Chapter 4
The Innate Language of the Face
Cal's book was well received and several high ranking government agencies expressed interest in his work. He took a different job within the Pentagon and started a Deception Detection Program for the Defense Department. For two years, he worked on every type of case imaginable and slowly perfected his science.
The day came when he used his talents and submitted a report about a known terrorist. Due to human error, someone made a botched assassination attempt on that terrorist's life that resulted in the deaths of the man's innocent wife and child instead of him.
Cal was ordered to meet with the staff psychologist, Dr. Gillian Foster, on Thursday. He suspected that she was being used to discredit his work so that the government could cover up their mistake. He was crippled with guilt and a small part of him wondered if she would be able help him. Deep down he doubted it as he never truly let anyone see the real him. If anything, he knew he would never be able to trust her.
Gillian Foster had finished her schooling five years ago. After only a few short years, she had worked her way up to the head of the Psychology Department at the local hospital. She refused to allow her duties as department head to interfere with seeing her clients and her reputation for success quickly spread. She was shocked when she was offered a lucrative position at the Pentagon and it wasn't long before they sweetened the deal so much that she just couldn't refuse. Her sweet and gentle manner endeared her to everyone she worked with and within eleven short months, she had been promoted to staff psychologist.
It was a Tuesday night and Gillian was looking forward to celebrating her third wedding anniversary with her husband Alec. They were planning on going to the same romantic restaurant they had dined at on their first date.
She came out of the bathroom to find Alec was home and pacing the floor
"Hi, honey!" she called out sweetly.
Alec broke out into a huge grin. "Hey babe!" Are you ready to go?"
Gillian nodded. "Oh, yeah, I'm starving."
"Me too," Alec said as he stepped forward and hugged her warmly.
His hands automatically slid down her back to caress her bottom.
"Uh, uh!" Gillian objected as she stepped back. "Last year started that way and we ended up missing dinner."
Alec frowned as he thought back. "I believe we had chocolate pudding later that night."
Gillian pretended an anger she didn't feel. "Yes, and that was supposed to be for my lunch the following week."
"Okay, nice dinner and scrumptious dessert for you then home in bed so I can have my dessert." Alec laughed as he kissed her then led her out the door.
Gillian giggled as she playfully slapped at him.
They had a wonderful meal and enjoyed their time together. Alec quickly paid and they hopped in their car and headed home.
They had barely made it in their front door when Alec started stripping Gillian's dress off. She giggled as she slipped her shoulders out of the sleeves and headed towards their bedroom.
Alec undid her bra and watched as it slipped from her shoulders and fell to the floor. He stripped out of his own shirt and threw it to the floor then undid his belt as he walked to his side of the bed. He opened up the small drawer on his bedside table.
"Damn it!"
"What?" Gillian asked as she crawled across the bed and leaned against him.
"We're out?"
"Out?"
"We had that double header on Saturday…I meant to stop and get more and I forgot!"
Gillian sat back and patted the bed next to her. "Alec, we've talked about this a million times, maybe its time to finally stop using protection."
Alec sighed as he stood up and shook his head. "Gillian, you just started out at the Pentagon and I'm still working my way up the ladder. I don't think I'm ready for a baby right now, maybe in another year when we're more established in our careers…"
Gillian hid her disappointment but unwilling to start an argument she nodded. "Um…well…then…"
Alec leaned in and kissed her. "I'll run to the store…be back in twenty minutes."
"Okay…be careful." Gillian said quietly.
Alec left and Gillian changed into a slinky negligee. She heard a noise in the kitchen and smiled curiously as she opened the door to her bedroom.
"Alec…"
Standing in front of her in the hallway was a person completely dressed in black, wearing a face mask and dark sunglasses.
Gillian screamed and tried to shut the door to lock herself in the bedroom but the figure stepped forward and blocked the door.
"Please don't hurt me…please don't hurt me…please don't hurt me…." Gillian repeated over and over as she stumbled back and held her hand out in front of her.
The man held up a hand to silence her and Gillian whimpered when she realized he wasn't coming any closer.
"I'm not here to hurt you but I will hurt your husband if he comes back too quickly."
"What do you want?" Gillian gasped.
"You have an appointment Thursday with Dr. Cal Lightman."
Gillian frowned in confusion as she searched her memory of her calendar on her desk. "Um…I don't know…I'm not sure…"
"I am…I'm here to tell you how you're going to handle your sessions with him. Do you know why he's coming to see you?"
