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It's Friday, so it's time for your regular weekly update! My next two goals are: 130 reviews and 40 favorites.
It's kind of hard to believe that this is chapter twenty… I feel like I just started it yesterday. I've been a writing machine this last little bit because the idea has been so fresh in my mind, and I guess it's paying off. It's exciting, but also kind of sad, for reasons that I couldn't explain if I wanted to.
Thank you all so very much for reading, reviewing, favoriting, and following. I really appreciate all of the support that I've gotten for this story. I didn't expect it to even get as many visitors as it's gotten, much less as many follows and reviews. It really means a lot to me.
Happy Reading!
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Chapter Twenty: A New Normal
Steve
Still breathing hard, Allie got out of bed and headed for the dresser, holding the comforter around her.
"I've seen you naked, you know," I teased her.
She tossed a smile over her shoulder. "The blanket isn't because I don't want you to see me naked. The blanket is because I'm cold. How are you not cold?"
"I'm always warm," I said proudly and climbed out of bed. "I guess I'll just wear my clothes from last night. We'll run by my house and I'll stop in on the way back so that I can pack a bag."
She pulled on some underwear and a sports bra. "You're inviting yourself to stay for the weekend, now?"
"Please?" I asked her and pulled on my own underwear that was still lying on the bathroom floor. "You know, I probably should have washed these clothes. I hate wearing dirty clothes."
"You could run to your house naked," she suggested with a teasing grin. "I usually don't run into people while I'm out on my morning run."
When I came back out into her bedroom, I saw that she was already dressed in black shorts and a red tank, her hair pulled up into a ponytail, ready for her run. I pulled on my T-shirt and shook my head. "I don't think so. I don't need one of the neighbors calling the police."
"You are the police."
"It would still be embarrassing. Besides…" I stepped closer to her and gave her a deep kiss, pulling her up against my body. "You are the only one that gets to see me naked."
"Good to know," she said and pressed herself against me even tighter, winding her arms around my neck. Having her this close felt so right, and I relished in every second of it. "I guess I can return the sentiment." She pressed her mouth to mine before I could reply and I kissed her back eagerly, ready to throw her back down onto the bed and spend the entire morning there.
Before I could, something pressed against my leg and I looked down to see Gideon wedging himself between us, seeming sore put out that he had been left out of the festivities.
Just as I was about to tell him to go away, Allie laughed and kneeled down to pet him. "I'm sorry, buddy. I'm all ready. Let's go for your run." She stood and looked at me, her eyes going down to my boxers. "You gonna put on some pants?"
"I'll meet you down there," I told her, and my tone must have told her exactly how I felt about being interrupted, because she laughed and left the room.
I pulled on my pants and shoes, swished some mouthwash around, and then jogged down the stairs to find her and Gideon waiting for me. We took off at a light jog at first, and went like that for a few minutes before she slowly began to pick up the pace.
I matched her step for step, and I was impressed that Gideon also kept her pace. He never ran out ahead, but stayed right at her side, no matter how often she changed paces. Once the run was over, we began to walk to cool down and I praised her training of Gideon.
"He already knew to do that from his CIA days," she said and reached down to pat him on the head. "He just… needed a stronger hand than what they were willing to give him. They wanted dogs that would obey without a lot of effort. But Gideon needed someone to trust before he could be fully obedient. Once he trusted me, his trainer said that he was amazed at how quickly he picked up new things."
"Was he already named Gideon, or was that something you chose?"
"I picked Gideon," she told me. "His name before was Max, and that was just too… stereotypical for me. I actually consulted a baby name book and decided on Gideon because it means 'mighty warrior'."
"Well, he is that," I said, remembering how he had attacked the rapist and wrestled a gun out of his hands. "I'm glad you two have had each other."
"Me too," she admitted and laughed when Gideon barked at a bird that landed nearby. "I went through some pretty dark times throughout my stint with the agency, and Gideon got me through it. I'm not really sure where I'd be without him."
"Kol said you weren't an assassin."
She seemed surprised that her brother had confessed that to me, but she didn't seem angry. "No, I wasn't. I can fight pretty well, but… I don't like guns. Or weapons, really. The CIA recruited me for my language skills and because of my… other talents. I specialized in espionage – getting data off of computers, lifting flash drives right out of peoples' pockets… that kind of thing. What about you? What was your special SEAL skill?"
We had reached my house and I waved for her to follow me. "I was pretty good with languages and I trained as a sniper. I'm not the best, but I'm pretty good."
Outside of my back door, she told Gideon to lie down and he did so, staring at us as we headed inside. "I'll get him a bowl of water," I told her as I headed for the kitchen. "Do you want a bottle?"
"Sure."
I tossed her one and then filled a bowl for Gideon, sliding it outside before I returned to grab some water for myself. "I'm just going to pack a quick bag for today and tomorrow. Shouldn't take long. Come on; I'll give you a quick tour."
There wasn't a lot about the house to show her, but it felt surprisingly intimate to show her where I had lived growing up. And especially so when I showed her the garage and the car that my father had loved so much.
