"Adam –" Jude started, but he was cut-off by the bathroom door opening.
"Dad, I'm definitely going to need a different belt. Everything's too big for me."
There was Connor, in a t-shirt and jeans, an unbuttoned plaid shirt hanging off his thin shoulders. He caught sight of Jude and grinned brightly.
"I'm going home, Jude!"
"WHAT?"
"I'm going home!" Connor repeated. "They're releasing me this afternoon! Like, now. I'm going home now!"
"Really?" Jude said, looking at Adam, knowing that Connor was going to be too excited and just brush off the concern. "You're really ready for that? You're going to be okay at home?"
"At this point, as long as we follow the rules and keep a close eye on him, there's no difference in him being cooped up here and him being home," Adam said. "So, we're going home today."
Connor looked so happy that it was hard for Jude to feel concerned.
"You're coming over, right, Jude?"
"Well, yeah," Jude said, though he watched for Adam's nod out of the corner of his eye.
"You can call Stef and Lena to tell them where you are," Adam said. "Okay, Connor, sit, and I'm going to go find someone about your discharge papers."
Connor immediately took a seat in one of the chairs, avoiding the bed completely. Jude sat in the chair that Adam vacated.
"Ready to go home?"
"I've been ready to leave here since I got here," Connor replied, "but I really didn't know if I'd get to and I can because of you."
"I'll take the blame for that," Jude said and Connor laughed, just like Jude hoped that he would. It was so good to hear Connor's laugh again – full, not weakened by coughing, and bright. Connor was really happy again and Jude could take credit for giving him that.
"Jelly's gonna be waiting for me," Connor said.
"Which is what really matters to you."
"Yeah," Connor admitted. "I've missed her … And I still can't believe you snuck her in here."
Jude just shrugged. "What else was I supposed to do?"
"There's no better best friend than you," Connor said, sadness in his tone, and Jude was just relieved that Adam, Nurse Mac, and Dr. Meyer were in the room before he had to think of a reply.
"Ready, Connor?" Dr. Meyer asked.
"You have no idea."
"All right, in the wheelchair," Nurse Mac said. "And you have to take these."
Connor picked up the messenger bag he normally carried around, leaving the bigger bags for Adam and he held it carefully on his lap. Nurse Mac handed him a pile of papers, explaining that they were informational brochures on how to take care of himself now. Connor nodded along and tucked the papers into his bag.
"We'll see you soon for a check-up," Dr. Meyer said. "We're doing that a lot to make sure everything's going all right."
Connor nodded. "Okay, let's go."
Jude took one of the bigger bags while Adam took the other and they followed Connor out. He was being pushed by Nurse Mac and they talked softly on the elevator ride down. Jude was left standing with the two of them while Adam went to bring his car around.
"Will you miss me, Nurse Mac?"
"I miss all of you when you go," Nurse Mac said. "But I'm glad when you finally get to go home."
"Instead of going and not going home," Connor said. "Do you remember Jake?"
"Of course," Nurse Mac said. "It looked like you and he were about to become good friends. But, no survivor's guilt from you, okay? Jake's cancer was aggressive and it's not your fault that you got a miracle."
"Thanks, Nurse Mac."
Adam's car pulled up to them. The trunk opened and Jude hurried to be helpful, putting the bags away while Connor slid into the front seat.
"Thanks for doing that, Jude."
"No problem."
Jude took his spot in the back, sitting in the middle seat. He called Lena while he was in the car and she was overjoyed.
"Really? I'm so happy for Connor! Make sure you tell him I'll come in and see him when we pick you up tonight."
"I will."
"Call when you're ready for that but try not to make it too late, all right?"
"I will, promise."
Jude hung up the phone and leant forward to slide it into the cupholder that Adam kept it in.
"What do you want for your first dinner home, Connor?"
"Pizza," Connor said without hesitation. "I want a giant pepperoni pizza."
"All right. I think we can manage that. You like pepperoni pizza, Jude?"
"Yeah, it's my favourite pizza," Jude said. It was the truth, though he probably would have said it no matter what Connor had suggested. Connor was almost home.
When they turned down Connor's street, Connor dragged his messenger bag into his lap and fished out his housekeys. He jingled them against his palm and, for a while, they were the only sound in the car. Jude leant forward when Connor's house came into sight, wanting to see the look on Connor's face and Connor looked so overjoyed that Jude knew he probably wouldn't ever come close to understanding what Connor was feeling.
