Although the chapters of this story can be read as stand-alone, this chapter will make better sense if you read Chapter 1 - Anniversary first.

Chapter 6 - The Proposal

Chakotay rocked on the back of his heels in front of the holodeck door. The corridor was empty. It was too early for those few off-duty crew members already awake to engage in recreation other than in a warm bed.

He usually programmed a bout of boxing for the morning after the night before, a way to let the old anger shine for a while. Part of the attraction was to get pummelled in return. Kathryn had nothing on him about guilt. He just limited its effects to that one dawn, after she'd been to the cargo bay reminiscing about Seven.

But not today. Today he wanted to remember how it had all begun for him, how he had created the dark beast he'd roped and caged for twenty years, but never tamed. The one which had kept him awake overnight with whispers of betrayal and jealousy and hurt, while his wife slept by his side, a lingering smile on her face.

"Computer, run the Counselling Archive program."

~ Please state the date ~

"Stardate 55060.3."

The date was still imprinted in his memory – two months since Neelix had left Voyager for the Talaxian colony, a few weeks after Tuvok had announced he was suffering from a degenerative and incurable disease which would ultimately claim his mind first, then his life.

The end of 2377 had passed in a daze for most on board. The crew was tired, demoralised, their hope of getting home quickly fading. Even with all the shortcuts they'd found, it would be at least another three or four decades before they would see the Alpha quadrant. Quick sand clutched at the ship's hull, sapping their strength and resolve.

The Captain had retreated into herself, a repeat of her disappearing trick during their passage through the long night when nothing had stirred outside for weeks on end and she'd almost thrown herself into a one-way suicide mission.

This time, he had let her go, tired of screaming himself hoarse at the walls of self-loathing she built and re-built around her soul, braced like cathedral buttresses by Starfleet protocols which might have seemed appropriate once upon a time, but looked pretty pathetic after seven long years.

Long-term relationships were not for him, he had decided then and there. Caring too much for one person could not be that healthy. There would always be warm bodies welcoming him on shore leaves, and that's what he would seek from now on. It was for the best, he'd told himself. So he'd laid in bed, listening to the muted sounds coming from the other side of the bulkhead until the early hours of too many bleak mornings.

Given up on her, that's what he'd done all those years ago. Given up on the two of them.

~ Please state the name of the crew member ~ the computer repeated.

He startled, then glanced down the corridor a last time. "Seven of Nine," he said, satisfied no one was about.

The door opened onto the small room he had used early in his new duty as ship's counsellor. Although the crew had been sceptical at first, he had been able to manoeuvre between his main duties as First Officer and counsellor easily. The title had simply recognised his role over the years, listening to Voyager crew's woes, and before that with the Maquis.

It hadn't taken long before he had a full appointment book, Miral's birth the catalyst for many to reconsider their future. The young baby was a welcome addition to the crew, and nobody begrudged B'Elanna and Tom's joy. But her mere existence had also highlighted the hard fact that most of Voyager's original crew would be well past their prime before seeing their families back home.

While a few, like the Captain, had withdrawn from company, others had gone the opposite way. Couples formed and broke off a few days later under the weight of unreasonable expectations and short-lived commitment, sending many to the counsellor and the rest to the holodecks.

He had opened his doors and the crew filed in.

There were no imposing desk and leather couch, just two chairs on either side of a small table, a carafe of water, two glasses and an unlit candle. Seven was standing still, hands behind her back. His younger self was facing her, hair four shades darker than he'd seen in the mirror this morning.

He stepped over the holodeck threshold and settled in the corner nearest to the door, back to the wall, arms crossed over the chest. "Computer, run program."

The holo-Chakotay rose from his chair. 'Seven. I wasn't expecting to see you here.'

'I did make an appointment, Counsellor, but if there was an error I'll leave now.'

He had forgotten how literal Seven could be, and how invigorating it had been for a time to be with somebody whose emotions were not repressed and controlled but ready to blossom under gentle guidance.

