Christmas and excitement were definitely in the air. The countdown through the last few minutes of school to get to break had long since started. All around him, people were ignoring their drama teacher and chattering about what people were going to be doing over break – travelling, attending treaded family reunions, and the all-desired "nothing". No one asked Connor was he was doing, which he was glad for. He and his father were still arguing about what to do with him and Connor knew that the visit with Dr. Meyer tomorrow was going to push Adam one way or another. Connor had a feeling that he was going to be on the losing end and Adam was going to get his way.
The final bell rang and Connor slowly packed up, letting others rush out ahead. Daria spared him a glance as she led Maddie and Taylor out of the classroom. Connor shuffled toward his locker. There was no tutoring today but it was Connor's last opportunity to see Jude and he couldn't miss his bus to the Centre. As he was standing at his locker, Ms. Adams approached.
"Hi," he said, piling his math textbook into the crammed space.
"Grades won't be out until January but Mrs. Saum was singing praises about your essay. She said it was more than she expected for your age."
"Oh, well, I have Jude to thank."
"Did he write it?" Ms. Adam asked, teasing.
"No. He just inspired me." Connor shut his locker. "Thanks for telling me. I was worried about the essay and how it turned out."
"Very impressive."
Connor checked the time on his phone, trying not to be rude. "Um, I have to go catch a bus."
"Okay. Have a merry Christmas."
"You too!" Connor said, beginning to back away.
"Will we see you in January?" Ms. Adam asked and the concern on her face stopped Connor in his tracks.
"I don't know." Connor bit his lip as her face fell. "I know Dad will e-mail you."
"Make sure he does. Bye, Connor."
"Bye!" Connor said, waving back at her.
He rounded the hall, looking at his phone. He was going to miss his bus and he had no way to inform Jude. As quickly as Jude had gotten his cell phone, he'd lost it until January. Why that was the case, he wouldn't tell Connor. Connor clicked off his phone screen off, went around the next corner, and promptly crashed into someone. He tumbled to the floor, feeling bruised already. He looked up as his attacker squawked, "Sorry!"
"Jude?!"
"Hey, I found you!"
"What are you doing here?"
"I came to find you."
"I thought we were meeting at the Centre."
"Centre sucks." Jude stood over him and offered him a hand. "Did I hurt you?"
"No. Well, yeah, but I'll live through it." Connor grabbed Jude's hand and let Jude haul him up.
"I didn't mean to actually bump into you," Jude said. "But I was worried I wouldn't find you. Or you'd get on the bus and I wouldn't see you at all today."
"Well, you almost did miss me," Connor said. "Admit it, you were just in a hurry to see me."
Jude rolled his dark eyes. "Rule one, admit nothing."
"Yeah, okay," Connor snorted. He opened his mouth again but someone else's voice overrode his.
"Connor, you're still here! Is this your friend?"
It wasn't until Jude stepped away from Ms. Adams and dropped it when Connor realized that he was still holding onto Jude's hand. His skin burned, in a good way, and he tried not to think about his blush as he looked up at Ms. Adams.
"Uh, yeah. This is Jude. Jude, this is my vice-principal, Ms. Adams."
"Hi," Jude said, and he jammed his hand in his pockets. Connor had never seen him look so worried, not even when he'd met Adam.
"We're heading out. See you later, Ms. Adams."
Connor herded Jude out, barely able to keep up with Jude's stride. Was it just his imagination or had Jude gotten taller since they'd met? Maybe. Connor just knew he had to stretch his legs in order to keep up.
"Wait up," Connor said. "Seriously, we are not being chased."
"Sorry." Jude did slow, pulling one hand out of his pocket to run his fingers through his hair.
"Seriously, she's not scary."
"I guess not. Come on, though. I mean it. Schools freak me out."
"All right, all right." Connor followed him out the doors. "Where do you want to go, anyway?"
"I don't know but, I mean, I'm not going to get to see you for a few weeks. I just thought we shouldn't do the same thing we always do. Plus, she was lecturing me about going to the Centre and I decided that I didn't want to listen to her."
Connor laughed. "I'm happy to help with rebellion. Last time we ran away from home, we went to the beach. I'm always down to go again."
"Okay." Jude jumped down the last three steps. "I've got your Christmas present too."
"I've got yours," Connor said. "You really didn't have to get me anything."