Gillian's heart was racing as she tried to make sense of what was going on and she shook her head no to indicate her answer.
"Dr. Lightman is being sent to you to discuss his part in the death of the family of a known terrorist. You need to listen to him, discount his beliefs of a government cover-up and advise him to keep quiet about his findings."
"I won't discuss my therapy sessions with my current patients or my future patients with you," Gillian said with false bravado
"Did you know Dr. Lightman has a wife at home?" The man tossed a picture of a young girl at Gillian. "That's his nine year old daughter Emily, isn't she a beautiful little girl…"
"Yes," Gillian said as she looked down at the smiling face of a little brown haired girl.
"If you can't get Dr. Lightman to back off, Jimmy Doyle won't be the only one to lose a wife and daughter."
Gillian took a deep breath as the man slipped from her house as quickly as he came in. Gillian sat down on the bed and began to shake violently.
She was crying hysterically when Alec walked in a few minutes later.
"Got 'em, hon…Gill?" Alec frowned when he saw her face. "Honey, what's wrong? Did someone die?"
He drew her in his arms as she cried. It seemed like forever before she took a deep shuddering breath and Alec finally felt her stop shaking.
"Gillian, what happened?"
Gillian shook her head and climbed under the covers. Alec frowned as he took off his clothes and slipped in next to her and pulled her to his chest. She scooted closer to him and put her head over his heart. She slowly began to relax as he gently rubbed his hand up and down her back. Gillian finally fell into a deep sleep.
The next morning, Alec woke first and frowned when he went out to get the paper and found the front door unlocked. Dismissing it, he bent over to pick the paper up off the porch then started to read it on the way back to the kitchen.
He started the coffee and was pouring a cup when Gillian walked in. She smiled weakly at him as he handed her his cup then turned to grab another one for himself.
"Thanks."
"You're welcome, how are you feeling?"
"I'm okay, Alec, I'm sorry about last night."
Alec frowned at her. "Honey…don't be sorry…" he said as he enclosed her in his embrace.
Gillian felt herself relax against him. "I ruined our anniversary night."
Alec leaned back and kissed her forehead. "That's only one night, baby we've got the rest of our lives to enjoy each other."
Gillian smiled at him. "Yeah, we do."
Alec kissed her forehead as he patted her shoulder. "Why don't we both take off of work and go shopping today?"
Gillian laughed aloud. "You hate shopping!"
Alec shrugged. "But I like spending time with you and you like shopping so…how about we get out of here? We'll go out for breakfast, head over to the mall, you can try on every dress on both floors then we'll head home."
"I'd like that but there won't be much for you to enjoy so how about you stop worrying about me and we get ready for work and forget last night ever happened and tonight…we'll celebrate… "
Alec's brows rose in surprise as he realized that option sounded much better. "Okay, I'll cook breakfast and you go get ready…or we can skip breakfast and go right to…" his hands grabbed for her.
Gillian giggled as she slapped him. "Hey!"
Alec laughed and pulled her close as he kissed her. "Bacon and eggs or pancakes?"
"Um…bacon and eggs."
Gillian tried to clear her mind of the terrifying incident but when she went to work, she immediately looked at her calendar. Scheduled for Thursday, March 20th, was the name Dr. Cal Lightman.
Gillian schooled herself to wait for her standing morning meeting. Every morning, her secretary Kelly, came in and handed her a stack of paperwork. They contained the files for the patients that she would be seeing that day. Gillian liked to be able to review the cases before the patients came in and it was easier to do that if she had them ahead of time.
Right on schedule, Kelly walked in. "Here you go, Dr. Foster."
Gillian took the stack of files from her. "Thanks, Kelly."
Kelly took her usual seat to wait for Gillian's questions.
On the top of the stack were the new patients and Gillian asked all of the appropriate questions on the files as she seemingly breezed through them.
Her hands shook slightly when she saw the name she'd been waiting for. She perused the file then frowned at the lack of paperwork. "What can you tell me about Dr. Lightman?"
Kelly shrugged. "Only that he didn't make the appointment." Gillian blinked in surprise then frowned as she looked back down at the page while Kelly continued. "Henry Andrews ordered this visit. Dr. Lightman was told to come and see you. Andrews did express concern that he wasn't sure if Dr. Lightman was actually going to show up or not."