'Please, stay.' His holo-self smiled and waved at the other chair. 'I meant that I wasn't sure why you needed to see a counsellor.'

The young woman settled on the edge of the seat. Her eyebrow lifted. 'I did learn much from your lessons on the complexities of human relationships. I am in search of advice as to what to do next.'

'I see,' the younger Chakotay said, uncertainty lacing his voice.

Seven continued unperturbed. 'With the Doctor's help, I have analysed the various behavioural elements that make up a relationship, and formed a theoretical understanding of the distinction between the evolutionary and biological dictates of reproduction and the pleasure two people take from sharing a close physical and emotional bond. With your help, I have deepened that insight into a more hands-on approach.'

He could not believe it. Was the holo-Chakotay blushing like a teenager? They'd never made it past a few dates. She was stunning, he had to admit – tall, full lips, blue doe eyes, a figure many women on Voyager had been ready to die for, or kill for. Or seek to despoil themselves, if what some had told him under the privacy of the counselling sessions was to be believed.

Get a grip, he told his two selves, realising Seven was still talking.

'It has been my observation that such relationships provide much needed stability despite the sometimes noisy and disruptive ways humanoids display their feelings to each other. It also a fact that they do benefit those crew members who are not close to the couple. For example, I have noted that the efficiency of the Engineering department has increased by 12.4 per cent since Lt Torres and Lt Paris have steadied their mating bond.'

Although he knew where this discourse was leading to, it was fascinating to listen to Seven's rational if long-winded way of getting to the point. Had she been as certain of her logic as he wanted to remember?

'However, more recent relationships have not lasted, with the potential to create disharmony among the crew,' she was saying.

'I see,' the holo-Chakotay repeated, stretching his words. 'Is that what you want to talk about? Our relationship?'

There had not been much in it. A picnic on the holodeck, coy smiles, lingering kisses. He had relaxed in Seven's company, been happy to be wanted, even if it had felt at times like he was the not-so-unwilling participant in a scientific experiment.

'No. While we were on the way of becoming lovers before I broke off our association, I believe that our closeness was more due to physical proximity on a small ship than deep feelings of concerns for each other. The decision to end our dates was the right one for me to make.'

Chakotay pushed himself from the wall, hand sliding in his hair. "Computer, stop program."

The arrogance of the woman. How could a former Borg drone with the emotional maturity of a five-year old and the tact of a targ still manage to prick his ego so effectively twenty years after the event? He should have gone boxing.

He checked the time. He had fifteen minutes to go before breakfast with Kathryn. She knew where he was, an unspoken understanding since she'd started on her annual pilgrimage to the cargo bay.

"Resume program, ten minutes forward," he sighed.

Seven was forging on. Chakotay could still remember how numb he'd felt listening to her as the conversation moved away from a discussion of their non-existent relationship into unfamiliar territory.

'I seek to form a bond with...,' she hesitated for a split second, 'another member of the crew.'

There, thought the Chakotay who had lived with that decision for twenty years.

'And you want my advice?' asked the younger, and for a little while yet, unsuspecting man.

'What I need is guidance about how to ensure that particular crew member will see the benefits of having a relationship with me. I am not sure if an appeal to the crew's well-being will be judged sufficient.'

Holo-Chakotay tagged at his ear lobe, not looking the least annoyed at Seven's change of partner.

Ignorance is bliss. Or is that innocence?

As if I ever was innocent.

'I can see your dilemma. I'm sure the Doctor has told you that there are many grounds to build a relationship on, such as an already existing friendship or common interests.'

Something that had never really existed between the two of them. He doubted she would have been impressed by his visions quests, and he had little interest in star charts if they did not get the ship home faster.

The young woman nodded. 'That person and I share a deep interest in science, and she is my closest friend.'

Chakotay shot a glare at his holo-self whose eyes had widened. Not Naomi, you slow-witted idiot.

'However, she is also a very private individual and disinclined to seek more than an uncomplicated friendship at best. Moving to something more … intimate might prove difficult, hence my coming here for your counsel.'