"You got me something." Jude slowed as they got to the sidewalk, letting Connor match his pace. "And you got me a birthday present."
"Don't hold it against me or anything,"
Jude snorted. "Hey, should we get food on the way to the beach? I think I'm feeling hungry."
"Sure," Connor agreed immediately. It was rare that Jude mentioned that he was hungry and even rarer than Jude asked to get food. Jude could have whatever he wanted. "Where do you want to go?"
"I dunno. Not tacos. I don't think that's a good beach food."
"There's a sandwich place near there. We could get subs."
"Okay. That sounds like a beach food."
Connor nodded, distracted by the fact that he had to look up at Jude's face. Jude had definitely grown since they had met and Connor tried not to be bitter about it. He was still solidly five-foot-three if he was wearing his sneakers and Jude was at least a couple of inches taller than he was now and Jude was going to get to grow. Connor hadn't grown at all in about two years and it was getting harder to watch his classmates change when he just knew he wasn't going to. Jude was changing now too. He was fifteen, just like Connor was, but he looked fifteen far more than Connor probably ever would.
"What did you do today?"
"Nothing, actually. My sister's not home so I just stayed inside. She comes home in a few days, though, so only I have a little time left to do nothing."
"Will you have stuff to do over Christmas?" Connor asked, hating the thought that he wasn't going to get see Jude over Christmas, even though Connor knew he wasn't really getting a Christmas this year. He didn't know what was going to happen; he just knew that he had about a million doctor's appointments and he knew that his father wanted to give him one more good Christmas. To be honest, though, Connor wasn't sure if the holiday cheer was more for him or more for Adam. He knew he'd try not to fight and do his part to make it good. It might be all they had and Connor wasn't going to be the one to tear it down. Still, he wished he'd be able to see Jude. Or even text him.
"No, probably not. I'm going to be at the Centre. My sister doesn't get a break from her work, so … Oh, hey, is that the place you were talking about?"
"Yeah."
Jude caught the door and held it open. Connor walked through, accidentally a little too close to Jude. His shoulder brushed along Jude's chest and all Connor could think of was how close they'd be if he turned, even a little bit. Almost as close as when they'd kissed. As close as they'd been when Connor had been convinced that Jude waned to kiss him too. But Jude didn't want to kiss him. That much was obvious in the way that Jude stepped back from Connor's accidental brush and Connor stared down at the floor, instantly telling himself that it hadn't just happened. He didn't know why he was lying to himself or what he was protecting by doing it but he did know that it made himself feel better to pretend otherwise. He'd been doing so much pretending otherwise. He supposed it wouldn't kill him to pretend otherwise for one more thing, but as he walked up to the counter, Connor couldn't help but think of how he had cried into Jellybean after Jude had pushed him away. Maybe it would hurt more than he was thinking it would now.
He was feeling a little more normal and, at least in his opinion, acting normal by the time he and Jude had their sandwiches and could smell the salt from the ocean. Jude found a spot for them, kicking off his shoes as he flopped into the sand. Connor sat a lot more carefully, keeping his sneakers on. He started unwrapping his sandwich.
"You know," Jude said, "I'm not sure I like Christmas."
"Why?"
"It's just so stupid. Everyone's like … time to be with family, time to be super happy and celebrate, time to do this, time to do that and I just don't understand it. Why only pick one time of year to be with family or to care? Maybe it's a stupid thing to say about Christmas but Valentine's Day is for sure that dumb."
"You don't like Valentine's Day?"
"No." Jude glanced at him. "Why? Don't tell me you do."
"I guess not," Connor said, nibbling at the side of his sub so that he would have something else to do other than just sit and think about Jude and Valentine's Day. "I guess I've never had a reason to. It's not like I've ever been someone's Valentine."
"Would you really want to be?"
He wanted to have the things that he probably wouldn't, so, yeah, he would have liked to have been someone's Valentine. He let himself glance over at Jude, though he wasn't sure he liked the way that his heart twisted when he stared at Jude's face. It hurt. It was hopeful. He knew it shouldn't be but he also thought about how, just maybe, he didn't just want to be anybody's valentine. Maybe he wanted to be somebody's valentine but that wasn't going to happen and Connor knew he was just hurting himself.
"Are you going to read over break?" Connor asked. Maybe it would be easier if they talked about something else.
"Yeah," Jude said. "I'll probably get bored enough to."