"Dad," Connor said when the car was turning into the driveway. "She's –"
"Waiting. Go."
As soon as the car was stopped, Connor flung his car door open. He didn't bother to shut it as he raced to the front door. Jude was worried he was going to trip and hurt himself but he didn't say a word as Connor managed to let himself in his front door.
"I think he still likes the cat better than me," Jude said, relieved when Adam boisterously laughed.
"Yeah, join the club. Do you mind helping me with the bags again?"
"No, not at all."
Jude pulled the smaller of the two bags behind him and up to the front door. Connor was sitting just inside the entrance, Jellybean trapped in his arms. She was purring so loudly that Jude was surprised that the walls weren't shaking. He lingered in the doorway as Adam put the bag down.
"Come on, Connor. Let's get you over to the couch."
"She missed me too, Dad!"
"I know. I know she did. We all did."
Connor didn't let go of Jellybean as he staggered off toward his living room. Jude shut the front door behind him, kicked off his shoes, and then followed Connor. He didn't want to let Connor out of his sight. In the hospital, it didn't matter quite so much if something went wrong because he was surrounded by people who knew how to take care of him. If something went wrong now, if something happened to him, what were Adam and Jude supposed to do? What could they do?
"Come on, Jude! Let's find something to watch."
Jude shoved Connor's feet out of the way to sit at the other end of the couch. He didn't even care what was on the TV – and he didn't really think that Connor cared all that much either. He was laying on his side, Jellybean tucked against his chest, and Jude was sure that she was going to get most of his attention for the night, not that he'd ever be upset about that.
Connor nudged the remote down the coffee table with his foot and Jude could take a hint. He picked it up and turned the TV on but it didn't matter to him what they were watching because Jude never took his eyes off Connor, curled around Jellybean with his hands buried in her fur. She had her head tucked down against him and she just kept purring, something Adam laughed about every time he walked through the room, overly attending to Connor, which Jude could see was staring to annoy his friend, but he never brushed Adam off. He let him refill his water glass, ask him every few minutes if he was hungry, and pester him about meds.
When it was late enough, Adam came in and asked about dinner again.
"Extra pepperoni," Connor chirped.
"Yeah, okay," Adam laughed. "I'm going to go pick it up since we need breakfast food too. Need any snacks?"
"I've been living off hospital food forever."
"So, yes to the snacks?'
Connor nodded vigorously. "What do you want, Jude?"
"Oh, whatever is fine. I –"
"He likes barbeque chips," Connor interrupted.
"All right. I'll grab some of those too." Adam placed the home phone on the coffee table next to Jude. "Just in case."
Jude's gaze was drawn to Connor, who looked like he was pretending not to hear what was going on, but there was no way Jellybean's ears were that interesting.
"Are you that worried?" Jude asked, because he was, because there was a lump of worry in his throat that was so big Jude didn't think that there was any way it would ever leave him. He was going to die with that lump of worry still in his throat.
"No. Dr. Meyer wouldn't have let him come home before she was sure it was the right time. I won't be far and I won't be long. He'll be fine."
"Okay …"
"But, if you're too nervous, you can come with me."
"We'll be fine," Jude said. Adam had been hovering all day, which was fair, he wanted to see Connor home too, but Jude was used to having Connor be all his when they were together, and he wanted those few minutes when it was just he and Connor. "You won't be gone long."
"Right … Bye, Connor."
"Bye, Dad."
The door latched behind Adam and Connor pulled himself up a little more, readjusting Jellybean into his lap.
"I'm going to be fine. You don't have to keep looking at me like that."
"Like what?" Jude asked. Had Connor really noticed his staring? Because Jude was sure that half of it was concern and half of it was him just being a lovelorn puppy and he wasn't sure which one Connor would have picked up on.
"Like I'm going to croak in front of you. I'm home … I …" Connor looked down at Jellybean, scratching under her chin so that she was looking up at him. "I didn't make it this far for something to happen to me now."
"Well, that's the scary thing is that things just happen and it doesn't matter when. One morning, it's normal, and then your best friend has cancer and then your sister's in jail, and you're being adopted and your whole life is different and you never expected it to be. And the thing is, it would all be the same if you didn't talk to some jerk tutor."
Connor squinted at him. "Are you … blaming me?"
