AN: WARNING this chapter gets smutty

Donna

June 1st, 1998

We won California. We did well on Super Tuesday. All we have left is Texas- where we'll be crushed- and Maryland- where we'll kill. Going into the convention it's going to be a fight, I'll tell you.

We just got into Tampa, where the convention is being held. Josh is in a mood. He doesn't like Florida. It doesn't help that we lost Florida to Hoynes. The DNC people are being difficult. Josh thinks their gaming for a Hoynes victory. Josh is on his phone almost every minute of the day, trying to gain delegates. We're in his hotel room now. CJ, Sam, and Toby were here a little bit ago. We talked shop then played some cards. Toby left first then Sam and CJ did. Josh and I went down to the CVS in the hotel and got candy. We're talking shop again while eating gummy worms and Werther's caramels respectively. Josh did make fun of me for the Werther's, calling me an old lady.

Things with Josh after our trip to Connecticut for his father's funeral have been better between us. He was sad for a little while but he kept himself busy by working to the bone, teasing me, or having sex with Mandy when she blips on to a campaign stop. She's not primarily working with us anymore so she's not a constant fixture- thank god. Josh doesn't really discuss their relationship with me which I'd find weird as he tells me everything but I'm more focused on being glad that he doesn't. I'd vomit if I had to hear a word about their sex life.

Every once in a while, I'll find him in an off moment. He's still processing his grief. Every time something great happens for the campaign, there's flicker of pain on his face. Like he's remembering he can't tell his father about it. But he knows how to put on a good act and I don't think most people notice. Most people don't spend so much time looking at him.

I'm still in love with Josh. And every once in a while there are moments where he'll look at me a certain way or he'll touch me a certain way that makes me feel a little crazy about him and think that maybe he wants me too. I dismiss the notion as quick as I can. Josh Lyman does not love me.

Josh

June 3rd, 1998

I do not love Donna Moss. As I have repeatedly told my mother. She is convinced that we are in love and will give her grandchildren. I seriously hope she doesn't breathe a word of this to Donna.

I know that they talk regularly. It makes me happy. The night of my dad's funeral Donna and I got wasted in my childhood bedroom and she told me that they talk. She seemed to feel a little guilty about it but I tell her I don't mind, that I like it. She blushed. It was adorable. Which is perfectly normal thing to think about your assistant who's your right hand man and your best friend.

Enough of that. We have a job to do people.

Today is the day. The first delegate count had been split with neither Hoynes nor Bartlet able to seal the nomination. But Leo and I pulled a long night yesterday and I really think that it's happening. I have a good feeling.

That good feeling though doesn't exactly keep me from going a little crazy throughout the day. I'm feeling competitive with the Hoynes people. Their campaign manager has been goading me in meetings. Harry Steinman is an asshole. I worked with him for a few years with Hoynes and he seems to be aiming to piss me off. Leo and Donna have kept me as calm as possible.

Donna and I are in the war room, surrounded by other anxious Bartlet staffers. She's holding tightly to my hand as we watch the delegates declare their votes. When Alaska flips for us, I pump my fist. When we snag Utah, Donna and I stand and cheer. I'm not sure when we moved to this but I'm now behind Donna, with my arms settling from behind her around her shoulders. There's a safe distance between our bodies though. She's gripping my forearms.

And then it happens.

We win.

Donna turns in my arms and smiles brightly up at me. God, I could kiss her right now. Leo catches my eye though. He nods at me, looking proud and happy. I mouth thank you at him and turn my attention back to Donna. We're still holding each other but at a little bit of a space between us. She's watching the frenzy of people celebrating. I'm not sure there's anything more beautiful than Donna laughing.

She turns her gaze to me and her face changes. At first, I don't like that she's stopped smiling. But I see something in her eyes. She wants me to kiss her.

I do.

Donna

June 3rd, 1998

The kiss is light and lingering. When we do pull away, I search his eyes. He looks happy and excited- but that could be just from the win. But he also looks like he wants to kiss me much harder and deeper than that and I have no objections.

The festivities around us don't pause or take notice as I lead him out of there. Once we are out of the room, he leads me. He can't get his door to open but it doesn't ruin the mood. I take the card from him and slowly put it in and look at him saucily over my shoulder. His breath actually catches. He pushes me against the door in the hallway and kisses me hard. When I feel like all my nerve endings are screaming for more I pull away and have to put the card in again.

Then he opens the door from behind me and I step into the room. His hands go to my hips and snake around the front. He moves my hair to kiss my neck. I try to repress my moan but I can't. It spurs him on further. I can feel his arousal against me. My whole body is yearning for his. I've never been so turned on in my life.

I turn back to face him. His hands move to my ass, pressing me to him. His eyes are lustful and I'm amazed it's directed towards me. He leans in but doesn't kiss me yet. He just stares into my eyes. I think I may have actually whimpered. Which would have been embarrassing if Josh hadn't found it so sexy. He growled and pressed his lips to mine. I want him so badly- it's a little overwhelming.