Gillian rolled her eyes knowing that a patient who was forced to speak was never open to counseling. "Well, we'll just have to see what happens."
Gillian worked her way through the rest of the files then smiled at Kelly. "Okay, let's start the day then…"
Kelly left and Gillian leafed back to Cal Lightman's file. She opened it then frowned. She hesitated for only a second before she picked up the phone.
"Andrews," a voice answered abruptly.
"Henry this is Gillian Foster."
"Gillian! How are you?"
"I'm good, Henry, how are you?"
Henry chuckled. "I'm good and Patti's good and I'm betting Alec is doing pretty well himself so why don't we skip through the rest of this and talk about Lightman."
Gillian smiled at his straightforward approach. "That would speed this up, wouldn't it?"
Henry sighed as he sat back in his seat. "Lightman's being sent to you because he needs to talk about his part in the death of a terrorist's family."
Gillian sighed as she realized her visitor the other night had been speaking the truth about her future patient.
"He killed someone?"
"No…not directly…Cal Lightman is a scientist and he created a science based on reading people…"
"Reading people?"
"Their facial expressions…body language…stuff like that. He even wrote a book on it called As You Do The Innate Language of the Face" Gillian jotted down the title as he continued. "Gill…look…to be honest…the guy's brilliant, odd as shit but he has a brilliant mind. He single handedly started a Deception Detection Program here for us and has taken to training a few key people to follow his scientific teachings. To be honest, these guys now have about a 97% success rate."
Gillian frowned when she heard something in his voice that didn't quite ring true with his praise of Cal Lightman. "So, the 3% failure rate we're not talking about…does that have to do with the deaths you spoke of earlier?"
"You're not an easy woman to fool, Gillian," Henry chuckled derisively. "Um…yeah, I ordered Lightman to talk to you. He needs to put this incident behind him and move on."
Gillian nodded. "Okay, so he's really just coming here to get counseling?"
"Sort of…I'm really counting on you to do your best, Gillian."
Gillian thought of the threat to Lightman's family and sighed as she nodded. "I always do my best for all my patients."
"I know you do, take care Gillian."
"You too, Henry."
Gillian opened her mail to find a copy of Dr. Lightman's book. She read the first few chapters then glanced at her clock and read a few more, intrigued with his ideas; she set it to the side with thoughts to read the rest of it later.
It was late in the day when Kelly sent in the last appointment.
"Dr. Lightman." Gillian smiled warmly as she made her way across the room to shake hands and introduce herself to her newest patient.
"Dr. Foster."
"It's nice to meet you."
"How do you do?"
Gillian walked back to her desk to grab her notes.
"Apparently my job here depends on my meeting with you," Cal blatantly announced.
Gillian startled at his straightforwardness but remained quiet and let him talk.
"So did they tell you all about me then? Did they also tell you why they sent me here?" Cal was extremely uncomfortable as he looked around her room and assessed the office. "So they can officially diagnose me as broke…in the head…" he finally chanced a look at her to read her reactions to his next words. "…No longer reliable…not to be taken seriously."
Gillian could tell in his voice that he was uncomfortable and she rushed to immediately put him at ease. "I'm here to help you Dr. Lightman…not judge you or rubber stamp anyone's attempts to discredit you or your science. Which by the way happens to be of great interest to me…"
Cal looked closely at the woman as she spoke. He relaxed when he saw the sincerity in her eyes and facial expressions. He wondered briefly if she was as sweet as she seemed.
"Oh yeah…is this session being recorded?"
"This office is for therapy and counseling only. I would not tolerate anyone recording what is being said in here.
Cal frowned as he walked around her room. He couldn't detect any form of deception in her body and he swallowed hard against his desire to trust her.
"So you're the in house shrink, are you?"
"I'm a psychologist."
It seemed like he was indifferent to her but he was surprised when he looked down to see his book sitting on a table. He immediately put up his wall of defense. "Oh yeah, psych ops…so a dirty tricks brigade…eh?"
Gillian tried to take control of the session. "Speaking of dirty tricks…"
Cal knew instantly that she had made the jump to the Doyle case. "See, that wasn't supposed to happen?"
"Well, now that it has happened, how do you feel about it?"
Cal held up his book and waved it at her. "Is this a plant? I mean…is this supposed to soften me up?"
Gillian smiled at his suspicious nature and decided to tease him. "Yes, that's exactly what it is."
