Amy and Jake

As he woke up, Jake felt the weight of his decision, today he was going to ask Holt to take he and his squad off the hunt for the serial cop killer, off the only case they had been working. Jake hated to give up, he had promised so many people he would find this guy, and the hardest for him was the thought of Doug Judy's mother, she needed justice, she deserved for her son's murderer to be brought in, but Jake felt empty.

He had never felt this way about a case before, even the seemingly impossible ones gave him a thrill, but this case, it just felt like no matter how it ended, it would be bad, and he wasn't even sure why. He was restless as he tried to get comfortable in bed.

"Jake," Amy rolled over sleepily to face him, "why are you so fidgety? It's only five in the morning, you don't have to be in talk to Holt until nine."

Jake exhaled slowly, "I know, it's just this case, I want to finish it, this guy has to stop and face the consequences for his actions, but at what cost? I know it's the right move to take me and my squad off the case, but will anyone else be safe? I mean, will they have a chance of bringing him in without innocent people dying?"

Amy just looked at him and listened, as Jake finished, she reached out and gently laid her hand on his cheek, "Jake, you have to do what you feel is best, there is no truly right or wrong answer here, you quitting the case, it might not take the pressure off our family. Right now, our house is under twenty-four hour surveillance, yet…"

"Yeah, I just don't know, I hate this case so fucking much, when I went to prison and was finally freed, justice was served, Hawkins went to prison, when Jimmy Figgis was brought in, same thing, but this guy, when he's brought in, I just don't feel like that will be end of it. Why is he doing this, that's what fucks with me a lot, it seems random, yet…"

Amy sat up, "I know, I've thought the same thing, why now, when Holt is just in as commissioner and facing pressure, it feels like more than coincidence."

Jake nodded, "I know, and this guy, Sampson, he may never explain, if he gets caught, or if he is captured alive, there's just so many questions in this case."

"Are you sure you want off the case, I mean one hundred percent sure?"

Jake sighed, "no, but I feel like by taking myself off it, maybe this guy will have to focus attention else where and give people a chance to track him down, but I'm not even completely sure about that, again, another reason I fucking hate this case."

"Whatever you choose, I support it, you know that."

"Yeah, of course," Jake stretched his neck back, trying to think, "it's just whatever decision I make, I'll also second guess and wonder, if what happens afterwards is all my fault, whatever happens."

"Jake, none of it is your fault, you're dealing a talented psychopath who is delighting in what he does, regardless of why he does any of this, it's his decision to act on it, not ours and certainly not yours, you are just doing your best to stop him, what happens is all on him."

"I wish that made me feel better Ames, but it doesn't, too similar to every other big case, repercussions galore."

Amy

As Amy walked into the precinct at eight, everything felt too relaxed to her, they had just lost and buried one their own, her husband and his squad were under a direct threat from the same killer and here everyone was acting like it was a normal day. She tried her best to be positive and not let it annoy her, she understood, they still had a job to do and it wasn't not productive to obsess about the dangers of a dangerous profession, but everything just seemed so out of place for how she felt.

Officer Lou walked into her office at eight-thirty, "Lieutenant, I made the roster changes, Dobson, Hart, and Miller will work overtime to fill in for Gary…"

Amy looked up and sighed, "I know, this sucks Lou, it really sucks."

Lou nodded as he stared at his shoes, "yeah, a lot of us feel bad, we'd get so annoyed at Gary, but he was a good guy, just…"

Amy offered a small smile, "he was just so eager and right all the time."

Lou nodded, "yeah, we feel bad, you don't expect this to happen."

"No, nor should we ever, we are good at what we do, this was extremely unfortunate, you can imagine how things are at my house right now."

"I bet Jake is out of his mind, everyone wants this guy caught, but the closer you get to him, the more damage he inflicts."

Amy sighed as she pushed away from her desk, "exactly, Jake isn't sure what to do and he's never like that with a case like this."

"Have you looked at the surveillance tapes from when Gary was…"

"No, Jake did, but he didn't say anything about it, why?"

Lou fidgeted, "nothing big, it's just, Gary, he was so happy, he was whistling, he just loved this job. I like my job, mostly, but not like that. Oh yeah, before I forget, I changed the roster, so Saunders is working with me all this week, he and Gary were really close, they reminded me a little of Jake and Charles, so I want to keep a close eye on him, for support."

