When Jude arrived at the hospital, Connor wasn't in his room. Nurse Mac said that he was visiting another patient down the hall and with a swell of annoyance that wasn't entirely justified, Jude headed off to Jake's room. It was at the opposite end of the hall from Connor's room and Jude faltered just outside the door for a moment before he knocked on it as he made his entrance. Connor was sitting in the chair next to Jake's bed while Jake was sitting on the edge of his bed, facing Connor. In Jude's opinion, they were too close together. It would have been so easy for Jake to reach out and touch Connor; it wasn't as close as he and Connor got, but Jude would never have called it a platonic distance either.

"Hey, Jude," Connor called.

"Hey." Jude bit down on his cheek and then uttered a "Hi" to Jake. He was in Jake's room, after all, and he really shouldn't be so mean.

"Jude and I are going to head back to my room. See you later."

"Tomorrow?" Jake asked.

Connor shook his head. "Probably not. I have dialysis in the morning so …"

Jake nodded. "Okay. Later."

His hand brushed up against Connor's as Connor got up from the chair and Jude fumed about on the way back to Connor's room. It wasn't fair. He glanced over at Connor and thought, again, I think I love you. He also thought he'd never felt like he might have been in love with someone before and he wasn't entirely sure what that was supposed to feel like. He really did think it was supposed to feel like this. The way he was happier with Connor; the way he thought about him all the time; the way he just wanted Connor to be safe.

Connor got himself back into his bed.

"How's Jake?" Jude asked.

"Talkative. Like, really talkative. Nurse Mac finally convinced me that I probably shouldn't be in bed so much so I was going for a walk around here this morning and he caught me. I don't know. I think I like him, though. If I didn't, I'd probably put more effort into avoiding him."

"I think he likes you," Jude said before he could stop himself.

Connor shrugged, sliding his toque up a little to scratch at his forehead before pulling it back down. "Well, yeah, otherwise, he wouldn't talk to me."

Jude sat down on the end of Connor's bed, shoving his feet out of the way. "No. I mean, I think he likes you."

Connor looked startled at the possibility. "Me? Why would he like me?"

Jude almost said: who wouldn't? Jude almost said: no idea. Jude, instead, said neither. "What do you think?"

"I don't want him to like me."

Definitive. No room for argument. Well, Jude liked that. But he was curious and he thought a friend might ask so he said, "Why not?"

"Cancer. Hospitals. He has no one else to like, I guess, plus, I like him as a friend, probably, but not any more than that. I know I couldn't like him like that." Connor squinted at him. "Why do you think he likes me?"

"Dunno. Just seems like it."

"Weird. Okay." Connor reached down and pulled at Jude's sleeve. "You okay?"

"Yeah. Callie and I have just been weird since our fight but I don't think she's going to get over that any time soon. She's requested to work close to home for the foreseeable future. I don't know how that's going to work out but I hope that it's fine. I mean, it probably will be. Her long business trips are pretty new."

Connor nodded. "As long as you're okay."

Jude just nodded, even though he didn't ever completely feel okay. None of it was anything that Connor could fix and none of it was really anything that Jude wanted to say, either, and so he just settled in next to Connor.

"Will you read to me?"

"Okay. Need me to restart from the beginning of the chapter again?"

"No. I think I've got that. I was testing myself with Mom's copy last night. Maybe three or four pages in."

"Well, which one?" Jude asked, hunting for his book. "There's a lot of words difference between three and four pages."

"I guess stick with three."

"You know," Jude mused, "you're going to get me to the point where I can recite this thing."

"Don't say it like it's a bad thing," Connor said with a grin and Jude's heart thudded. "It's a good book!"

"I know, I'm not arguing with you." Jude flipped to the dog-eared page. "Besides, we should get through what we can today. We both know that you're not going to be able to pay attention after dialysis."

"I'm useless after dialysis," Connor agreed. "Okay, start."

"Whatever you say," Jude said, and he was more than willing to give in.

