A/N: Chapter song: Gone Gone Gone - Phillip Phillips. Hope you're listening to this soundtrack! :)

Disclaimer: Characters are not mine!

Part III – Share In Your Suffering

Like a drum my heart never stops beating

And I would do it for you, for you
Baby, I'm not moving on
I love you long after you're gone

Toni didn't take off her chain to sleep, and when she awoke it was to the sound of a phone that was not her own. Her drowsy and confused brain drew a blank until it hit her that she plugged in Cheryl's phone last night before she went to bed. She rolled over so that she could reach the bedside table and her eyes squinted at the screen that demanded a password.

Password?

She slowly sat up in her bed and stared at the phone in her hand. Of course Cheryl had a password on her phone, everyone did, but Toni had never put a lot of thought into its existence before. She had never gotten the urge to look at her calls or messages, or anything else in her phone. Her trust in her wife had been absolute.

They didn't keep secrets from each other so there was never a need to snoop.

She wasn't even sure where to start with password attempts.

But the notification that told her that there were twenty-seven missed calls, fifteen unheard messages, and five unread texts was calling to her.

She was just curious. Not nosy, curious.

But she knew that she couldn't listen to all of the unheard messages on Cheryl's phone without dealing with the ones on her own phone first. She placed her wife's phone back on the bedside table and grabbed her own. She quickly entered her own password (the day she officially became a Serpent) and opened her voicemail.

"You have three unheard messages."

And she had a hunch that they were all from the same source.

"Ciao! I have some very exciting news! We're going to give you a showcase! Now, perhaps I can finally convince you to make Antionette your professional name. Call me back!"

The next message was certainly not as upbeat.

"Hi, it's me. I haven't heard from you, at the gallery or otherwise, and I just want…please call me back."

One more.

"Archie saw Jughead today so at least I know you're talking to someone. Maybe it's harder because I was her friend first? Just please call me back. I would like to see you."

Toni had been right about the messages. They had all been left by the same person: Veronica Lodge. Force of nature. Business owner. Art gallery curator. Girlfriend to Jughead's oldest friend, Archie Andrews. And Cheryl's closest friend from boarding school.

Veronica was an incredibly persistent person, and she cared. She cared about Toni both professionally and personally. Veronica had been encouraging her photography career from their very first meeting, and she had connections that had certainly helped Toni make a few sells and get her name out there. The raven-haired woman had been working for about six months to give her a showcase at her art gallery. Her work, just hers, on display with a grand opening, champagne, fancy cheese, the works. And apparently, now everything was in place to make that happen.

It was a career defining moment and yet…

Veronica was right about one thing; her being one of Cheryl's oldest, closest friends did make it that much harder to see her. The woman had known Cheryl in an honest, but very different way. She was her friend, but she was Cheryl's friend first.

"Babe," Cheryl began with a smile. "This is Veronica."

Toni nervously shook the hand of the gorgeous, stylish brunette. Veronica Lodge was beautiful, ambitious, as intimidating as all hell, and her new girlfriend's best friend. She was the first important person in Cheryl's life that she was meeting. It was a big deal.

Veronica smiled widely and excitedly swayed in her Louboutins. "Antionette Topaz, it is such a pleasure. I have heard so much about you and I cannot wait to get to know you better. Perhaps a game of secrets and sins will be on the menu later?"

Cheryl reached forward and placed a hand on Veronica's forearm. "Patience, V," she grinned, but there was a hint of warning in her expression. "No need to scare this one away."

Veronica shrugged sheepishly. "Just being protective of my favourite ginger."

"Okay," Cheryl chuckled, a rather rare sound. "Let's see if our table is ready."

Cheryl charged towards the hostess and Toni was surprised when Veronica fell into step with her and looped her hand around her elbow. "If I'm not trying to scare you," Veronica began, "perhaps I can grace you with a few stories from the Bombshell rolodex."

"Bombshell?" She repeated in amusement.

Veronica laughed happily, tossing her head back. "Our girl had quite the reputation in high school."

Toni grinned as Veronica continued to escort her to their table at the back of the restaurant. Our girl. They barely knew each other and Veronica already seemed willing to share. That was a good sign.

Toni put her phone to the side and dressed for the day in black leggings and Cheryl's old, navy Columbia t-shirt, it was big enough on her that she knotted it at her side. She added sneakers and a flannel, and Cheryl's wedding band felt like lead around her neck.

But it was a good kind of weight; she needed it; it grounded her.

