Sorry I didn't update last week, I was out of the country without my laptop!

~TLL~

Jude drummed his fingers on the tabletop, adjusting himself in the uncomfortable chair. How many people had sat here before him, waiting for someone to emerge for them? He was glad that Stef had come all the way inside with him. He wasn't sure how Callie would feel about her presence but Jude couldn't be sitting here alone. He knew that he couldn't. And, then, he saw her, dressed in the same boring outfit that marked her as an inmate, and Jude jumped to his feet. Somehow, despite the fact that she was locked up, she looked a lot better. She was getting more to eat; she looked far less haggard. Her hair had been properly cut, instead of chopped at with a knife over their kitchen sink. Despite the fact that Callie always worn-out, she didn't look as defeated as when had last seen her. Being away from Nic was good for her, no matter what her circumstances were now.

Callie's arms wrapped around him and tears pricked at Jude's eyes as he buried his head against his shoulders, realizing just how much he had grown as he leant down on her. She clung just as tightly to him, rocking him back and forth.

"I missed you."

"Sit with me. We have a lot to talk about."

"I know." Jude sat down across from her at the table, watching Callie glance distrustfully at Stef. "Um, this is Stef. She's been fostering me."

"Was it her idea? No, it was the other one that liked Connor better, right?"

"Callie, it was my idea. I have my own thoughts, you know? No one could have made me do it if I didn't want to! We have that in common!"

"It's nice to meet you," Stef said in the moment of silence.

Callie didn't acknowledge her words. "I'm trying to have a private conversation here."

For a moment, Jude wondered if Stef would test Callie. After all, she easily commanded the respect that she deserved. But, after a hard look at Callie, Stef excused herself to that washroom and Jude found himself alone with Callie for the first time in what felt like forever. There were so many things that he wanted to say to her but none of them came out of his mouth. He just couldn't believe that she was really here, after all of the arguing to come here to see her, and she had asked him to be there.

"Jude, what are you thinking?"

"I'm thinking I'm going to save my best friend's life. I'm thinking that a person can live with one kidney. I'm thinking that I've talked to all of the specialists and doctors and I've done the research and you haven't, so you don't get to yell at me about this."

"What happens if you do need it later?"

"I get a higher priority because I've donated," Jude said, feeling smug. "I told you. I've done the research. If I don't have to watch Connor die, I'm not going to. I'd give my kidney to you if you needed it."

"What if I do need it later?" Callie asked.

"I can't not do this for that reason, Callie. Why don't you want me to help him?"

Callie pinched the bridge of her nose, like she had always done when she was frustrated. "It's not that I don't want you to help him."

"So, then, what is it?"

"I worry about you. What this is going to do to you."

"And you wouldn't believe the amount I've talked about that and the amount of different professionals I've talked about that with. I'm prepared."

"I can't believe you didn't tell me," Callie snapped.

"Is that why you're mad?" Jude asked, hearing how hurt she sounded beneath it all. "Because I didn't tell you about it?"

"It didn't take you very long to decide to leave me out of a big decision! This could be life-changing, Jude, something could happen to you on that table. Just because it doesn't often happen doesn't mean you won't been the unlucky one."

Jude scoffed. "I've been the unlucky one."

"I don't want you to do this."

"You don't get to tell me what to do anymore."

"I thought you wanted me to tell you what to do about being adopted."

"I just couldn't make a decision without talking to you first. It's a big decision and I really don't know what I want. This, I know what I want. I want to save his life. You don't get a say in this one."

Callie reached out and took his hand. "You're too young to be making decisions like this. I made big decisions younger than you and look at how that turned out!"

"You saved my life, Callie."

She let go of him in surprise and leant back.

"So," Jude added. "I'm going to save him. I know that this is what you wanted to talk about but Stef isn't going to stay in the bathroom forever and I need to talk to you about the adoption thing because I really don't know what to think and this is what I need you for."

"We'll talk about this thing later," Callie said, her voice tight while Jude just rolled his eyes. Nothing she said – nothing anybody said now – could change his mind. "Do they hit you?"

"No."

"Yell?"

"No …" Jude said slowly, not sure where Callie was headed.

"Are the other kids mean?"

"No."

"House clean?"

"Yeah."

"Every hungry?"

"Um, no."

"How are they taking care of you?"

"What do you mean?"

Callie shrugged. "You're in school and stuff, right?"

"Right."

"So, you're being taken care of like one of the regular kids?" Callie clarified. "Except for the fac they're selling your body parts on the black market. Or, do they do that with their other kids too?"