(-.-)

The next day, Jude sat in the chair beside Connor's bed, glad that his friend's medication had finally kicked in. Connor had been the sickest that Jude had ever seen him following treatment and according to one of the nurses, it had been a difficult night for him too. Jude propped his head up on the arm of the chair and flicked channels again, keeping the volume low even though he knew it wouldn't bother Connor.

He barely looked up as Adam walked into the room for his daily lunch visit.

"Jude? What are you doing here?"

"Um … I'm always here."

Adam sat opposite him on Connor's other side. "Didn't school start again today?"

Jude winced. "Oh … Um … I …"

He had no idea what to say. He hadn't seen that comment coming at all.

Adam passed him half of his sandwich. "Jude, be honest with me. You don't go to Anchor Beach, do you?"

Jude sighed and shook his head. "How did you know?"

"Well, I suspected it when I first met you. I didn't want to say anything at the time because you do seem like a good kid and I know that you and Connor are good friends. I didn't think that you were up to anything."

"We weren't. We never lied to you or anything. We just hang out a lot."

"Where did you and Connor meet, then?"

Jude grimaced. "At the Centre he tutors at. I … I see one of the other tutors there. We just kind of started talking one day."

Adam nodded. "Is there anything else you need to tell me?"

Jude shook his head. "No. We were just worried about what you might think if we told you the truth. If you'd trust me. I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I understand Being young, you feel like you have big secrets to keep, sometimes just to keep them."

Jude nodded like he really understood where Adam was going with that train of thought.

"Thank you for the sandwich."

"You're welcome. Anything at all for friends of Connor's." Adam touched Connor's shoulder. "I do think you are a good kid, Jude, I meant that. And if you need help for anything, all you have to do is ask. We're here for you."

"I know, thank you," Jude said. "Connor already offered you up for that."

Adam grinned. "Well, he really does care about you so that doesn't surprise me."

Jude glanced at Connor's slack face. "Well, he's my best friend too. I wish … I wish he was doing better than this."

"Me too. We really thought that we were going to beat this."

"He still could, right? If he got a new kidney?"

"Right but that's not very likely to happen. Not enough people donate organs and, even if they did, it's a crapshoot if they're a match or not."

"A match?" Jude responded. "Oh, I guess that makes sense that you couldn't just get any kidney."

"Yeah. Even I'm not a match. A sibling is usually the best chance for a match but he doesn't have any of those." Adam was holding Connor's hand now. "Sometimes, I wonder if his mother would have been a match. If she would have saved him. I think about it all the time. Does he ever mention that to you?"

Jude shook his head. "He doesn't talk about his mom a whole lot. Mostly just when we're talking about the book. I don't want to ask."

"He was diagnosed just months after she died. I wonder if he ever dealt with any of it properly. He's been in counselling," Adam said. "For the diagnosis and his mom but he closed himself off from me for a long time at the beginning of treatments."

"Oh."

Adam glanced at Jude. "I'm sorry. You don't need to hear any of that. I guess I'm just rambling."

"That's okay," Jude said, even though he wasn't sure that Adam's words were sitting properly with him. "We all need someone to ramble at."

"That's true. Anything you need, Jude, I'm here for you."

"I know. Thank you."

"I have to go back to work. I'll see you later. Will you tell him –"

"– You were here? Yeah, always."

"Thank you, Jude."

When Adam was gone, Jude crawled into bed beside Connor. He wanted to feel close to his friend right now. He just wanted to feel close to someone. He put his hand on Connor's shoulder and stared straight ahead, watching the sitcom play out. The laugh track was distracting enough that he wasn't stewing, really, until Connor started to stir. He curled down a little and then brought his hands up rub at his face, accidentally sliding his hat off. Jude thought briefly about not looking down at his head but then he couldn't help himself, he stared down at the top of Connor's bald head. He'd seen bald people before; he'd known Connor was bald. The thing that hadn't occurred to Jude was that he'd lost his eyebrows. He always kept his hat pulled down low enough that Jude hadn't realized that Connor losing his hair meant that Connor had lost all of his hair.