"What? No!" That definitely wasn't where Jude had been trying to go with that but he obviously wasn't doing the right thing if that was what Connor was getting out of that. "No. I mean, everything would be the same if I had never met you but I'm not saying I would rather not have you."
"Oh."
Connor looked down at Jellybean and Jude was left just staring at him again. Connor was definitely looking less pale, with just the littlest bit more colour in his cheeks, if his hat was taken off, he would have a short, noticeable, amount of hair on his head. He was looking healthier but he was still just as attractive as Jude had always found him, and now, looking at him and thinking about how he no longer looked like a corpse, Jude just wanted to say it. But Connor had just come home and, just like every time before, it never felt like the right time.
"I was just trying to say that you can stop looking at me like I'm going to die. You and Dad. I know. Cancer and all of that but I'm doing better and you can't keep staring at me like you did when I was doing worse."
"I didn't know you were coming home. I don't understand medical stuff. Last time I trusted you to tell me the truth about your medical condition you told me you had a blood disorder, not cancer. And, you know, I kind of gave you a kidney which means it's kind of important to me that you live so …"
For a moment, Jude was worried that Connor would think that he was trying to pick a fight. He wasn't, really, he just wanted to lay it all out. But, then, Connor smiled at him.
"You're my favourite mother hen, you know?"
"I am not –" Jude started and then he let out a huff. "Yeah, okay, fine, maybe. But you're just going to have to let me. I'm not going to apologize for it."
"So, will you do something for me?"
"I already gave you body parts. How much more demanding can you be?"
Connor laughed. "Will you stay over tonight?"
"You want me to?"
Connor nodded. "Yeah."
"Will your dad want me to?"
"I'm fresh out of the hospital. He's more concerned than you, if you can imagine that. Plus, you saved my life so odds are he actually likes you more than me right now."
"He doesn't," Jude scoffed while Connor shrugged.
"Will you?"
"Yeah, of course, if you want me to."
"Good. I didn't want to be alone tonight."
"Well, your dad's not going to leave you."
"I know that," Connor said. He picked up one of Jellybean's paws and she didn't even open her eyes. "Jelly won't leave me either. But, like, I'm used to people being in and out of my room a lot and stuff so I think it'll be too quiet, you know? I think you being there will help."
Jude did know, but he didn't think it had anything to do with the quiet. He could see the lines of worry on Connor's forehead and it was that moment when Jude realized that Connor was scared for himself too, despite how flippantly he spoke to Jude and Adam. Connor was scared that he wasn't as safe in his own house as he was somewhere else and Jude understood that. He understood everything that Connor didn't want to say and he understood enough to not make Connor say it.
"Yeah, I'll stay. You gotta ask your dad before I ask Stef or Lena though."
Connor shrugged. "I just want you here. And I think Dad will panic less if it's not just the two of us in the house. See, Jude, you save everyone."
"Except Callie."
"What do you mean?"
"She's really going to go away. I saw her this morning. There's nothing I can do and I just don't want her to be gone. I don't want her to think I've got a new family and a new life and I don't need her because I always need her. I'm still kind of scared to do anything without her."
"You're, like, really independent, though."
Jude laughed. Had he ever been independent? Connor probably just didn't realize how dependent Jude had been on Callie. From all that Jude had been able to tell him, Connor probably did think that Jude didn't need anyone but that was the furthest thing from the truth. He wouldn't be alive without Callie. He couldn't live without Connor.
"That's just because you're sheltered."
Connor laughed. "You've always said that."
"Well, I've always meant it. You just went outside for the first time in a long time."
"Yeah, well, I wasn't allowed. Now that I am allowed, now that I might get better … I might be able to have a life again. Think about it! I can play baseball again and ride my bike again or even just fall down without it being the end of the world! And I know that I'm kind of getting ahead of myself because we don't even know if the chemo worked but I feel better. And, like, that could be the fact that my organs aren't dying but I do. I do feel better."
Jude rested his head against the back of the couch. Connor was cute when he started rambling and Jude just wanted to bask in the fact that he seemed optimistic. He was talking about how he missed riding his bike and how it would be great if they didn't have to take the bus anymore – Wait. They? Jude refocused on Connor's words, realizing his friend was starting to talk about how he and Jude could go to the batting cages (which hopefully wasn't as terrifying as it sounded) or ride bikes. Jude knew he wasn't keeping the horror off his face but Connor was looking down at Jelly as he went on.