She left her trailer and reluctantly drove to Riverdale High, a building she thought she would never set foot in, especially as an adult.

Another part of F.P.'s advice nudged her to seek out some sort of emotional outlet that wasn't a bottle of whiskey. The solution had been to Google grief groups. And of course, the only grief group in Riverdale met in the gym of Riverdale High on Sunday mornings.

She walked into the gym, her sneakers squeaking against the floor, and quickly felt every eye in the room on her. It wasn't like there was a big secret as to why she was here. Everyone in town knew the Blossoms, so everyone in town thought they knew what she was going through.

She kept her head down and took a seat on a plastic chair in the makeshift circle.

Most people mulling around had taken their seats when the door opened again, and Jason Blossom walked in. Toni crossed one leg over the other and fiddled with her chain. She had no idea that he was going to be here, otherwise she wouldn't have come.

When the leader of the group started, Toni was the first person that she addressed. "And you're new," she began with a soft smile. "Would you like to introduce yourself?"

"I'm Toni," she replied in a voice that was barely audible. "I lost my wife three months ago."

She stopped talking and the group leader, who was probably around her age, prodded her. "Would you like to say anything else?"

Toni firmly shook her head. She wanted to talk about how all of this felt impossible. She wanted to talk about how she had found a home in Cheryl and how losing her was so much greater than losing a spouse. She wanted to talk about how moving on is complete bullshit. She wanted to talk about how everyone she had ever loved, who loved her back, died.

But she wasn't ready to say any of that to the gossip hounds of Riverdale.

She didn't want to say any of that in front of Jason.

Toni couldn't believe that Cheryl was practically pouting at her. That pout was killer and her girlfriend knew it.

"You don't like my brother?" The redhead asked as she looked at her with big, brown eyes and long eyelashes.

They were lying in bed, after a fantastic round of orgasms, and they had stumbled upon a topic of conversation that had the potential to make things quite uncomfortable. Earlier in the day, they had gone out to lunch, where she had met Cheryl's twin brother for the very first time.

Toni reached out to run her thumb over Cheryl's plump bottom lip. "I never said that," she quickly corrected. "I said I don't think he likes me."

Cheryl rolled over onto her stomach and leaned on her elbows, her hands close to her face. "I don't think that's true."

The brunette rolled her eyes. "He doesn't think I'm good enough for his precious baby sister."

"First of all," she began with a smirk, "he is only three minutes older than me. Second, I could be dating actual royalty and he would feel that way."

"That doesn't make me feel better," Toni murmured.

Cheryl shifted closer to her and rested her chin on a dainty collarbone. "Baby," she purred. "JJ wants me to be happy and you make me happy."

Toni smiled as one of her hands drifted to trace circles in the small of Cheryl's back. She loved the feeling of soft, porcelain skin beneath her fingers. "But," she sighed regretfully, "his opinion matters to you, so it matters to me. So please," she said as her other hand brushed Cheryl's hair out of her face, "tell me what he said about me."

The tall redhead sighed and averted her gaze. "He's not sure if you'll be able to make me happy," she confessed in a whisper. "He thinks we're too different."

After designated story time, Toni made her way to the table that held the coffee. It was weak, but at least there were powdery donuts to go with it. She was stirring her coffee with a stir stick when she felt someone beside her.

There was something about the presence of a Blossom that she was just attuned to.

She turned slowly and greeted him with a nod. "Jason."

"Toni."

"Listen, I'm sorry," she began with nervous energy. "I didn't know you came here. I wouldn't have… I don't want to impose. If grief group is your thing then I don't have to come back."

"I don't have a monopoly on grief group," he replied. He paused before he added a joke, "Contrary to popular belief, Blossoms do not buy everything."

Toni chuckled because it almost sounded like a joke that Cheryl would make about their family.

"It's good that you're here," Jason spoke again. "Sometimes talking about it helps."

Toni nodded, she wasn't sure if she believed that yet. She set her coffee down on the table, feeling flushed enough to remove her flannel and tie it around her waist. She was perceptive enough to notice the subtle change in Jason's expression and demeanour. Minutes ago he had appeared easygoing, welcoming even, and now he looked tense, bordering on anger.

"What?" She asked in confusion.

"That's my shirt."

Toni looked down with a furrowed brow and quickly raised her head when she confirmed that it was indeed Columbia written across her chest. "You went to Dartmouth," she deadpanned.

