly way. She wiped her eyes with her left hand and didn't look Elsa in the eyes. She didn't want her daughter to see her in this miserable state. Elsa noticed the behavior and slowly went to her mother's side.
"Mama… Is everything all right?" Elsa asked very concerned. It was rare to see her mother distressed at all, and only made more painful to see her because of this.
She stiffened, and hesitated, before sighing in defeat. She didn't want to lie anymore, or hide things from her daughters, but Elsa had enough things to worry about. Her mother's distress shouldn't be another one. "Yes Elsa," Idun tried to say with an even voice, but failed. She closed the keyboard cover, as Elsa looked at her with uncertainty.
"Mama, you can trust me. Is everything really okay?" Elsa said with concern. Unconsciously she ended putting her left hand on Idun's shoulder. The shock that the Queen had with this action was enough to break down her emotional barriers.
"N-no dear, everything is not okay, sadly," she answered. When she felt Elsa's gloved her on her shoulder it was like this simple gesture broke down all of her facades that she built to protect Elsa from her internal pain. She hugged herself, unknowingly mimicking her daughter's behavior. It's true that she wanted to hug Elsa, but she was conscious enough that doing so could make things end up very badly.
"What happened?" Elsa asked in fear and concern. She was already conscious that her hand was in Idun's shoulder, and quickly removed it as she became frightened to what had left her mother distressed like that. She had only seen her mother miserable like this on one of her birthdays, when Father entered her room and took Anna away from her mother and her.
"I... it's just that… you've been getting better, you're actually starting a conversation with me sometimes. I was just shocked the first time you did that I replayed the scene in my head the rest of the day," Idun explained, a few silent tears leaving her face. Some were of happiness, as Elsa was improving from her isolation, and some her of sadness…
"And then suddenly your visits to that tower become more frequent, and I wish I knew what is there, what made you change," she said, leaning on the piano. It didn't pass more than a few seconds before her eyes widened and her hands flew into her mouth. She looked at Elsa; eyes wide with fear, almost mirroring her daughter's expression, except Elsa's hand weren't on her mouth.
"H-how did you know?" she asked fearfully. The hall became colder as fear grew inside her. The main reason she didn't tell her parents about her visits was because she was afraid of how would they react. Her fear of how they would react to finding out about Hiccup was even worse because she was sure that they would overreact.
Idun noticed the sudden cold, and cursed herself for speaking too much. She probably just broke the already thinned situation between her and her daughter. She decided to be direct, and try to mend the damage done despite the pain that her heart would feel for speaking of such situation.
"We've known for almost a year. The first few times I went to your room at night, and noticed you weren't there I searched the entire castle. Until one time I went there and I overheard you sobbing quietly…" she said in a soothing way. Elsa's fear slightly reduced, but remained present.
"I wanted to hug you so badly, but I knew you were afraid that you'd hurt us if we touched you. So I just returned to my room and told Agdar of what I found. After a couple of nights that I didn't see you in your room that I finally realized that you'd go there when your day had been bad…" she added with a sorrowful voice. Idun, every time she noticed that Elsa visited the tower, felt like she had failed as a parent, felt like she had failed her daughter.
Elsa just stood there in shock. She went there so no one, including her parents, would see her suffering or crying, yet going there only made the situation worse for her mother. She had yet to see her father to know how he was affected. "Why didn't you tell me you knew?" she asked, more ashamed than frustrated.
Thankfully Idun noticed that, and it allowed her to calm down a little. "I thought… We thought that telling you would make you think we were spying on you and that you wouldn't trust us anymore…" she said while averting looking at Elsa.
"Oh Mama…" Elsa said, "I went there exactly so you wouldn't see me crying. You knowing this kind of defeated this purpose…" she added with her eyes already bright on seeing how much misery she brought to her mother. Her mind already dwelled on how she was always hurting those that she loved and loved her, not only physically but emotionally as well…
"Oh Elsa… It's okay to cry sometimes. You've been through so much. There's nothing to be ashamed about crying sometimes. I'm just sad that something happened there that day you covered the desk in snow," – Elsa flinched remembering the memory, and took a step back from Idun - "And it changed your mood, and made you visit there almost every night," Idun added, breathing deeply so her voice would stop trembling.
"Please, don't think I'm sad because I can finally hope again of hugging you one day. I'm just sad that you don't trust us to know what made you change. Last time it was Marie…" both gave a moment of silence, since they didn't hear any news from Marie in a long time. France's situation was quite messy since 1830, so if any letters managed to arrive from there, it was from pure luck. Anna had been very lucky to receive a dozen letters from Marie the past month.
However, it was unlikely that Anna would ever hear from her friend any time soon.
"Mama…" she said painfully. She never wanted her mother to think that she didn't trust her, or Father. In fact, these were the two people she trusted the most. Elsa was just afraid… "I trust you, please do never doubt that. It's that…" She gave a deep breath, since it would probably hurt her mother to hear that, because it hurt her as well.
"I'm just afraid of how you and Father would react…" She looked at the end of the piano so she didn't see Idun's eyes looking at her, full of shock, shame and understanding. Idun felt like she was back at the first outburst of Elsa's powers all over again
"I'll tell you Mama. One day, when I'm more comfortable about it. But please, don't force me to tell you now…" she whispered the last part. Idun could easily have pressed on since it was clear that Elsa would say if she did so. But she didn't press, as she noticed her little revelation did enough damage.
