Chapter 4 – Tuvok's death
Note to the Reader.
This year marks the 50th anniversary of Voyager's return home. This auspicious date also coincides with the release of the personal logs of Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay.
It is well known that the Starfleet ruling to keep those logs confidential for so long has caused considerable frustration among Federation scholars and the families of Voyager's crew over the years. Without access to these crucial primary sources of information, many of the former command team's decisions were left wide open to criticisms, including, sadly to say, from Starfleet admiralty itself.
One such decision which remains one of the most important events in Voyager's history was the simultaneous retirement of both the captain and her second-in-command in the early months of 2397. Only a thorough study of their personal logs, carefully correlated with other knowledge sources such as the Doctor's records, could reveal the critical influence Commander Tuvok's death had on the command team's decision to finally relinquish their joint responsibilities after twenty-seven years at Voyager's helm.
As with similar publications by the Voyager Foundation (see previous chapters), the excerpt below is a dramatized interpretation of the study's findings. Scholars are invited to download the complete annotated analysis (#2397-4) from the Foundation Open Library.
Captain (Rtd) Elizabeth Janeway
Dr Kolopak Jnr Janeway-Paris
Patrons of the Voyager Foundation (est. 2440) – 50th Anniversary Project
August 2487, Indiana.
"Tuvok? I've brought you a present," she said, entering the over lit room after the door chime was answered.
The EMH had found the Captain in sick bay one late evening waiting for him. She had waived his offer of medical help away.
"Tell me about Tuvok's condition, Doctor. I read your report but I would prefer if you could tell me," she had asked instead.
The floor was half obscured by sheets of paper blackened by small handwriting. Equations and drawings punctuated the cursive text, a confusing combination of Standard and Vulcan scripts with a smattering of mathematical symbols from languages picked up in the Delta Quadrant. With practised ease, she walked carefully through the chaos, avoiding knocking down the candles scattered unhazardously across the carpet.
The Doctor had gone straight to the point. He knew Janeway was not going to accept anything less than the raw truth.
"Captain. I'll spare you the biochemistry. The readings show his physical condition has been deteriorating rapidly since my last examination only a month ago. His eyesight and fine motor skills are declining. He weight has dropped. He has problems sleeping. However, I am more concerned that as his physical condition worsens, it will have a deleterious impact on his mental state."
She suddenly felt herself pushed hard against a wall, a hot breath and hard words dripping on her right cheek.
"Tuvok. What's wrong?"
"Explain."
"What mental faculties Commander Tuvok has retained since his initial diagnosis have been pretty much stable for the past twenty years, as you know. While he cannot operate as a bridge officer, he has for the most part acted in a remarkably rational manner within the world he has built for himself. More to the point, he has managed to uphold much of the Vulcan self-control over his emotions. But now he is getting more frail, more easily tired. This is going to strain his mind control as his body begins to weaken. He will experience short term memory loss at first, followed by confusion and then eventually hallucinations."
"I visited him yesterday. He did not remember our visit to the bridge the week before but had clear recollections of our early years in the Delta Quadrant," she had admitted.
"Why have you come?"
"I've brought something from the airponics bay." She held out a plant, fleshy leaves sheltering a thick spike of heavily scented blue flowers. "It's an orchid you and Kes created. You were trying to improve the depth of colour but she wanted it to smell nice too."
She had leaned against the biobed, as if taking strength from the tough metal frame. "I talked to Chakotay. He said remembering the past may help distract Tuvok from what is happening to him now. He suggested people should help him revisit earlier times of his life."
"I think that is an excellent idea, Captain. Maybe making the dishes that Neelix used to serve Mr Tuvok. The olfactory senses are a great window to the past."
His hand cupped her chin, dark eyes searching her face for something familiar from the deeper depths of his memory. "I remember Kes. But I don't know you," he said slowly.
"It's me, Tuvok. Captain Janeway."
"Could Tuvok hurt himself?" she had asked after a long period of silence.
"He is going to get more confused, more easily frustrated when the present and the past begin to clash. And his strength is still superior to that of a human. It is difficult to know if he will turn his frustration against himself or others once his mind control starts to slip away. But it won't be on purpose."
He got hold of her wrist. The small pot bounced on the carpeted floor, the flowers strewn about like confetti on the white pages. "You are not Captain Janeway. She is dead. Voyager exploded. You were on the bridge. You are dead."
It was like he was talking about two different captains. Was it about the time the Viidians had boarded Voyager after it had divided itself into two exact copies? Only Kim and Naomi had made the jump from the doomed version of the ship. Had Tuvok been privy to the discussions she had had with the copy of herself? She could not remember. She had ordered Voyager to self-destruct. Or rather her duplicate had.
"Is there anything we can do?"
"The Vulcan brain is not as plastic as that of humans. Once his disease took hold, there was nothing much I could do medically speaking. And now, it may be better for him when …"
"What did you see Tuvok?"
"Light, blinding light. And then darkness for a long time. Seven. Seven helped me. Where is Seven?"
"Seven is dead, Tuvok. She died a long time ago."
