Chapter Nine:

I hadn't actually thought about what to expect after being bonded to by a vampire. I supposed it just meant that we were dating, in the human sense of things. Which I guess meant that we were together, and we slept together… But other than that, I had no idea what else was supposed to change. I had feelings for Ayato—at least that much I was certain about. But did that mean that I was in love with him? I cared deeply for him, but I didn't know what it felt like to be in love with someone, so how was I supposed to know? On the other hand, now that he was bonded, did that mean that he was in love with me? I assumed the answer to that was no, because of the explanations I'd already gotten from Reiji about the whole process. So… pretty much, Ayato just had a strong desire to have children with me, and he was connected to me in ways that I couldn't even fathom. Some of which included mental and emotional connection that I hadn't been ready for.

After he bonded, he'd gotten me food and taken care of me, and every single one of my desires, without me having to say a single word, he knew them all. And he made me happy with a smile on his face. I almost felt bad… as if he was being forced to do things that he wouldn't normally do. So, I wasn't sure how to take all of this.

It was back to school the following Monday, and I knew that things were different now. The first clue was that I hadn't seen much of the other brothers since I slept with Ayato. I wasn't sure if I was being avoided or… if it was something else. But I didn't like it. Something inside me was changing. Ever since my fangs came in, for some reason, the brothers had become more desirable to me. Almost as if my body now recognized that I wanted to be with a vampire instead of a human… Like my body realized that I should be with my own kind. It was only weird because I felt like a vampire now, but I didn't feel like I wasn't human at the same time. It was… weird.

Ereka was the same as always—eager to try and get Ayato's attention. And even though we were bonded now, he still acted the same around her. There were no boyfriend comments or set boundaries for our relationship. It was... nothing.

But it wasn't like I could just tell her that we were going out now. First of all, because I wasn't sure if that's what I should be calling this. And another reason was because everyone here was human, and I was starting to feel like a vampire. I was thinking about taboo things, like Subaru and Shuu… If I told Ereka that Ayato and I were going out, and then I bonded to Subaru, or any more of the brothers, then that was taboo here. And I didn't want to start gathering labels for myself. Even because Haru was still watching me sometimes. I didn't want anyone to know about this, really. But at the same time, I didn't appreciate the manicured hand that was now on Ayato's upper arm, bare and in the water. I walked over and prepared to get into the pool with everyone.

"Don't be like that," Ayato said when I slid into the water in the shallow end. He waded over to me and leaned down to put his face less than a few inches from mine and I flushed, freezing up. He smirked for a split second before his tongue darted out of his mouth and he licked from my chin to halfway up my nose. I yelped and jumped backwards, falling into the water and swallowing a mouthful before standing up and coughing. He was snickering to himself and I realized that we were being watched, and a few of the human girls looked shocked. I pursed my lips and looked down, embarrassed and ma—

"—You're mad..."

"You're so observant," I grunted, crossing my arms. My face was probably bright red by now.

He lifted one eyebrow. "Come on. You really need to learn how to swim. It's important for your safety."

I shook my head at him in shock. "What? You think I haven't been taking this seriously? I know that I can't swim, Ayato. And I would really like to know how."

"It shouldn't have taken you this long..."

"Well maybe if my teacher wasn't flirting with the other girls in the pool..." I muttered.

"Girls?" he frowned.

"Yea, girls." I looked away from him.

"You really don't have to be like that," he smirked. "It's true they're females, but they're a different species," he laughed. "They're not mates, Pancake. They're prey. And it's all part of the game."

"Well, you can't go around school eating people, so stop."

"Stop what? Playing with my food or talking to human females? Hmm?"

I closed my eyes, and when I opened them, I looked at him. "Are you enjoying this?"

"Clearly, you're not."

"Clearly."

"Yui!" a female voice called from behind me. I took a quick breath and turned to find Sona. I heard Ayato grunt and a few splashes made me think he was swimming away or something. I mentally frowned but kept my composure as Sona caught up to me. "I thought I was going to miss you before class ended," she smiled. "You seem awfully friendly with Ayato this morning."

I couldn't help a faint blush, but I just shook my head. "Still just friends, Sona," I forced a small smile.

For a split second, Sona froze n panic, and I blinked a few times at her, confused. But as quickly as it came, it faded, and she was back to normal. It must have just been my imagination... "I'm just saying it looks different from an outside perspective… I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought it up again." She immediately looked down.

"It's fine, really. He's more like a brother to me." Saying those kinds of things after he'd bonded to me felt so weird. I knew that we were more than friends, and I was pretty sure that I loved him… And yet I just said that he was like my brother. It almost made me sick, like even being close to Ayato was taboo at this point. For a split second, I felt a dying urge to run away from all this. I panicked for a split second before I came back down from my high. Sona didn't seem to notice anything different. She wore her same shy smile.

