Siris PoV in dependency to chapter 4

Siri ran out of the Room of the Thousand Fountains and choose the way to her room. She didn't stop, even if someone called after her. She needed to be alone. Nobody should see her like this. Nobody should see her cry. It was enough that Obi-Wan saw her tears and he should be the only one, who saw it.

The other students knew her as a tough young girl. A person, who never cried and who fought in a saber class for two years older students. Everyone respected her only for her cold nature and her emotionless behavior.

That was her image for the last years. Now she discovered that she was able to feel something and that it was the best feeling she ever had. And she shared her feelings with Obi-Wan. The person, she loved.

She didn't knew how long she loved him but she did and he loved her as well. Nothing could be better in her life.

But her love told her some minutes before that they should ignore their feelings for each other.

Siri ignored the confused gazes of the other padawans, when she opened her door impatiently and entered her room. When the door closed behind her, she threw herself on her bed and pressed the pillow against her face. The tears came out without hesitation and she cried her soul out of her body. The pillow dampened her noises. Siri was grateful for that because she didn't want to disturb her Master.

Adi didn't know something about her feeling. Only Qui-Gon knew and she was sure that the Jedi-Master wouldn't talk to her Master without her agreement. He respected her and Siri was aware of that. Usually, she liked Qui-Gon quite well but at that moment, she hated him very much. Qui-Gon was the person, who persuaded his Padawan to regret his feelings.

She saw the pain in Obi-Wans eyes when he spoke to her. She realized how much it tortured him to tell her. It wasn't his own decision but he wasn't strong enough to decide without his Masters advice. But not only Qui-Gon, also Master Yoda spoke to Obi-Wan and explained him the consequences of their feelings.

Suddenly, Siri felt much compassion for Obi-Wan because she let him alone with his Master and Master Yoda. She should have been with him and support him against the Masters but now she wasn't sure if should would have been able to fight against the arguments of the Masters. Siri threatened Obi-Wan for a long time when he left the Jedi and some days before, she thought about it by herself. But did she really thought about it. Maybe, she was convinced that there would be another way or that the Council would change the rules for them. How foolish she was! The Jedi-Council would never change their rules for a simple pair with feelings for each other. They had their reasons for this rule and t forbid love. Siri learned it from the beginning of her life in the Jedi-Temple but she never imagined that she would think about it in that case. In the case of love. And she loved Obi-Wan. She also knew that she would love him for a long time but she also knew that it was not right.

She needed to accept the decision of Master Yoda because she loved the Jedi and she loved her life. She could imagine that she could live with Obi-Wan alone but not for a long time. They both would regret it after some years or already after some months.

She would love to talk with someone about her feelings. But there weren't someone she could talk to.

Her Master Adi Gallia would never understand her feelings as well as Qui-Gon. Qui-Gon already persuaded Obi-Wan and she knew that he would do the same with her.

Now, her thoughts turned to Obi-Wan. She turned her body around and faced the ceiling thoughtfully. What was Obi-Wan doing now? Did he cried as well or was he with his Master? Obi-Wan never was a boy who regretted his feelings. He was similar to her because he always tried to hide his feelings but if he couldn't hide them, he accepted them and was able to talk about it. He already talked about it with her, when Qui-Gon was catched by a bounty hunter. So she could imagine that he was sad as well. Maybe he talked about it with his Master and no matter how much she would like it to do the same, she couldn't do it.

The pain in her heart was to intensive and she needed a decision to avoid this pain. She needed to return to her old behavior. For that she needed to keep distance to Obi-Wan.

She closed her eyes and wiped the pain away. The imagination of herself, never talking to Obi-Wan again and never enjoy his presence anymore. But for her it was the best decisionand she was convinced that it was also the best decision for him. Distance was important to ignore their feelings and they couldn't ignore them if the other would be around. She would return to her old friends and live her life without thinking about him.

Suddenly, somebody knocked on the door. She stood up and opened it, surprised to see her Master in front of her.

" Master?" she asked. " Did something happen?"

Adi Gallia entered her room. " Qui-Gon came to me and told me that you had a little discussion with Obi-Wan about something. He didn't wanted to interfere but he was worried about his student. Obi-Wan seems to be very sad about the end of your discussion and he asked me to ask you if you ever be able to forgive him?"

Siri was shocked. Adi never was a person to talk about feelings and she could feel that Adi wasn't happy about that situation but she liked Obi-Wan and she would do anything for him. Even if she must ask her own student about her feelings. At the same time she felt the love in her heart when she realized that Obi-Wan was sad as well and regretted the course of their discussion. He cared for her and didn't wanted her to ignore him. Siri was flattered but when she felt the pain rising in her chest, she lifted her head and faced her Master.

" Please tell him that I need some time to think about it. Maybe I'm able to talk to him in some months but I can't now!"

She hoped that Adi wouldn't ask here what happened and she was grateful when Adi just nodded and left the room. Siri sighed and sat down on her bed.

She realized that she could not ignore him over some years but she needed time. Maybe if he gave her this time, she would continue talking to him. But Siri wasn't able to see the future.