"Do you still work on it?" she asked me as she ran her hand along the side of it.
"Try to." I gave a self-deprecating laugh. "I'm not as good at it as he was. But it still runs, so that's something."
"Max would love this," she said and I gave her a questioning look. "Not the ME Max," she explained. "I mean my brother. He studied mechanical engineering and he's always taking things apart and putting them back together again. He's actually come up with some pretty clever stuff over the years."
"I would have thought this would be more Kol's style," I told her, remembering how well he had handled himself in a car.
"He does love cars," she said. "But he doesn't like to work on them."
"What about you?"
She shrugged. "I can handle myself in a car, but I'm no Kol. Or Max."
"That's because you're one of a kind." I moved closer and inhaled her scent, something deliciously feminine from her body wash. "I hope you know how absolutely crazy I am about you."
She let me lift her up onto the hood of the car and wrapped her arms around my neck, a small smile on her face. "You proved that last night."
"Good. That was my objective."
"Well, it was a well-executed op."
I laughed and leaned in, only a breath away from her. "I'm nothing if not determined."
"I think you're good at a lot of things." Her voice was low and sultry as she leaned forward and kissed me, slow and sweet. I responded in kind, leaning down to trap her between me and the car. I could have kissed her every second for the rest of my life.
She was already breathless when I lifted her shirt and nipped at the soft skin of her flat stomach. So was I, but I had no intention of stopping. Her body held countless secrets and I wanted to peel them all away, layer by layer, until I knew everything. It would take years – a lifetime, even – and I was willing to take that time.
I moved my mouth up to her chest as I ripped her tank and bra over her head, and when she laughed, I looked up, affronted. "Just so you know, it actually makes men very self-conscious when a woman laughs while they're trying to give pleasure."
"I was just thinking that I'm sure you had a fantasy like this at some point during your teen years."
"Well… yeah," I admitted. "And now it's finally being fulfilled. Are you done laughing, now? I'd like to get back to the matter at hand."
"Focused and determined," she teased me. "SEAL to the core."
"You're not done making fun of me, are you?"
She laughed. "Guess you'll just have to shut me up."
Very, very slowly, I moved one of my hands up so that it rested lightly at her throat. I was cautious, as I knew that it was a bold move and some women might be into it, but that didn't mean that Allie would be. I'd actually never done anything like it before, so I didn't know how it would go.
She responded by tilting her head back, eyes closed in pleasure. When I tightened my grip only slightly, she moaned and a smile full of pleasure pulled her lips up. She was definitely one of the women that was into it, and it turned me on even more.
I explored her exposed skin and assisted her in the removal of my own shirt. Her hands ran all over my torso, but when she tried to sit up, I tightened my grip on her throat a little more and pushed her back down. Her loud moan sent an electric current racing up my spine and I eagerly pulled down her shorts, the underwear coming with it. At some point, she had kicked off her running shoes and was left in only her socks.
"You're overdressed," she informed me, and I smiled as I moved my hand away from her throat to remove my shoes, pants, and underwear. When I was through, she slid to the edge of the hood with a grin. "That's better."
"I'll say," I agreed and moved into her open arms, kissing her hard as I allowed my hands to run slowly up her legs, teasing. She used her hands to tease me as well, until neither of us could take it anymore and I took her there, on the hood of my father's prized car.
It definitely wasn't as smooth as I had thought it would be and we had to adjust positions a few times, but it ended up being so, so worth it, which I told her when it was all over and we were laying together on the hood, catching our breath.
She laughed and turned carefully onto her side to snuggle into my side. "I'm glad that your fantasy panned out. So, tell me… who did you have this fantasy about when you came up with it?"
I laughed and shook my head. "Honestly, I can't remember. I never would have been able to pull it off, anyway. My father kept this car locked up tight and he would have killed me if he ever caught me doing something like that."
We stayed there for a little bit longer, talking and sharing kisses while we recovered. Once we felt okay to move, we got off of the car and pulled our clothes on before heading back into the house. There, I packed a bag while she raided my cabinets for something to eat for breakfast.
"Good to go," I told her once I had my bag all packed. "Did you find anything in the cabinets?"
"Nothing I wanted," she said.
"Well, good thing that I already took a quick shower so that while you shower, I can cook you some breakfast. I assume you have eggs? It's really all I can cook."
She laughed and opened the door to walk outside. "I do have eggs. The question is: do you know how I like my eggs?"
I put my arm around her waist as we walked away, Gideon trotting up beside us. "Hmm… over easy?"
"Wow." She laughed. "Good guess, Commander."
"Well, it's actually just how I like my eggs," I admitted. "You have good taste."
She laughed and nudged me playfully, and we chased each other down the beach and back to her house, where we spent most of the day in bed.
Allie
My life had changed so suddenly after that first night we'd spent together, and I loved every second of it. That first weekend had been amazing, and we'd spent most of it in bed, learning all about each other. He was like nothing I'd ever experienced before, and he claimed that it was the same for him. I believed him, because he could never seem to get enough of me when we were together.