He was glad that Adam came home, letting out a call for pizza.
"Can we eat in here?" Connor called back. "Jelly doesn't want to get down."
Adam slid the pizza box onto the coffee table. "Don't touch it until I get plates and napkins."
"Okay."
Adam rubbed the top of Jellybean's head as he walked back out. Connor shifted Jellybean onto his lap so that he was sitting up properly. He poked open the top of the pizza box.
"Your dad said to wait."
"Sometimes you make me think that you are the good kid," Connor snorted.
"What? I might be."
"You have blue hair."
"You don't have hair."
"I do so!" Connor said indignantly. His hair wasn't as much of a sore point anymore now that he was actually growing some back, so Jude didn't feel bad about it as he might once have.
"All right, plates, napkins," Adam said, handing them out. "What are we watching?"
Jude half-glanced at the TV screen. "Oh, um, you can change it. We weren't really paying attention."
"What were you talking about instead?" Adam asked, sitting and taking a slice of pizza.
"Whether or not you'd let Jude stay the night," Connor said, feeding Jelly a piece of pepperoni before he took a bite of anything for himself.
"Does Jude want to stay the night?" Adam asked.
"Yes."
"Do you want Jude to stay the night?"
"Yeah," Connor said.
Adam put his plate down on the coffee table. "Connor, Jude means a lot to both of us but … Are you sure? It's your first night home. He can come back tomorrow, as early as you want. There's no more visiting hours and I'm happy to have him here."
"I can't be alone tonight," Connor confessed quietly, bowing his head so that he was mostly talking into Jellybean's fur.
"What does Lena and Stef think?"
Jude glanced at Connor. "We though we'd ask you first."
"Well, finish your pizza and give them a call."
"They shouldn't have a problem with it. Connor's first night home is a big deal and I … I mean, they know that too."
"Parents sometimes have reasons for things, even if kids don't understand them."
Jude didn't understand why Connor suddenly rolled his eyes.
"We're just doing things for your best interests."
"Dad, it's Jude's kidney. It's not like I needed to be in the hospital –"
"Your heart stopped! I'm not convinced you should be home now!"
Jude thought Connor was going to get even angrier. Instead, he lifted his head.
"Dad, it's beating. I-I got my miracle. No signs of rejection. Dr. Meyer knows this is good. She's optimistic about my check-up and about the cancer. Maybe you were right, last time, but home is where I should be now."
Adam shook his head slightly before looking at Connor.
"I have hair," Connor offered, like it was proof of everything he had just said.
"Just don't scare me again," Adam said, and Jude heard the waver in his voice. It was the same way he felt whenever he thought about that awful night and he was sure that he and Adam understood each other in a way that Connor would never get about either of them.
"I'm not. Dad … It's going to be okay, I think, now. I really think so."
Jude did too, upon hearing Connor say it. Connor had spent so long in the hospital convinced that he was going to die – and subsequently trying to convince Jude of it – that Jude really felt like things would be okay as long as Connor believed it too.
"Prove it," Adam said.
"I will," Connor replied, just as stubbornly.
"Can I use your phone to call Lena?" Jude asked.
"Sure. Do you know where it is?"
"Yeah," Jude replied quickly. He excused himself from Adam and Connor and took the phone in his hand, dialling Lena's number – something that he had been sure to memorize so he wasn't constantly consulting his notebook.
"Hello?"
"Hi, it's Jude. Sorry to bother you."
"Is everything okay? How's Callie?"
"Callie's good. Well, I mean, as good as she can be."
"How's Connor?" Lena asked.
"Well, that's why I'm calling," Jude confessed.
"Is everything okay? He's not back in the hospital, is he?"
"No!" Jude blurted, because that was too scary to think about. "Actually, I was hoping … Connor wants me to spend the night tonight and I want to spend the night too. Do you think that would be okay?"
"Jude, it means you're going to be skipping school tonight. If you stay the night tonight, I'll pick you up at noon tomorrow and it's going to be a full day of studying."
"Deal. Yes. Please?"
"I'll drop a bag off to you tonight. Promise me that you'll behave for Adam."
"I've spent the night here before," Jude said. "I can't have been too bad if he's going to let me stay tonight."
Lena laughed. "Okay, okay. I'll see you in a few hours, all right?"
