A/N: This chapter has some of my favourite flashbacks. Enjoy!
Chapter song: When We Were Young - Adele
Disclaimer: Riverdale characters are not mine!
Part V – Let Me Photograph You In This Light
Everybody loves the things you do
From the way you talk to the way you move
Everybody here is watching you
'Cause you feel like home
You're like a dream come true
Toni swallowed her bite of toast, the crumbs felt like large, sharp daggers to her throat, but she swallowed it down with determination. She wiped the edge of her mouth before she responded to the unbelievable statement that Veronica had just uttered over what was supposed to be a pleasant brunch.
"You and Archie are engaged?"
Veronica nodded, a sad smile gracing her face. "Yeah, we are. I wanted to tell you, but everything…"
The smaller woman nodded in understanding when Veronica neglected to finish her sentence. "I get it."
She didn't want to rub her happiness in her face. It was a thoughtful idea.
She shouldn't really be surprised, it's not like Veronica and Archie were a new couple. They had been together for years, longer than Betty and Jughead, longer than her and Cheryl. Veronica, however, had always been very clear that they needed to have two separate, successful lives before they eternally joined.
"He wants to get married in Riverdale, of course," Veronica prattled on as she half-heartedly paid attention. "But the location options are certainly limited. The ballroom of the Five Seasons has an opening next month, but—"
"Wait," Toni interrupted. "Next month? Didn't you guys just get engaged?" She would have imagined that Veronica Lodge would want much more time to elaborately plan.
"Not exactly," the dark-haired girl admitted sheepishly. "Archie proposed over the July 4th weekend."
Toni's mouth twitched in recognition. "Oh. July. So just after…?"
"Yeah," Veronica sighed. "It made me realize that I didn't want to wait anymore. I love him and I always want to be with him."
Toni nodded as she pushed her scrambled eggs around on her plate. She should be happy, extraordinarily happy for her friend, for Cheryl's friend, and yet, she just felt bitter. "What about that thing that happened between him and Betty?" She asked in a mumble.
Veronica leaned back in her chair and defensively crossed her arms over her chest. "That was a long time ago," she shot back.
"And it doesn't bug you?" She questioned with a tilt of her head.
Toni was playing dirty; she knew that it still bothered Veronica, even though she refused to acknowledge it. Cheryl had spoken of it frequently.
"Do you ask Jughead these questions?" Veronica retorted in annoyance. Toni said nothing and Veronica eventually took a deep breath. "I know you're only getting under my skin because you're hurting," she spoke quietly. "It's the same thing Cheryl would do."
The Serpent felt tears sting the back of her eyes but she refused to cry in a goddamn restaurant. "I am happy for you, Veronica."
"I know." She grabbed her purse before she said, "I have to meet a client so I have to go." She sighed again as she stood, and paused for the briefest of moments, before she leaned down and kissed Toni's cheek. "I love you, and I will see you when we wow the world with Antionette Topaz's first art show."
"I'm not going by Antionette!" She called out to the departing city girl.
Veronica just waved, and she couldn't help but smile to herself.
Toni nervously chewed on her bottom lip as she gazed at her girlfriend from across their small kitchen table. Cheryl was scrolling through her Twitter account, drinking her morning coffee, and looking impeccably beautiful as always. As hard as she tried, Toni couldn't put the smallest, most fleeting comment from last night out of her head. Cheryl had dropped the big m-word in passing and her heart had not stopped beating like a stupid hummingbird since.
"You wanna get married?" She finally blurted out.
Cheryl finally raised her eyes and looked at her with a sly smile. "I hope this is not your way of proposing," she teased. "I was expecting something far more glamourous."
A flush spread across Toni's dark skin. "I guess I'm just testing the waters."
The redhead gently laid her phone face down on the table and leaned forward. "I'm fairly confident that my parents have the most toxic, unhappy marriage in the entire state of New York, and somehow I still want to get married, yes." She reached across the table and laid her hand on top of Toni's. "What about you?"
Toni used her response to try to play it cool, fully knowing that Cheryl could see right through her. She shrugged and mumbled, "Being married to you doesn't sound so bad."
Cheryl rolled her eyes as she gracefully got to feet. She pressed a quick kiss into brown, pink tinged locks as she made her way to the sink.
"Then I'd be entitled to half your fortune, right?" She called with a laugh.
"I'm already your live-in muse," Cheryl retorted. "You can't have both Miss Topaz."
When Toni returned to her trailer after brunch, she found Daniel sitting on her rickety steps smoking a cigarette, and looking absolutely miserable.