I had never wanted him to leave, but I'd had to drive him to get his truck that Sunday evening and he'd said that he needed to take care of a few things before work the next day, so he'd spent the evening back at his house. And even though he had only shared my bed for two nights (not counting the very first night, when we had just kissed), I had found that I had a hard time falling asleep without him beside me.
"It's crazy," I'd told Gideon as I tossed and turned. "We haven't even been together for that long. Don't you think that all of this is crazy?"
He didn't respond – both because he was a dog and because he was likely already asleep. And likely enjoying the alone time that he'd finally gotten with me after I'd returned without Steve. He liked Steve, but he also liked his alone time with me. And I didn't want him thinking that I was abandoning him for Steve. He was still an important part of my life.
Before long, Steve and I had fallen into a pattern. We went to work at separate times, so as not to appear suspicious. He'd brought over his own shampoo and body wash so that he could shower and not smell like me – or, sometimes, he would just go home to shower and change before work.
At work, we addressed each other as if we were addressing any other team member. We were polite and cordial, but kept a respectful distance from each other so that we wouldn't be tempted to touch (and that happened more than we cared to admit). If we had something that we wanted to say to each other that was about our relationship, we would text it. We rarely went and had lunch together, and we never rode in the same car if someone else was going to be there. We were very, very careful.
And after work, we would go to our separate homes for just a while before Steve would walk down the beach and to my house. Then, the evening was ours. Sometimes, we would go for a late night walk on the beach and talk about anything and everything. Sometimes, we would sit and cuddle on the couch and watch movies. Sometimes, we took Gideon to the nearby dog park and let him play with other dogs. And then there were some times – my favorite times – that we rarely left the bed.
It wasn't just about sex – though that was certainly a wonderful part of our relationship – but also about just the closeness that we experienced when we were so wrapped up in each other. In those moments, there were no barriers. We weren't a former CIA operative and a former Navy SEAL. We were just two people in love – a man and a woman that had chosen to love each other and be together. Those moments were more than perfect, and sometimes I had a terrible and overwhelming fear that it would end too soon.
We were both in a dangerous line of work. We got shot at no less than two or three times a week. We were the kind of people that liked to take risks, even in those kinds of situations, because that's how we had been trained. We lived a dangerous life, and we also lived in the kind of world where anything could happen. But when I got too afraid and the fear became too overwhelming, I would remember the sunset and watch it until I felt like everything was going to be okay, no matter what happened.
One night, a couple of months into our relationship, I awoke from a nightmare with a scream bubbling in my throat. Gideon responded by waking up instantly and growling, unsure of what the threat was, but knowing that there had to be a threat. Steve was up only a moment later, sitting up and reaching out for me. "Allie? What's going on?" He was wide awake and alert, ready for anything.
"I need a second," I told him and rushed into the bathroom, closing and locking the door behind me, my breaths coming out in gasps.
Seconds later, he was knocking. "Allie? Are you okay?"
"I'm fine," I said, but I didn't even sound convincing to myself. I turned the water on and began to splash it on my face, hoping that would help.
It didn't.
"Allie." He knocked again, the worry evident in his voice. "Let me in." The doorknob jiggled a bit. "Allie."
"I need… a second." Turning to face the door, I braced my back against the counter and bent my knees, sliding until I was sitting on the tile floor, knees drawn to my chest.
"Allie, please," Steve begged. "What's going on? Are you sick?"
"Just give me a second!" I yelled and then choked back a sob. "Please, Steve, I just need a minute. I'll be out in a bit."
I heard the reluctance in his voice when he said, "Okay." Seconds later, I saw the light turn on in the bedroom and I knew that he would be sitting up, waiting for me. No chance that he would let this go.
So, I finally stood once I had myself under control, and I walked back out into the bedroom. He was sitting on the edge of the bed facing me, waiting. Once he saw me, he stood. "Allie…"
"Lay down," I told him softly and went to turn the light off. Gideon whined as he approached me, but I simply gave him a few rubs and told him to go back to bed. He did so immediately, but Steve owed me no such blind obedience and still stood where I'd left him.
I flipped off the light and then crawled into bed, pulling the covers up around me. Moments later, Steve did the same, pulling me into his arms. "What happened?"
"Just a nightmare." I held on to the hope that he would let me leave it at that.
He didn't. "About what?"
"You. You were chasing after a criminal and he had a gun, but you didn't see it. I tried to call out and warn you, but you couldn't hear me. It was like I wasn't even there. And then the criminal stopped, turned around, and shot you. And you bled out there right in front of me before the medics could arrive." If I hadn't done such a good job calming myself in the bathroom, I knew that I would have already lost it all over again.
He pulled me closer and kissed the top of my head. "That's not going to happen."
"You don't know that," I told him, voice tight.
"No," he admitted. "I don't. But I'm always careful. And I'm always going to do everything that I can to come home to you, okay?"
I nodded, even though his words only made me feel a little bit better. "Okay."
"Get some sleep," he implored me and, as I turned to shift into a more comfortable position, he leaned down to whisper into my ear, "I love you."
"I love you, too," I whispered back.
But that makes it even worse.