"Hey!"
"And, if I don't, I'll definitely lose it and we'll have to start from the beginning and I promise I don't have that much patience."
"You'd remember some of it. Look at how quickly you picked up writing. You're smart, Jude."
"Yeah, yeah," Jude said dismissively. "We both know I'd flunk out of a kindergarten glass."
"Give yourself some credit."
"I am. There's a lot I don't know."
"And a lot you do," Connor said stubbornly. He wasn't going to let Jude tear himself down like that.
"Point is, I'll read."
"I wish you could text me. Just in case you have questions or anything."
"I'll have my phone by the end of January. It's only a couple of weeks apart, anyway."
Jude didn't sound convincing and Connor didn't feel convinced.
"I'll write stuff down. Thoughts and questions and I'll put sticky notes in the book so you can help me later." Jude finished his sub and admitted, "I still don't like reading without you."
"I like reading with you too."
"When have you ever read to me?"
Connor put his sub down. He couldn't bring himself to eat anymore. "When you helped me edit my essay."
"Helped," Jude said sarcastically, lifting his hands to do air quotes.
"I found it helpful," Connor protested, but he could see Jude's point. "Okay, well … When he was nearly thirteen, my brother Jem got his arm badly broken at the elbow. When it healed, and Jem's fears of never being able to play football –"
"No, no, no!" Jude interrupted, laughing. "That's not reading!"
"It's a book!"
"The book I'm reading to you! Also, that's reciting. It doesn't count."
"Okay, okay. I'll find a new book for next time I see you."
"That's really far away," Jude murmured, and his voice sounded small and sad.
Jude's going to miss me too, Connor realized, and he smiled.
"Want to walk down the beach before it gets dark?" Jude asked, and Connor nodded.
Two and a half weeks. It was more than enough time for something life-altering to happen. Connor knew it probably would and, even if by some miracle he was lucky, he was still left with two and a half weeks without his best friend. Today, he'd do anything Jude wanted. He stretched his hands out and Jude helped to pull him up from the sand. Connor quickly let go of Jude, or maybe Jude quickly let go of him. Connor didn't think of it and instead gathered up their trash to throw in the nearby bin. Then, Jude pulled his shoes off, digging his toes into the sand. He stretched his arms above his head and then picked a direction, walking close enough to the water that Connor watched the cuffs of his jeans get wet.
"I'm glad to have time off from tutoring," Connor said idly. "Maybe I can heal from Mary."
Was it an accident that Jude's fingers brushed his?
"You should tell someone how much she hits you."
"I've talked to Mariana about it a little. I guess she tutored just Mary last year but it sucked for her. Apparently, she and Michael are better behaved together." Jude snorted at that and Connor added, "To be fair, she's not hitting me. I'm stopping her from hitting Michael."
"She still shouldn't be hitting you since it's a bigger deal for you."
Jude's fingers touched his again and Connor just wanted to hang onto him. He wanted to be some gross high school couple being clingy on the beach. But he couldn't let himself think about it. They shouldn't have even kissed once. Connor had been just blissfully thinking that this was how everyone felt about their best friend until he'd kissed Jude and then cried himself to sleep, realizing oh no, it's not just a best friend feeling. He just wanted to go backward so that he wouldn't overthink but he also didn't want to give up the memory of kissing Jude, even if their one time was their only time.
"I'm not fragile," Connor grumbled.
"More than me."
Connor wasn't entirely sure that was true on all counts. Connor might be weaker physically but Jude just seemed so much more vulnerable to him. But he didn't say it. He knew Jude wouldn't like it.
"I'm not, like, breakable."
"I don't know that," Jude said emphatically, his tone catching Connor off-guard.
"What's that mean?"
Jude kicked at the sand, spraying it into the water. "I don't know. I guess I don't get it. I don't know what it means or how sick you really are. You stay home a lot and you're on meds! I just worry because, well, I don't know what 'fine' and 'normal' are and when I should actually worry so I guess I just stay worried." Jude sank his hands deep in his pockets, his cheeks going bright red.
Connor nudged his shoulder against Jude's, his mind spinning. He'd never realized that Jude had been so concerned and he wondered if Ms. Adams had been right all along about lying to Jude and what it would feel like for both of them when the moment came for Connor to tell the truth. Connor wondered if that moment was now. If it would even be fair for the moment to be now.