"Are you all right?"

Ayato wasn't beside me, but he was a few yards away, floating in the deep end, watching me. I looked over and just nodded once as he narrowed his eyes in suspicion. I knew he could feel what I felt, too. I felt like I couldn't even be myself anymore. If I was nervous or upset or afraid, I didn't want him to know all the time. For starters, it could get annoying. But I knew the real reason was that I didn't want him to realize just how weak I was. I put up a good front, but inside… I still felt human—emotionally, at the very least. And Ayato didn't want a human. He would have never been with me if I hadn't become a vampire. And with him feeling all of my human emotions… he was going to realize how human I still was, even after the transition. And it scared me that he would start to hate me for it. What if he thought I tricked him…? I wouldn't be able to deal with it if he, or any of the brothers hated me… I didn't want them to hate me…

"Oi…"

A hand was on my shoulder in another second, and Sona was looking up at Ayato, behind me, with wide eyes again. I didn't want to look at him. I knew that he was responding to what I was feeling, and he probably didn't want to. How long until he realized that I wasn't what he thought I was? How long until he hated me?

"Yui…" He pushed on my shoulders, turning me to face him. I was numbly aware that Sona was still watching us. So were many others. Ayato closed his eyes and leaned his head forward, gently placing his forehead to mine and breathing slowly. "What has you so afraid? Tell me." I couldn't answer him, and I pursed my lips. "You don't have to be afraid when I'm here."

"And what about when you're not?" I whispered, and then instantly regretting it. I didn't mean to let it slip out. But the silence lasted too long and I looked up at him. His eyes were still closed, but he finally spoke.

"If you never want me to leave, then I won't."

I wanted to continue this. I so badly wanted to tell him what I was afraid of and that I loved him and… But I couldn't think straight. We couldn't have a moment like this in school, not in front of all these people. I couldn't… my mind just wouldn't let me. I could feel every gaze on me, heating me up in ways I didn't appreciate.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, pushing him back. "I need to try and focus on controlling how I feel so I don't bother you anymore."

"W… What?" He looked baffled as I pushed until he took a step back. "Why would you…? That's…" And then he looked at me angrily and snarled under his breath. "If you didn't want this, you shouldn't have asked me to bond."

And my hopes of hiding things shattered. I felt his words like an arrow through my chest, and as it hit me, I could have swore I saw him wince.

"There," he spat under his breath. "Now we'll both suffer."

He immediately jumped over the edge of the pool with grace and grabbed a dark blue towel hanging off a handrail along the wall. He didn't even look back. He was the only person in the room who wasn't staring at me.

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I regretted a lot. I felt regret like it was going to last forever and I was just going to have to bear with it until the day I died. But… thankfully, I didn't regret last night. I regretted saying what I said to Ayato. I regretted the way I acted in front of everyone during first period—who now have probably told the rest of the school. And now, I was regretting the feelings that I knew I was developing for some of the other brothers.

A part of me felt like I had to be sick, or that I needed therapy or something. After, all, that was a little twisted, right? To not only want more than one man, but to want them all at the same time and want them all to be okay with it. That was how you hurt people. That wasn't a way to live your life… But those were all rules for humans and… it felt right. I was confused, and Ayato was pissed. All day, even when I felt pain and sadness and regret, he never came to me. Even when he felt my emotional distress, he hadn't come to me since first period, and I felt alone, now, too.

But I knew that Subaru was willing to talk to me about this before, and I would see him sooner or later, considering that the day was almost over. I figured I'd just wait until I was alone in my room to call for him, but on the other hand, I had a feeling that calling for him at school was less likely to draw the attention of the other brothers. And my own sense of dread and desperation were my downfall. Right before lunch, standing outside the cafeteria, I buried my head in my hands before whispering, hoping that none of the others would hear me.

"Subaru…?"

"What's wrong?"

I jumped, lifting my head up and staring wide-eyed at him for a moment. That was too fast. He looked worried, too… I kinda felt bad about calling him like this. From his point of view, it must have seemed a lot worse than what I was making it out to be… I suddenly felt like a stupid child. I stared at the ground in embarrassment.

"Yui?" He paused, and I knew he was looking me up and down, but I heard him inhale a few times and then stop breathing altogether. I looked up then. "You… Ayato's scent is all over you..." I watched him turn a little red and look away. At first, I didn't realize what he meant, and then I looked away, too.

