Gechorus returned to his cabin, but did not distract his mind with the work of preparing his armour, he was already distracted. Was this heresy? Unquestionably. Would it be a betrayal to his chapter? Certainly. But the more he thought, the more he considered his sergeant's opinion , the more his own opinion formed.
Xilthara had entered Gechorus' room and was again ready to prise answers from the marine.
"Let me tell you something I heard," said Gechorus to Xilthara. She was sitting on the bed and leaned in closer to the marine, as she always did, "There was a vision and all psykers at the time saw it. The vision was that of the Emperor on the golden throne."
"But seeing visions of the Emperor can't be a rare thing for a psyker," commented Xilthara.
"In the visions, the emperor shed tears, and all that had the vision said the same about it; 'he weeps not for himself, but for mankind.'"
She looked up at him, away from her writing, wondering why he would bring up that event.
Concern grew for himself in his head, he knew he should not be thinking such things, Xilthara looked back at him in understanding and he knew she could be trusted, he knew that she would not write anything that would spell doom for either of them. "Do you think mankind has lost its way?"
"I don't know, I have not seen as much as you have," she replied.
"I am talking about the people in command of the Imperium. Some people think the vision is an indication of the heresy throughout the imperium and how it is hurting the Emperor to know about it. But I'm not so sure about that any more. I think he weeps for the people because of how misguided the leaders of humanity have become."
"I don't understand," said Xilthara, "I trust the Administratum."
"I do not," sighed Gechorus, "not after what I've seen, not after what I've been ordered to do."
"What have you been ordered to do?" she inquired.
"It is our duty to cleanse the Imperium of any chaos threat we come across, to leave it undisturbed would be a transgression. In our last mission we found cultists in the underhive, and we killed them all." Gechorus paused, staring at the ground he found it impossible to look Xilthara in the eye, "even the children."
"You killed children?" she asked, stunned, "Why would you do that?"
"Because it is what the Emperor would have commanded," he explained. "If the Emperor is truly great and good, then the High Lords of Terra are not, and I do not want to fight for them anymore."
"This is really big," commented Xilthara, "I can't write this down, you know."
Worry was etched across his face, "I should not be having these thoughts."
"The Silver Griffons are human after all," said Xilthara as she moved closer to him. "I think you need something to take your mind of things."
He looked at her, 'what could she possibly have to take my mind off things?' he thought.
"I know people who can give anyone a good time."
"What are you talking about?" he asked.
She grabbed the collar of her shirt and pulled it to reveal her shoulder. A tattoo, it was unmistakable to Gechorus as a mark of Slaanesh, one of the Chaos gods.
"No," said Gechorus, "you can't be…"
"What do you mean," said Xilthara, "it's just a bit of fun."
"Do you know nothing of Chaos?" he asked, standing up and distancing himself from her.
"Chaos?" asked Xilthara, "it's just a pleasure cult."
"But it isn't harmless, is it," said Gechorus through gritted teeth, "why you?" a tear began to trickle from his eye. "Why did it have to be you?"
"I don't understand; what have I done?" she asked, allowing her tattoo to be covered again.
"Nothing," sighed Gechorus, "You have done nothing."
Gechorus stood in the observation dome, looking out upon the warp, all the colours and all the swirling shapes seemed to writhe for eternity. Without the ship's psychic barriers it would surely be sucked into the madness beyond.
He thought about Xilthara, she had been there, before the mission in the underhive. She had released much of his mind from the tight constraints that he had been forced to live by; and in doing so, perhaps unintentionally opening up his thoughts and emotions to new ideas and new ways of thinking. Maybe the fact that is only look a few questions to bring these doubts to the forefront of Gechorus' mind showed that he was already on the path to heresy. He saw her as the seed for his doubt.
A figure came to stand beside him; Gechorus could feel the weight in the floor, unmistakably the mass of an astartes.
"I don't see you here often, brother Gechorus," commented the marine.
"Myrsinus," greeted Gechorus, "I haven't had a chance to congratulate you on your slaying of the warboss."
"It was a trifling matter; he left cover and walked straight into our sight line," commented Myrsinus, "The larger Orks are tough, but not much can stand up to lascannon fire."
They looked on, into the warp, Gechorus careful not to let its swirling insanity enrapture them in its beauty.
"Have you ever stared into it?" asked Myrsinus, "you can see things, you can see the forms of the warp, all you need to do is stare past the swirls of colour and it is revealed."
"I have not," said Gechorus; he looked on, he stared, he tried to see past the colours of the warp, but nothing was being revealed to him. "Surely it is the realm of psykers to make sense of the warp, I am not so blessed."
"…or cursed?" finished Myrsinus.
"That depends on your point of view."
"You do not need psychic powers to be able to see what is presented to us in this way; only a soulless blank would not be able to see into the warp when it is presented to us." Gechorus looked round at Myrsinus, curious about what explanation he would give. "All you need to do is give yourself to it; do not fight it with your mind, let it in, and it will reveal its wonders to you…"
Gechorus looked ever deeper, but he could not see anything that could be considered a form, "What is it like?"
"Incredible," said Myrsinus, "and impossible." Myrsinus stared on into the void. "I cannot describe it."
More time passed, Myrsinus and Gechorus watched on, into the warp. Gechorus was about to turn and leave Myrsinus alone, but Myrsinus spoke again, "Sometimes, I think to myself, that the warp holds answers, answers that might be correct."
Gechorus turned to him and said "These are the words of chaos."
"…and you have heard them before," responded Myrsinus, a smile was growing across his face. "Thoughts of chaos are everywhere on this ship, we will break from this chapter and it will be glorious, think of the power we would have, think of the pleasures we could experience."
The good side of chaos was a difficult concept for Gechorus to grasp; thoughts of abandoning the Imperium was one thing; thoughts of joining chaos was quite another. He said nothing.
"I have spoken to the navigator," said Myrsinus while watching the warp once more, "deliverance is not far away."