"Our first year of college, Cheryl brought me back a Columbia shirt for Christmas and I got her one from Dartmouth. But Cheryl being Cheryl, she eventually took it back and declared that she wouldn't be caught dead in Dartmouth green. That is that shirt," he declared passionately.

Toni felt like they were fighting over the sketchbooks all over again. She understood his sudden possessiveness and she wasn't sure how to respond. This was one of those items of clothing that her and Cheryl had shared. They would wear this very Columbia t-shirt lounging around the apartment, to the gym, to the coffee shop down the street from the loft.

It had a history. It was a tiny part of their history.

"Does it still smell like her?" He eventually asked in a whisper.

Toni pulled her bottom lip between her teeth and nodded slowly. "Yeah," she breathed, "her perfume."

Jason took a deep breath and released it slowly. "Do you want to get out of here?" He asked after a moment. "Get a real coffee?"

Toni nodded and allowed herself to laugh, just a little bit. "That sounds good."

It was an odd invitation. Coffee with Jason Blossom. They had never spent much time together without Cheryl as a buffer. She didn't really know him; just the basics – golden boy, All-American athlete, Dartmouth grad, husband, and father. She only knew the version of Jason that Cheryl knew and loved.

And yet, he was probably the only person in the world that was hurting just as badly as she was. That had to count for something.

Jughead wasn't even fully seated before he was being nagged.

"She's not returning my calls, Jones."

Jughead resisted the urge to roll his eyes. The level of impatience was typical of the owner of the voice.

He settled in the booth and looked across the table at Archie and Veronica. "She just became a widow fifty years earlier than she expected. I think she's earned the right to call screen," he quipped.

Veronica sighed as Archie wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "I'm just worried about her."

"She just needs some time," Jughead implored. "It's only been three months."

Archie glanced to Veronica worriedly and the gesture did not go unnoticed by Jughead. "How are you?" He asked softly. He knew that Veronica had to be missing her as well.

The brunette tilted her head and sighed. "I've been keeping busy. It keeps my mind… occupied."

"How are you, Jug?" Archie returned. "How's the writing going?"

"The writing is going incredibly well," he answered, and there was a clear note of shame in this voice. "I almost have six chapters written."

Archie, forever a supportive and encouraging friend, smiled widely. "That's great, Jug."

Jughead just nodded, after putting his foot in his mouth with Toni, he had been very reflective about his sudden muse.

The three friends ordered some coffees and made idle small talk. But the conversation was unable to move entirely away from the biggest obstacle in their lives.

"How did this happen?" Archie spoke in disbelief.

"I ask myself that a hundred times a day, Archikins," Veronica answered slowly.

"I really thought she was going to outlive us all, on sheer force of will," Jughead joked.

The comment at least pulled a chuckle out of the couple.

Veronica shifted in her seat before she spoke again. "Sadly I have a meeting to get to, so I must go." Archie slid out of the booth so that she could get out and once she was on her feet, she placed a hand on Jughead's forearm. "Can you ask her to call me?" She paused before she added desperately, "Please."

He nodded slowly, his old beanie, which he hadn't worn in years, slipping into his eyes. "I will try, Veronica. She's gotta get there on her own."

Toni and Jason sat in the Riverdale High parking lot in Jason's Beamer with their gourmet coffee in hand, and it was surprisingly comfortable. Toni was glad that they weren't bonding by being sad and weepy, instead they were complaining. Bitching, really.

"I hate when people ask me if the transition at work has been difficult," Jason chuckled gloomily, "because work was the first thing on my mind."

It was her turn. "I hate when people say I'm in their prayers."

"I hate the phrase 'sorry for your loss'. It's so cliché. Cheryl hated clichés," he added in a murmur.

"I hate when people pretend like everything's fine. Like if I run into someone that I haven't seen in a while and they just pretend like nothing happened. They don't mention her. They don't ask about me." Toni mindlessly flicked her paper cup as she spoke. "I really hate that," she grumbled. "It feels so… false."

Jason was quick to speak again. "I hate it when people ask me if we were close. She was my sister. I envy you in that way."

Her head turned sharply towards him and she felt every muscle in her body tense. "What do you mean?" She asked slowly.

"Cheryl and I were twins. That bond, that friendship, that love can't ever be replaced." He raised his eyes slowly and looked at her as he spoke confidently. "You can find someone else to love and marry. I can never have another sister."

Her mouth dropped open in shock. "Wow," she scoffed. "I cannot believe you just said that."

