Cabaret
Above, the stars were arrayed in full. Their pale fire burning against the satin-blue sky. And like the opposite side of a coin, Knothole shone. Candle-light from paper lanterns radiated from the crowd in a scene deeply reminiscent of Summer Solstice when many had fervently believed in their ability to ward off evil spirits. The strong and youthful, the elderly and infirm of age gathered. Some held on to family or a life-partner. Others rested a reassuring hand, paw or claw upon the shoulder of a friend or neighbour. A few simply stood by themselves, their eyes closed as though in prayer.
I stand on a podium dressed in an evening ball gown, one of the few pieces of formal wear Sally owned, (such was her disdain for formalities) in the meeting hall overlooking the Great River.
My embellished narrative was kept clear-cut and dry omitting magic, super weapons and murder. I tell them of the tragedy that had befallen the Wolf Pack nation and the importance of welcoming the shattered survivors into the fold. I inform them of Snively's capture (a crescendo of cheers followed). The seizure of a miniaturized Roboticizer unit (another rousing cheer drowned me out for almost a minute). The scene before me was deeply moving. All the same, I couldn't help but marvel at the sheer incongruity of it all. It's larger monstrous incarnation had destroyed countless innocent lives. Yet the villagers now applauded thunderously as they witnessed the recovered device presented by Rotor with his assurances of making a breakthrough in the near future on the de-roboticizer. Mobians happy to see the Roboticizer…I never thought that day would come.
I inform them of the truce and attract a less than stellar reception. Gasps are heard, a hushed murmur rises forth from the crowd. Actually, this was going much better than expected, no one was throwing rocks or shoes at me. I impress upon my enraptured audience its temporary nature. I stress the unique opportunity it afforded in being able to gather allies unhindered and the resumption of the war on more favourable terms. I also make promises of more concrete plans to be decided among the Freedom Fighter Leaders and disseminated downwards to the rank and file.
A pregnant pause followed as I glanced at my hastily and imperfectly assembled speech notes. In the end, I decided this would not be an issue addressed in the heat of the moment but pondered overnight. In homes and barracks, discussed among friends and loved ones.
Finally, I concluded. "The path ahead is full of hazards. Such are all paths. But this is the one most consistent with our character. The cost of freedom is always high and we've always been willing to pay it. But the one path we never choose is the path of surrender or submission. Our goal is not the victory of might, but the vindication of right. Not peace at the expense of freedom, but both peace and freedom" my eyes washed over the spellbound crowd.
"The day shall come when the chains that bind our mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, sons and daughters shall crumble. Near draws the day when none shall be prisoners within their own bodies. A day will dawn when all Mobius shall be set free!" sensing the audience about to give another en mass cheer I bid adieu leaving Dulcy to announce the celebrations.
I was just about to congratulate myself for making a quick getaway when a figure shuffles forward to intercept as I stepped off the podium. "Oh!" an elderly woodchuck stood before me lips quivering as he stared, raking gnarled fingers repeatedly through his foam-white curls. "You have done enough, Your Highness!" cried old Mr Woodchuck as be wrung his gnarled paws together.
"Because of you, there is a chance that I will be reunited with my dear Rosie!" unable to control himself, he reached out grasping my outstretched hands. "It has been so long…so many years since that truly horrible day! Every moment I have lived without her …has been one of pain. But because of what you have done…I may see her again!"
Eyes brimming with tears of raw emotion, he squeezes my hands. I felt a lump take up residence in my throat. I swallow heavily, overwhelmed by his gratitude. "You need not thank me," I answered huskily, unsurprised to find my cheeks moisten. "Bringing hope into your life is reward enough. With both heart and soul, I pray that your dear wife is soon returned to you."
At this deeply moving scene, the woodchuck sobbed. "Bless you, your highness. Bless you!"
Yet the warmth exuded was tainted with sorrow. There was no way of knowing whether Rosie Woodchuck's roboticized form could've endured. Even if she had, there was no guarantee she would ever recover; becoming the wife she was to him and the beloved governess I once knew. I swiftly bid the teary-eyed woodchuck goodbye lest I let slip anything that would turn bitter-sweet joy into leadened depression. Yes, there was a great success on this day. Not all of it was mine. But some of it was and I supposed that would have to be enough.
After the speech, I stay awhile as 'guest-of-honour'. It was an important part of statecraft to assuage the people with my physical presence. This meant I needed to shake hands, sifting through my borrowed memories to assign a name, face and a kind word to each guest. I made certain to deflect any pointed questions with assurances of more solid plans tomorrow. Admittedly, this is the first time in a long time Sally had done anything resembling regular princess duties. I for one didn't welcome the change of pace. I found myself thinking as I greeted my umpteenth guest: This is as dull as ditchwater. It's my party, why should I be unable to enjoy myself?