When break was over, when Connor had all of his answers, then it would be fair. His new year resolution was going to be to tell Jude the complete and total truth. But, for now, Jude was glancing at him and Connor knew he had to say something in response but he didn't know what.
"I-I'm sorry, Jude. I didn't realize it was bothering you like that. What kind of questions do you even have?"
"What's it even called, Connor?"
"It's a blood deficiency."
"You said that but there's got to be a scary medical name."
Connor shrugged. That was the problem. It didn't sound like a scary medical name. It sounded very innocuous. Influenza had more terror to it than the words that were strung together to create his diagnosis.
"Um, thrombocytopenia. Low platelet count." Not his diagnosis but an actual part of it. Jude grimaced at the word. "It, uh, is fixed by a blood cell growth factor. It makes bone marrow do what it's supposed to. The meds I'm on are supposed to do that but sometimes I still need to go to the hospital and get platelet transfusions."
Jude really pulled a face at that.
"I don't go to the hospital often," Connor said, as though he didn't have his regular Friday appointments. "And I was only actually hospitalized … once. Right after I first got diagnosed."
"Will you have to live with it forever?" Jude whispered.
"Yeah."
"It's not … You said it's not going to kill you, right?"
"Um, right," Connor said. "Well, technically, I guess it could. If they get low enough, I can get internal bleeding or if it was really bad, brain bleeding, but my case isn't that bad."
That was just straight up not the truth. The thrombocytopenia could be fixed if his true problem was fixed but Connor wasn't naïve enough to think that it was going to happen. He watched the optimism leave Dr. Meyer a little bit at a time every time they met. She still tried to be happy and upbeat but they'd spoken one on one, just a few times, since Adam liked to be in the room. Connor just needed honesty. He could take her optimistic honesty but he knew that she was laying out the truth for him. Adam still liked to sugar coat things for the two of them but Connor didn't hold that against his father, most of the time. Most of the time, it was nice to pretend otherwise for a moment or two before Connor swallowed a million pills and marched off to the doctor to get scanned or pumped full of chemicals and blasted with another targeted treatment.
"Can it get worse? Can it get that bad?"
"N-no. I've been pretty consistent about my … case. I don't know how to phrase that but I've been the same. I'll just likely stay the same."
Jude slid his hand from his pocket and, this time, Connor knew it wasn't an accident when their hands touched.
"I just don't want anything to happen to you."
"Nothing's going to happen to me." Connor's heart plummeted straight into his shoes and those words were the hardest he'd ever said. Connor knew what was coming when Jude found out differently and he didn't want to picture that, not when Jude looked so relieved at the words. "Is … Did you have any other questions?"
"How do you tell when things are going to be bad and when they're going to be good?"
"I don't, really. They just surprise me."
Jude nodded.
"Sometimes I'll have bad days and so my dad will tell me to stay home the next day to try and recover but …"
"Okay, that I don't get," Jude said. "If it's just about your blood, then what happens with that to make you stay home? How does it make you that sick?"
That question caused Connor to fumble. He knew how smart Jude was but he also knew how little Jude would understand about the medical world. If he strung together the right words, made things sound scary enough …
"Well, um, with the platelets … I don't fight off being sick as well, you know? Or I'll get sick a lot more often. When my dad was talking about sending me away, it was because of school and of how germs get passed around or public transit and germs or the Centre and germs. If I get a cold or something, it can really wipe me out. You saw me when I had the flu. I wasn't myself for basically a week where other people, it'd be a day or two."
"So, it's not just about blood?"
"Well, it is but, you know, blood's kind of everywhere in the body and it's kind of a big deal."
"Let's sit again," Jude decided.
"Sure."
There were driftwood logs up ahead, a firepit near by. Certainly, they'd be used for a party come later, but, for now, they were abandoned. Jude dropped his shoes next to one and took a spot on the log. He dug his feet into the sand and Connor watched his pale toes peep up through the dislodged grains. Jude's hand rested so close to his and he thought about laying his fingers over Jude's, right before thinking about how Jude would pull away and then Connor just sighed.
"Was that it?"
"I'm going to worry about you when I don't see you."
"I'm going to worry about you," Connor countered.
Jude laughed slightly. "Yeah, I guess that's fair too."
"It's what friends do."