"Well, its working." Cal smiled at her honest answer and her ability to hop from topic to topic with him.
Gillian chuckled and could tell in his voice that he was much more relaxed then when he first came in. She watched as he sloppily plopped down on her couch.
In an instant, Cal had decided to come clean with the story. "Three days ago, I was undercover in a bar in Boston…all right…four IRA men from Belfast were there to talk about peace agreement with their American money, they were feeling the pinch from their war on terror and my read on one of these IRA men, Jimmy Doyle, was that he was about to ruin the peace. And someone in this building took that as licensed to kill him. I mean the morons messed it up and they killed his wife and daughter instead. How do you think I feel?"
Gillian could hear the guilt in his voice as he related the details of the deaths of the two innocent people. From what little she knew from the newspapers, his guilt was unfounded.
"The paper says they caught the two men who robbed and killed Mary and Bernadette Doyle."
"Well, Darling that's a…a cover-up. That's two junkies with records framed and flushed down the toilet as we speak…I mean come on you're an intelligent woman…"
"You feel responsible…ashamed…guilty."
"My daughter is the same age as that little dead girl."
"That's empathy, which is healthy but doesn't make you guilty. So where is this Doyle now?"
"He got away."
"Are you sure he's a terrorist?"
"Oh yeah…yeah…even more so now that we murdered his family."
Cal told her he wanted to go public with what he believed was a botched Pentagon hit. To prevent him from doing that or at least to discredit his mental state if he tried, his boss sent him to see her.
Gillian frowned as she started to weave her web of deceit. "I'd like to talk about your family…"
Cal looked at her suspiciously. "Yeah…no…why?"
"Your wife Zoe, your daughter Emily…"
"Off limits."
"It must be quite a strain, juggling family with the type of work you do…"
"No it's not…I mean…not if your family comes first its not."
Gillian ignored him as she moved forward. "…Not to mention the dangerous set of circumstances you clearly believe yourself to be in right now."
Cal realized her words were a subtle warning to him and he shot to his feet nervously. "All right, I get it…it's loud and clear…it's all I need to hear…and if you tell them, I'll go quietly all right…just leave my family alone."
Gillian knew he meant to walk out and she started to panic and tried to draw him back. "Dr. Lightman that's not what I meant."
"Now you're calling me paranoid are you?"
"I was referring to Doyle still being out there somewhere."
Cal thought he had seen something flash across her face but he wasn't sure so he took a step towards her. "You're trying to tell me something else only you can't…why is that?" Gillian's face flashed fear for the briefest microsecond but Cal saw it. "There it is again. Thank you very much."
He walked out the door and Gillian frowned as she walked back to her desk and slammed her folder of notes down on the desk. "Damn it!"
Gillian sat at her desk then reviewed their conversation in her mind. She realized she actually liked Dr. Lightman, she could tell that he was a decent, caring man who was riddled with guilt. Her mind raced with trying to find a way to help him but not reveal the things that she knew.
Lightman left Foster's office and shoved his hands in his pockets as he walked outside of the building. He was worried about the precarious position he had put his family in and he swallowed hard that he had, in a roundabout way, just been warned by Foster. He hesitated and sat down on a bench. As he held his head in his hands, he thought of the honesty he read on her face. He had taken a liking to her until her face revealed signs of fear and worry and he felt she was hiding something from him. His distrust flared further when she brought up Zoe and Emily. He felt his stomach clench with dread as he shot to his feet, intent on getting away from it all.
He walked for several blocks and debated whether he wanted to walk away from his job and just start over somewhere else or continue with the program he founded.
An hour later, he walked into the back door of his house.
Zoe was home and cooking at the stove. "Hi, honey!"
"Hello, darling."
Cal kissed her and let his head rest against her forehead, taking a moment to find comfort in her closeness.
Zoe blinked at him with confusion. "Cal, what is it?"
"Nothing."
Zoe knew he had a counseling session today and she frowned at him. "How did your session go?"
Cal shrugged as he took off his coat. "I walked out."
Zoe rolled her eyes. "Well that's helpful! Glad you took the time to talk to someone about whatever's bothering you."
"Yeah…well…" he shrugged indifferently as he walked upstairs.
Four days later, his attitude was no better. As he walked inside the back door, Zoe pinned him with a glare. "You're late…did your phone break?"
"Not now…" Cal warned as he made his way towards his office.
