Jude tried not to keep looking around the table. Mariana and Jesus were home and Stef and Lena were supposed to tell them about the adoption tonight. Jude wasn't sure what they would think of it, and if he wasn't so concerned, he might be amused that he knew more of Brandon's feelings about it than the two that he actually lived with. Jesus was talking about someone on his wrestling team – not very nicely – and Mariana kept interjecting with her own disparaging thoughts on Jesus's girlfriend. It was a normal dinner conversation, Lena and Stef both trying to keep their conversation from getting too riled. Jude was just glad that he wasn't needed to participate. He knew what was going to come before they finished their meals and he knew that he couldn't speak right now. If Mariana and Jesus decided, for whatever reason, to reject him now, Stef and Lena couldn't possibly keep wanting him.

Or maybe, Jude thought, you should just stop doubting.

But it was his doubt and his inability to trust that had kept him alive in Nic's house. His guard couldn't be lowered for a moment – he had never been allowed to believe that a creak was just the old house settling instead of a footstep on the stair; he had never been convinced that the voices downstairs would stay down there; had never even ventured outside of the four walls when Callie wasn't there to be his guardian angel. Not to mention the hypervigilance and sleeping in shifts that had occurred before they had moved into Nic's home, when it was just them and any area they could find that wasn't windy and didn't seem to be claimed by anyone else. He knew he didn't need those traits here but it wasn't as though Jude could just become someone new. It wasn't as though he could just forget who he had been, no matter who he might become.

Mariana and Jesus fell quiet for a rare beat and then Stef cleared her throat, so Jude knew what was coming.

"We have an announcement to make," she said. Jude watched her and Lena link hands and then he quickly glanced over to the twins, catching the end of the look they exchanged.

"What's up?" Jesus asked.

"Well, we've been thinking about it and we've been talking to Jude and we hope you'll both agree with the decision that we've come to and that is: Jude is a good fit here. Jude is part of our family and we are officially going to adopt him."

Jude held his breath until Mariana grinned and smacked Jesus, "I told you!"

"I believed you!"

"You never believe me!"

"Stop hitting me or I'll –"

"This means they're happy that you're here," Lena said, nudging Jude.

Strangely enough, Jude felt that.

He felt elated as Mariana jumped from her chair and came to hug him. He had never wanted for family more than Callie but now that he was sitting here, surrounded by people that were willing to offer him something more than just a roof above his head, he was glad to embrace them. He was glad to hug Mariana back and happy to fist bump Jesus over their water glasses. He was glad Lena and Stef were looking at him like that, Stef's hand covering Lena's on the tabletop. Yet, when he glanced at the empty chair that was meant for Brandon, he couldn't help but think of Callie and wish that she had gotten to be here now. He wished that Callie was sitting in the chair instead and that she had gotten to be with this family too. She had always said that no family would take them both but Stef and Lena were offering to when Lena had never even met her.

He picked up another one of his green beans, chewing a little more slowly. Just a few more days then she would be on the phone with him and despite how happy he was now, she was still all he wanted.

(-.-)

"Got it!" Jude shouted into the house, though he was sure Jesus was the only one home. He grabbed the phone off its cradle by the first ring and was happily accepting Callie's call. "Hi!"

"Hi!" Callie said. "How are you? I got your letter this morning. You said yes?"

"Yeah," Jude said. "They told the other kids a couple of days ago and they're starting the paperwork."

"Good, good," Callie said but he heard the sadness in her voice. It was the same sadness that he felt whenever he thought about it. "It's the best decision."

Jude shut his bedroom door behind him. Stef had packed up the last bits of Brandon's things that were lingering around the room and now it was all his. Stef and Lena had told him that he could hang posters or pictures, decorate his space however he wanted to, but Jude just wasn't sure what that was yet. He should get a picture of Connor – perhaps Adam would let him have a good photo, not one where he looked so sick, but maybe Jude wanted to remember him that way too. He didn't even have a photo of Callie, especially not a photo of the two of them together. Maybe he should get that too.