He felt sorry for the younger man as the realisation whom Seven was talking about finally hit home.

There had been a time before that day when it would still have been possible for Kathryn to be his even as the thought had sunk under the weight of too many rebuttals, slowly starving of oxygen.

And then there had been the time after, when he'd be certain he'd lost her forever.

Seven was smiling for spirits' sake. And yet, it was not the triumphant smirk he remembered seeing all those years back plastered on her face. As if, once again, she was not sure of herself and had come to him … for what? Reassurance she was doing the right thing? Straightforward advice when he only remembered duplicity and glee?

His younger self stood up, his jaw muscles contracting. 'Seven,' he warned, 'I will not discuss the Captain's—.'

'You never talk about her, Chakotay,' she said, with gentleness in her voice.

Chakotay frowned. In his recollection, Seven had burst into the small room faster than a Borg cube coming out of a transwarp conduit, with a grin on her lips and an unassailable argument. Tossed about by an avalanche of logical statements, he had capitulated, raw and bloodied, and watched from the sideline the result of his weakness.

'You are attracted to the Captain, you care deeply for her, that is clear even for me to see,' Seven went on, 'but you haven't been able to truly provide what she needs because of protocols which do not apply to me. I am a crew member by name only. I have no denomination, no official position, wear no uniform. I regenerate in the cargo bay and my quarters remain mostly empty. I am Borg, expendable in a way you are not.'

The ease with which Seven had glided over the main obstacle the captain had brought forward every time he'd talked to her spoke volumes for the young woman's confidence.

Those last words, though. He didn't remember taking any notice of them at the time of their meeting. Had Seven really thought her life on board Voyager of so little worth? Had she already forgotten the risks the Captain had taken to save her from the Borg, against his own advice?

He had almost come to arms against the Captain over Seven. Kathryn though had never wavered in the trust she put in her protégée, while theirs had taken too many hits, it seemed, to be salvageable by the time 2378 had dawned.

His younger self stumbled, oblivious to any undercurrent bar his own sinking feelings. 'The Captain is your mentor, Seven. She'll never agree.'

So much for not talking about the Captain.

'I am sure she will bring many obstacles to bear on developing a relationship with me. However, there are compelling reasons to attempt this undertaking. She is isolating herself once more, and she might well succeed next time she thinks her sacrifice will save the ship. While it is not entirely clear to me why she carries so many destroying thoughts, I believe that Voyager will not function without her.'

Their little mutiny about the Malon wormhole had saved the day but not won the self-imposed and personal war Kathryn carried within her. Seven had seen right through.

'I am the only one who can provide what she requires for now – a relationship with no strings attached.'

Oh Seven. Did you really think it would be so simple? For the first time in decades, his heart broke for the former Borg.

'I have a proposal for you,' she said.

Those words. He did remember them with clarity.

###

He left the holodeck, his mind in turmoil.

A small hand paused on his arm. "Chakotay, are you okay?"

"Kathryn, I didn't expect you here," he stammered. The door swished close behind him.

"Kol told me you just went past him this morning without saying a word. He was worried and commed me when I woke up."

"What was he doing up so early?" Chakotay asked, searching his memories and finding no trace he'd seen their son.

"His biology experiment. The one he needs to check every five hours."

"I… I forgot."

"I also found this on the table." Seven's implant glimmered in her hand.

Chakotay winced. "I took it from your side table. I should have put it back."

"What's wrong? You usually go for a bout of boxing but not today manifestly," she said, inching her head to look at the holodeck computer interface. "What made you change your mind?"

He leaned against the wall, covering the program details still visible on the screen. "This counsellor is in need of counselling," he said with a sigh.

She smiled and threaded her arm into his. "Over breakfast, my husband."

###

"You knew?"

Chakotay almost dropped the breakfast bowl on the table. With Liz at a sleep over with Harry's kids, and Kol busy on Deck 10, their quarters were eerily quiet, a rare event since the kids had been born.

"Seven told me she'd come and seen you, yes," Kathryn said, her fingers curled around her coffee cup.