"Let it go and be serious."

Callie nodded, her eyes going sad as she stared at him. "Okay, then say yes. Jude, say yes."

"What? Just like that?"

"Jude, I can't take care of you anymore. If these people can, then just say yes. Get adopted and move on. You're supposed to have a better life than we had and this is how you get it. I'm not going to be around."

Jude frowned. "No. I came to see you. You call. We write. You're not gone. I can't move on. What do you want me to do? Forget I had a sister?! Because it sounds like that's what you're saying!"

"Jude … I'm going to be going away. I made a deal but I' still going to have to do time. I don't know for how long or anything yet and I just … I don't know. I've been screwing up your life and now you have these people and if they're a family, make yourself fit in. Don't risk not being adopted. You don't want to get moved and go back to one of the foster homes that we left. So, take the adoption."

"They said they'd keep me, even if I didn't get adopted."

"Don't trust it. Don't stay a foster kid," Callie said urgently.

Jude looked up and saw Stef coming back. "Callie, it doesn't feel like it should be that easy."

"But it is."

Jude flattened his hands against the cold table top. "I'm not forgetting about you. I don't care if … if they send you away forever. You're my sister and I'm not letting go! And, you can't go away forever! I don't know what's going on with you anymore!"

"I know. And that's how I want it to be."

"You realize if you cut me off then you don't get to yell about me about the kidney donation?"

Callie's expression darkened. "This isn't funny."

"I know!"

"Everything okay?" Stef asked, her hand resting on Jude's shoulder.

Jude watched Callie's gaze snap to the touch and he watched a cranky comment run across her mind before she reined herself in and she crossed her arms over her chest. "We're fine."

"So fine you won't tell me anything anymore."

"I didn't tell you anything in the first place which is why you're just in the system and not in here with me!" Callie exclaimed and then she shook her head violently. "That doesn't matter. You're safe and that's what matters."

"We're doing our best to take care of him," Stef said. "And, we know that you're a big part of his life and we'll do anything to make sure it stays that way. We want you to have a place with us too, Callie."

"This is my place," Callie said bitterly. "But, thank you for taking care of Jude."

"We're more than happy to do it," Stef said and she missed Callie's mutter of, "even with the black market."

Under the table, Jude kicked her in the shin. Callie quickly kicked him back in the ankle and trapped his toes under the ball of her foot. Jude forced himself to not make a face in front of Stef.

"And we hope that he's happy with us."

"I am," Jude said. "I just want to know that you're happy, even a little."

"It's better here."

"Well, it's better anywhere," Jude replied. "Is there anything that I can do to help you? Do they need me to testify? Do I need to do something because I want to do something for you."

"I've already told you what you can do for me," Callie said vaguely, not taking her eyes off Stef.

Jude pulled his foot out from under hers and gave up. He couldn't push Callie. He had never been able to get anything out of her once she had decided that he wasn't going to be told anything. So, he asked her if she had seen any movies recently. It was better to keep to safe topics because he wanted Callie to be happy with him. He wasn't going to waste his time actually seeing Callie in person by making faces at her and trying to talk under and around what Stef already knew or what Callie assumed Stef knew. The time with her passed too quickly and he felt like his heart was going to stop beating in his chest. He wasn't ready to leave her again.

"You have to let me come back," he whispered, leaning across the table toward her. He couldn't bring himself to speak any louder because he knew that his voice was going to break and the emotion was going to come through. Fighting with Callie had always been easy. He had always known that they would have time to make up. Now, his time with Callie was so limited and he couldn't wrap his mind completely around that. She had been his whole life for so long that he still woke up sometimes expecting her to be there.

"Jude, I don't know."

"Why not?" He was whiny. He knew it. And she was staring at him like she was going to lecture him again, as though they had time for her to lecture him.

"Jude, it's hard enough hanging up the phone. I can't keep walking away from you. I can't stop thinking about the last time I saw you and I'm so glad that we got something else but …"

"It can't be harder than not seeing you!"

"We'll talk about it next time I call, okay? And, I'll finish writing you a letter tonight and send it. I promise."

Jude blinked quickly, knowing that time was up and that everyone else in the room was already hugging their goodbyes.

"But I miss you."

"I miss you too." Callie finally stood up from the table and Jude knew that he had to. His legs were shaking as he closed himself in Callie's arms. "I love you, Jude."

"I love you too."