Then the tension of it breaks as we're kissing and we start smiling into each other's mouths and then I'm giggling. Josh pulls away looking all giddy.

"Is this… weird?" He asks.

"No." I answer. "Maybe a little. But… we both want to? Right?" I ask, feeling awkward despite the evidence against my thigh that at least physically he wants me. He kisses me again.

"Yes." He answers.

His hands untuck my shirt as I go to unbutton his. He groans when I scratch his chest lightly. I go to kiss his neck. He's pulling my shirt up, pressing his fingers into my back. He finds the clasp of my bra with one hand and with the other he palms my breast. I moan. We both laugh a little as we continue to undress one another. Equally awkward and giddy and turned on.

When we do land on the bed, Josh takes off my pants and then picks the blanket out from under us. It's a small gesture but my heart melts. He's touching me through my thong which he made quite the noise at when he saw them as I pulled my pants down my legs. I palm him through his boxers and arch against his chest as his finger enters me.

Soon both our underwear is off and he stops and he looks at me seriously.

"You want to do this, yeah?" He asks, searching my eyes for any doubt. He won't find any.

"Yes. I really do." I tell him, blushing at my own strong sincerity. He reaches over for the condom and rolls it onto himself. His fingers enter me again and he rubs my clit, making sure I'm wet enough. I could feel when I was stroking him that he was bigger than most of the guys I've been with but I know he won't hurt me. I've never trusted anyone so explicitly.

"Okay. Ready?" He asks. I smile at him.

"Do you want me to say 'set, go'?" I tease. He squints at me playfully. I giggle.

"You're trouble, Donnatella." He tells me and then I feel him push into me slowly.

It's not a completely pleasant feeling as I stretch around him but he's so gentle that it's not painful.

"Are you okay?" He sounds out of breath. I push him slowly up so he pulls out of me. I stroke his face to reassure him and push him onto his back. I straddle him.

"I'm okay but it's probably better this way." I say quietly before kissing him. He lets me take control from here. I take it slow at first and I'm sure it was nearly unbearable for him to not thrust his hips up but he's a perfect gentleman. I squeeze his shoulders as I get into a rhythm. He's panting and telling me I'm beautiful. I'm moaning and seemed to have lost the ability to speak.

At some point after my first orgasm, we roll onto our sides. He plays with my clit and pumps in and out of me slow and steady.

I've never had such sweet, lovely sex. I orgasm the second time and bring him on top of me as I roll onto my back, hooking my legs behind his back.

"Josh, you feel so good." I moan. He responds my quickening his thrusts. It doesn't take long after that for him to finish. He collapses on his back next to me, pulling me against him. I smile against his chest.

We stay like that for a while until the air changes. I feel the exact moment where Josh starts overthinking. He tenses up a little and takes a sharp breath.

"Josh…" I say, not daring to look at him yet.

"Donna…" He says my name so tenderly that I feel a little teary-eyed. Especially because I know what he's going to say next. "I don't want to say this. I really, really don't want to but… I don't think we can do this again." he says it very quietly, as if that will lessen the hurt. I start to pull away from him but he pulls me back in. "Don't be mad. It's not whatever you're thinking. I just, I can't do this to you. You should have a job with the White House when we win. You can't work for me if we do this… And you deserve to have a chance at this career."

"Okay." I say, still feeling the sting of rejection. I sit up. He does too and leans against the headboard. I pull the blanket around me, suddenly very self conscious.

"Donna, you- you're my best friend. That matters more to me than…"

"I know, Josh." And I do. And it hurts but I know he's right. "We should have rules though."

He laughs at me but eventually he agrees. We redress and I grab the hotel notepad and we sit on the bed with a healthy distance between us.

"Okay. Number one. No sex." I say. He sighs. I look at him, eyebrows raised. "You started this!"

"Yeah I know… but it was, ya know…"

"Well suck it up. You're not seeing me naked again." I stick my tongue out at him. He pouts a little then we both start laughing. This should be worse. This should feel awkward but it doesn't. It feels like us and that's enough for me.

"Number two. We get a veto." He says. I look at him like he's crazy. I don't know what this means. "Okay. Can we be honest? Because I heard you and CJ joking about needing to get laid and I inexplicably felt jealous. And I think we should get to veto one person. Besides you're possessive." He winks at me. I roll my eyes. He's not totally wrong.

"Fine. My veto is Mandy." I throw at him. He bites his lip. Which is hot. But not the point.

"Oh god." He groans. Josh is a good guy and he technically did probably cheat on her with me. I cannot bring myself to care to be frank. She treats him like shit and their relationship is based solely on sex. I'm not entirely convinced that she's exclusive with him. "Yeah, deal on that one."

"You have your veto yet?" I ask, curious as to who he'd be jealous about.

"Hmm.. The Governor?" He smirks, proud of his little joke. I smack him. He grabs my wrist and then holds my hand. "Kidding. Though he clearly is sweet on you." He winks.

"Who wouldn't be?" I throw back.

"True. Fine… Sam?" He asks, looking a little scared of my response. I laugh outright.