The former Borg was nothing if not upfront to a fault. Of course, she would have told Kathryn. He slumped in his chair and toyed with the spoon. "And you went ahead with a relationship with her that easily?"

"Not that easily. I fought her at the beginning. Because of you, because of me, or more to the point because who I thought I should be. But she provided a workable solution. Her logic was flawless. I was letting the ship down and what she was proposing was a good compromise. If the only reasons I could not be with anybody were Starfleet protocols, she piled enough arguments at my feet to make me believe they didn't apply to her. And by the time she told me, it was a bit late to go back."

"So, you stayed with her." He put the spoon down and forced his hands to stay still on either side of the bowl.

"I did," she said in a quiet voice. "With her, I could be me. Selfish, egotistic, hurtful. It didn't matter. I discovered I didn't have to protect her feelings and I could let go of mine. She took it all in her stride, totally unfazed by whatever I threw at her. And that's why we could not be together, you and me. Not then. I would have buckled under your pity and resented you for it."

"I never felt pity for you." He leaned over the table and uncurled one of her hands, feeling the ring on her finger. It never had been pity, he'd felt for her. Concern, worry, anger, a dreaded hole in his chest. But never pity.

Her gaze fell on their entwined hands. "At the time, that's the only thing I saw in your eyes, in everybody's eyes. Tuvok, Tom, B'Elanna. Pity for the captain going bonkers, cracking up again. I couldn't take it any longer. I needed somebody who was strong enough to carry me through."

"I would have been strong enough."

"I wasn't."

"I loved you, Kathryn. You could have asked me anything, I would have given it to you."

"You would have given me your love to lean on, your soul to listen to me, your heart to swallow my woes," she said with a sad smile. "Exactly what you did and what I needed even as I fought you after Seven died. But at the time she came to me, what I needed was to be pushed around and not be treated like a crystal glass. Or watched over so I wouldn't leave on another doomsday mission."

"Damned if I had looked after you, and damned for not trying enough."

Chakotay let go of her hand and straightened his back. The breakfast bowl remained untouched on the table.

"That was pretty much it, with the benefit of hindsight of course."

She smirked. "And I was horny like hell. I would have thrown myself at a Klingon targ if I had had the chance. Holoprograms were not enough any longer."

Chakotay opened his mouth then thought the better of it.

"With Seven, it felt like a liberation," Kathryn continued. "I was tired of going round and round in circles in my head. She provided an emotional outlet I couldn't have with anybody else on this ship."

She laughed. "A human healed by a Borg. Sounds sad, but it did the job. She convinced me she did not seek anything in return. So, I willingly let her in because I was so very tired of being lonely, in a cage of my own making. It was kind of soothing to have somebody else take care of me."

"Something you wouldn't let me do."

"Something you were already doing, insulating me from the worst of the crew's problems, taking on my workload, becoming a counsellor to the crew, and so much more. I could not accept more from my First Officer. I wasn't worth that."

He brushed away those last words. "So anybody would have done, but me."

"Anybody who was not Starfleet," she said, frowning. "The way I saw my role as captain then, I couldn't be with you. I didn't dare break that protocol on top of all the others I had already trampled underfoot. It wasn't just because you were my First Officer. Every time I looked at you, standing by my side on the bridge, I saw the Starfleet officer plucked from the Maquis. I could not risk that. If we had reached the Alpha quadrant then, imagine what it would have looked like: 'Maquis leader saves his hide by sleeping with Starfleet captain.' It would have destroyed you."

She let out a deep breath. "Seven was different. Not quite a crew member, but not a one-night stand during shore leave either, soon forgotten until the next one," she said, pointedly.

She was right of course. And that hurt too.

"How could you accept?" he pleaded, his love for Kathryn still having the capacity to bruise and confuse him.

"You mean, after or before you started seeing her?" she asked with a slight smirk.

He stabbed the cool porridge.