He clenched his hands into fists and let Stef put her arms around to lead him out. The further they got away from away from Callie, the more that Jude felt himself falling apart. He couldn't be strong when it came to Callie. Just by the car, Stef stopped and hugged him so tightly that Jude felt like he couldn't breathe but that was fine because there was no air filling his lungs anyway.

"Oh, Jude, how do you think it went?"

"I miss her! I can't … I can't keep being without her! I didn't realize how much I missed her but I … I miss her!"

"Oh, love."

"I want … I want …"

"What do you want? Anything you want?"

"I want to go see Connor. I can't think."

"All right. In the car. Come on."

She held him into the car, shutting his door behind him. Jude buckled his seatbelt, staring at the hulking building behind him until Stef actually began to pull away from it. He couldn't watch Callie disappear in the side mirror, going back to the life that he didn't understand. His whole being hurt.

"Do you want to stop for food or anything? You didn't eat much at breakfast."

"I can't eat."

Jude rested his head against the window, taking deep breaths and just watching the lines on the road until they were in the hospital.

"Lena's going to pick you up when visiting hours are over, all right?"

"Okay," Jude said. He let himself over his car and headed up to see Connor.

Connor was just waking up from his sleep, looking around, confused and groggy. Jude felt lighter when Connor smiled upon seeing him.

"Jude's here."

"I'm here. I'm right here." Jude sat down on the edge of the bed, taking Connor's hand. "How was dialysis?"

"I don't like that I'm still throwing up, even though I don't have a lot to throw up."

"Do you need water or anything?"

"How's Callie?"

"She says she's 'going away'! I don't know what that means yet but neither does she and I hate not knowing. We used to know everything about our days! Well, mostly. I need … I need her to be here."

"What did she say about the adoption?"

"To do it. To forget about her and be their son like that's it. She acted like there wasn't more to it."

"Why?"

"To protect me. So that I don't get moved. So that they can't get rid of me. I …" Jude curled up next to him on the bed. Connor put his arm around Jude. "I feel like I have to give them an answer soon, though. I can't ignore this forever."

"You have time. Don't push yourself too fast."

"You have time too!"

"Some," Connor agreed.

Jude just needed Connor to have enough time for Jude to get to a court date. He snuggled into Connor, making sure that he didn't hit any of Connor's wires or injuries. He inhaled deeply, smelling nothing but hospital and his mind drifted back to that first day on the beach, when Jude was intoxicated on the smell of salt water and Connor's deodorant. The hospital had taken everything that was Connor from him and the thought of it made Jude hurt. All of Jude's thoughts made him hurt. He didn't know what to do about Callie or Connor or Stef and Lena. He needed to do something. He needed to feel like he decided something in his life and like he could make it mean something. Whatever he did, it had to be for him.

"Your mind is in eight different places."

"I didn't say anything."

"Jude."

Jude picked his head up and frowned. Connor didn't even have his eyes open. He looked like he was completely asleep.

"Connor!"

"What?"

"Saying my name is not an explanation."

Connor opened his eyes and half-smirked. "Jude, I know you."

Jude almost smirked back at him. Connor didn't know as well as he thought. If he did, he would know that Jude loved him back. If he did, he would have said it again. But Jude couldn't really keep blaming him for that. The sicker he got, the less that was on his mind, and he wasn't the same, exactly, but Connor was still Connor at his core, and he was Jude's stability.

"I'm really glad you do."

"Jude?"

"Read to you?" Jude guessed.

Connor laughed.

"I know you too." Jude pushed himself up to grab his bag and dig out his copy of the book. "You know, we've only got about a quarter of this book left."

"I think I have about that much time."

"You told me you'd see me through the end of the book."

"So, I did," Connor agreed. Jude cracked the book open and then Connor spoke again, "Jude … wait."

"What? Is something wrong?"

"I need to ask you something."

"Anything."

"It's pathetic."

"As pathetic as me applying your lip chap for you?"

Connor half-pulled a face. "Sorry. You do too much for me."

"I'd do anything for you. You should know that by now."

"My hat's been getting tight and itchy. Um, I only wear it when you're here now."

"I've seen your head. You don't have to be like that."

"I need lotion on my head," Connor blurted.

"All right." Jude didn't bat an eye. He put his book to the side. "Where is it?"

"With the lip chap."

Jude found the tube that Connor was talking about and sat down with it. He pulled Connor's blue hat off his head. He noticed the spots that Connor was talking about, ones that were going red.

"Take a break from the hat."