"I… I thought you all knew already..." Well, this was awkward…

"No, I… I went out last night..."

"Oh..."

The silence was getting worse, and I had to do something about it, but I had no idea what could make this better. Fortunately, he broke the silence instead of just walking away, which would have been ten times easier for both of us.

"What did you call me for? Where's Ayato?"

"He's… uhm… mad at me."

"Already?" Subaru smirked, and I didn't know how, but I seemed to have made a joke that lightened the mood a bit without even realizing it. But the silence was creeping back in, so I quickly tried to answer his question.

"I wanted to talk to you about…" I trailed off. "… about something." He lifted an eyebrow and I really had no choice at this point. "Can you help me understand… uhm… Well… this is hard for me to explain…" He waited patiently, but I was flustered. "I just… don't know why vampires think it's okay to mate with more than one person."

"It's not okay," he answered quickly, seriously. "No one is allowed to, even if we wanted to. Our bodies would reject it. That's normal. Humans are disgusting because their bodies don't stop them when they… what's that word? Cheat? Humans can do as they please, and many of them even believe it's okay. Our kind is more civilized, in that sense. We can only have one mate."

He was describing the males… He wasn't understanding my question… Although, I wasn't wording it properly to save myself from some embarrassment… But it would be easier to just be truthful.

"But Ayato wouldn't have a problem if I… if… if we…?"

His face flashed with understanding and I dropped my gaze to the ground. I felt like such a bad person for asking, even thought it was normal, apparently. Subaru took a small step forward, making me jump. I watched his hand as he raised it and gently placed the back of it on my cheek, tilting his head to look at me. I couldn't help but blush.

"What are you asking me, Yui?" he whispered. His eyes were lidded and his voice was pure and gentle. And I remembered why I'd been drawn to him from the very beginning—it was that gentleness. He was so rough and violent, from the first time I saw him, and how he acted with everyone around him. He was hostile and uptight and angry all the time… except when he was with me… He treated me with such kindness, even in the beginning. He offered me an escape—a way out—when I first came to the mansion. He gave me his knife, knowing that I could have killed him with it, just so I would have protection if one of his brothers, or even if he tried to hurt me.

He was the only brother who showed me true kindness, even when I wasn't a vampire. And for that, I couldn't help but love him even more now. He was the one who cared about me when I was still human...

But now I was faced with a very difficult choice. If it was easy, I would have told him right then and there to bond to me, but it wasn't as simple as that. It was still sex—which I couldn't just throw around like it meant nothing to me. In fact, it meant everything to me. I slept with Ayato because I loved him. But there was a part of me that knew that I was coerced into it a little from the fact that he said he was in pain from the symptoms of half-bonding. I didn't regret it, but that was just another thought plaguing my brain recently.

But Subaru… With him, it was different. And it was a lot stronger than before when he came to my bedroom. Back then, I was unsure and scared, but now… Stronger than my physical attraction to Ayato, I was getting that same butterfly sensation just by looking into his eyes. I didn't have to feel something between my legs to go numb and weak and wanting. And maybe it was because he treated me so gently compared to everything else… but I wanted… I wanted to be rough with him. I wanted to push him to be a little rough with me. Just that thought alone made me wet and I shivered once before composing myself. And a part of me knew I would have never thought these things if I was still human. This desire was animalistic… in the sense of how I always viewed the brothers. I always thought that vampires were like this in nature… like me now. This sense of pure wanting. Biting. Dominating. Preying. It was twisted, but it felt… amazing.

Subaru was catching on, but slowly. Ayato had been much faster, probably because I'd taken his blood previously. But I couldn't take it anymore, and I'd already made up my mind.

"Will you meet me in my room tonight… after school… but wait a few hours, okay?" I whispered, unable to hide the desire in my tone.

His response was the baring of his fangs. It wasn't threatening at all, but almost erotic. I didn't know how I figured that, but the way he looked at me and showed his sharp teeth seemed private to me, like he wouldn't do it to anyone else. And before he closed his lips, his tongue swiped over his bottom lip and he shut his mouth as he slowly drew his tongue back. How strange that something so odd could make me have butterflies in my lower stomach. I wanted him now, but it wasn't the right time. And he stood there as if he was waiting for me to change my mind. And it was driving me crazy, probably because he knew that if he stood there long enough, he would make me.

"Subaru…" I breathed.

"Yes?" he breathed back.

"I'm still… going to want to talk about this."

"We'll talk after," he ordered, and for once I was glad he was being forceful with me. It made the butterflies flap their wings harder and faster, and I really needed to get away from him now. So, I just nodded and walked right past him, heading for no place in particular, impatiently waiting to see him again.