"What do you mean…not now?!" Zoe slammed down the spoon she was cooking with. "You know, you haven't touched me in three days. I can get over that, I mean, I don't always feel like doing it every night either. I can see that whatever the problem is; is taking a toll on you and I really don't care that you don't trust me enough to tell me your deep dark secrets but when your attitude starts effecting Emily I've got issues."
"What's Emily got to do with this?"
"You've been a complete ass. Emily's afraid to come near you and if you hadn't been so wrapped up in whatever's bothering you, maybe you would have noticed!"
Cal thought about his time with Emily lately. Normally, he dropped everything he was doing when she came to him and he realized in the past few days he had not been there for her. Tuesday, she asked him to make cupcakes for a bake sale that Zoe had promised to make for her and had inadvertently forgotten about, normally he would have covered for his wife but Emily woke on Wednesday to find that Cal had let her down as well. Then Thursday she asked him for help with a science project over the weekend. She needed him to go to the hardware store with her. Cal had promised he would make a frame for a three way board that had hinges on it so it could be closed up. Cal left early in the morning and didn't come home until well after dark that night. Emily had cried almost all day and Zoe took her to the store and bought all of the things she thought Cal could use. Cal opened the garage door and blinked in surprise to see a table with different sized wooden boards on it. He frowned when he walked closer and saw his diagram for the board he promised to make Emily. He opened the bag on the table and brought out three different kinds of various sized hinges and then looked at the receipt. Zoe must've taken Emily to the hardware store with Cal's diagram. Not knowing exactly what to buy she got various sizes of everything hoping that Cal would be able to use the items she bought. He frowned as he whipped off his jacket and threw it on top of her car. He grabbed the first piece of wood and then started to make the project. An hour later, he had a completed three way board and he smiled weakly at it. He knew he had let Emily down but he hoped that she would be grateful it was completed. He had carried it into the house and set it against the wall in the kitchen.
Zoe had walked around from the stove to stand in front of Cal. She realized he felt guilty and sighed. "I've let her down too Cal, more times then I care to admit and I can't believe I'm saying this about you but you've always been the solid one. Emily needs you to make this right."
Cal frowned as he looked at her then came forward and squeezed her arm gently as he kissed her temple. "Yeah…upstairs then?"
Zoe nodded and Cal steeled himself to face the consequences of his actions. He walked upstairs then knocked lightly on Emily's door before he sheepishly let himself into her room.
"Hello, luv," Cal said as he glanced from the bed to find her sitting at her desk.
"Is dinner ready?" Emily asked distractedly as she picked up her ruler and began to carefully measure out something on her paper.
Cal cringed when she realized she hadn't bothered to look up at him and he walked over to lean in and kiss the top of her head then caress the back of her hair down the length of her back.
He showed his affection for her all the time but lately he had been so distant, Emily wondered at the change in attitude and looked at him curiously.
"Soon, I think." Cal answered her question about dinner as he frowned that his routine gesture of affection had been unexpected and he wondered how a few days could affect the solid relationship he and Emily had always had.
Emily shrugged then turned back to her paper. "Okay."
"Em…" Cal asked as he turned her in her chair and pulled it gently across the floor so he could sit on the edge of the bed and talk to her. "Em…look at my face and tell me if you see anything…"
Emily frowned at him. "What?"
"You know me as well as anyone, tell me what you think I'm feeling…"
Emily stared at him like he had grown a third eye. "Dad, I have no idea what…"
Cal reached for her hands and squeezed. "Darling, shush for one second and look at my eyes and face and tell me what you see…"
Emily scrunched up her nose and stared at Cal. When an expression crossed her face, Cal brightened and nodded at her. "Right there…tell me what your first thought was…"
"You had that same look on your face when you came in my room to tell me Mickey died."
"I did and what was it you think I was feeling at that time?"
"Sadness…you were sad that Mickey died."
Cal rolled his eyes and smiled at her attempt but still wanted to use this time to educate her. "He was a hamster, Em, how sad do you think I was about his death?"
Emily grinned when she remembered the faces he would make when she asked him to hold Mickey while she cleaned his cage. She began to giggle then grew serious and then looked puzzled. "You still looked sad that day."
"At's cause I knew you loved Mickey and I had to tell you that one of your best friends passed away."
Emily looked down as she thought for a second then back at him when she realized the truth. "You were trying to protect me and didn't want me to be sad…"
"At's right, darling." Cal said as he pushed her hair and tucked it behind her ear.