"Everything makes me hurt."

Jude didn't know what to say to him and so he just applied the lotion to Connor's head. The texture of Connor's bald head was strange and Jude was tempting to keep touching him but he was worried about hurting him even more. He had burns and bruises and rashes and Jude was worried that he'd hurt him by just being in the same room sometimes.

"Does that feel better?"

"Thanks, Jude."

Jude's hands froze, hovering over Connor's shoulders. "Connor … are you okay?"

"I don't want you to have to do things like this for me! This isn't what friends do!"

"This is exactly what friends do! Friends take care of each other! You taught me that!"

Connor hid his face in his hands, his shoulders shaking. His voice came muffled through his fingertips and Jude didn't catch what he said. Jude put his arms softly around Connor, trying not to hurt him.

"Tell me, you can tell me anything."

"I don't want you to see me like this."

"That's what friends are for," Jude repeated as Connor's breath hitched, holding back tears.

Every time Connor gasped, Jude would feel how bony he was beneath the hospital gown, how every slightest bit of air was a struggle, and just how much pain Connor was in. Jude's heart broke inside of his chest just listening to him.

"But it's not friends, it's you."

And Connor loved him too.

Jude could feel the warmth coming off of Connor's back as Connor was pressed to his chest and for probably the millionth time, Jude thought: I could just kiss him. And Connor would kiss him back, like they were at Daria's party, except now Jude was living with two married women and that should have made a difference. But, in the end, it didn't because Jude was going to save Connor's life and he'd kiss him when his lips weren't chapped and his eyes weren't watery and when pain wasn't the only thing on Connor's mind.

"I'm your best friend. It means I'm even better for this."

Connor's shoulder's sagged and Jude kept a tight hold on him, trying not to overthink it. Connor was too sick and too sad for Jude to be thinking about him in that way but he couldn't help it, especially when Connor fell into him instead of away.

"I just … hat being this way!"

"I know." It wasn't enough but Jude didn't have the words. The sicker Connor got, the less that Jude really understood anything. "It'll be okay. Can I do anything? Do you want me to read?"

"No. Just …"

"Okay," Jude said. At least this time, he knew what Connor wanted.

So, they sat in silence, Jude's arms around him until his midday medication was administered. Connor was heavy against him but Jude didn't mind at all. Connor's weight was a comforting one and Jude was able to relax enough to convince himself to think about the adoption. It lurked in the back of his mind and Jude knew he couldn't let it linger. Stef and Lena had to expect an answer. Seeing Callie was supposed to make it easier but that might have been because Jude was really expecting her to tell him 'no'. To not belong to someone else because they were going to be together. How could they be together when he was someone else?

He felt like he was deliberately putting himself out of Callie's reach for good if he did say yes. But she was out of reach, in a way. They couldn't go back to the way life was before, even if they had wanted to. And Stef and Lena had even mentioned her! She had told him to do it and everything she told him made sense so why did he have so many reservations? He liked Stef and Lena and Mariana and Jesus and he even thought he liked Brandon. They all seemed to like him. As far as he could tell. But he hadn't known them long enough to tell for sure.

Jude's head started to spin and not in a controlled way. He hugged Connor closer but not even the rhythm of Connor's breathing could help get him back under control. He leant his head back against the pillow and watched the ceiling.

"Jude …" Connor half-slurred. "You're squeezing me."

"Sorry!" He loosened his arms. "I guess I was overthinking."

"About?"

"The adoption. I-I-I know what I'm going to do."

Connor turned himself into Jude's side as Jude explained everything he'd been weighing since Connor had fallen asleep. Connor's hand took Jude's own as Jude tried to keep his emotions down. When Jude was done, he was a quiet for a long minute."

"I think you're making the right decision, Jude."

Jude hoped so.

If you have a song that reminds you of The Island Of Misfit Toys and would like it to be on the playlist, send it in and let me know! I'd love to hear your playlist suggestions. This week's songs are: Beating Heart by Ellie Goulding; and Each Shallow Breath by Chase Coy

So, on tumblr I'm: we are all of legend now (with dashes between every word). If you want to find my replies to anon reviews, add backslash tagged backslash anon dash replies. If you want to see anything I post about The Island Of Misfit Toys, go to my tumblr URL and add backslash tagged backslash the dash island dash of dash misfit dash toys. Punctuation is spelled out due to Fanfiction's restrictions. If you're having any trouble accessing the tumblr content please send me a pm and I can format it for you in a different way.

~TLL~