Well, I kind of did. But let's not get ahead of myself. Just as I was wishing for an enormous weight to crush me from above and save myself from mind-numbing drudgery a voice called from above. "Look out!" and I felt a large thump right in front of me.
Dulcy looked around her enormous ungainly body making sure she hadn't crushed anyone. She hadn't. What a shame, it would certainly have livened things up. I didn't know what she wanted, probably to give me a hug. But she seemed so uneasy with herself that she couldn't follow through with the impulse
"Hi, Dulcy, how are you doing tonight?" I asked, with what I hoped was the right level of softness to keep her from locking up.
"Oh, um, I'm pretty good, I guess," she said, kicking at the dirt. "How are… how are you?"
"I'm great," I said. "Happy to see one of my friends again!"
"Oh, um, that's good. It's just…"
Of course, she would trail off like that. "Just what?"
"Just… um. Nothing." She replied tapping her claws together.
I wasn't going to let her get away with that, "Come on, you know you can tell me anything, right?"
"Oh, yes!" she eagerly agreed, nodding with vigour. "I know that, Sally."
"So why don't you tell me what's bugging you?"
"Oh, um…" She mumbled something unintelligible.
"Dulcy," I said with all the authority I could muster. "Spit it out."
"Your smile!" she squeaked. I was taken aback, "you're just ... smiling in a way, that's not good."
At which point I came to the realization that I can't fake a smile worth a damn. I experimented with a mirror later on. The harder I try, the more I look like Sally at her most neurotic. I sighed and dropped the pretence. "Trying too hard?" I asked.
Dulcy nodded. "Oh yes, much too hard, that looked like it hurt." I chuckled. "Are you really okay, Sally? If I can tell you anything, you know you can do the same with me, right?"
It was inane but yet there are some mundane burdens I can share. "It's hard, Dulcy. It's hard to be home and act like everything's okay."
"He's not mad at you, you know." Dulcy cooed, dawdling with a benign expression on her expressive face.
This genuinely got to me. I knew everything he was going through was my fault and my fault alone. I hung my head. "It's my fault. I hurt him."
She stretched out with a wing and caressed my face. My reactions to that were all tangled up in Sally's memories. I don't think I would ever be able to fully disentangle myself from them. Difficult as it is to admit they are a cornerstone of my very being, immutable and inseparable. In its own execrable way, Dulcy's gentle caress mollified me. I wanted to lean in, drink in the comfort Dulcy afforded. But I didn't. Instead, I pulled back and shook my head.
"I hurt him," I repeated. "I will see him later when I'm sure I won't harm him again."
She stepped close, nuzzling me with a dip of her long serpent-like head. Such a small yet effective gesture "You don't have to pretend, Sally. Not for us."
"I do," I said. "Trust me, you do not want to know some of the things I've done."
"Nothing can be that bad," Dulcy said, naive as always. I don't want to disabuse her of that notion. She's just so … paradoxically weak. I feel like treading on eggshells around her. Yet no matter how menial and demeaning she has proven time and again she can bear the burdens of others.
Dulcy gazed at me and back to the party. "I see the way you keep looking over your shoulder. Go ahead it's yours." I smiled with gratitude from being relieved of the glamorous duty of door-greeter.
"Thanks Dulcy," I blurted out before rushing off.
The makeshift dance floor stood invitingly, painted with swirling arcs of colour dabbed haphazardly throughout. Around were lights switching filters to create a constantly shifting array of prismatic hues. The effect actually deadened the colours of the Mobians present, reducing the pastel wonderland to a muted, undifferentiated herd. Music pumped out of large speakers that surrounded the dance floor, a heavy bassline almost visibly thrumming through the Mobians swaying on the floor.
Actually, I kind of liked it.
I skirted the dance floor, wading through the crowd and getting the lay of the land. Most of the participants were couples. I needed a partner. Just, where was he? Now that the 'warm-up' stage had passed Sonic would be up on stage jamming on his guitar, showing everyone his slick moves. But he wasn't here and I didn't want to dance with just any random acquaintance. Then, I spotted Geoffrey sitting on a stool by himself as he nursed a tall soda.
"Care to join me for a dance?" I suggested. Yes, it was the friendly platonic sort of suggestion.
"Shouldn't we be gathering elsewhere?" he retorted. The meeting at my place, right.
"It a special occasion. Just one for old times' sake," I implored, taking the skunk by his arm.
"What old times sake? We never danced."
"The Charleston Waltz? Come on it'll be easy," Geoffrey grumbled but went along.