Emily's brow furrowed. "So why have you been sad lately?"
Cal took a deep breath. "Something happened at work Em, I made a mistake and some people got hurt because of it."
"Are you in trouble?"
"I don't know…"
"Maybe Mom can help get you out of it…"
Cal smiled at the innocence of his daughter. "Not this time, luv, I'm afraid mum's expertise in law won't be able to help me…"
Emily thought quickly. "You always tell me to go to the teacher or principal if I have a problem…can't you go to your boss or someone else for help?"
Cal thought about Gillian Foster. He wondered if he had shut out his one chance at finding someone who could help him. He wondered if she was trustworthy.
"Dad…" Cal blinked and focused back on his daughter. "Will it help if I give you a hug?"
"You bet it would!" Cal smiled warmly that she had forgiven him and he opened his arms.
Emily crawled onto his lap and threw her arms around his neck. "I love you, Daddy!"
Cal hugged her tightly and breathed in her familiar smell. He smiled into her neck as he gave her a kiss on the shoulder. "Oi! That hug made me feel a lot better!"
Emily smiled and rubbed her nose against his. "Eskimos kisses too!"
Cal chuckled and kissed her forehead then pushed her from his lap as he stood. He walked over to her desk and grabbed the paper she was working on. "So is this the project I royally messed up helping you with?"
Emily rolled her eyes. "It's not royally messed up until Monday."
"So I still have time to make it right?" Cal wondered.
"Yep!"
Zoe called out from downstairs. "You guys hungry?"
Cal grabbed more paper and pens and the ruler. "Let's work on the ideas through dinner then after you shower we can sit and try and get these ideas on the boards while this mop on top of your head dries." He had fluffed out his daughter's long thick curls.
"Thanks, Dad." Emily said as they made their way down to the kitchen.
Emily sat and listened to her parent's ideas and together the three of them came up with a project that was sure to get Emily an A+ grade.
Zoe excused herself to take a shower while Cal and Emily continued to transfer the ideas to the display boards. She went to bed early and was almost asleep when she felt Cal climb into bed and cuddle up against her.
She scooted her butt up against his groin and sighed. Cal wondered briefly if he had been forgiven and he gently rubbed her lower back as he moved his hands around to the front and he made his way to her breasts.
Zoe smiled and turned in his arms and kissed him roughly. Cal knew everything was all right and sprang into action as they frantically tore each other's clothes off.
It was late in the afternoon again when Cal went back in to see Gillian Foster.
"I could listen to that all day," he announced as he walked in and referred to the light jazz she had playing in the background.
Gillian startled with surprise when he walked onto her office. She walked over to her radio and turned off the music as she tried to control her racing emotions. She was shocked that he felt comfortable enough with her to come back and she grasped at trying to keep things light. "I thought we were done."
Cal ignored her attempts at friendliness and got right to the point. "Who's threatening my family?"
"Dr. Lightman…"
Cal saw something flash across her face and he knew he was right. "You see…cause I can see it in your eyes…it's all over your face…it's as clear as day…I'd just like to know who it is and what it is that I'm dealing with here."
Gillian knew she had no time to try to gain his trust but she schooled her features. "I asked you about your family like any therapist would ask any patient." Cal studied her face and saw her try to school her features. "Maybe you're having difficulty looking for a lie because there isn't one to find."
Cal wavered uncertainly at her duplicity. He could see she was hiding something but her honesty was refreshing and he wanted to trust her. "I thought your lot called patients, clients these days?"
She waved him off dismissively. "Listen…you don't have to talk about your family with me. But you should find someone."
Cal knew at that moment she was trying to help him and he flopped down in a nearby chair. "You know my wife…she doesn't know about any of this."
Gillian realized they had taken a step forward and she moved into therapist mode. "Would you like to talk to her about it if you could?"
Cal thought she had misinterpreted him. "No…no I don't mean about my work in general, I mean about this Doyle mess."
"So do I."
"No, no I would not like to tell her about it…it would hurt her too much."
Gillian was intrigued by his duplicity. "Why did you choose to work in counter terrorism? It is a choice."
"Well, the power of a terrorist lies in the fear of the innocent. I want to um take that power away."
"Why?"
"I've got a daughter."
"You know that in the war against terror there's often collateral damage, as awful as that sounds."