She got out of her car with a loud, genuine laugh. "Danny boy! How's the beast?"
The dark-haired boy stared at her with a moody, disgruntled expression. "He has no boundaries."
Toni laughed again, she remembered Jughead using those same exact words. "It's tradition!" She exclaimed happily as she maneuvered around him to unlock her door and step inside her living room. The teenager followed her in the door, like she knew he would, and she flopped down onto the couch. "The first trial is just a warmup," she spoke more seriously, "enjoy it."
Daniel took a seat beside her and ran a hand through his long hair. "So where were you?"
"Having brunch with a friend in the city," she answered honestly.
That answer seemed to have quelled his curiosity, and for some reason, she continued to talk.
"Some of my photos are going to be given a showcase, in three nights, and I don't even know if I want to go."
"What?" He asked with a furrowed brow. "Why not? That's so cool."
Toni reached into the cardboard box at her feet and pulled out the photo that had caught Daniel's attention during their first meeting. She gently ran a hand over the dust that had accumulated on the frame and smiled. "Because they're mostly photos of her," she answered truthfully.
"Shit."
Despite his apt reaction, Toni continued to smile to herself as she stared at the photograph in her hands. She had remembered saying once, early into her burgeoning photography aspirations, that she only took photos of beautiful things. Cheryl had been effortlessly easy on the eyes and an absolute dream to photograph. The girl certainly could have made a career out of modelling if she hadn't been so focused on school and corporate life.
Especially early in their relationship, when her infatuation had been at its highest, her artistic eye had certainly been drawn to the redhead.
The very photos that had finished Veronica's favourite collection.
Toni bit down on her bottom lip to stifle a groan as she leaned against the doorframe of her bedroom and watched the redheaded girl flip her hair to one side so that she could successfully clasp her black bra. She spun around, in matching black, lace underwear, a necklace being the only other thing she was wearing, and shot Toni a mischievous grin.
"Spying on me?" Cheryl asked with a tilt of her head, and in a way that was completely intoxicating.
"Yes," she answered immediately.
Toni had always had a fair bit of game, something she never failed to tease her all male friend group about, and she knew that she was attractive, but she wasn't sure how she had convinced this drop-dead gorgeous, walking fantasy to go out with her. She couldn't quite get over all of Cheryl's stunning features – the length of her legs, her fair skin, her long, natural, auburn locks, her plump lips.
"Keep looking," the siren muttered as she sauntered towards her. "I like it."
The brunette chuckled as she reached out to brush the tips of her fingers along Cheryl's bare abdomen. "I think you're used to getting attention from whoever you want."
Cheryl hummed and leaned in to kiss her softly. "Whomever," she corrected.
Toni couldn't even roll her eyes at the pretentious moment because Cheryl was holding her face with both hands and kissing her thoroughly.
"Can I photograph you?" Slipped breathlessly from between her lips.
The question had been on the tip of her tongue since their very first conversation.
Cheryl arched an elegant eyebrow. "Kinky," she rasped.
Both of Toni's hands fell to Cheryl's hips and she tossed her head back with a laugh. "Not like that, well not unless you want it to be," she amended quickly, "I've actually sold a few photos, nothing really impressive, but I'm trying to turn it into something. And you're just so…" She paused to play with a strand of long, red hair. "Breathtaking," she finished almost inaudibly.
Cheryl looked at her thoughtfully, almost analytically, before she smiled happily and bounced on the tips of her toes. "I think you've picked an excellent debut model."
"You have to go," Daniel nagged her as she wiped down the bar top of the Whyte Wyrm.
"What are you even doing in here?" She groaned. "You're a child."
Of course she was entirely ignoring the fact that she had practically grown up in this bar.
"Annoying you apparently," Daniel teased. "And making sure you go to your own art show."
Toni raised her head and flashed him a stare that had scared off many boys in her young life. "You should really be home watching Hotdog, it being part of your initiation and all."
He brushed aside her bravado. "Hotdog is fine. I haven't even been gone for that long."
She spun around with a huff and busied herself arranging liquor bottles on the shelves. Wannabe Serpent Daniel wasn't the only person that had been insisting she commit to her own event. She had spoken to Veronica several times on the phone only to dodge questions such as "what time will you be arriving?" and "what do you intend to wear?" She made herself feel better by acknowledging that she had agreed to the showcase; she had never agreed to be a participant. She could just be one of those notorious recluses, the ones that were just so "into their work" that they had the strangest habits and lifestyles.