We held hands and stepped onto the brightly coloured floor. Instantly, a wave of nausea swept over me. While Sally could be just as adventurous, gregarious and outgoing as Sonic, she was an introvert at heart. Small, intimate parties she could get. A packed, impersonal, bass-thumping rave like this? She didn't see the point. I echoed that discomfort and swallowed it down. It wasn't mine.
The music grows louder. I slipped an arm around him. The other left my body, gracefully tearing through the air in perfect rhyme with my feet. My waist jerked outward vivaciously. For the moment, my eyes are drunk on fire. My feet kiss the threshold of liberty as I danced my inhibitions away.
Sure, my partner had the mobility of a wooden plank. His movements sluggish and stubborn, constantly second-guessing every attempt aœt movement. I adapt quickly to his inexperience, opting to use my body mass into each movement to take command. I savoured each movement, embellishing each step, with a wave of the arm or a toss of the head. I took the time to complete each one before moving on to the next. Back on my feet now, I jiggled and shimmied with every bob of my head, I leaned into him, giddy with joy as the cadence of the music thumped through my veins.
As soon as our little caper was over, Geoffrey sits me down on a bar stool where the background noise gave us an element of privacy from nosy bystanders. I nibbled on a cupcake, staring into the north toward a solitary column of cloud illuminated by glittering starlight. It was topped with feathery disc hundreds of miles wide, stretching into the sky like a pillar to the gods. Beneath that cloud, Sally knew, Robotropolis lay, locked in eternal smog. For a minute, the two of us were silent as we stared north. Finally, Geoffrey broke the silence taking off his beret and setting it on the table.
"So, we're dating now."
It wasn't a question. Inwardly, I wanted to believe I hadn't meant anything with my little escapade. "I feel like I've made a mess of everything," I answered.
"You haven't -"
"Stop," I said, and so he did. "One of the things that I always loved about you, right from the start, is that you never held back. You said the things other people kept to themselves. In the castle, people talk in circles and hide barbs in their words. My mother -" my voice caught. "– never liked it. They make pleasantries but they're just there to see my Dad or one his cronies, and they would complain about the inconvenience. You? You talked to self-professed 'heroes of Mobius' and princesses all the same. There was an honesty to you, I guess. So, please I need to have the plain truth, one way or another"
Geoffrey watched me carefully, considering "Do you really want to know?"
I nodded, plucking a long stem of grass, and putting it into my mouth. Geoffrey spreads his arms wide, gesturing to the ongoing party "The greatest things in life are beautiful, powerful, and fragile. Our home is beautiful. It houses the Freedom Fighters who battle Robotnik, preserved by secrecy and the discipline to keep it. Yet, remove it from us for only a single day and our homes will be destroyed. Left for nature to re-claim, becoming full of ruins, thorns, brambles and irrecoverable.
He lowered his arms "You too are beautiful," Geoffrey said. "You've stood against countless monsters and made Robotnik's tremble in his boots. Yet you are young. What would it take to break you, Sally? I suspect not much."
I finished my cupcake and wiped the crumbs from my hands. "Nobody's broken me yet," I said with an air of nonchalant dismissiveness.
"Nor me." Geoffrey replied, running his hand through the scruff of his neck "Where's Sonic gotten himself to?" he asked.
"I don't want to talk about it" I dismissed, nodding toward the distant cloudbank "How do you rate our chances for victory now?"
"I … no one knows for certain, Sally. You know best of all. I suspect it may only a matter of time."
In spite of my dour mood, I laughed and tucked a stray strand of hair behind my head. Geoffrey remained silent and cleared his throat.
"I express jealousy over the way you hold Sonic to different standards from the rest" he complained laconic, succinct and straight to the heart of the matter. I gritted my teeth together. He sounded sincere and his words carried an element of truth. All the same, they had stung.
"Why do you hate him so?" I asked while crossing my legs.
"I can't stand that he's squandering his immense powers with inaction. To regular folk like us, his speed renders him for all intents and purposes practically invulnerable. If I had his powers, I wouldn't stop for a single instant. I would dedicate every waking moment of every day to the war effort." Geoffrey replied.
"You don't see the hypocrisy there?" I said, adjusting the stalk of grass in my mouth "I've seen numerous people claiming that if they had the power they would heal the sick and protect the weak. But then they eat out at fancy restaurants and buy expensive cigars. It's easy to say that someone else should do something, but it's hard to do it yourself. I've been to your hut, Geoffrey. The things you could do without if you did the most good to the detriment of your personal satisfaction."
"I'm a Freedom Fighter," Geoffrey began. "I train others, organize supplies and raiding parties. When I fritter my time away on something small and petty, the cost isn't measured in terms of lives."
I wasn't in the least bit perturbed by his line of reasoning, "The powerful have a duty to the oppressed. This is true. But they also don't owe an all-encompassing moral obligation to all the people of the world, nor do you. He isn't a slave and neither do you."
