EPISODE 3: LAN PLAYS A GAME WITH THE DRAGON'S WIDOWS

Part one: Bearer of Bad News

Lan waited in a sitting room in the palace in Caemlyn. The sun shone brightly through a huge window, casting midday shadows over a neat floral arrangement on a small table off to the side. He stood next to it, hands clasped behind his back, watching the room, patient.

After a few moments, Min, one of Rand's three wives, walked in from the inner chamber. She immediately noticed Lan and looked him up and down at as if memorizing him. "Lan," she said, crossing her arms in front. "I thought you were in Tear, with Rand."

Lan let his hands fall to his sides. "So, about that…" he started, trying to find the right words. "Rand's had… an accident. In Tear. I'm afraid he isn't so much… coming back."

"Is that right?" Min said, her expression unchanged. "Didn't see that one coming. I thought he was supposed to fight in Harman Kardon or whatever." She kept her arms crossed and regarded Lan with a flat look.

"So did he," Lan said.

Min was silent for a small while. "Well," she said finally, "Had to happen sooner or later, I guess. Dude had more than a couple screws loose."

"I'm sorry for your loss," Lan said, even though he actually wasn't sorry at all.

Min nodded, then looked him up and down again. "I've just had a viewing," she said, her tone unchanged. "It says me and you need to get dirty. Right now." Lan shifted a bit on his feet, taken unexpectedly off guard. "Go on," Min gestured. "Get those clothes off."

Lan shrugged and did as he was told.

Part two: The Queen of Andor Rides Again

Lan and Min walked out a door next to the stable yard. On the other side of a low wooden fence, Elayne Trakand, the newly acknowledged queen of Andor, was arguing with one of the stablemen. She was wildly gesturing with one hand, while the other rested on her huge, protruding belly. She must have been at least eight months pregnant.

"I don't care what the captain of the queen's guard, the first prince of the sword, OR the banner general of the army said," she was yelling at the top of her lungs. "I am getting on that horse right now, or I'll have your fool head off!"

Looking completely uncomfortable, the groom nodded and bowed over and over as he backed away. He finally turned around and practically ran to fetch her horse.

Elayne saw Lan and Min approaching and started toward them. She was so pregnant she could barely walk. "Lan! Min! I'm go glad to see you!" she cried loudly. Lan shuddered as if someone had scraped their nails across a chalkboard. "None of these woolhead commoners know how to act around a QUEEN!" She glared at all of the nearby workers, who were very carefully not looking in her direction. "I've been trying to tell everyone how important it is that I personally go after the Black Ajah, completely alone, on horseback. Birgitte keeps trying to send guards with me, as if I need any protection. After all, I have…" She looked down at her empty hands. "FOOTMAN! MY SWORD!" she roared.

One of Elayne's attendants ran forward and flung himself to his knees in front of her, his outstretched hands holding a heavy, two-handed broadsword. Elayne grabbed it absently with one hand and nearly fell over from the weight. She shifted, grunting, and hefted it to shoulder height, then let if fall again, almost cutting her attendant's ear off. He didn't move a muscle.

"Obviously, I'm the only one capable of both locating and subduing the Black Ajah," she said in a voice suitable for explaining something to a particularly slow child. The stableman had returned with her horse and was trying to help her get her foot into a stirrup. She struggled, trying to climb into the saddle, breathing heavily. "Even though every single time I've attempted to do so has resulted in multiple serious casualties when I've almost immediately needed rescue due to my own incompetence."

She stepped back down from the horse and leaned her back against it, completely out of breath. "It's so hard," she wheezed. "Everything is so hard with Rand's babies in here." She looked up at Lan and Min. "I'm pregnant with Rand's babies." She gasped for air several times. "I still remember it like it was yesterday…" She trailed off with a faraway look in her eyes.

"Oh god," Min said, annoyed. Lan could feel himself being enveloped in weaves of the One Power, coming from Elayne. So it was true. She had rediscovered the Flashback. The air around them got very fuzzy.

Rand paced back and forth across the sitting room, an expression similar to someone thinking really hard on his face.

"ELAYNE!" he suddenly yelled, turning toward her and pointing his finger directly at her. She jerked as if struck, spilling her wine all over the floor. She felt scared, yet also strangely turned on.