Amy smiled, "thanks Lou, I couldn't do this without you, my mind has been overwhelmed with everything that's gone on, I feel out of touch and a little out of place right now. I was with the detectives for so long, and with what they're going through…"

"I get it lieutenant, I get it, it's part of this job, the close relationships, it's normally a good thing, a real good thing, but right now, that part is causing a lot of pain in people, it's hard to lose someone you're close to in this job, it makes you want to quit so you never have to feel it again."

Lou dismissed himself and Amy was left reflecting on his words and how true they were, she worried Jake might be pushed to the point of no return if he lost one of his detectives, she shuddered to think about it, but with every murder Sampson committed, he seemed to be moving closer to Jake.

Jake

Rosa was giving the morning briefing this morning, none of the other detectives other than Charles knew Jake was going to take them off the case, they just thought Jake had a meeting with Holt to talk about the case. Jake met Charles at the precinct and they took a non-marked police car to headquarters. Charles talked about his wedding preparations on the way, he and Genevieve wanted a small intimate wedding, and they wanted it soon. Jake was glad Charles had something to distract them both right now.

Charles pulled up and parked in a police car spot in front of the NYPD headquarters, Jake felt panic as he exited the car and walked across the plaza to Holt's office. Everyone seemed subdued inside, Jake knew they had been under a lot of pressure, but as he entered the lobby to Holt's office, he saw why. The headline on the newspaper on the counter read, "Mayor Rips Commissioner, Says He Shares Blame for Deaths." Jake felt disgusted and read a few sentences, the mayor was blaming Holt, saying he wasn't doing enough to protect his officers or the city and that it might be time for a change.

As Jake and Charles sat down, they both exchanged angry glances about the article, Jake took out his phone and looked at the article on line, and then at the comments, many people agreed with mayor and many of them left ugly comments, several citing Holt's sexual preference as an issue. Jake wanted to scream, here he was about to quit the case and his mentor was under increasing pressure for this case, no matter what Jake did, people would get hurt.

After waiting a few minutes, the door to Holt's office opened and the first one out was the new mayor, Jake really disliked this guy, he looked overly tan and pompous, Jake thought he looked like tv televangelist, the mayor smugly acknowledged them as he passed by them, followed by his advisors and security. Holt came out a minute later, "Peralta, Boyle, come in please."

Jake thought Commissioner Holt looked much older than normal, it wasn't the grayish hairs, it was his eyes, they looked much more care worn than he had ever seen, and he had seen his former captain in many difficult and terrible times concerned with both of their lives.

"Sir, I can come back later, maybe right now the last thing you need is more stress."

Holt smiled weakly, "Peralta, do not be ridiculous, you have a right to your safety, as do your detectives, never worry about your superiors when you are doing your best and what is right for you and your family, never."

Jake suddenly didn't want to say anything, but he hated this case and everything that had happened, "I'm so sorry sir, but I'm not any closer to bringing this guy in, and with all the losses we've had…"

Holt held up a hand, "Peralta, do not preoccupy yourself, you have given everything to this case and no one knows that more than I do, if you truly want off the case, then you will be off the case."

Jake knew that if he didn't speak up and quit the case right then, he might never have the courage to do so again, "I think I need off the case sir, my squad as well, it's too much, I know it's not fair to complain when you're under so much pressure, but it's too much, our suspect makes it far too personal."

"Peralta, I understand, give me a week to make some decisions, and know that I am truly thankful and apologetic for all you have done and given to this case. I fear no matter what is done at this point, nothing can save me, as you have no doubt read or heard, the mayor is after me, in no uncertain terms, but that isn't as important as stopping this crazed murderer."

"It sucks sir, for me, it's cases that come back and hurt me or those I love, for you, the establishment comes after you, like you have done something to them, which I don't get, I'm immature, but I'm nothing but super grateful for all you've done and taught me."

Holt nodded ever so slightly with a look a mild amusement on his face, "yes, but immaturity is one thing, ignorance is another. The mayor, for all his money and power, is ignorant, of many things, but mostly about people." Holt looked out the window briefly, "Boyle, I understand congratulations are in order, you are to be married."

Boyle smiled, "yes sir, Genevieve finally agreed, I mean, I should just be happy we're a family, but without the marriage, it doesn't feel as complete, if you know what I mean."

Holt smiled, "of course, Kevin and I have been in a loving relationship for years but being allowed to marry made us feel like it was real, recognized, and above all, a symbol of our devotion to one another."