"Okay. Thank you."
"You're welcome."
Jude hurriedly put the phone down, sliding into the living room and back into his sport next to Connor. "I'm allowed to stay the night!"
Connor grinned wildly. "I knew you would be."
Jude picked up his piece of pizza. "Guess your sob story still works."
"Yeah. If it didn't, all you have to do is remind people that I still have cancer."
"Connor –" Adam groaned and Jude felt that it perfectly captured his own eyeroll.
"Come on. I still do! Ignoring it won't make it go away," Connor said, a teasing note to his voice.
"That's what I said to you when you were first diagnosed."
"And I'm still holding it against you," Connor replied.
Jude glanced at Adam but he took the comment in good humour, half-rolling his eyes.
"Stop feeding the cat."
"She's been lonely," Connor complained. "She deserves a treat."
Adam shook his head but he didn't say anything. They relaxed into the couch, the hours wasting away. Jude passed them the same way he had passed the earlier hours, watching Connor, who kept Jelly in his lap. She barely moved and when she did occasionally jump down, she was right back in her spot, head pushing insistently against his hand until he was right back to petting her. Jude hardly noticed the day turning into night, to the point where Lena's arrival with a small bag of clothes and toiletries for him completely caught him off guard. He had been lost in the trance of the afternoon.
"Hi, Connor! Glad to see you home."
"Hi, Ms. Adams," Connor said. "Thanks for letting Jude stay."
"We're just glad you made it home," Lena replied. "How have you been feeling?"
"We've been really great," Connor replied, helping Jellybean climb up his shoulder to sniff Lena. "I was really going to lose it if I had to stay in the hospital for too much longer. Even being stuck at home is better than being stuck there."
"And it's because of the cat," Adam interrupted.
"And," Connor stressed, "no set visiting hours."
Jude just knew Connor was looking at him now and so he looked back, smiling at Connor as he did. He could see a flicker of hope in Connor's eyes before he averted his gaze back to Lena, leaving Jude feeling like he'd been punched in the stomach. It was his own fault, of course, and he could try to come back from it at any time – and probably the sooner the better, lest Connor lose his feelings for him – but the thought of doing it left him so paralyzed that he couldn't breathe, and he needed to be able to figure out how to breathe before he could speak.
"You can't keep him all the time," Lena said, jokingly. "He's our son, you know."
The warm feeling on Jude's stomach that appeared at her words only grew when Connor laughed and argued, "Because of me! I knew him first! I get dibs, Ms. Adams."
"I'm sure we can work out a custody arrangement if Jude wants," Lena joked.
Jude just nodded. He was sure that she knew what he wanted already when it came to being around Connor. It wasn't as though it was a hard thing to figure out.
"Okay, well, if you guys are all set here, I'll be on my way. Adam, I was planning on picking Jude up around noon tomorrow unless you wanted him out earlier."
"No, noon would be great. We'll be in touch, though."
Lena squeezed Jude's shoulder. "Anything else you need, just call, okay? We'll be right over."
"Thanks. I'll see you tomorrow."
"Be ready," she warned, giving him a knowing look, and Jude just chuckled a little bit.
"Yeah, I promise."
After she left, Adam stood and stretched. "Do you boys need anything?"
"No," Connor said. "Why? Are you going to bed?"
"No, I was just going to go for a little walk, go read the paper. I won't be far and I know you're in good hands."
Jude didn't know why he was considered good hands. He had never been considered good or reliable before, not by anyone until Connor. He knew Connor counted on him. He knew that he wanted to be someone that Connor could count on but he felt the same anxiety that he did when Adam had gone out to get pizza when Adam left for his short walk around the block but Connor was fine. Connor gathered up Jellybean in his arms and laid down on the couch.
"Are you tired?" Jude asked but Connor just shook his head.
"No. I'm just happy. Happy to be out of my hospital room. Happy to be able to move around when I want to and happy I have Jelly back. I missed being here. And I don't feel as scared when I'm here."
"What do you mean?"
"I guess, in the hospital, because everyone's always checking on you and stuff, it just feels like people are waiting for things to go wrong. And I kind of am here and I know you and Dad are really waiting for something to go wrong now, but they let me come home and that's got to mean something good."
"I want to think it does. I think you've had enough bad."
Connor laughed. "I think we've both had more than enough bad. But, I've thought that before –"
"No, it's my job to be a downer," Jude interrupted. "You don't get to do it."