"Sorry, that was unwarranted," he heard her say. "Seven also told me about the two of you. It hurt that you didn't seek to tell me, but I could hardly blame you. I had pushed you away, never let you close. At least, you'd left for somebody else, not just…"

She looked at the viewport, whispering. "Not just because of me. If it makes sense."

He pushed his chair back. "And when you thought I was no longer interested in either you or her, you took the plunge."

Kathryn looked at him with raised eyebrows. "In a manner of speaking. As far as I was concerned, you were ready to move on, from me and from her. I should have talked to you, but facing you was more than I could bear to do at the time."

"I can just hear how that conversation would have gone," he spat out.

His hands traced the outline of a would-be banner. 'Oh, hello Chakotay. I know Seven has dumped you, but I was wondering if it's okay for her to go to bed with me instead. Great for the crew morale, don't you think.'

Her blue eyes hardened. "Seven did say she'd spoken to you, and that you'd agreed."

"For spirit's sake, Kathryn. Listen to yourself. You make it sound like Seven and I discussed the price of a warp core manifold during a trade mission. Besides, I didn't agree to anything, the counsellor did," he corrected.

She frowned. "I don't see…"

"You were spending time with holograms, for spirits' sake. What do you think I would have said to you? That if I couldn't have you then nobody else should? I was not trying to keep your virginity intact, you know."

The bowl of porridge jumped when he slammed his fist on the table.

Kathryn pursued her lips. She stood and went to the viewport, looking at the stars streaming past.

Chakotay kneaded his forehead. "Even after the accident, when I was counselling you, you never really talked about your feelings for her," he said to her back.

She whirled around. "Is this really what this is about, Chakotay? Is this why for fifteen years you've gone boxing, then got patched up in sickbay before sitting by my side on the bridge the morning after? Because I never talked about Seven?"

"In part," he said, guarded.

"The part in you that says, 'I am jealous'?"

His shoulders sagged. Spirits, didn't that sound pathetic. A real counsellor would have a field day with his stupid hang-up. There he was, berating his wife of fifteen years and the mother of his two children.

He walked to her, put his arms around her shoulders, feeling her tense. "I am sorry, Kathryn."

He tucked a stray grey hair back behind her ear. "I behaved like an idiot. Yes, I was jealous, tired of waiting and still hoping you would come to me. I thought I had lost you for good."

A whirlwind of dark hair poked at the door of the room. "Mum, I'm back. Experiment's still going well."

The boy froze. Brown eyes darted from one adult to the other. "I think I'll go and have breakfast in the mess hall, and leave you two to it." Kol disappeared.

Chakotay smiled despite himself. "That young man's survival instincts are off the chart."

"Be careful, Mister," Kathryn said, giving him a slight smack on the arm.

He kissed his wife lightly, then spun her around until her back was leaning against him, his head touching hers.

"The boxing was also about the part in me who shun her and you, for all that time."

He felt a hitch in her breathing. "There was that too. 'Yes Captain'. 'No Captain'. I didn't get much more out of you for five years, Chakotay. Even Seven noticed it. She said you were polite to her when you were working together, but for me, it was like I was standing near an iceberg."

"I thought I was being the detached and efficient First Officer you wanted." He moved his head sideways and looked at her. Her eyes were misted over. "You never mentioned that before."

"Must be the day for confessions," she said, patting his hands closed over her stomach. "I understood we could not have our evening meetings in my quarters anymore. But when some of the crew followed suit and started to shun Seven more than the usual, that's when it hurt. And then, there was Tom."

"What about Tom? What did he do?" If there was one man who understood the Starfleet captain, it was Tom, Chakotay had long realised, and sometimes resented.

"Nothing I could ever confront him about. But there was less banter on the bridge. The jokes became more pointed. He never came to see me with his coffee the whole time Seven stayed in my quarters. It was like we were in quarantine. Poor Harry tried to compensate, but he was never very good at knowing what to do around me."

"I had no idea. I suppose I didn't want to know."

She squeezed his hands hard. "I felt like the entire ship was judging Seven. When I found her alcove thrown about in the cargo bay, it was too much. That's why I never completely opened up to you. I am sorry."