Charles wiped his eyes, "that was beautiful sir, that's how I feel, but our issue wasn't the laws, just Genevieve's exes were all terrible people, especially her ex-husband."

"Thank you, Boyle, Peralta, how are you and Amy dealing with your difficult losses you have experienced?"

Jake shrugged, he didn't expect such a personal question from Holt, "well…not great, as you can see, it's just, with Amy, she felt like Gary was such a great cop and never told him, so she feels guilt. Me, I feel so much guilt, for him, for Cohen, for Judy."

"Why guilt, our killer did those things, he chose them, you had nothing do with it."

"Yeah, but he chose Cohen and Jennings because of Amy and I, that's on me, or at least that's how it feels."

"Peralta, I do understand, you know Kevin has been put in Harm's way because of my job, but it still is not our fault, it is the fault of the criminals who happen to be so despicable that they not only murder and hurt others, but then feel the need to place blame on others, in this case the police for their actions and act out against us and our families and loved ones."

"Thanks for being cool Commissioner, but I still feel terrible for doing this, the truth is I don't' know what the right answer is, but logic wise, this feels right."

Commissioner Holt spoke with Jake and Charles for another ten minutes before thanking them both for their fine work and then dismissed them. They were out the main doors and halfway to the car when Jake stopped, "crap, I promised Amy I'd leave Holt the recent picture of JJ, she'll be ticked if I don't."

"You go in, I'll warm up the car." Charles strolled to the car while Jake fumbled in his bag for the picture, when he found it, Charles was at the car, "we should go get something to eat before heading back."

Jake yelled back, "good call." He watched as Charles unlocked the car, Jake turned around and started walking as he heard the car start, and he heard the loudest noise he had ever heard in his life, an explosion. He was thrown about ten feet back, he was bleeding and in pain, the disorientation made it difficult to see well, but as he turned over, he could see the car on fire and destroyed.

"Charles! Charles!" Jake screamed, people poured out of the buildings, sirens soon blared.

"Peralta how badly are you injured?" It was Holt, Jake forced himself to push through his pain, emotionally, and speak.

"I'm fine, Charles…" Jake's throat felt parched, he could only feel sorrow.

Holt stared at the destroyed car, "dear god."

Finally, it was too much for Jake and he felt himself losing consciousness. As he was out, he dreamed of Charles, he could see Charles, surrounded by at least fifty dogs.

"Charles, why so many dogs?"

"These are all the dogs I've rescued Jakey, just look at them."

"Charles are you okay?"

"Of course, you and the dogs are here!"

"Where's everyone else?" Jake asked as he looked around, scanning for others.

"I don't know."

Even in his dream and unconscious state, Jake realized Charles was dead, dream Jake began sweating and panicking, "Charles, I'm so sorry, it should have been me."

"Jakey, what are you talking about? We're both here."

"Charles, you're dead."

Dream Charles looked confused and looked around him, "really? Well that's weird."

Charles began to disappear, Jake panicked more, "No, Charles, don't leave, don't fucking leave me! Charles! Charles"

Jake opened his eyes, he was breathing heavily, he was in a hospital. He looked to his side and there was Amy, crying, "Hey," She said through her tears, her voice hoarse and filled with emotion.

Jake realized what had happened, his best friend was dead, his partner in so many cases, his friend that would have done anything for him. "Hey," he replied weakly, but it was the best he could currently offer as his mind began to comprehend the finality of what had happened.

"Jake, Charles…" Amy's tears began to fall freely, Jake closed his eyes.

"I know, I saw it, he's dead."

"I'm so sorry." Amy gently held his arm where there were no bandages.

"Me too, me too. I can't quit this case Amy, that bomb was meant for me, it's my fault, I have to finish this."

Amy digested his words for a bit before answering, "I understand. I don't think Sampson would leave you alone now anyways. Holt is telling Genevieve and Nicolaj what happened…"

Jake felt his own tears coming now, "it's my fault that Nicolaj doesn't have a dad, that he'll grow up without the nicest dad…"

Amy stomped her foot down, hard, "listen to me, it is not your fault! None of this is! Sampson is a psycho, he's to blame! Do not blame yourself, it won't bring him back!" Amy stopped as she said that, Jake looked at her then closed his eyes and gave into his grief. The tears flowed, he said nothing, he simply thought about his best friend, Charles Doyle, gone, forever.