Cal couldn't get the faces of the innocent woman and her child out of his mind and he realized Gillian had been speaking. "I'm sorry...what are you saying?"
"Some collateral damage can be avoided."
Cal tried to hide his anger as he realized she may be hinting at the danger his family was in. "Are you talking about my Emily?"
Gillian knew he had taken the hint at the small amount of insight she had been able to give him. "We would be irresponsible not to talk about Emily."
Cal sat for several minutes without speaking as he weighed her words carefully. The guilt of what had happened washed over him and he thought not only about the deaths of Jimmy Doyle's wife and daughter but the dangerous position he put his whole family in.
Then he thought of the lives that were saved by his decision and he confessed to Dr. Foster what he was feeling. "I was the one that told them…I said that the only way to fight terrorism is to fight like a terrorist. I meant that. So when I read that Doyle was a threat I knew they'd kill him I wanted them to kill him."
Gillian was able to decipher his feelings and she reached out to him tentatively. "Do you think you can forgive yourself?"
Cal looked at her briefly then looked away again in disgust. He fought against the impulse to answer her quickly knowing that whatever he said would be a lie so he decided to tell her how he really felt.
"There's a little girl that's never going to drive a car or go to prom…get her first kiss…all because of a report that I made." Cal's voice hitched as he looked down.
"No, Dr. Lightman…" Gillian tried to get him to look at her. "Cal…" when she called him by his first name he did look up. "Your assessment of Jimmy Doyle was probably correct. He was the intended target and whether or not he deserved to be the target is another issue but nothing else that happened that night is your fault."
Cal could see the truth behind her words and he sighed as he nodded weakly. "Yeah, thanks for saying that."
"You're welcome."
Suddenly, Cal shot to his feet and with a nod at her walked out the door.
Gillian was taken aback at his abrupt departure then she frowned when she realized that both sessions had ended with him walking out. She shook her head with exasperation as she got up and walked back to her desk, flipping on the radio again as she walked past.
A week later, Cal walked into her office again, unannounced.
Gillian clamped down on her anger at his total disregard for her schedule as she held her hands out to her sides. "I don't recall you making an appointment…"
"At's 'cause I didn't."
He slumped in her chair and stared at the floor.
Assuming he wanted to talk, Gillian settled herself into the chair across from him. She waited patiently for him to speak. Several times he looked up at her and seemed like he was going to begin but for the first ten minutes he didn't say a word.
Gillian looked to her side and saw his book on the shelf behind her chair. She picked it up and began to read it again. She was three chapters in before he spoke.
"Are you enjoying it?" Gillian ignored him and Cal's brows rose in surprise as he leaned forward. "Dr. Foster?" he said louder.
Gillian's head snapped up and she blushed as she realized he had been talking to her. "I'm sorry."
Cal smiled at her with amusement. "I asked if you're enjoying it."
Realizing he wasn't fishing for a compliment but actually cared about her opinion she smiled at him. "Um…well…yes, I am. I meant to read it last week but my husband and I've been busy and I just haven't gotten a chance to."
"You're married?" Gillian nodded and Cal smiled. "Oh, yeah…how long?"
"Three years."
"Practically newlyweds."
"Not really, we work hard at it but it also helps if you're madly in love like we are."
Cal looked away but not before Gillian was able to see him roll his eyes. Assuming he was making fun of her, she bristled. "I'm sorry…I guess I thought that all people that were married were in love…" she snapped automatically then realized she sounded bitchy. She softened her voice. "Are you and your wife struggling?"
Cal thought about his volatile relationship with Zoe and shrugged. "It's like you said it's hard work but I got my Em, so it's worth it."
"How long have you been married?"
"Nine years."
Knowing his daughter was nine as well, Gillian realized his wife had probably been pregnant when they wed. She schooled her features. "You've been together three times longer than my husband and I, when did the honeymoon stage end?"
Thinking about their early marriage, Cal pursed his lips. "About two weeks after Emily was born. Newlyweds and exhaustion don't mix well, but it got better after Emily got a little older."
"How is it now?"
"Wonderful." Cal smiled but Gillian frowned when she heard inflection in his voice.
Over the course of the next few weeks, Cal came in for three more sessions. He had quickly come to trust her and felt so comfortable with her that they developed a type of friendship and their sessions often lasted several hours.
Two weeks later, Foster heard through the grapevine that Lightman had left the Defense Department. She sighed when she realized she would miss their weekly talks.