"Friends also have Christmas presents for their friends." Jude repositioned himself on the log so that he had one leg tucked up on it and so that he was facing Connor. Connor mimicked Jude, their knees touching. "Do you want yours now?"
"Do you want yours first?"
"No. You've given me presents. You get to go first. Plus, I've been anxious about what you're going to think. I hope you like it. I went crazy trying to find something for you!"
"I'll like it," Connor said.
"We'll see. Close your eyes and hold out your hands. I don't have wrapping paper."
Immediately, Connor closed his eyes, holding out his hands as Jude had asked. Jude fixed his hands, laying them out even flatter and wider. Connor's lids twitched with curiousity as he heard the zipper on Jude's bag open and then he felt a heavy weight press against his right hand.
"Can I open now?"
"Not yet," Jude said, and Connor heard his backpack rustle again. Jude lifted Connor's left hand a little and then Connor felt something of equal weight in his right hand. "Okay, now."
For a moment, Connor didn't know what he was seeing. Jude had gifted him two books. One, he recognized as a version of To Kill A Mockingbird that he didn't have. But the other one, even though it had the same author, read: "Matar a un Ruiseñor." Connor was sure he botched the accent on it. He did the bare minimum in Spanish; his teacher knew he didn't care and she hardly pressed him. She had bigger things to worry about.
Jude looked awkward. "I don't even know if you can understand it but I thought since you talked about experiencing the book in different ways, why not a translation? I don't know what you think. But I knew you'd like the other one, so, I just decided I would take a chance. What do you think?"
Connor held both books to his chest but that wasn't enough and he hugged Jude tightly. Jude went stiff under his touch for just a moment, and then he put one arm around Connor too, using his other hand to tug his hood high up around his face before putting that arm around Connor too.
"Thank you," Connor said. "No, I love them both, really."
"Do you speak Spanish?" Jude asked.
"No, not really, but, you know, this is incentive to do a lot better." Connor leant back. "Maybe I'll read you the Spanish version so you can laugh at my pronunciations."
"I wouldn't know if you were doing it wrong," Jude scoffed.
"Oh, I bet anyone could tell," Connor said with a grin. "Really, thank you. I love them both."
"I got them used," Jude said, "because you said that was important too."
"It is." Connor put the Spanish book in his lap and opened the English one, noticing that the previous owner had been underlining quotes in pencil. "I'm going to have to read this version over Christmas, for sure."
"What about the other one?"
"It'll take me longer. I should wait until school lets back in so I can annoy my Spanish teacher."
"That does sound smarter," Jude said.
"Oh, definitely. Listen to this." Connor cracked Matar a un Ruiseñor, clearing his throat and looking at the first line. "Cuando se acercaba a los trece –"
Jude was laughing at him. "Okay, you're right, you can definitely tell you don't speak Spanish. But, won't it be easier, since you already know what it says?"
"But, the translation isn't word for word, so, really, it might trip me up more. That's going to be the fun part, though, figuring out the differences … Maybe I should see if there's essays written on that too."
Jude laughed again. "That's what makes you happy, though."
"It is." Connor let the rest of the book flip by. "It's going to be an adventure!"
Connor could tell by the look on Jude's face that he and Jude had very different definitions of what an adventure was but Jude was clearly glad that Connor was happy.
"Okay, your turn," Connor said, tucking the books inside of his bag, careful not to disturb Jude's present, which he had time to wrap.
"You didn't have to," Jude said again. "You do enough for me."
"You're my best friend. I had to."
"Thank you," Jude said, letting Connor put the package in his hands.
"You haven't seen it yet.'
"Okay, okay."
Jude picked hesitantly at the Santa print paper, peeling it back. "I'm guessing: you got me another book."
"Well, only kind of," Connor admitted it. "Open it, come on."
So, Jude did. Connor watched his face as he opened the present. Connor had found him a really nice set of cards and a book of card games that could be played by one or two people. He thought that Jude might get bored with playing Solitaire all the time and he had noticed that Jude's cards were falling to pieces. He just wanted to get something that he knew Jude would like and use but he had heard enough about what Jude's house was like to know that he shouldn't get Jude anything big or anything that anyone else would want.
"What do you think?" Connor asked. He had also been worried that Jude was attached to his ragged deck of cards and that Jude would find it offensive.