She knew that Veronica had sent out invitations to all of their mutual friends, and she was just waiting to hear about this from one of the Joneses.
And at the end of her shift, like clockwork, a Jones appeared out of the darkness of the back of the bar.
"Do you and your father ever get tired of your own predictably?" She quipped as she slipped into her leather jacket.
Jughead chuckled and laid a very recognizable charcoal grey bag on a nearby stool.
They both stared at it, silently.
"I noticed that you didn't take this from your apartment," he finally murmured. "So I did, because I knew that you would want it again. Eventually."
Toni approached her old camera bag cautiously. He was right, she had deliberately left it at her old apartment. Feeling uninspired and unmotivated, she hadn't imagined being able to take a photograph that she truly cared about ever again. A camera phone would certainly do for anything in the future. She wasn't a professional photographer anymore.
She unzipped the bag and pulled out the top of the line Nikon that had been practically attached to her at one point in her life. This camera, and all of its accessories, were not cheap, and she handled it with the care and precision that it deserved. The weight felt familiar in her hands, natural.
"Like maybe when you see your exhibit," he continued warily. "It will make you want to work again."
"Ah," she sighed, "you too."
"We're all going to go," Jughead stated.
And she knew who the 'we' referred to.
"So if you decide to go too, just know we'll be there."
She continued to fiddle with the camera and Jughead took that as his cue to leave.
Toni grinned as she looked up at her overexcited wife. She was sitting on the floor of the living room, next to the Christmas tree, while Cheryl was standing with her hands pressed together underneath her chin.
"I just want to say, before I give you your gift," Cheryl began with a wide smile. "That I want this to say how much I love you and believe in you."
"I know that, babe," Toni responded softly. "You didn't have to get me a fancy Christmas gift to say that."
Cheryl pouted dramatically. "I needed to do something nice because you're so good to me." Cheryl finally retrieved the mysterious gift from underneath the tree and sat down next to her on the floor. She placed a quick kiss on her cheek and finally gave her permission to open it. "Okay, go ahead."
Toni peeled off the wrapping paper slowly, until the nicest, and surely most expensive, camera that she had ever seen was revealed. "Cher," she gasped in awe.
"Is that one okay?" Cheryl asked nervously. "I'm not exactly an expert. If it's not, we can return it for anoth—"
Toni interrupted her with a firm kiss. She held her wife's chin between two fingers and kissed her repeatedly. "Thank you," she muttered between kisses. "Thank you so much. No one has ever gotten me something like this before."
She knew that no one had ever believed in her work and her talent the way that Cheryl did, but it was a different thing all together to see the physical evidence right in front of her. It was almost overwhelming.
Cheryl smiled, almost in relief, and nuzzled against her cheek. "I'm so glad you like it."
"I love it actually." She frowned before she said, "I can't believe I got you books and records in return."
The redhead quickly lifted her head and looked at her sternly. "Hey, I love those gifts!"
But there was really no comparison. How do you repay someone for giving the gift of following your dream?
Toni was dressed and ready to leave. Her hair was pulled up into a messy, but styled up-do. She was wearing a simple, yet elegant black dress and black heels. Her makeup was natural, nothing was overdone, and Cheryl's wedding band was still around her neck on an old silver chain.
She was dressed and ready to go, but actually making it into the city was an entirely different task.
She sat on her sofa and smoked a much needed cigarette. She really, truly did not want to go. She knew that everyone that she cared about was already on their way – Sweet Pea had sent her a Snapchat of the very snazzy suit that he had rented for the occasion. But right now, the event that she had been dreaming of her entire life was the one place that she did not want to be.
She did not want cheers and accolades, strangers vying for her attention, and flutes of champagne right now.
And yet, she couldn't stop thinking about what Cheryl would say.
She would be mad, of course. She would call her petulant and childish. She would tell her that she was being sullen and broody, and that there was only room enough for one tortured artist in their lives and Jughead had held down that spot for years.
And she would be proud. Overwhelmingly proud. Dressed to the nines and grabbing her hand to pull her out the door.
Toni sighed as she put out her cigarette in an ashtray she had found pushed under the sofa. It went without saying that this night would be so much easier with her wife. Her wife that had always been so supportive, encouraging, and loving, and had never let her get crushed under the weight of expectation – and had inspired half of the freakin' exhibit.
She just wanted to walk into that art gallery tonight and feel the weight of Cheryl's hand in hers.
Even months later, it was hard to come to terms with the fact that she could never have that ever again.