The eldest Blossom heir tried to defend himself. "Well it's true. You didn't know her the way that I did. The bond that we had was—"

Toni cut him off by opening the car door. "You know," she began angrily, "I always knew that you hated me, but it's kinda nice to finally have a real excuse to stay away from your pretentious ass. Thanks, Jason," she added sarcastically before she hopped out of the car and slammed the door.

She practically stomped back to her own car and pulled the driver's door open with much more force than necessary. She felt vindicated that she hadn't given him the sketchbooks, or apologized for the Columbia shirt.

In classic Blossom family fashion, Jason was only thinking of himself. What a jackass.

She gripped the steering wheel as she took a deep breath, trying to rein in her anger. She knew that her issues with Jason were far more complicated than that distasteful interaction and the fact that she believed he had never really liked her. Her anger, which she kept deeply buried most days, was directed at the entire Blossom family.

While she grieved, they remained distant and cold. Sure, they had never been warm and fuzzy in-laws, but she had hoped that they would be more understanding during this excruciating time. She at least expected that they would allow her to visit Cheryl's grave. Her wife was buried with the rest of the Blossom line, on the estate of Thornhill, behind tall gates, and security, and watchful eyes.

And she was most definitely not welcome.

That night at the Whyte Wyrm, she was not surprised when F.P. appeared just after closing.

"Hey kid," he greeted as he sat down on a bar stool.

She nodded, still behind the bar, and gestured to the mini-refrigerator. "Soda?"

"If you join me," he bargained.

She did, and placed two Cokes on the bar top. She stood directly in front of him and waited for tonight's lesson. As the silence dragged on, she arched an eyebrow and he mirrored her expression. "Well," she stated in annoyance, "are you going to say anything?"

F.P. chuckled, "How are you Toni?"

She was slightly taken aback by his phrasing; he rarely called her by her first name, it was always Topaz, or kid, or some other nickname. Perhaps it was the use of her name, and the sincerity of his tone, and their eye-opening conversation just days ago that prompted her to be honest and blunt. "I'm just mad all the time."

He nodded in understanding. "How was group today?"

She automatically gritted her teeth. "Jason was there."

F.P.'s eyebrows shot into his hairline. "And how was that?"

"Wonderful," she laughed sarcastically. "He was just so… he's so… Blossom."

"Your girl was a Blossom," he pointed out.

"Yeah, but," Toni shrugged and answered quietly, "it was the part of herself that she hated the most." She paused before the smallest smile tugged at the corner of her mouth. "Besides, on her it was cute."

F.P. chuckled at the momentary flash of happiness. When her expression slipped back into one of melancholy, he inquired, "Did you two fight?"

"I dunno if you could call it that," she muttered. "It's always been complicated."

She took a sip from her can of Coke and turned her head when she heard the door. She watched Jughead walk across the bar and take a seat next to his father.

"Are you two tag-teaming me?" She asked in quite an unfriendly tone.

"I was actually coming to see if you wanted to hang out," Jughead answered.

"It's after two AM," she retorted skeptically.

"You say that like we haven't hung out at two AM before."

"Point taken, but you don't need to hover, Jones. Either of you."

"Just looking out for you, kid," the older Jones replied softly.

Her posture, and the bite of her words reflected defiance. "I've been looking after myself for a very long time. I don't need babysitters now, especially not the two of you."

Neither man took offence to her words. They both knew that her anger wasn't actually directed at them.

Toni finished her soda and walked around the bar. "If the two of you are just going to be here then I'm gonna go." She quickly grabbed her jacket and headed for the door.

As much as she knew that she should appreciate what her family was trying to do, she was not in the mood to hear it right now. She didn't feel like she was making any forward progress. Telling F.P. that she was mad about everything, all the time, was the most honest thing that she had said in months. She was mad at the two Joneses for hovering. She was mad at Jason Blossom and his crazy, elitist parents. She was mad that she hadn't taken a photo in months. She was mad that she was trying to have the willpower not to drink. She was mad at the whole freakin' universe.

"Toni," F.P. called, "sometimes when people are drowning, they thrash around so much that they pull under anyone trying to save them. Doesn't mean they don't want help."

Toni stood still as he spoke, but she did not reply. She couldn't. She took a deep breath as she grasped the chain around her neck, for what felt like the hundredth time today, and then she strode out of the bar in silence.

A/N: I think this fic might be 10 or 12 chapters, so stay tuned. And please review! :)