"Oh but Josh! He's so handsome!" I gush in a voice that is definitely not my own. "How will I ever manage to resist?"

"Alright, alright. Fine. I don't know who my veto is yet but I reserve the right." I pat his face condescendingly.

"Of course you do." I say in a baby voice. He glares at me and then grabs the hand by his face and pulls me in to kiss me. It's leaves my short of breath.

"Okay. Number three. Can't do that." I say, still panting a little. He looks way too proud of himself. So I sort of attack him. We're making out and his hands are at my hips, holding tight as I pull away. "Or that."

"I don't like that one."

"Deal with it."

"Kay."

"Number four…"

"We keep it between the two of us." He offers.

"Yeah." I write it down. "I have a number five but I'm not sure if you're going to like it." I wring my hands a little.

"Okay…" He says suspiciously.

"We don't talk about it after this. We don't address the feelings. We don't make jokes about it. We-"

"What? Just act like nothing happened?" He looks annoyed.

"Josh. Don't get pissy with me. We both said we don't want it to come in the way of our friendship. I think talking about it would make it harder on the both of us." I say resolutely.

"Fine. But I have a number six then." Josh says shortly.

"Okay?"

"We can invoke Number Six when we feel like the not talking is hurting the friendship."

"That doesn't negate number five?"

"We'll only use it with the utmost seriousness." He assures me. I nod.

I sign it first then he goes to. He pauses before he does and kisses me long and hard. His eyes are sad when he pulls away. Mine are too probably. He signs it. We return to the war room and people are sloshed. We missed the Governor's speech. We only got a few questions about where we were. Josh tossed the questions aside with a practiced politician's ease. After a while, I even could have believed we had been settling a bet on the balcony. Everything about the sex had seemed so surreal. This friendship, my partnership with Josh, though that was real.

Josh

November 14th, 1998

We won. And my mind won't focus on that right now.

I hate those stupid rules. Why did I think they were a good idea? Why did I agree to not kissing Donna Moss ever again? Since then we've had a lot of Near Kisses. One of us always finds their head before the other can make the final move. It's usually Donna.

I don't have normal sex dreams anymore. It's not hot or wild sex with sexy strangers or whatever. Now it's just Donna, looking up at me as I feel her pressed against my skin. It's the sound of her soft moans as she comes down from an orgasm. It's the look of her laughing as we fall onto the bed. It's a little like torture and a little like heaven.

And that's all I can think about as I sit at the bar with Sam and Toby. It's late and most people have retired to their rooms. Donna left a little bit ago. She's so beautiful. It's not really fair. Okay, maybe I'm a little drunk. I bid my farewell to our speechwriters and hit the button on the elevator. For her floor, not mine.

"Donna!" I exclaim when she opens the door. I walk in and pick her up. I spin her. She laughs. "Can you believe we won!?"

"Joshua, I think you're drunk." I put her down but leave my arms around her. I look down and lose all brain function. She's wearing a red little strappy thing that is meant for you know, not sleeping.

"Donna? What are you wearing?" I ask, taking a step back. I am utterly unable to look up from her legs.

"Earth to Josh." Okay, so she may have said something else before that but my monkey brain did not process it. I look up at her face now. She looks equally amused and annoyed. And gorgeous.

"Donna, why are you wearing that?" I ask.

"If you had been listening-"

"How am I supposed to do that when uhuhuh?" I gesture at her body. She crosses her arms, looking irked. Whoops. "Shutting up now."

"Good boy. Now stop looking at my breasts and look at me. We've been on the road a lot and this is one of my last clean pajamas hence I'm wearing it."

"Okay, good. Because if you were about to get laid… I'll just wait here. Seriously. I don't think it's a good idea for strange men to see you in that." I sound sloshed but really, Donna standing there in lingerie has caused my synapses to come to a ceasefire.

"You aren't a strange man?" She challenges.

"I don't think so." I grin at her. "Hey, Donna?"

"Yes, Joshua."

" I think the rules are dumb."

"I know you do right now."

"No. Not right now." I step closer to her. "Constantly. It is a distraction. I can't stop thinking about those stupid rules. Every time you pull away from me, I curse those rules into oblivion." I take another step so we're toe to toe.

"Josh, we can't." But she doesn't step back. So I put one hand behind her head and very slowly, giving her lots of time to say no, go in for the kiss.

"Josh, no. You're drunk. We can't." She tries to reason between kisses.

"Donna, you're not taking advantage of me. I want this. I want you. We just won the presidency and the only thing I can think about is you under me." I whisper into her ear. She shivers. I take that as a good sign and nibble on her ear.

"You are drunk though. You might regret-"

"Donna, I won't."

"We'll put the rules back in place tomorrow?" She offers.

"Sure."

"Because if we're going to The White House…" I pull back and look at her.

"Donna, not an if. We are. But tonight I don't wanna think about that. I want you." She attacks me with kisses this time.

Our first time was sweet and awkward and giddy. This time it is steamy and loving and long- we don't even completely undress, there's no time! When we're done, I fall asleep with my head on her chest, her playing with my hair. It's a victory in many ways tonight.