"I should have been more aware. I was supposed to be the ship counsellor."

"It was not that my heart wasn't big enough for the two of you," she said. "Nobody asks if I love Kol more than you, or Liz. There is no limit to how much love can hold. I couldn't be with you, but that did not mean I stopped loving you."

Chakotay stepped back.

"What?" Kathryn asked, turning to face him.

He put his hand through his short cropped hair. "Seven knew. She knew you still loved me. Of course, I did too, even if it took me years to realise that, but she knew from the beginning."

He sat down on the couch, looked up at his wife. "When Seven came and saw me, she said she had a proposal for me."

He was pretty sure she'd never told Kathryn about that part of their conversation.

Kathryn lifted an eyebrow in a fair imitation of her former lover. She crossed her arms.

"If something was to happen to her, I would take over from her," Chakotay went on.

Kathryn opened her arms and her eyes widened. "What? She thought I would let you into my bed as soon as it was cold? Like that?" She snapped her fingers.

Chakotay flinched. "That's what I said, that I would never… Anyway, she argued it was a logical extension of what she was attempting to do. That it was too dangerous to leave you alone and isolated, especially as the years passed and that it would be all for the benefit of the ship."

"How did she dare?" Kathryn's eyes had turned hard.

"I refused to listen to her and basically threw her out of the room. She never talked about it after that."

"She should never have burdened you with such an obligation in the first place. That arrogant … Borg," Kathryn uttered. "She set you up."

"No, she didn't," he said with a small chuckle.

Kathryn remained standing, face tight.

"Let's face it, I was destined to fail long before I gave you up all those years ago. If we had come together then, we would have great sex, but we would have soon fallen into a whirlpool of resentment, you are quite right about that. You were hurting yourself at every opportunity, and I would have tried to protect you at all costs. Ultimately, with no way out, we would have imploded. And what would have become of Voyager then?"

"She was setting the two of us up for a future relationship. How can you think it was right?" Kathryn said, her tone incredulous. Her hands made it to her hips.

"I can't really say that's exactly what she had in mind, but it's entirely possible. The Borg do think long term and their collective is all that counts. Seven went into a relationship with you with her eyes wide open. She knew exactly what she was doing, unblinkered by jealous thoughts like mine, or your self-destroying sense of guilt, as she called it, which pushed everybody away."

Chakotay stood, and cupped Kathryn's face in his hands. "And then, she made a mistake," he added with a small smile. "An oversight her Borg nature could not anticipate. She knew the theory, but you caught her unware."

Kathryn's face softened. "She fell in love with me."

"You are a rare woman, Kathryn Janeway. While most of us, mere mortals, can only love one person at a time, you loved and were loved dearly by two, one of whom bitterly regrets the pain he put you through."

Kathryn's eyes glistened in the dim light coming from the viewport. "I never deserved —."

"There is a legend among my people." He leaned gently and pressed his lips against hers, tasting her.

He felt the corner of her mouth lift. "The one about a beautiful and wise warrior?" she whispered when he let her breathe.

"Don't interrupt, woman." His mouth nibbled at her ear, feeling her shudder. "A saying, rather than a legend, which states that those beloved by the gods are given great trials. It was never said that one has to endure those trials alone."

"Kol is due back any minute," she murmured, tilting her neck.

He gave her a last peck then pulled back and took her arm, surprising her. "And my porridge is cold. Let's go the mess hall and talk to Harry over breakfast. He's usually there at this time of the day."

"What about?" she said, walking with him towards the door to the corridor.

"Many in the crew loved Seven in their own ways. They could never mourn her because of me, and you. Now it's time for all of us to celebrate her."

Kathryn gave him a warm smile. "I would love that very much, counsellor."

My many thanks to Voyagerfictionfan for once again betaeing this chapter.

End note - If anybody has a problem with Janeway having a relationship with Seven, I'll paraphrase Gene Roddenberry: '[..] by the 24th century, no one will care.' Hopefully it will happen a little bit earlier Down Under.