He did not see the cloud darkening her eyes. Helping him remember his past was bringing unwanted memories into her mind. She did not really want to revisit times she much preferred to leave untouched.
"He may not be the Commander we all knew and respected, but there is still much that is Tuvok in that mind of his. I won't give up on him that easily." She had given the EMH the full benefit of her icy blue stare, making sure he understood perfectly where he was not to tread.
The Doctor had retreated. "Yes, Captain. Of course. Well, I suggest we maintain his current routine: regular visits, outings, exercises. I would like all those who visit him to make notes of his condition. He's never liked me as he says and the least he sees me the better."
"Thank you Doctor. I'll make sure everybody does what you are asking." He had expected her to leave but she had lingered, toying with the edge of the small office table.
He shook his head. "She is there. There is debris everywhere. I can't make my way around without her help. Entire sections are too hazardous for access. The crew has taken to the escape pods. Only a handful of us have stayed behind. The Captain is still there but not for long."
There was no escaping his train of thoughts but she was confused by his story. She knew the Viidian episode had preceded Seven's arrival on Voyager. He was manifestly remembering a different moment in his past but she could not place the details.
The Doctor had busied himself entering data on his PADD and almost missed the softly spoken question.
"How long?"
The dreaded question. Tuvok was a unique case, the one that had eluded him for such a long time and now the end was coming. Fast.
"Weeks at best, Captain. My opinion is that his decline will accelerate. His fitness was key to help keep his mind under control. The training that Commander Chakotay devised for him so many years ago has done more for his mental health than anything I have been able to come up with. Now that his body is finally failing him.. ." He did not need to continue.
He strengthened his grip on her wrist, oblivious to the crumbling of the small bones underneath. She gasped but did not protest. If she called Security, they would sedate him. The Doctor would insist that the Commander needed to be restrained or monitored in sickbay. Tuvok had so little time left. She could not take that away from him.
"Doctor, your care has been exemplary. You cannot be faulted."
"But it has not been enough, Captain. I am afraid that he is drifting out of our reach."
She had curtly nodded acceptance of the fact. "I want a weekly report on his condition, Doctor," she had said before leaving him alone.
It had been a very long time since the EMH had wished the last person to leave sickbay would deactivate him. Remaining standing in the middle of sickbay, he had wondered about what would become of the Captain after Tuvok's death. The Vulcan was her oldest friend on Voyager, her only link to a life before the Caretaker, before the Delta Quadrant. Would Tuvok be his only patient over the next few weeks?
"What happened to the Captain?" She focused on keeping her voice calm and steady.
He closed his eyes and pushed his thumb into the back of her palm, ignoring her pain. "The Captain is hurt. Ensign Kim tells me she has scars on her hand." His other hand followed the contour of her jaw. "And there too."
She did not remember ever being injured like that. She had never lived through what Tuvok was relating. The story was not part of her past. How could it be a part of his?
His fingers moved along her face, suddenly pressing hard on her cheek, the corner of the eye, the forehead. She tried to push him away this time but he leaned forward, pinning her against the wall. Images took over her thoughts as the Vulcan forcibly initiated a mind meld.
She saw Voyager's bridge half destroyed, conduits hanging from broken ceiling tiles, smoking consoles, the lighting dimmed. She recognised B'Elanna, Neelix, Seven, all looking exhausted and grimy. A much younger self wearing a grey tank top, a round silver object attached to the belt. Half-healed burns on her face and hand as Tuvok had just described. She looked around for Chakotay but did not see him. It did not occur to her that the Chakotay she knew and loved might not be at her side.
Tuvok spoke again, the proximity of his voice grating with the strange visions rammed into her mind. "We argue about the ship. Then she puts her arms around me, to say goodbye. I just hold her for a small moment and say the traditional Vulcan salute. That is the only response I allow myself. That is all I can let her see of what I really feel."
The images disappeared, replaced by a gigantic thundercloud of emotions, engulfing her as the walls of his mind breached.
Despair, shame, guilt, pride, admiration.
Love.
Loss.
"I wanted so much to tell her how proud I was to have worked under her. How my life on Voyager far from my family had been so much more fulfilling because of her. That I would always remember the sound of her laugh, the shape of her face. How she helped me become a better man when I thought striving to be a better Vulcan was sufficient."
His fingers slid off her face. Her thoughts rushed back into the sudden void.
"Instead I left without letting her know how I felt. I never told her how I was crying inside. For her. For my friend."
He fell on his knees, taking Janeway with him like a drowning man.
Half an hour later, Janeway raised her husband on his comm badge, asking him to come alone. Alarmed by the tone of her voice, Chakotay run down the corridor and used his override code to open the door to Tuvok's quarters.
The scene in front of him was not what he had feared he would find.
Tuvok was asleep, his tall body peacefully stretched among a carpet of small blue flowers. Janeway was sitting on the floor, her back propped against the wall, her left hand resting on his shoulder. Her tears long dried up, she was whispering to him over and over again that he would always be her friend and that she loved him too.