"I know," Jude said, feeling his throat start to close up. "And, I know you were thinking about logic stuff but I really like them too and I love being here but I … miss you so much."

"I can't be with you anymore than I am," Callie said. "Believe me, I miss you too, more than you can imagine."

"I want to come see you again, please," Jude said. "I want to see you. And I know if I show up and you don't want me there, then you won't come see me but I need you to let me. Please."

"Jude, it's too hard for me –"

"I'm finding out if I can donate my kidney in three days," Jude blurted and, even though he couldn't see her, he could tell that her protective flag went up.

"I thought you were going to drop that!"

"No, you just wanted me to let my best friend die for … some reason that I can't quite get so …"

"You could die in surgery!"

"Cleaner than the street."

"Jude!" Callie cried and then she let out a few unintelligible garbles before blurting, "Unbelievable!"

"If they allow me to donate, the surgery will happen pretty quickly. I won't make visiting hours this week so, please, will you let me come the week after?"

"This is a bad idea."

"It's going to be fine. It's going to be great. You can't tell me otherwise because you don't know."

"You don't know either. I'm allowed to worry about you! You're all I have."

"You're all I have too."

"No, you have a family now. You're safe and you're protected and that's all I ever wanted for you. We're not having this fight again."

"I want to see you! Please. You have me, don't turn me away! Don't shut me out! It doesn't matter who else I have I still need you!"

"I love you too, Jude." Callie let out a sigh. "How can I stop you from doing this?"

"You can't. Nothing can. You matter to me most and you always will but Connor matter too and I have a kidney that could help him live. So, I'm not going to be talked out of it. Sorry."

He felt like he had been waiting too long for it. Even before he had actively started trying to figure out kidney donation, he had been thirsting for something to do for Connor and, now that he had it, he had to do it.

"Have you heard anything new about your case?" Jude ventured after Callie's silence.

"No. My lawyer said that it would probably feel like a lot of nothing for me for a while and then everything would happen at once so we'll see what happens."

"Are you even going to tell me? Just because I'm here and you're there doesn't mean that I'm going to forget about you."

"I'll tell you, Jude!" Callie said, and she sounded annoyed that she had to insist on it, but Jude thought it was a fair question from his perspective, at least. "But, we can kind of guess how this is going to go for me. You, I'm worried about, because I can't predict what's going to happen and I can't change it, even if I could. You need to take care of yourself."

"Callie, they're a whole family and they like me. They don't just tolerate me. They're going to adopt me. I'm going to be okay."

"I'll believe it when I see it," Callie said flatly.

Jude supposed it was the best he could hope for.

(-.-)

Jude sat down in the chair next to Connor's bed, watching Connor's breath rise and fall, his eyelids fluttering.

"Jude," Connor managed.

"No, don't worry about it. I'm here and that's all that matters."

Connor forced his eyes open. "It hurts, Jude."

"I know. Do you want me to call a nurse? See if they can help?"

Connor didn't answer. He seemed to sink into the bed a little more, looking defeated and, though Jude hated that he made the comparison, he was starting to look more like a corpse. "Where's Dad?"

"He just went to get coffee and lunch, remember? He's not at work today, he'll be back any second."

"Oh."

Jude couldn't tell what was going through Connor's mind, though he stared at his face and tried to figure it out. If anything was going through Connor's mind, that was, other than a cloud of pain and confusion.

"Is there anything I can do for you?" Jude asked, wishing that there was something that he could be doing right now, instead of waiting for tomorrow to come when a court decided whether or not he could do something. "Water? Chapstick? Anything?"

"How many chapters?"

It took Jude a moment to process Connor's breathless questions. "How many chapters? Like, do I have left?"

"Yeah."

Jude reached into his bag, pulling out his book. He didn't have much of it left. "Um, like three and a half."