"Um." He picked up the toque and offered it to Connor, who was fighting to open his eyes and focus on what was in front of him. "This came off."

"Oh. I don't … Water, Jude?"

"Of course." Jude pressed the glass into his hands and Connor sipped at it. "You feel okay?"

"Groggy. Gross …" Connor looked green and Jude grabbed the basin before Connor threw up on the bedsheets.

Jude pressed the nurse button without being asked, settling into a chair so that he wouldn't be in the way while Connor was attended to. When Connor was settled in and there was a clean basin at his side, Jude sidled back onto the side of the bed. Connor grabbed onto his hand.

"You know," Jude said, "your head doesn't look that bad."

"Liar."

"No, really it's …" cute "… way better than you're thinking."

"Liar."

"You want your hat back?"

Connor glanced up at him. "It's okay. For another minute."

"You feel sick again?"

"No. Just … talk to me, Jude? I want to listen."

"Anything you want," Jude agreed. "You know that I'd do anything for you."

Well, that was far too much to say. Not quite as intimidating at looking at thinking that he was definitely thinking that was he was kind of in love with Connor. But it was definitely intimidating. Connor didn't seem to notice the force of Jude's words, though. He just glanced at him expectantly and then let his eyes half-drift again, squeezing Jude's hand when the pain became too much.

"Your dad was here when you were out," Jude said, trying to think of what he could say about him that Connor would care about or that Connor didn't already know. "You forgot to tell me that school started up again today."

"Oops." Connor even managed to sound actually apologetic about it. "But days all blur together."

"I know. But, apparently, he knew that I didn't go to Anchor Beach to begin with. I told you I don't look like those kids that go to your school. But he knew. He loves you a lot. Enough to overlook the fact that you hang out with someone that looks like me."

"You do need to fix your hair."

Jude chuckled. "Okay, fine. Next time I see you, it'll be fixed."

"I live through your hair."

"I could colour the top of your head."

"No."

"Well, I offered so, don't forget that, at least." Connor's fingers twined tightly with his own and he squeezed hard. "Do you need a nurse again?"

"No."

It was a whimper and Jude didn't really trust it but he knew that the pain meds weren't, necessarily, instantaneous and, in another minute or two, Connor might be mostly delirious and mostly pain free. He held onto Connor's hand, though, because it was a good way to keep track of how much pain he was in. Connor wasn't good at telling him just how badly he was hurting.

"Okay. Well, anyway, your dad's not going to hold it against me for lying to him and he probably knows we're lying to him about other parts about my life too but I don't think he's going to call us out on it. So, we have to thank him for that too, I guess." Jude propped his head up on his other hand. "Callie felt so bad about our fight that we're still eating pancake leftovers. I didn't think I could ever get sick of breakfast for supper or at any time, really, but I think if I see one more pancake I'm going vomit."

"Burgers or pancakes?"

"That's not even fair. You suck, you know, I'm not going to forget what a jerk you are."

"Hate me?" Connor asked.

"No, your sob story works wonders."

A smirk trembled on Connor's lips.

"But, I'm going to have to go with burgers, you know. I've been eating them for longer and in much worse states than old pancakes. Plus, cold, they're not so bad with strawberry jam." Jude looked at Connor's hat and then to the glint on the top of his head. It wasn't perfectly smooth. It was bumpy and slightly uneven. He felt bad for staring, even though he knew that Connor wasn't going to catch him. "Is your head cold? Do you want your hat back?"

"Doesn't matter. Guess I can't hide anything from you."

"I can't hide anything from you, either. You did a better job of it than me. You knew me, what, less than three months and you had all my secrets figured out. It's impressive. I'm not mad about it though – telling you things or you keeping things from me."

"Nothing else!" Connor muttered stubbornly.

"Yeah, I know. I've seen you throw up too many times today for you to think that you can hide anything from me." Connor's grip was loosening on his fingers but Jude refused to release him. He knew that Connor would just want him to hold on. "You aren't, are you?"

"What did I tell you?" Connor asked and he forced his eyes open to stare at Jude for a moment before they fluttered. "I'm tired."