"We'll wait. If you wish to tell us on your own time, then Agdar and I will wait until then," Idun said softly, easing Elsa in the process. The room grew warmer, although it still was colder than when Elsa was hearing the piano.
"Please, trust me Mother. I'll tell you… just, not now," Elsa reassured. Idun was no longer crying silently, and felt a bit more at ease. It still troubled her that Elsa was afraid of how they would act toward whatever was there.
Idun gave her daughter a smile, sensing that her first born was as troubled as she was. "I trust you my dear. It just that our family is so full of secrets that… that another one to bear just makes everything much more painful…" Idun said with a sigh while rubbing her foreheads. At this moment, the room had already returned to its natural temperature.
"I know Mama…" Elsa said. She would put her hand on her mother's shoulder to comfort her, but she was still afraid of doing so, after the whole situation.
Silence fell in the room, as mother and daughter stood there. Idun was massaging her forehead, feeling bad about what just transpired, while Elsa was hugging herself like she always do when feeling sad and alone.
Elsa decided to shift the subject, and break the uncomfortable silence. "It was really beautiful what you were playing," Elsa complimented. Idun looked at her for a second in shock, before a smile grew on her face.
"It was Beethoven my dear. Playing his songs always clear my head," she softly explained. Seldom was that she played the piano lately. She had enjoyed playing when Anna and Elsa were there to hear, but that stopped long ago. She occasionally played when her husband had time to hear, or when she needed to get distracted.
Usually the later.
"Do you think you could teach me how to play again?" Elsa asked. She had briefly started learning when she was five, until the isolation began and she had to obviously stop. Since she didn't leave her room, it made practically impossible to play it. She ended up trying to play a few times when she was leaving occasionally her room, before the first outburst, but gave up for fear that someone would find her because of the sound coming from the piano.
"Of course I can teach you my dear. But…" she hesitated to voice it out, since she considered possible that Elsa didn't think about it. "Doesn't that mean you'd need to leave your room?" she asked with uncertainty, since she was afraid that hoping would only end in disappointment again.
Elsa stopped to think. Her room was big, maybe big enough to fit a piano there… "Couldn't you and Father buy a piano to put in my room? I think it's big enough to fit one," she asked, fearing that she was wrong.
Idun's face fell a little, although she sort of expected that Elsa would think of a way to stay in her room. "I guess we could, but it would take two months so that the instrument maker could build one…" she said with a sad tone, thinking that she would have to wait two months to teach her daughter.
Elsa, sensing her mother's sadness, decided to take a risky approach. She took a liking with Hiccup and he never seemed to be in danger of her powers. Maybe she could try again with her mother… "I think we could come here and play before I visit the tower…" she said.
Shocked was an understatement to how Idun felt. A giant smile grew on her face hearing this words, and just as she instantly felt happy, it vanished. "Oh Elsa, you don't need to do this for me…" she said softly, thinking that her daughter was pushing herself to ease her mother.
Elsa sort of expected this reaction from her mother. So she only shook her head. "It's okay Mama. I'm already leaving the room to visit the tower therefore I'm not pushing myself." Idun's shoulders fell a little at the statement. "Besides, I want to…" Elsa added, smiling at her mother so she would be assured.
The Queen's mood lifted considerably. "Well, if it's okay to you…" she conceded, a smile also growing on her face. This time, the silence that fell between them was comforting.
However it didn't last long, as Idun suddenly yawned in a very un-Queeny way. Elsa giggled at the action. It was rare to see Idun outside her 'queen mode' even if it she was teaching Elsa.
"I guess someone should be going to sleep by now," Elsa teased, much like she did with Hiccup. Idun giggled, covering her mouth like a queen should do, at Elsa's playful tease, while also hiding her surprise. She couldn't remember ever hearing Elsa tease her, or even Anna. Idun nodded in agreement, while feeling the tiredness and the remains of her emotional distress creep on her bones.
"Goodnight mother," she said, unfolding her arms, which were hugging herself until this moment, to wave. Idun smiled and waved back at the retreating from leaving the room. Elsa didn't go to her room. Instead, she headed to the library to pick up the books she promised to Hiccup.
Idun didn't notice this after she left to head back to her room. She silently entered, feeling in a good mood. She slid inside the covers of her bed, wrapped an arm around Agdar and bid him goodnight before squeezing his arm. Within minutes, she was asleep. Unknown to her Agdar had been awaken and noticed the lighter mood his wife had. He didn't mind, as he was sure she would tell him in the morning, or the next night.
007
After half an hour, Elsa slid off the library caring half a dozen of books. She decided it would be enough, thus she couldn't get many books at once or else someone would notice them missing. Once she entered her room, she placed the books on her desk, and lit a candle.
She sat and took some paper and pencil to begin drawing. Initially she was only going to draw Hiccup and Toothless' funny pose, but now she decided to draw her mother playing this night, and show to her later. As a sort of apology to causing such distress all this time.
It was only two hours later when Elsa was satisfied with the sketches. Her eye lids were feeling heavy, and she thought that if she continued, she could end up messing the sketches. Setting them aside, she blew the candle, and went to change into her nightdress. She fell into the bed shortly after, feeling exhausted. The sleep didn't take longer than a minute to catch up with her that night.