Connor nodded. "Yeah, okay, I guess so. All right. We've had more than enough bad which means that everything that happens to us from now on is good, okay? It's got to be really good."
"Are we going to get everything we want?" Jude asked and he was only slightly sarcastic when he did.
Connor picked his head up to scare at Jude and Jude knew that they were thinking about the same subject, but in a different way. Connor was thinking that Jude didn't want him and Jude was thinking that he wanted to stop being scared. Someday, somehow, soon.
"Even if we don't, it doesn't mean that things can't be good," Connor mused.
"I'm not going to say you're right."
"You never have."
Jude rolled his eyes, nudging Connor's foot with his own.
"Maybe someday."
"Well, maybe now I'll get to live long enough to see it."
"Connor!"
"What?"
"Stop it."
"Can't make me." Connor rolled his eyes and Jude just shook his head. "You're always allowed to laugh."
"I'm never going to find it funny."
"This is why you have to be the downer," Connor said.
"Oh, whatever. Find a movie or something."
"Sure, sure, make the sick kid do it."
Jude grabbed the remote. "Fine, but you have to watch whatever I pick."
"I take it back, give me that!"
Connor sat up, placing Jelly on the arm of the couch so that he could reach for the remote in Jude's hand. Jude leant away from him, careful not to block him or do anything that might hurt him.
"No, no, you're sick. Lay down and I'll do the hard work of changing the channel."
"You're so annoying!"
"So are you!"
Jude turned his head and Connor was right there, his face barely a breath from Jude's. Jude held the remote up between the two of them, blocking the moment in an effort to calm his racing heart. Connor kept giving him chances and Jude kept screwing them up. He had no idea how many more times Connor was going to keep giving him moments when Jude kept turning them down and he knew he shouldn't. He kept telling himself soon and why couldn't soon be right now? But the remote was already in the way and Jude knew right now was over. Connor plucked the remote out of Jude's hand and reclined back into his previous spot, Jellybean yelling loudly before walking down the length of his body.
"Whatever you want to watch, Jelly," Connor told her. "We have the remote."
Jude pulled his knees up toward his chest, not caring about the TV and just staring at Connor. Besides, if Connor wanted to watch a spy movie, Jude wasn't going to complain. Not that he ever would.
It was ten o'clock when Adam said it was time for bed.
"Dad, I'm out of the hospital –"
"For less than twelve hours. We're taking care of you, aren't we, Jude?"
Jude glanced between Connor and Adam before nodding because, this time, he wasn't on Connor's side.
"Dad –"
"Bed. I know you're tired. You can't hide it from me."
"I'm not doing this because you're right. I'm doing this so you won't stand there and keep fighting."
"Whatever gets you to move."
Jude hesitantly followed Connor up the stairs, Jellybean weaving around their feet to beat them to the top of the stairs. Despite Connor's argument with Adam, his feet were dragging as he got himself up the stairs, and Jude readied himself to catch Connor if he faltered. Connor made it to the top and shooed Jellybean into his bedroom. Adam stopped at the top of the stairs, blocking Jude from going any further.
"Don't be afraid if to wake me up at any time if you get worried about anything, Jude. He'll be okay but I know we're both scared."
"Yeah, well, hopefully we'll calm down in the morning."
"We'll get through tonight, Jude," Adam promised, and he seemed so sure that Jude was able to believe him. Maybe, after everything, it was time to try and let go of the bad.
They all got ready for bed separately. When Jude walked into Connor's room, he was already seated in bed, Adam sitting at the end of the bed.
"No need to act tough, okay? If anything feels wrong, you have to let us know. You're not really out of the woods with that kidney yet."
"Technically, I'm not out of the woods with anything," Connor said. "But, I know what you mean, Dad. I just got out of the hospital, I don't want to go back."
"Well, I believe that," Adam said. "I'm happy you're home."
"Me too."
Adam gave Connor's shoulder a rub. "Get a goodnight's sleep, okay? I'll make breakfast in the morning."
"Okay, Dad, night."
On his way out, Jude met Adam's eyes and he gave a slight nod, sure that they were thinking the same thing. Then, he closed the door, leaving it open just enough that Jelly could come and go as she pleased. That done, Jude crawled into the bed next to Connor, taking up his usual place.