She took a long, deep breath as she shakily got to her feet. She smoothed down the wrinkles in her dress before she made her way to the door and grabbed her Serpent jacket off of the nearby hook.
"Suit up and show up," she muttered to herself.
And then she was out the door.
Cheryl slowly opened her eyes and spotted her sitting on the end of the bed with her camera in hand. The redhead groaned, rolled over onto her back, and pulled the thinnest bed sheet up over her head. "Babe, stop," she rasped.
Toni didn't say anything, but the familiar click of the camera shutter echoed around the room.
"Babe, stop," she repeated.
This time she just chuckled.
The shutter flickered again and Cheryl moved to sit up in the bed, holding the sheet to her bare chest. She pushed her long hair out of her face and shot a withering look that looked more like a sleepy, forced snarl of a kitten.
Toni thought that it was incredibly cute.
"I thought we got past this stage, TT?"
She grinned and took another snap. "I will never stop taking pictures of you. You know that you are far too beautiful."
"Well," she began to change tactics. "As true as that is, I am not going to kiss you until you put that thing down."
Toni quickly laid her camera down on the other side of the bed and crawled towards her wife. She leaned in to place a kiss on Cheryl's collarbone and the redhead wrapped her arms around Toni's shoulders in return.
"So beautiful," she muttered.
"Someday I'm going to follow you around with a camera," Cheryl teased, "and see how you like it."
Toni moved to kiss her on the mouth. "Someday, when a photograph of you sells for thousands of dollars, you'll be happy with me."
Cheryl laughed loudly and pulled her down on top of her. "If that happens then yes, I will be very happy." They kissed heatedly before she added, "And you will have to buy me a very nice present."
"Done," Toni grinned.
The opening night of her showcase was a resounding success. It had been cheers and accolades, strangers vying for her attention, and flutes of champagne exactly as she had anticipated.
Now that it was over, and the only people that remained in the building were her closest friends (her family), and the cater waiters, all that she could do was sit on the floor and stare at the very last series of photos. She kicked off her heels and held her glass of water to her chest. She could see her boys – Joaquin, Sweet Pea, Fangs, and newly acquired Daniel – out of her peripheral vision, but they seemed to understand that she needed a moment to herself.
To digest.
She sat in the very middle of the wall and looked at the series with new, fresh eyes. Photos of Cheryl, to her right, looking alluring, and gorgeous, and intimidating, and untouchable, and everything else she was in the flesh. And to her left, photos of Jughead looking lost, and lonely, and angry, and every bit the pariah he had painted himself as when he was younger.
Because that was the aspect of this exhibit that had made her the most apprehensive. It wasn't just that these photos were drudging up memories of the dead love of her life; these photos also brought her back to a weird summer.
The July when she had felt heartbroken over her best friend Jughead Jones, and then promptly knocked off of her feet by Cheryl Blossom.
This exhibit told that story.
She felt someone sit beside her and she slowly turned her head to find the wholesome girl next door, Betty Cooper.
"Hi," she whispered sweetly.
Toni instantly screwed up her face in apology. She had hated Betty back then but the present was an entirely different story. "I'm sorry, Betty, I hope that this," she gestured to the large photos in front of her, "doesn't—"
The blonde cut her off with a firm shake of her head. "Don't apologize, Toni. They're beautiful. This exhibit is beautiful, and those feelings were so long ago. Besides," she added with a giggle, "he looks really good in these, doesn't he?"
Toni laughed, "He does."
There was a significant lull in conversation and Toni was surprised when Betty grabbed her hand and squeezed it. She didn't say anything about how she didn't need to shut people out anymore, or that she could talk to her if Jughead was being too overbearing. A girl that she had once seen as a rival and one that had gone to her apartment to retrieve something for her to wear to Cheryl's funeral, didn't say anything. She just held her hand.
Their peaceful silence was interrupted by the familiar click-clack of Veronica's heels.
"We're sitting here?"
Betty nodded and confirmed, "We're sitting here."
Toni smiled as they were slowly joined by Archie at Veronica's side, Jughead at Betty's, and then all of her Serpents. She couldn't heal without help, and these were her people, she needed them. Every single one of them. She had been spiralling, her entire worldview had essentially changed overnight, but so had theirs.
Someone else's had too, and as much as she loathed to admit it, maybe she couldn't heal without him either.
She had to talk to Jason.
A/N: Now you know why Betty hadn't appeared until now. I had to save her for a moment! Please leave a review! :)