Jude opened the card box. Connor had found ones that had a stylized J on the back and he figured that even Jude, in all of his paranoia, couldn't object to that. Jude pulled out one the stiff, stark white cards, and his face lit up.
"This is great!"
Connor knew that, just from the look on Jude's face.
"Come on," Jude said, glancing up at the sky.
"Where are we going now?" Connor asked, watching Jude yank on his shoes.
"Hot chocolate and we're going to find a game to play with my new cards."
"Sounds good. Hey, help me up. I'm basically an old man."
He was glad that Jude half-grinned and rolled his eyes at the comment instead of looking concerned. "Just older than me," Jude said flippantly and he held out his hand.
Connor grabbed onto him tightly and let himself be pulled off the log. He adjusted his backpack over his shoulder and followed Jude down the street. Jude had his new card deck still tucked in his hands and was passing them from palm to palm as he walked.
"Maybe I won't read over Christmas. Maybe I'll just learn a bunch of new card games," he chattered.
"Yeah, to play with yourself."
"Mmm, maybe not. The holidays might put Callie in a good mood. I could get good at the two-player games. Good enough to beat you after Christmas."
"Callie," Connor whispered.
Jude winced at himself. "Uh … Yeah. My sister."
"I'll keep that a secret too."
Jude sighed. "You're too easy to be honest with."
"I want you to be honest with me," Connor said, thinking about what a hypocrite that made him. But he had plans to be honest and that mean something! Didn't it?
"Yeah, well, she was the only secret that I was supposed to keep and now look at me." Jude shook his head again as he opened the door to the coffee shop.
"I'll take it to my grave," Connor promised.
"Stop it!" Jude said, giving him the gentlest nudge on his arm. "What did I just say about being worried?"
"Well, I'm not in a grave, am I?" Connor grumbled.
"Guess not," Jude admitted. "Okay, I'm going to go find a spot."
"Hot chocolate or latte?"
"Surprise me," Jude decided.
Connor raised his eyebrows but Jude was headed away, settling himself onto one of the comfortable couches and opening the deck of cards. Connor quickly ordered their drinks and their cinnamon bun, even though he knew that he wasn't hungry enough to help Jude eat it, but he knew that Jude would appreciate it. Besides, it was as close to Christmas as he was getting with his best friend and it was the least that he could do for Jude. He knew that Jude wouldn't have accepted a bigger present and this was what Connor could do.
When Connor sat down across from him, Jude had the book of games open in front of him, shuffling his cards in his hands.
"They're so slippery!" he complained with a joyous grin. "Don't make them sticky."
"I wouldn't," Connor promised. He even got a pile of napkins to sit next to the cinnamon bun. "What are we playing?"
"Dunno," Jude said, pausing in his shuffling to turn another page. "I can't find one I like the sound of."
"You like the sound of?"
"Yeah. I don't want to read the directions right now if I don't like the sound of it."
"Don't judge a book by its cover," Connor quoted.
"I'll read them all later," Jude emphasized and then, under his breath, but still loud enough that Connor knew he was supposed to hear it, "jerk."
"Hey! Don't judge a book by its cover!"
"Beggar my neighbour," Jude said, and it took him took the book toward Connor for Connor to figure out what he meant. "Don't tell me. I want to explain it to you."
Connor nodded, skimming over the rules even though Jude explained them well. Jude dealt the cards and they spent the rest of their evening together mastering the game. They kept their promise and, despite the hot chocolate and the cinnamon bun, the cards stayed in perfect condition. It was only when the barista started to clean in preparation to close that Connor realized it was nearly nine at night. Time with Jude seemed to fly by, even when they were doing non-exciting things like playing cards while Connor spoke of school and Jude just peppered in questions to keep him talking.
They emerged out into the night and it had become breezy. Jude glanced at him and Connor just stared at him back. Now was the normal time that Jude would go one way and Connor would go the other but Connor didn't want to say goodbye just yet. Jude scuffed his sneaker on the sidewalk.
"Can I bus with you home?"
"Yeah, I'd like that."
Connor was relieved that Jude was at his side as they caught a bus and sat near the back.
"What are you going to do tomorrow?" Connor asked.
"I'll go to the Centre, sit in my chair, be glad that the room is empty," Jude mused.
"Really?"
"My life is boring," Jude said. He sighed. "Well, not always, but I like it more when it's boring. It's safer, you know."
"Yeah, I get that." His life was better when it was boring too.