"Don't tell Dad," Connor said, "but I'm actually so tired."
"Then go to bed. I won't rat you out."
"I know you won't," Connor said. "I trust you and that's another reason why I'm glad you're here."
"I'm glad I'm here too," Jude said. "I would have been really worried about you tonight if I wasn't here."
"You don't need to worry about me."
"You have given me so many reasons to worry about you," Jude scoffed, stretching out and moving Jelly's tail out of the way.
"Yeah, okay. I guess." Connor blinked, long and slow, just like Jellybean would. "I've gotta go to sleep."
"That's okay. I'll be here in the morning."
"Me too."
Jude had heard that before but Jude held his tongue, knowing that Connor would counter with the fact that he was still here now. Connor pulled the blankets up close to his face and cuddled down. Jude took his eyes off Connor to watch Jellybean, who was holding a vigil above their heads. He reached up and scratched her back and she only spared him a glance before sniffing the top of Connor's head. Jude reached for Connor's hand under the covers. Connor squeezed his hand once before he fell asleep but even though he was asleep, Jude still didn't let go. No matter how many hours went by, Jude still didn't let go. He stirred restlessly every time Connor moved, checking in on him to make sure that Connor was still breathing peacefully. Every time he lifted his head, Jellybean was wide awake and Jude was sure that she would notice if something happened before Jude was aware. The night passed slowly, so slowly. Despite all of the horrible nights that Jude had lived through, this was definitely in the top five worst ones. He was so grateful to see daylight, to know that Connor had been fine through his first night home, that he almost woke Connor to watch the sunrise with him – though he could imagine how well Connor would take that.
He watched the clock more closely as nine o'clock neared, wondering what would be a good time to wake up Connor. He woke up so early when he was in the hospital; he probably wanted to sleep in a little bit. Jude had just decided that nine-thirty was as late as he was going to be able to let Connor sleep when the bedroom door creaked open slightly, and Adam peeked his head around the corner of the door.
"All good?" he whispered.
Jude poked his hand out of the blankets and gave Adam a thumbs up. Adam was visibly relieved.
"I'm going to make breakfast. In the mood for pancakes?"
Jude nodded. "Thanks."
"He'll probably wake up when he smells food."
That was true and Jude grinned. Adam left and Jude listened to his footsteps going down the hall, listening to the sounds of Adam starting to cook in the kitchen. It was when the smell of bacon started wafting up the stairs that Connor started to stir. He stretched out, reaching up to feel that Jellybean was still there. She gave his hand a lick, as though she, like Jude, was still stuck in a state of disbelief.
"How'd you sleep?" Jude asked.
Connor half-opened his eyes and then shut them again, looking confused. "Do I smell bacon?"
"Yeah, your dad's making breakfast."
Connor groaned. "I don't like this."
"What, food? Because I'm pretty sure –"
"No," Connor said, sliding Jellybean down the pillow and into his arms so that he could hide in her fur. "When I got sick on Christmas and had to go into the hospital, Dad was making breakfast too. Bacon and pancakes and scrambled eggs. It makes me kind of paranoid that the house smells the same."
"You're not sick anymore, Connor."
"I could be," Connor whispered. "The kidney worked but the chemo might not have – we still don't know. I could start bleeding and bruising and dying again, Jude."
"Let's go downstairs," Jude said. "So, we can prove to you that nothing's going to go wrong today. Everything's going to be okay."
Connor shook his head. "I'm too scared to find out you're wrong."
"I'm not." Jude took Connor's hand in his. "I promise. It's okay."
Connor squeezed Jude's hand. "Just another minute, Jude."
"Sure," Jude agreed.
He'd wait forever for Connor.
If you have a song that reminds you of The Island Of Misfit Toys and would like it to be on the playlist, send it in and let me know! I'd love to hear your playlist suggestions. This week's songs are: Disaster Hearts by I Fight Dragons; and Timebomb by Delta Spirit.
So, on tumblr I'm: we are all of legend now (with dashes between every word). If you want to find my replies to anon reviews, add backslash tagged backslash anon dash replies. If you want to see anything I post about The Island Of Misfit Toys, go to my tumblr URL and add backslash tagged backslash the dash island dash of dash misfit dash toys. Punctuation is spelled out due to Fanfiction's restrictions. If you're having any trouble accessing the tumblr content please send me a pm and I can format it for you in a different way.
~TLL~