He crossed the room and gathered her in his arms. "Most irritating of my wives," he said in a quiet, yet crazy voice. "It is time I put my babies inside of you. Time for babies. The babies of the Dragon. Little tiny Dragon babies. In you."

Elayne melted at his eloquent words. "How romantic," she murmurred, laying her head on his chest.

"Yes, romantic…" Rand said, distracted. "But of course, when the Wheel turns, we all do as we must, even if it sometimes leaves us standing there naked in the street with only half a chicken."

Elayne looked up at him, somewhat confused. "Rand… I'm not sure that makes any sense," she said cautiously.

Rand flew into a rage, flipping over a table with a crash. "Does it have to, Elayne?" he screamed. He grabbed a half spilled pitcher from the floor and threw it into the wall so that they were both spattered with wine. "DOES IT HAVE TO?"

She shook her head, crying, and led him by the hand into the bed chamber.

"Like it was yesterday…" Elayne said again, that dreamy look still in her eyes.

"This sucks. I'm out of here," Min said. She turned to walk back toward the palace.

"I'll, uh… give you a call sometime," Lan said, not knowing what else to say.

Min turned her head back over her shoulder, pausing for a moment. "My viewing says you won't," she said flatly. Then she walked away and was gone.

"Lan!" Elayne yelled behind him in that terrible, high pitched voice. "This won't do! I am the QUEEN of ANDOR!" He turned around and met her eyes with his expressionless gaze.

Elayne raised the sword again with both hands. It fell directly toward her face, and she ducked out of the way, dropping it over her shoulder into the mud. She stared down at it for a moment, then put her hands on her hips and looked at Lan again. "Well?" she said in her most demanding tone. "What are you waiting for? Pick it up, you idiot wool head! And help me get on my horse! I ought to have you strung up from the rafters!"

Lan bent to pick up the sword. He wiped both sides of it on his pants and looked at his reflection in the blade. Elayne started tapping her foot. "Stop looking at it and hand it over, you filthy commoner!" she yelled.

Lan swung the sword at her as hard as he possibly could and felt bones crunching as it smashed into her ribcage. She fell to the ground with a sound like a splattering sack of tomatoes. As she lay there, Lan swung the sword over and over again, that wet sound and the ringing of the blade driving into the dirt echoing off the palace walls. He lost count of how many times. His muscles started to strain with the ache of it.

"I think she's dead, wetlander," a voice said behind him.

He stopped, panting, and let the sword hang at his side while he wiped sweat from his forehead. "I know," he said, somewhat breathlessly. "I just needed to be absolutely sure."

Part 3: New Beginnings

Lan turned slightly and saw Aviendha, Rand's third wife, standing beside him, looking down at the tiny bits of Elayne staining the stable yard. She had a knife in each hand. As one of the grooms approached, she glowered and stepped toward him, growling and flashing the knives at him. He made a strangled little sound in his throat, dropped whatever he was holding, and ran away.

"I hate all these wetlanders," she muttered, looking around with suspicion. One of the stablemen tapped her on the shoulder. She spun around and put her knife directly through the man's throat. The rest of the attendants suddenly seemed in a hurry to be anywhere else.

"Me too," Lan agreed.

"We should dance the spears with every single one of them," she said. "It's the only way to teach them anything useful." Lan nodded, but said nothing.

Aviendha suddenly looked up at him, her eyes shining. "Lan Mandragoran. You are the only wetlander I've ever met who understands my unique Aiel sense of humor," she said. "You see, I'm never funny, and you never laugh!" She laughed uproariously at what apparently was her own joke and actually started rolling around in the dirt because she couldn't hold it all in. Lan had no idea what she was talking about.

Eventually, she stood back up and brushed the dirt and leaves off of her shirt. "I propose an alliance," she said, her voice sounding serious again. "I will lay my bridal wreath at your feet, and we will kill every last one of them until only you and I remain." Lan looked into her eyes with no expression and said nothing. "Marry me," Aviendha went on, "and we will rid the world of terrible characters. Together."

Lan hesitated a moment, considering. Then he shrugged his shoulders. "Ok sure," he said. "Why not?"