Geoffrey frowned knitting his brows back in dejected inquiry "You know full well that is not my intention. I have been nothing but accommodating to your decisions but- "
"You think yourself better than him, don't you?"
"No, I care about your well-being which you seem to neglect. It took me such a long to see…" Geoffrey said scratching the back of his neck "Here was someone you were scared of, someone that you had to watch your words around. Your affection for him was a mask, a veneer."
That surprised me. I stared at the starry sky. I wasn't angry. I wasn't sad either. I just felt empty … numb. "I'm sorry Sally, this isn't easy to say." Geoffrey began only to be cut off by a curt gesture.
"You're... partly right Geoffrey. I was scared. On my first date with him, he carried me and ran halfway across the continent for a picnic like it was nothing" I said with a shake of the head "He held my life in his hands. He presumed my consent like it was nothing. What he does is objectively terrifying, seeing otherwise is wishful thinking. But-"
"So, you see yourself as one of the anchors holding him in place. You feel the need to bind yourself tighter to him so that he'll listen to you" Geoffrey shook his head. "You fear him walking out on us because you feel alone among all of us he has the most to lose in the fight"
"That was not what I meant" I protested before realizing my voice had gotten louder than expected, I paused, taking a deep breath to calm myself before I attracted unwanted attention.
"I'm sorry," Geoffrey whispered. "I didn't mean to interpose my thoughts on you. But all the same, you aren't happy. As a friend, I only wish to help. It's not easy to be a queen."
"I'm not a queen."
"Are you sure? You're young, I know, but I think you have the qualities of one."
I didn't answer for a minute. "I'm not. I'm a girl like you said."
"And yet—"
With a sharp snap, I sat up. "I just want them to learn to take care of themselves." Realizing that my voice had gotten louder than intended, I took a deep breath to calm myself. Glancing around, I saw a few of my fellows watching.
He leaned close and whispered, "You want them to, but will you let them?"
I rubbed at a newly formed callus on the base of my thumb. "Who asked you?"
"Larry, some of the Freedom Fighter squad leaders, they have reservations"
"Concerning the truce?"
"No, they were really impressed with your elocution and mostly they came around to it. They're concerned about you"
I tasted bile. I clenched my fists until I could feel my nails digging deep into the skin of my palms. "Larry can talk to me himself. He knows that."
"Does he?"
"I know what he's worried about. I'm trying to deal with it."
"By cutting yourself off your friends? Perhaps that is your mistake. Perhaps the time has finally come for you to choose. Either be a queen or a girl, Sally. But do not try to be something in between. You must choose your destiny, or it will be destiny itself that breaks you."
I took to my feet and made for home." I don't expect you to understand. So, I'm going to make this point very clear, okay?"
"What is it?" he asked.
"Not here" I mumbled. We kept walking till I wandered to a secluded area unlikely to be disturbed by any of the party patrons. "Give me the disc. The one Nack returned with from the mission" I demanded with an outstretched hand. Stiffly, he complied. I pocketed it.
As soon as the delicate disc was safely absconded away I pushed him into the side of a tree. He had just enough presence of mind to let loose a grunt of surprise before one of my arms was drawn across his throat. The other I drew back, bunching it into a fist.
"Are you trying to dictate the way I lead my life? Do you intend to turn my entire life into fighting this war, Mr St. John?!" I snorted, my hot breath ruffling the skunk fur. "It's me, and everyone I care about isn't it? It's Tails who fears his aunt never coming back from a botched mission. It's Sonic who you fault for not risking his life every day. I'm not a chess piece for you to toy with!" the knuckles of my fist whitened.
"If you're going to hit me, just do it.," he said keeping his hands in a non-threatening posture in an attempt to ameliorate the deteriorating situation.
"Hit you? I wouldn't do that." My fist loosened and, finally, fell. "I could never go out of my way to hurt you." I turned to walk away. "Apparently that's your job."
He didn't stop me. Maybe it was wrong of me to assume Sonic might just up and leave if I didn't fawn and dote over him like his posse of admirers. That just wasn't his style.
No, I wasn't giving him enough credit. He wouldn't abandon us …would he? I am reasonably sure I could trust him with my life. I know some of that faith came from Sally. No matter how hard I try I'll probably never be able to fully untangle myself from that. Still, in spite of knowing that, I was reasonably sure I liked him on my own terms … a lot. But that wasn't the same as knowing someone. How well did I understand any of my fellow Freedom Fighters, except Bunnie? Bunnie, who lied to me.
Were any of them really my friends?
Still, in spite of my conundrum, I knew we still had to fight for our freedom. The truce wouldn't alter this. We have to fight. All of us. No matter the cost.