"Read, please, Jude," Connor said. "We're gonna … We're gonna watch the movie tomorrow."

"I remember. After I get you a cupcake," Jude said. "Next time I see you, you'll be older than me."

"And then you'll get older than me."

"Don't be morbid if you want me to read to you."

"Sorry," Connor said, managing to open his eyes, and Jude was still so easily caught up in how pretty his eyes were. "Read, please?"

Jude cracked open the book to where they had left off, only half sure that Connor was processing what he was saying. He looked uncomfortable, though Jude didn't think anyone could possibly be comfortable with the amount of tubes and wires that Connor had on him, having to be careful with every move that he made that he didn't disrupt or hurt himself. Connor's eyes shut again as Jude read and, though it was probably just Jude's wishful thinking, he wanted to believe that Connor looked a little more peaceful. He didn't stop reading, even when Adam returned, sitting Jude's lunch on the stand next to him, and settling into his usual seat. Jude tried not to get embarrassed about reading in front of Adam – after all, it wasn't for Adam, it was for Connor – but Jude still absolutely hated having an audience for his schoolwork and practice that wasn't Connor. It was something that still amused Lena when they did their study sessions together, and she teased him about how much work he managed to do under Connor's watchful eye versus hers.

Connor's midday medication was administered but Jude didn't stop reading until he was completely sure that Connor was asleep. Only then did he mark his page and put the book aside, reaching for water and taking a long drink.

"He told the nurses that it was a nine on the pain scale this morning," Adam revealed.

"It's really bad now," Jude said, only because he felt like he had to say something and stating the obvious was the best way to go.

"I'm hoping for one more good day tomorrow but you've seen how far between those have been getting."

Jude nodded. Connor had been like he was now for the past week. It weighed heavily on Jude every time he walked out of the hospital and he felt, all over again, the terror on the night that Adam had called at Stef's and Lena's. Every time visiting hours ended now and he had to go home, all he could hear was himself asking if Connor was still alive and Lena admitting that she didn't know. He didn't want that to happen again. Even if he couldn't save Connor – and Jude knew that if he couldn't, it was going to take the rest of his life to get over that – Jude wanted to be sitting with him when the end came. Jude shouldn't get to be warm and safe at home while his best friend was taking his last breath. He wanted to be able to be with him. He wanted to be able to be with Adam. He didn't want to have to find out in the after.

"Can I ask you something?" Jude said.

"Anything, Jude."

"I, um, I don't have a picture of him," Jude said. "I don't think he'd let me take one now and, so, I was just wondering …"

"Yes, of course," Adam said. "I'll find you one. A good, recent one. I think there's some from early summer with Jellybean in them."

"Yeah, that sounds great. Thank you." Jude picked up his sandwich, shifting in his seat. "How is she?"

"She misses him. She just knows he's not there anymore and I think she's already grieving." Adam gave his soup a stir. "But I guess we are too."

Jude stared at the boy in the bed. He teetered on the edge of it sometimes, but he wasn't grieving. Not yet. He still had his one bubble of hope and, come tomorrow morning, Jude would find out if it had popped or not.

If you have a song that reminds you of The Island Of Misfit Toys and would like it to be on the playlist, send it in and let me know! I'd love to hear your playlist suggestions. This week's songs are: Someone To Stay by Vancouver Sleep Clinic; and It Keeps You Runnin' by The Doobie Brothers.

So, on tumblr I'm: we are all of legend now (with dashes between every word). If you want to find my replies to anon reviews, add backslash tagged backslash anon dash replies. If you want to see anything I post about The Island Of Misfit Toys, go to my tumblr URL and add backslash tagged backslash the dash island dash of dash misfit dash toys. Punctuation is spelled out due to Fanfiction's restrictions. If you're having any trouble accessing the tumblr content please send me a pm and I can format it for you in a different way.

~TLL~