"I'm going to find the best game in my book so that we can have something to do when we get to hang out again."
"I'm counting on you."
"Well, that's okay," Jude said. "I think I can take it."
Connor grinned, watching the streets go by out the window. He was so close to home. He didn't think that getting home was going to be bad, not like it had been before, but he just wanted the bus ride to last a lot longer than it was going to. He and Jude eventually had to get off the bus and then Connor walked him over to his bus stop, even though it would have been easier to just go into his house. Jude stared down the long street.
"I think I see the bus."
Connor wished that Jude hadn't said that.
"It's only two weeks."
"Two and a half," Jude corrected. "But, it's not that long. What's going to happen in two and a half weeks?"
Connor shrugged. He thought that he and Jude were both well-aware that a lot of things could happen in two and a half weeks but it was better to be optimistic. It was better to think that it was all going to be fine. Maybe it would be and he and Jude would be playing cards and talking about break and how nothing and all had happened except wishing the other was there with him. Connor wasn't stupid but it was nice to pretend. Guiltily, he felt like he had been pretending the entire time that he had known Jude and he knew that it wasn't fair, not at all, to Jude.
"I'll see you later," Jude promised.
Connor glanced down the street. The bus was visible but still a few blocks away. He couldn't help himself and he held out his arms just a little. He thought that Jude was going to deny him but then Jude hugged him back, tugging his hood up around his face so that no one could tell that it was him. Connor didn't care and he hid his face down against Jude's shoulder, trying not to think taller, trying not to think about how he was going to miss Jude.
"It's going to be fine," Jude said, and Connor wondered which one of them that Jude was trying to convince.
"Yeah, I know."
Connor leant out of Jude's hold, thinking that they were close. So close. They could have kissed again and the way that Jude was looking at him, Connor was on the verge of thinking that Jude was thinking the same thing. But he knew better. He knew better on so much.
"That's the bus."
"Yeah," Connor said, on the verge of saying that there would be another bus, come back to the house for a while, but he didn't. Jude hugged him again and then he was on the bus. Connor stood on the corner until the vehicle was completely out of sight.
Connor pulled his phone out and stared at Jude's contact for a moment, wishing he could text him. But he couldn't and it was just two and a half weeks and what could go wrong? Jude was right. Connor padded up to his front door and let himself inside.
"Connor? Is that you?"
"Yeah, Dad," Connor said, kicking off his shoes. He lowered his bag to the floor carefully and then scooped up Jellybean. She leant against his shoulder.
"Come into the living room."
Connor did as he was told. "Oh, you got the Christmas tree!"
"I thought we needed it. We're getting pretty close to Christmas. I thought we'd take this weekend and just get the decorating done."
"I like the sound of that."
Adam straightened one of the branches. "How's Jude?"
"Jude's good."
"Is his father going to be okay for Christmas?"
"Yeah," Connor said, faltering for only a moment. "Jude says he's been doing really well. Shouldn't be any lasting damage at all."
"Good, I'm glad to hear that."
"Dad, do we still need to get Jelly's catnip balls for Christmas?"
"No, I picked them up before I got the tree. She's all set."
"Good." Connor rubbed her back and she purred loudly. "I'm going to go shower."
"Wait, are you hungry?"
"No, Jude and I ate."
"Popcorn and a movie tonight?" Adam asked.
"Okay," Connor agreed. "Lots of butter."
"Of course. Whatever you want."
Connor put Jellybean down on the back of the couch but she followed him up the stairs anyway. She stood guard on the edge of the bathroom counter while he took his shower and even though Connor didn't need the guard, he was always happy to know that she was there.
If you have a song that reminds you of The Island Of Misfit Toys and would like it to be on the playlist, send it in and let me know! I'd love to hear your playlist suggestions. This week's songs are: We Could Happen by AJ Rafael; and Ace Of Hearts by Zella Day.
So, on tumblr I'm: we are all of legend now (with dashes between every word). If you want to find my replies to anon reviews, add backslash tagged backslash anon dash replies. If you want to see anything I post about The Island Of Misfit Toys, go to my tumblr URL and add backslash tagged backslash the dash island dash of dash misfit dash toys. Punctuation is spelled out due to Fanfiction's restrictions. If you're having any trouble accessing the tumblr content please send me a pm and I can format it for you in a different way.
~TLL~