"You go to sleep then."

"But you're here."

"You don't have to stay awake for me. You know I'll still be here when you wake up. I'm not going anywhere, Connor."

"I am."

It wasn't funny but Jude managed a chuckle but he knew that was what Connor was going for.

"It's okay, go to sleep."

Connor looked at him again. "What's something I don't know about you?"

"If I tell you something, you have to tell me something."

"Mhm," Connor agreed, struggling to keep himself awake. Jude wasn't sure if he could really hold Connor to that agreement. He only seemed half-coherent. "Tell me."

"I –"

Jude didn't get to because Lena walked into the room. He hadn't seen her since the morning he'd left her house and he felt awkward looking at her now. He went to slide his hand away from Connor's since the way they were holding each other was so obvious but with the slightest movement on his hand and Connor's hand tightened on his. There was no strength in his fingers and he had nothing to hold him there but Jude stayed in place.

"Did Ms. Adams bring me homework?" Connor asked Jude.

"Ask her yourself," Jude said but Connor's eyes had closed. Jude shook his head at his friend and then he looked over at Lena. "Did you bring homework?"

"It's optional," she said, placing the folder on the nightstand. "I just thought that he might want something else to do and Adam wants him to keep up with his studies."

"I'll definitely use it all later."

"Go to sleep before I get mad at you," Jude warned Connor.

"Okay," Connor agreed. "You …"

"Be here when you wake up, I know. Don't lecture me."

"No. You're my mother hen," Connor half-slurred and then his eyes shut again.

"He needs to go back to sleep anyway," Jude explained to Lena. "It's been a really bad day."

Lena nodded, taking a seat. "How have you been? Anymore fights with your parents?"

"No," Jude said. "They've been feeling pretty bad about the whole thing so it's been pretty smooth going."

"Well, I'm glad to hear that."

"Yeah. Which is pretty much normal for us. I told you, it was just kind of a one-off thing."

"And I believe you," Lena said. "You've got a support system now."

"Thanks."

Jude had no idea how he'd ended up with support, let alone a support system. There were several adults and a friend that he knew he could count on. There was more than just Callie in his web now and Jude didn't know how he'd ended up there. He had never even considered or thought about what life might be like if there was more than Callie for him and now it was a reality that he could never forget. It could be eighty years from now and Connor could have been dead for most of them and Jude knew that he wouldn't forget every second of what was happening today. Or any other day that he spent with Connor.

"Is there anything you want to talk about?"

"No. It's just been a hard day. But I guess you had the first day of school so that's worse."

Lena laughed. "I like it. I like having a routine and I like seeing the kids every day but, you're right, not a lot of them were excited about the early morning today. I heard more than enough teachers say that they caught students napping."

"I don't blame them."

"Promise me you're not going to do any of Connor's homework for him, while we're on the subject."

"I won't. He'll make me help, though. I know he will. He made me help with the essay and I haven't even finished the book yet." Jude rolled his eyes. "I'm not good with school stuff but it makes him feel better if I listen to him talk about it and try to figure it out."

"He said that you were a big inspiration for his essay."

"He did?"

"Mhm," Lena confirmed. "And he did a very good job on it. He really impressed Mrs. Saum."

"That doesn't surprise me," Jude said and he adjusted Connor's fingers on the back of his hand.

Connor was always impressive.

If you have a song that reminds you of The Island Of Misfit Toys and would like it to be on the playlist, send it in and let me know! I'd love to hear your playlist suggestions. This week's songs are: No Such Thing As Time by Elenowen; and Anchor by Mindy Gledhill.

So, on tumblr I'm: we are all of legend now (with dashes between every word). If you want to find my replies to anon reviews, add backslash tagged backslash anon dash replies. If you want to see anything I post about The Island Of Misfit Toys, go to my tumblr URL and add backslash tagged backslash the dash island dash of dash misfit dash toys. Punctuation is spelled out due to Fanfiction's restrictions. If you're having any trouble accessing the tumblr content please send me a pm and I can format it for you in a different way.

~TLL~